Wise and benevolent allfather

I come before you today

To ask that you will look favourably on one of your most loyal sons

And add this tribute to the pantheon on the misc legendarium

https://forum.obnoxiousbrutes.com/showthread.php?t=184596003

There's a lot to unpack here

Do it

Let's go!

see below

I had ChatGPT view the thread and give a review

Review: Cabo: The Rise of the Spreadsheet Seducer

In this grim little character study, our leading man mistakes buying a plane ticket for developing chemistry, then delivers a line so catastrophically unsexy it should be preserved in a museum of self-sabotage. The premise is simple: he invites a woman he has barely met to a destination wedding, frames the trip like a luxury package he’s financing, then congratulates himself for announcing sexual “expectations” as if he’s negotiating a vendor contract.

The performance is mesmerizing in the way a man slipping on ice is mesmerizing. He calls it a “masterclass,” but it plays more like a deleted scene from American Psycho rewritten by someone who thinks charisma is just saying the worst possible thing with confidence. The script keeps insisting our hero is in control, while every other character, plus most of the forum, reacts like they’ve just watched a raccoon try to file taxes.

What really elevates the film into dark comedy is the mismatch between self-image and visible reality. OP sees himself as a ruthless romantic strategist. The audience sees a man trying to pre-authorize oral sex four months in advance because the emotional return on his Cabo investment needs to pencil out. He is not Don Draper. He is a regional sales manager of bad vibes.

The dialogue deserves awards in the category of Least Likely to Lead to Intimacy. When she says there’s “a lot to unpack,” the tragic beauty is that she becomes the only person in the story with any sense of genre awareness. She realizes she’s wandered out of a normal social interaction and into a hostage negotiation conducted by a guy who believes romance should sound like a timeshare presentation.

Supporting cast is excellent. The forum chorus shows up like angry villagers in a Frankenstein movie, immediately identifying that this is not alpha behavior, not suave behavior, not even coherent behavior. Their collective review is basically: this man has confused “setting expectations” with “speedrunning female repulsion.”

By the third act, the whole thing achieves a rare pathos. OP keeps trying to spin his humiliation into principle, like a guy insisting the restaurant rejected his reservation because they were intimidated by his palate. But the subtext is obvious: he wanted to look like a baller, got scared of being used, and responded by transforming himself into the least erotic HR department on earth.

Final verdict:
One star for unintentional comedy, one extra star for the phrase “there’s a lot to unpack here,” which should have been the title. A brutal flop, but an important one: a cautionary tale about what happens when a man tries to replace charm with airfare and calls the resulting crater a strategy.

Tagline: He came to Cabo looking for a plus-one. He found a forum-wide intervention instead.

^^^AI is becoming surprisingly insightful

All they need to do now is figure out a way to grow human skin over the titanium alloy endoskeleton

I believe the old oliver helden stories.

I think he really used to be a mogger. But these days hes fat as fuck, alcoholic and addicted to dominos pizzas.

Agreed OP. That thread would be an excellent submission.

Fukin ded. Whole thing was 10/10.

No fate but what we make

LMFAO

This is excellent!

10/10 thrad

Will tell my grandkids about it!

I mean, the story in that thread was only like 2 years ago.....

And I drink less than I did then(and also use significantly less cocaine as well).

Just went through thread lmao. Thread was lacking pics and input from seasoned whoremaxxers. Also, how is the ghostbrah chronicles and the credentials phaggot thread not in the hall of fame?

Once a bullshitter, always a bullshitter

That explains.
I did crazy shit on coke too. People who dont do drugs wouldnt believe 90% of the stuff u pull off on drugs.

A masterclass

That thread reminds me so much of the old misc. I'm surprised it's from 2023.

On old misc there would have been pics, or negs

Hi

The Legendarium should of course be maintained by the community. I have added your submission. Thanks!

And congratulations OliverHeldens you are now officially a legendary poster.

The allfather is wise and benevolent.