Moral Dilemma.

06-14-2018, 04:42 AM

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#1

TheAdlerian
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Moral Dilemma.

So, I have an ex that lives in Philly and we had all kinds of issues due to her drug problems and recently she returned via ********.

Past:

We dated and she told me she was in recovery and that I was an angel, etc. In reality, she likes dating criminals, guys in jail, and so on. I found out that she had been a street prostitute in Kensington, a very bad part of town.

I get worried she's relapsing and she hates me for it.

1. She gets me fired from a job by making up bull**** about me.
2. I catch her with an ex, this tiny little creep who runs away from me when I challenge him. She then texts me pics of her giving him a blowjob.
3. Months later, she wants to talk to me again and so we meet up casually. My birthday is in October and she finds out where I work and their makes an anonymous call about what a terrible person I am. That leads to terrible trouble.
4. I actually move out of Philly to get away from her.

Now:

1. For the past two months on ********, she's been trying to explain to me that she's messed up and sorry. I know all about psychology and realize that's the truth she's probably a psychopath, as she doesn't take care of kids, was involved in crime, etc.
2. I have a very nice girl I'm now involved with.
3. It is my ex's birthday on Friday, June 15th.
4. I got her some stuff just to be nice and wanted to give it to her.
5. Suddenly on ********, she announces she's dating a new guy. He just got out of jail, etc.

I believe she did this to try to hurt my feelings once again.

Question:

1. Should I not give her the birthday stuff and just break all contact. I have closed my ******** for this reason.

2. She made porn that's on the net, which is gross. I have her boyfriend's info and his mom's. Should I act like her and send that to the boyfriend and his mom?

3. Should I be kind and give her the birthday stuff, act like a normal human, and then just end it on a good note.

This situation has been really bothering me for well over a year and the latest round of contact with her has been confusing. Should I forgive and be nice or be "savage" as she likes to say?

Thanks.

06-14-2018, 04:50 AM

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#2

hendrixfreak70
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Literally never speak to her again. There is no question about it. You're better off without her. Not one single thing has been done to you by her to show any need for connection with her.

06-14-2018, 05:04 AM

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#3

TappingTheZen
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Dude..

The chit she did to you is unforgivable.

No contact and remove her from your life is the only option, and the only way for you to be happy.

This isn't complicated at all... she will never change, she sent you a video of her sukking another mans dink ffs...

06-14-2018, 05:09 AM

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#4

TheBrentmeister
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She sounds like a horrible person and she treated you like chit. Why do you want that in your life? Get away from her before she drags you down again.

06-14-2018, 05:15 AM

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#5

MuzzieChik786
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Originally Posted By TheAdlerian⏩

So, I have an ex that lives in Philly and we had all kinds of issues due to her drug problems and recently she returned via ********.

Past:

We dated and she told me she was in recovery and that I was an angel, etc. In reality, she likes dating criminals, guys in jail, and so on. I found out that she had been a street prostitute in Kensington, a very bad part of town.

I get worried she's relapsing and she hates me for it.

1. She gets me fired from a job by making up bull**** about me.
2. I catch her with an ex, this tiny little creep who runs away from me when I challenge him. She then texts me pics of her giving him a blowjob.
3. Months later, she wants to talk to me again and so we meet up casually. My birthday is in October and she finds out where I work and their makes an anonymous call about what a terrible person I am. That leads to terrible trouble.
4. I actually move out of Philly to get away from her.

Now:

1. For the past two months on ********, she's been trying to explain to me that she's messed up and sorry. I know all about psychology and realize that's the truth she's probably a psychopath, as she doesn't take care of kids, was involved in crime, etc.
2. I have a very nice girl I'm now involved with.
3. It is my ex's birthday on Friday, June 15th.
4. I got her some stuff just to be nice and wanted to give it to her.
5. Sudd

Question:

1. Should I not give her the birthday stuff and just break all contact. I have closed my ******** for this reason.

2. She made porn that's on the net, which is gross. I have her boyfriend's info and his mom's. Should I act like her and send that to the boyfriend and his mom?

3. Should I be kind and give her the birthday stuff, act like a normal human, and then just end it on a good note.

This situation has been really bothering me for well over a year and the latest round of contact with her has been confusing. Should I forgive and be nice or be "savage" as she likes to say?

Thanks.

1) No. Give whatever you bought her to your current gf.

2) No, because you're not a petty low life like her and other miserable fks in the world who can't move on from the past.

3) No. Keeping someone on the radar who has caused you tremendous grief is not "acting like a normal human being."

Last paragraph question. You don't need to be "nice" nor do you need to be savage towards her. There's a place called North Carolina made especially for these types of scenarios. Go there and stay there.

