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Thread: I dun goofed

post 1553781111 06-13-2018, 09:24 PM
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I dun goofed

Checked my IG. Should've blocked her. Ex is on vacation, she started following some dude from there (saw it on my feed).

God damn it, hit me like a ton of bricks, now I have to distract myself to stop thinking about her having fun with him.

I'm still struggling on random days with the breakup tbh. It's been almost 3 months. Not sure if that's normal.

I'm getting ~1 match per day on dating apps. I've only messaged 2 of them so far.
- 1 date, I didn't want a second.
- 1 stopped responding to me randomly (no idea why).
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post 1553781301 06-13-2018, 09:27 PM
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post 1553781401 06-13-2018, 09:29 PM
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Originally Posted By Silencespeaks⏩
Sorry op.

Yeah you have to delete and block her on everything to protect yourself.
Was in an okay mood and it just hit me almost instantly, you know that anxious feeling when you think you've lost your wallet/keys.
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post 1553781481 06-13-2018, 09:31 PM
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1 match a day?

Were you getting more matches years ago or has it always been like this?
post 1553781501 06-13-2018, 09:31 PM
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I know rationally I made the right decision, but idk why my mind is fukking with me. It keeps making me feel like I made a bad decision. Someone said that's normal too, it's bizarre how that's normal.
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post 1553781571 06-13-2018, 09:33 PM
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Originally Posted By BlackScorpio91⏩
1 match a day?

Were you getting more matches years ago or has it always been like this?
Years ago on Tinder I used to get more if I recall correctly. A decent amount of swipes would be matches.. but my height wasn't listed back then.
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post 1553781751 06-13-2018, 09:35 PM
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post 1553781901 06-13-2018, 09:38 PM
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Originally Posted By Silencespeaks⏩
Yeah I know all about it.

Do you want her back?
A part of me does, a part doesn't. Why are you asking me those questions.
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post 1553783181 06-13-2018, 10:05 PM
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Originally Posted By Silencespeaks⏩
Yeah you have to delete and block her on everything to protect yourself.
Yep. Believe me we all have had the feelings you've had.

It sounds like you're not meeting enough of the right women to get your mind off of her. Just keep at it. Maybe get off internet dating as well. Your lack of matches (or GOOD matches) is likely giving you the impression she is/was your only option. We've all been there. Force yourself to get back out there.
post 1553783231 06-13-2018, 10:05 PM
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was she your first?
post 1553783251 06-13-2018, 10:06 PM
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Happens to the best of us brother.
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Because you had secret evidence, and documents /
On how they raped the continents, and it's the prominent /
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post 1553783321 06-13-2018, 10:06 PM
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Originally Posted By betacuck6921420⏩
was she your first?
First serious relationship ye.
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post 1553783371 06-13-2018, 10:08 PM
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1) Gotta block her to avoid this kind of stuff - you didn't break NC or anything so despite your short term feelings of anxiety from what popped up, it's not like you really messed up. I'm sure it's already crossed your mind she's been with other people in 3 months so this can't be that huge of a deal, you'd be naive to think otherwise.

2) Apps are garbage these days, used to be easy to get dates with cute girls now it's ridiculously difficult to even pull a number.

3) 3 months isn't a long time, just keep on your grind and you'll begin to feel more and more normal. My relationship ended almost 4 months ago and I still have moments of weakness.
post 1553783491 06-13-2018, 10:11 PM
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yo luc1fer i feel you dude, i just got out of my first serious relationship too.she was my first everything and i was hers too (im in highschool) and its just so sad to see it end this way. i have a huge hole in me right now i just dont feel good as of the moment although i know ill get over it. it really sucks. I think ill just go out more and try to meet more women and you should too
post 1553783661 06-13-2018, 10:13 PM
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Originally Posted By intense77⏩
1) Gotta block her to avoid this kind of stuff - you didn't break NC or anything so despite your short term feelings of anxiety from what popped up, it's not like you really messed up. I'm sure it's already crossed your mind she's been with other people in 3 months so this can't be that huge of a deal, you'd be naive to think otherwise.

2) Apps are garbage these days, used to be easy to get dates with cute girls now it's ridiculously difficult to even pull a number.

3) 3 months isn't a long time, just keep on your grind and you'll begin to feel more and more normal. My relationship ended almost 4 months ago and I still have moments of weakness.
I know she has been dating and stuff, it just hurts when you actually see the follow/guy. Some of my matches are pretty cute, just something about them doesn't make me pushed to try. I liked the second girl because she was a molecular biologist and had an interesting profile referencing philosophy and psychology. We had a decent couple of messages, just doesn't make sense to me why she started ghosting. Meh, either way not worth thinking about.
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post 1553784271 06-13-2018, 10:29 PM
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Originally Posted By Luc1fer⏩
Years ago on Tinder I used to get more if I recall correctly. A decent amount of swipes would be matches.. but my height wasn't listed back then.
Probably a combination of the new algorithm and the height being listed now is why you're getting less matches now.

Are your pictures the same or different than they were years ago?

