is she playing games with me?

We've been separated for 8 months now, but she still keeps contact with my sister and they even meet from time to time.

We were together for 4 years. Had some amazing moments together, but also terrible ones. She was my best friend as well as my gf and we had a lot of things in common. Always wanted to be with me and around me - very clingy to be honest, but I didn't mind that too much. We fought often - separated a few times and got back together. Things were quite unstable, because she was super emotional and would blow up & disrespect me - then I would just leave. Then she would accuse me of "abandoning" her and try to make me feel guilty. Eventually she would say she misses me and we would get back together, because I love her.

We broke up, because I couldn't take the drama anymore and we were in constant battles for control. I felt like she wanted to have the upper hand always. I am a very balanced person, but I can NOT allow someone to stand above me and try to dominate me. Whenever I would show some backbone we would have fights. The way it ended was pretty bad though and we both broke each other's hearts.

We never fought over something serious. There were no lies/cheating involved. So I would always brush things off and say "hell, let's give it another shot, we'll probably work it out" and we will have a good time together until the next drama/episode hits.

After we separated she tried to get my attention in different ways, but mostly by attacking me indirectly on social media - either posting pics/stories of herself or liking/sharing stories with quotes for abusive relationships (accusing me of being the worst guy ever and a narcissist). Funny thing is - when we were together I was the best guy ever/ perfect in any way, etc., but when we broke up I was the complete opposite all of a sudden.

She did want us to work things out, but didn’t want to apologise for anything. Instead she was blaming me for everything. I felt like she was trying to manipulate me, so I didn’t give her that chance then.

All this time I was just waiting for an apology from her and even told her that a few months ago, but she didn't respond to me.

At one point I had enough and blocked her, because I couldn't take it anymore and it hurt me seeing her posting pics.

About two days after I blocked her she sent me this super long message, where she basically admits she was in the wrong for almost everything and apologized in great detail. She said she didn't send this before, because she thought she already apologized (which is total bull**** though). This is the first time she admits to being wrong about so many things and really caught me off guard. I didn't expect this from her and this brought back some feelings and now I feel worse. One important thing to note is she did mention "even though things between us are unfixable and we will never be together again" - but I'm not sure if she really means that or just wants me to feel like I'm losing her.

I responded neutral, but with a positive tone - basically thanking her for saying all this and that I needed to hear it. I told her I also made some mistakes myself and apologized for that. Then I said that we both hurt each other substantially, but she awoke some kind of hope for change. But if she thinks that things between us would be better off only in the past - I would understand her and wish her only the best.

When I sent it she read it right away, but it's been 7 days now and still not response from her. I get the feeling that she just wanted to clear her conscience, although my friends tell me that if that was the case - she wouldn't have written such a long and detailed letter, but instead just a very basic apology and goodbye. They also say she's playing with my feelings and she knows it, and probably wants me to chase her now.

I really don't know what I should do - should I reach out or keep waiting? I really want an answer from her, whatever it is. Even if she wants to completely end things I would do my best to move on. But now I'm stuck here waiting and it's really hurting me. Is she trying to manipulate me? Hurt me on purpose?

Would it be a bad idea to message her asking for an answer? Calling her? I know it would make me look desperate, but I just want an answer, so I can finally move on with my life.

Not sure what to do here brahs, please give me some advice.

- 4 year relationship full of drama/fights
- broke up with gf 8 month ago, because couldn't take it anymore
- she tried to accuse me of being the ultimate bad guy & narcissist this whole time
- I couldn't take it anymore so I blocked her
- she sends me a huge apology, basically admitting she was in the wrong this whole time and cause most of our problems - which gave me hope that things might finally change
- I responded neutral, but with a positive tone, suggesting we might have some hope
- no response from her is killing me, because she brought back some feelings with that long apology message
- I really want an answer from her (whatever it might be), but not sure if I should reach out to ask for it (could make me seem desperate)

Immature from both sides.

You both love each other from the way I see it. You can work around things, by setting pride aside.

It's a common 20's thing. Real relationship killer and for absolute no reason.

Real no incel advice tbh

Yeah, we both did some immature things and hurt each other.

What should I do now though? Should I reach out and ask for some type of answer? Confess that I still have feelings for her? My friends tell me to wait for her and that she needs to reach out to me. I’m pretty lost at the moment.

Should I just be direct and say - we both ****ed up, but I forgave you and I still have feelings for you. Do you want to try and work things out one last time?

looooool fukking idiot you gave her just what she wanted. To feel like She can leave YOU as having the upper hand in the end. You caved like a beta bitch ... but but you awoken something inside of me .... LOL. Shes never going to message you again.

A woman that wants to be dominant and wear the pants in the relationship and disrespects you constantly is a huge red flag, no matter how much she claims to have "loved" you.

Indirectly attacking you through social media posts is just childish and petty af and shows her lack of maturity as a person. Even if she apologized, she will likely repeat this behaviour again because she seems to lack the ability to regulate and control her emotions. she seems to thrive on the histrionics and only seems to consider her own feelings rather than yours.

you think a long winded "apology" message is going to change things? doubt it. you need to divorce your emotions from your logic in this situation and think. this woman is going to make your life even more hell. ask yourself what you are going to do if she doesn't change? because change isn't a given and there is no proof of it. you are fantasizing about an idealized version of her where she is drama-free and doesn't try to compete with you.

forgive her then let her go. don't let your emotions and ego get in the way. never accept disrespect and gaslighting from a woman. no matter what else she says.

respect is #1 above all. you needed to check her and call her out on her BS. it doesn't have to be in a mean or confrontational sort of way. it never lasts if there is no respect. she needs to have a fear of disrespecting you, not in a sort of abusive or controlling sort of way, but in the sense of controlling emotions and thinking before saying/acting in a way that is hurtful.

you need to move on brah.

What exactly did you say that suggested you may have some hope?

Classic BPD

Exactly my thought

Girls are mostly like that post break up. They apologize or try to be nice, but takes a long time to reply back once you do. I have been in that situation several times. Just ignore her and move on. I know it is killing you for an answer, but please don't ask for it anymore. You said your piece. If she really wants you back or win you back, then let her prove it.

Otherwise, I think she just want closure. But is it to really apologize or make herself feel better?

Ye, it's obvious once you've dealt with it.

There's just way too much drama.

Please move on, OP.

So you can’t have a woman controlling you, being in a dominant position, and having the upper hand………. but then you 100% give her all those things in your response back to her wildly manipulative and self serving guilt riddance message to you?

Block her, go real NO CONTACT, and move the phuk on. You literally are entering back into the unhealthy and self destructive cycle of slamming your dick in the door by trying to go back to a manipulative crazy ex.

Brother, I PROMISE YOU, you will look back on this moment when you are actually in a healthy relationship and want to kick your own ass for being the person you are right now.

Every time a girl has popped back into my life with an apology text, I ALWAYS assume they just got fukked over from whatever dick(s) they had moved onto.

She isn't apologizing for you, she's apologizing for her. Which is why she will now probably leave you on read. You dun goofed replying.

That bitch is BPD.
Don't worry bro I'm in the same boat. If you want to salvage any sort of relationship I suggest reading walking on Egg shells. It will help you get a better perspective on what's going on and what she's going through.

Didn't read. The answer is: Yes.