Now a question for you:

Why are you trying to stay in contact with Crazy even though you have no kids or anything with this person that requires you to stay in contact with this person? Do you subconsciously like the drama she brings?

06-14-2018, 05:18 AM

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#6

TheAdlerian
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Thanks guys.

I'm a huge humanitarian and have worked in psychology for many years. That tends to make me be extremely understanding. I know she had a terrible childhood, like really terrible, and so I feel for her.

Also, when we get along, the two of us are hilarious together and we have a great time. So, there's this part of me that thinks she's a great person with this armor of nastiness to protect her. On the other hand, I'm a fighter type and if you want to fight me, I'll be happy to do it. So, I hate her at the same time and want to hurt her. But, at the end of the day, I have to live with myself and deal with my own memories.

That's why I have been having so much trouble deciding. On one had, I'd like to nuke her relationship, on the other, just not contact her, or end on a positive note.

Thanks for the help.

06-14-2018, 05:20 AM

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#7

TheAdlerian
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Side question:

She always looks at my ******** page. If I block her or if she blocks me, she will use another profile to look at my page.

I shut my ******** down to stop this. My ******** page is very entertaining as I post a lot of humor. I don't want her "enjoying" for free and so I shut the whole thing down.

However, I do miss it a bit.

How do you handle that one?

06-14-2018, 05:21 AM

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#8

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Originally Posted By TheAdlerian⏩

Thanks guys.

I'm a huge humanitarian and have worked in psychology for many years. That tends to make me be extremely understanding. I know she had a terrible childhood, like really terrible, and so I feel for her.

Also, when we get along, the two of us are hilarious together and we have a great time. So, there's this part of me that thinks she's a great person with this armor of nastiness to protect her. On the other hand, I'm a fighter type and if you want to fight me, I'll be happy to do it. So, I hate her at the same time and want to hurt her. But, at the end of the day, I have to live with myself and deal with my own memories.

That's why I have been having so much trouble deciding. On one had, I'd like to nuke her relationship, on the other, just not contact her, or end on a positive note.

Thanks for the help.

You sound like a great guy with good intentions for this girl, but sometimes you have to be selfish for your own wellbeing. Good luck whatever you decide

06-14-2018, 05:24 AM

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#9

hendrixfreak70
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Originally Posted By TheAdlerian⏩

Side question:

She always looks at my ******** page. If I block her or if she blocks me, she will use another profile to look at my page.

I shut my ******** down to stop this. My ******** page is very entertaining as I post a lot of humor. I don't want her "enjoying" for free and so I shut the whole thing down.

However, I do miss it a bit.

How do you handle that one?

Don't use your real name on your page.

06-14-2018, 05:26 AM

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#10

TheAdlerian
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Originally Posted By MuzzieChik786⏩

1) No. Give whatever you bought her to your current gf.

2) No, because you're not a petty low life like her and other miserable fks in the world who can't move on from the past.

3) No. Keeping someone on the radar who has caused you tremendous grief is not "acting like a normal human being."

Last paragraph question. You don't need to be "nice" nor do you need to be savage towards her. There's a place called North Carolina made especially for these types of scenarios. Go there and stay there.

Now a question for you:

Why are you trying to stay in contact with Crazy even though you have no kids or anything with this person that requires you to stay in contact with this person? Do you subconsciously like the drama she brings?

Why North Carolina!!

That made me laugh.

Answer: I feel sorry for her.

I got her into college and all kinds of stuff. She's very smart and extremely funny. Plus, when she's around me she totally changes into a much softer person.

So, there's a part of me that "loves" who I think she is, but then another part that thinks she's a psychopath who just plays parts as necessary. But, overall, I feel sorry about the kind of life she's had and can't be too mean to her.

For instance, she was raised by gangsters, her dad is in jail for murder, she had to sleep on a floor of a tattoo parlor as a child. She was addicted to heroin by age nine, and stuff like that. So, it's made me think, can I really be mean to such a person?

I now know there's nothing I can do about it. I also must stick with my current gf who is sweet and would be hurt if she knew I thought about this stuff.

06-14-2018, 05:27 AM

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#11

TheAdlerian
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Originally Posted By hendrixfreak70⏩

Don't use your real name on your page.

Yes.

I must come up with something unusual because she will hunt for me forever, I'm sure.

It's the way she is.

06-14-2018, 05:29 AM

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#12

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Originally Posted By TheBrentmeister⏩

You sound like a great guy with good intentions for this girl, but sometimes you have to be selfish for your own wellbeing. Good luck whatever you decide

Oh man, I loved her a lot and wanted to give her a better life, which is what she said she wanted.

There's an old movie from the UK with Michael Caine called Georgie Girl, or something close, that's about this subject.