Maybe you can try your luck irl while supplementing it with online.
post 1553784391 06-13-2018, 10:32 PM
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spot sold to:

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post 1553784411 06-13-2018, 10:33 PM
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Originally Posted By Luc1fer⏩
I know she has been dating and stuff, it just hurts when you actually see the follow/guy. Some of my matches are pretty cute, just something about them doesn't make me pushed to try. I liked the second girl because she was a molecular biologist and had an interesting profile referencing philosophy and psychology. We had a decent couple of messages,just doesn't make sense to me why she started ghosting.Meh, either way not worth thinking about.
Another guy got in her line of sights. That's a normal occurrence on those apps/sites. Women have short attention spans and are fickle as hell on there and any decent looking woman will get dozens if not hundreds of matches.
post 1553784481 06-13-2018, 10:35 PM
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Without coming across as a little too insensitive, I'm going to disagree with the above advice about blocking her. That's being avoidant, and IMO doesn't heal the wound, merely puts a ****ty balm over it. Running and hiding in fear is the kinda **** you'd expect soyboys to do. Sometimes, it's cathartic to see how an ex is getting on, because then you know for a fact things are over, and likely will never be the same again. In this way, it's beneficial because you can veer away from thoughts of how things "used to be" and focus on the present/building a new future with someone else.

My advice is to just get off IG for a time. What I did for a number of my break ups was to delete the app on my phone, but occasionally reinstall just to upload new pics. Teaches you not to fixate so much on the lives of other people as well, but also allows you to cultivate that "online presence" that is so valued these days.

Tinder's good for the validation/dopamine rush. I recommend it. Anyway, just my 2 cents.
post 1553784751 06-13-2018, 10:41 PM
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I think you need to take time out and be alone for a bit. By a bit a mean a few months. Maybe Iโ€™m projecting but when I felt lost after my ex (not for the same reason you do, so maybe it wonโ€™t apply), I know the problem was with me and how closed off I am. I think taking some time out and truly questioning why you have certain requirements and if you actually let her in past your guards or if youโ€™re just doing what you thought a good boyfriend would do. That should help. If youโ€™ve done it already, it should be clear as day that someone else is better for you. Might be months or years until they come around though.
They said she's gone too far this time

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post 1553784981 06-13-2018, 10:46 PM
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Damn op...

I went nc on a 6 year relationship 5 months ago, literally full black out on every social media, blocked and deleted all her friends everything. I can only imagine seeing something like that would feel like a punch from Mike Tyson!

Keeping busy was key, other than that it's a time healing process.

Personal opinion and something that stuck with me after my first break up ' If you wanna get over someone them get under someone ' Working for me so far.

Either way sorry to hear mane. Chin up
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post 1553785391 06-13-2018, 10:57 PM
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OP, you did it on purpose. You know this, we all know this.

Everyone told you, and you've seen it 1,000,000 times in countless threads here, that you need to block/delete your ex on social media. You didn't block/delete her because a large part of you wants her back and you want to know that she's not doing better than you are. Now that you see she is, you're hurt.

This is textbook everything you're not supposed to do. You knew this and yet you still did it. You remind me of the first time I ever broke up with someone. Hint, that was the FIRST time I broke up with someone. If this isn't your first girlfriend then you have no excuse as to why you're setting yourself up for failure.
post 1553786061 06-13-2018, 11:16 PM
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i agree with US_RAnger's post, you need to block your ex from social media to finally move on. If you keep track of the past the future will never be grand.
post 1553786151 06-13-2018, 11:18 PM
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I always found solace in knowing looks can be deceiving. Just because she is attracted to someone new or is dating someone new, doesn't mean she is completely over you and is probably suffering at times, too. And since she is BDP, you know she needs a ton of validation, so she is going to date a lot.

It's a fact women in general move on faster than men. It's just a coping mechanism and they are suffering just as much, if not more inside and it's a sign of low self esteem, and needing the approve of someone, anyone, to make them feel normal. Most men don't really need that. Yes I am generalizing, which is why I didn't say all women and all men....

In any sense, what helped me get over my ex-wife was actually staying in contact with her because of the kids, and being constantly reminded of why I left her. 3 years later I still have moments of sadness, but it's not because of her, it's because my reality had been severely shattered and that's hard to get over.
Forever alone? Attraction and keeping the girl chasing you - http://forum.obnoxiousbrutes.com/showthread.php?t=131498033

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post 1553787271 06-13-2018, 11:43 PM
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Originally Posted By US_Ranger⏩
OP, you did it on purpose. You know this, we all know this.

Everyone told you, and you've seen it 1,000,000 times in countless threads here, that you need to block/delete your ex on social media. You didn't block/delete her because a large part of you wants her back and you want to know that she's not doing better than you are. Now that you see she is, you're hurt.

This is textbook everything you're not supposed to do. You knew this and yet you still did it. You remind me of the first time I ever broke up with someone. Hint, that was the FIRST time I broke up with someone. If this isn't your first girlfriend then you have no excuse as to why you're setting yourself up for failure.
I just felt like I could control it. Like why would it affect me, of course sheโ€™s gonna move on quickly, she craves male attention. I knew that logically, so didnโ€™t figure seeing any of this stuff would hit me so hard.