06-14-2018, 05:36 AM

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#13

MuzzieChik786
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Originally Posted By TheAdlerian⏩

Why North Carolina!!

That made me laugh.

Answer: I feel sorry for her.

I got her into college and all kinds of stuff. She's very smart and extremely funny. Plus, when she's around me she totally changes into a much softer person.

So, there's a part of me that "loves" who I think she is, but then another part that thinks she's a psychopath who just plays parts as necessary. But, overall, I feel sorry about the kind of life she's had and can't be too mean to her.

For instance, she was raised by gangsters, her dad is in jail for murder, she had to sleep on a floor of a tattoo parlor as a child. She was addicted to heroin by age nine, and stuff like that. So, it's made me think, can I really be mean to such a person?

I now know there's nothing I can do about it. I also must stick with my current gf who is sweet and would be hurt if she knew I thought about this stuff.

It's human to feel empathy for people. And you gave it a solid effort by trying to be in a relationship with her.

However, relationships are not one-way streets. She had the time to start making changes when she was with you, but instead, she did some very malicious things to you.

You've also had a rough life, don't YOU deserve to be saved? It's not a good practice to sacrifice yourself completely for the happiness of another. Certainly not another you're not even married to. Community service is done with emotional balance, in moderation, where you're able to give without losing yourself completely.

You're not Batman and you can't save everyone. Take peace in the fact that you tried. Let her grow up on her own time. What happens with her is no longer your concern.

Regarding FB, keep it temporarily closed until she disappears from your life. It doesn't have to be a permanent disable.

Good luck, hope you take the NC advice by all ITT seriously.

06-14-2018, 05:47 AM

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#14

TheAdlerian
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Originally Posted By MuzzieChik786⏩

It's human to feel empathy for people. And you gave it a solid effort by trying to be in a relationship with her.

However, relationships are not one-way streets. She had the time to start making changes when she was with you, but instead, she did some very malicious things to you.

You've also had a rough life, don't YOU deserve to be saved? It's not a good practice to sacrifice yourself completely for the happiness of another. Certainly not another you're not even married to. Community service is done with emotional balance, in moderation, where you're able to give without losing yourself completely.

You're not Batman and you can't save everyone. Take peace in the fact that you tried. Let her grow up on her own time. What happens with her is no longer your concern.

Regarding FB, keep it temporarily closed until she disappears from your life. It doesn't have to be a permanent disable.

Good luck, hope you take the NC advice by all ITT seriously.

Thanks, that was nice.

In my career I've known 17 people who committed suicide. In Philly, I knew 30 people in one day who died from heroin. Another female friend of mine, Platonic, just died in March from heroin. I have never been involved in drugs and I'm a huge fitness person, so you can imagine how I feel.

I was very afraid the ex would die. She's in a new relationship with a person who just got out of jail, so how will that go?

I've been very traumatized by all these deaths. Also, I don't date much unless I have strong feelings for the person, so I don't take relationships casually. I was also raised by nice parents who were relentlessly helpful to each other. So, all of that triggered me to unconditionally love this girl, but it was impossible.

To by honest, she used to compare me to Batman and she Harley Quinn or Cat Woman, meaning it's an impossible romance.

There's also a crazy thing. My current gf is what I have always wanted in a woman. She likes to communicate, is sweet, everyone tells me she loves me a lot, and doesn't bring drama. I think the old gf's super level of drama presented a challenge that I likes, but liked for dysfunctional reasons. So, I have to kill that by not feeding into it anymore.

06-14-2018, 05:51 AM

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#15

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I am beside myself that you still entertain this woman. A gift for trying to ruin your life on numerous occasions? You need to gain some more self respect man. Do not entertain her in the least as she will try to ruin what you currently have (which you've indicated is a good thing).

06-14-2018, 05:56 AM

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#16

JUGGERNAUT1333
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Originally Posted By hendrixfreak70⏩

Literally never speak to her again. There is no question about it. You're better off without her. Not one single thing has been done to you by her to show any need for connection with her.

/thread

Absolutely no reason to ever speak to her again. I'm amazed you even tried this time. She is beyond toxic.

06-14-2018, 06:05 AM

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#17

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Originally Posted By Nedo⏩

I am beside myself that you still entertain this woman. A gift for trying to ruin your life on numerous occasions? You need to gain some more self respect man. I would watch her croke.

As I've noted, I feel extremely sorry that such a smart person was raised in such a way.

She would even freak out if I suggested doing nice things together. She would have panic attacks and get super angry and not tell me why. She used to say that being asked to do romantic things "triggered" her.

I assume she was sexually molested as a kid, and there really has to be no way that's not true.

So, I view her as a victim and just wish her well.