I guess I canโ€™t really control my own emotion, I used to think I could lol. My own curiosity has hurt me again.

And yes this is my first serious girlfriend.
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post 1553787511 06-13-2018, 11:49 PM
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The sooner you realise you canโ€™t completely control anything, including your own emotions the better

You should block her but you wonโ€™t

You shouldnโ€™t be trying to date via online knocking shop apps but in real life only but you wonโ€™t do that either

You shouldnโ€™t still be living with roommates in a place you donโ€™t want to spend the rest of your life waiting to meet the right girl so you can change everything about your current circumstances to achieve what you believe is your family dream ...but you will

You are taking the easy road in everything but it hasnโ€™t worked for you yet ...and honestly youโ€™re a bit old to still be waiting to put down roots

Field of Dreams it
post 1553788561 06-14-2018, 12:18 AM
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Originally Posted By TrinnieBuu⏩
I think you need to take time out and be alone for a bit. By a bit a mean a few months. Maybe Iโ€™m projecting but when I felt lost after my ex (not for the same reason you do, so maybe it wonโ€™t apply), I know the problem was with me and how closed off I am. I think taking some time out and truly questioning why you have certain requirements and if you actually let her in past your guards or if youโ€™re just doing what you thought a good boyfriend would do. That should help. If youโ€™ve done it already, it should be clear as day that someone else is better for you. Might be months or years until they come around though.
To be honest I really miss her, even if she behaved awfully (and in turn treated me poorly) in all those moments. I feel sorry for her if anything though - she had a fuked up childhood and bad parents - but regardless I couldn't marry into it for my own sake.

I haven't found anyone that comes close to matching the good parts yet. I know ya'll can't understand why I'd be even upset after reading all the stories I posted on here. Obviously I posted the worst of it here, when I wanted people to tell me I wasn't crazy and she was indeed way out of line in those situations. They were bad to be fair. But I rarely posted about the good stuff (and I'm not talking about sex), we had a connection I never felt before and I'll probably miss that until I find it again.
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post 1553788671 06-14-2018, 12:21 AM
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Originally Posted By Rabbitjb⏩
The sooner you realise you canโ€™t completely control anything, including your own emotions the better
Good advice.
Originally Posted By Rabbitjb⏩
You are taking the easy road in everything but it hasnโ€™t worked for you yet ...and honestly youโ€™re a bit old to still be waiting to put down roots
I gave up on significant stuff by not committing to her. I could be married and settled in a home with her by now, you know that right? But I chose not to, even though I knew I'd be facing this. How is that the easy option?
๐•ฎ๐–๐–†๐–˜๐–Š ๐–† ๐–ˆ๐–๐–Š๐–ˆ๐•ถ, ๐–“๐–Š๐–›๐–Š๐–— ๐–ˆ๐–๐–†๐–˜๐–Š ๐–† ๐–‡๐–Ž๐–™๐–ˆ๐–

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post 1553795401 06-14-2018, 04:54 AM
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#29
  1. Legz422
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Originally Posted By DolphinPilot⏩
Yep. Believe me we all have had the feelings you've had.

It sounds like you're not meeting enough of the right women to get your mind off of her. Just keep at it. Maybe get off internet dating as well. Your lack of matches (or GOOD matches) is likely giving you the impression she is/was your only option. We've all been there. Force yourself to get back out there.
Agree with this. Get offline. Even if only for a couple months. It's making you feel way worse. For me, it seems like the opposite problem. The more likes/messages I get, the more alone I feel. You can't find meaningful conversation. It's all, hey, hi, DTF? bullchit. I don't want small talk and surface stuff. I want deep. I feel a lot less lonely and more peaceful not being on online dating sites. I and many others here have told you again and again, get off those apps. Do your thing, work on yourself and approach women IRL. I srsly doubt your height will hold you back as much in person.
Originally Posted By Luc1fer⏩
To be honest I really miss her, even if she behaved awfully (and in turn treated me poorly) in all those moments. I feel sorry for her if anything though - she had a fuked up childhood and bad parents - but regardless I couldn't marry into it for my own sake.

I haven't found anyone that comes close to matching the good parts yet. I know ya'll can't understand why I'd be even upset after reading all the stories I posted on here. Obviously I posted the worst of it here, when I wanted people to tell me I wasn't crazy and she was indeed way out of line in those situations. They were bad to be fair. But I rarely posted about the good stuff (and I'm not talking about sex),we had a connection I never felt before and I'll probably miss that until I find it again.
You have to realize that you may never find that connection again. I'm not saying that you won't ever find a connection with someone again. It just won't be that same kind, and may not be as strong. I think there are just some people in this world who you have that with, but they are not meant for you. It sucks, but you need to try to move on. Of course you're going to start thinking of only the good times. I think that's natural. Just always keep in your mind why she wasn't the right one for you.
~ In a world where you can be anything, be kind ~
post 1553795991 06-14-2018, 05:13 AM
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#30
  1. TheBrentmeister
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I know the feeling, it sucks. It's hard but you need to stop looking her up and start conditioning your mind to truly move on. You'll be ok in time.
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