If I had magic wishes I would erase her past from her mind.

That's kinda what I've been trying to do.

It's stupid though.

06-14-2018, 06:06 AM

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#18

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Originally Posted By JUGGERNAUT1333⏩

/thread

Absolutely no reason to ever speak to her again. I'm amazed you even tried this time. She is beyond toxic.

She is super toxic.

Her own daughter kinda told me so. She recently moved to Mississippi to get away from her mother, my ex, and father who is also a nut.

06-14-2018, 06:57 AM

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#19

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There's being a nice person and there's being a complete idiot.

Guess which one you are?

06-14-2018, 07:05 AM

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#20

TheAdlerian
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Originally Posted By Tuga88⏩

There's being a nice person and there's being a complete idiot.

Guess which one you are?

I agree.

Hopefully, some of my explanations clarify why.

06-14-2018, 07:16 AM

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#21

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No offense OP, but the fact that this was even a question in your mind makes me concerned for you. Empathy is a great quality to have, but this isn't that (not saying you don't have it as well). You likely need to do some work on yourself. There's great advice in this thread.

06-14-2018, 07:19 AM

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#22

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Originally Posted By TheAdlerian⏩

I agree.

Hopefully, some of my explanations clarify why.

If you agree what are you doing on here with this thread? You already know exactly what you have to do yet you keep making excuses or "explanations" as to why you still let this girl in your life. What's happened has happened but you can still make the right choice and cut this girl off for good from EVERYTHING. Or you can continue letting her use up so much of your time and energy with her poison personality. I fear it will be the latter.

06-14-2018, 07:21 AM

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#23

Anbessa
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Bruh, I can tell you that 90% of this sh*t here is your fault.

1. You literally fell in love with a prostitute. Literally a prostitute.

2. You put up with her messing with your money. Even a prostitute knows not to mess with the money of a man she respects. That's how slaps happen.

3. You met up "casually" with a cheating prostitute who sent you pics to cuck you

4. Now you want to send her BIRTHDAY PRESENTS??? But claim you moved cities just to avoid her??? But still check up on her ********??? You are creating your own misfortunes bro.

5. And you're with a nice girl, yet your attention is still on the cheating whore who sells her body on the street and internet?

6. You think that makes you NICE? No, it makes you weak, immature, and a terrible decision maker. Have some pride, Jesus Christ.

7. "Should I forgive?" lmao bruh I don't know how you can even forgive YOURSELF after your behavior, you are your own worst enemy.

8. This isn't a moral dilemma. This is a "I can't help but not control my impulses and constantly reintroduce negative people into my life by choice" dilemma.

9. If she got porn I want names......for research......you're used to being cucked by her so it's cool right?

10. Lmao if I were you I'd be too ashamed to even post this stuff, you should keep that woman in your mind for the sole reason of her being a reminder of why you should NEVER behave like this again, lest repeating your mistakes and once again suffering the consequences.

/thread

06-14-2018, 07:34 AM

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#24

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Originally Posted By HangingChad⏩

No offense OP, but the fact that this was even a question in your mind makes me concerned for you. Empathy is a great quality to have, but this isn't that (not saying you don't have it as well). You likely need to do some work on yourself. There's great advice in this thread.

I have a long history of working in psychology.

I typically work with criminals and have had serial killers as clients, and everything between that and little kids. Thus, I've had a weird life of trying to understand people and have what's called "unconditional positive regard" which is just another way to say, love, for all people.

That is very weird compared to most of the population. So, what I can tolerate and understand is way different than most people. It's weird, odd, etc and it's a byproduct of my career.

I don't like it, but it's who I am.

However, I was looking for some reality, people to tell me I'm wrong this time, which is why I started the thread.

06-14-2018, 07:38 AM

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#25

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Originally Posted By Tuga88⏩

If you agree what are you doing on here with this thread? You already know exactly what you have to do yet you keep making excuses or "explanations" as to why you still let this girl in your life. What's happened has happened but you can still make the right choice and cut this girl off for good from EVERYTHING. Or you can continue letting her use up so much of your time and energy with her poison personality. I fear it will be the latter.

I made the thread because I was MASSIVELY conflicted.

1. Ignore.
2. Be super loving and transcend the past.
3. Be vindictive and attack her relationship on her birthday, as she might do to me.

I needed to hear some opinions. Now, I agree with the general thoughts here, which is why I made the thread, to get tipped one way or the other.

06-14-2018, 07:44 AM

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#26

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Originally Posted By Anbessa⏩

Bruh, I can tell you that 90% of this sh*t here is your fault.

1. You literally fell in love with a prostitute. Literally a prostitute.

Dude, I didn't know that when I met her.

She has a great personality, or a façade of one, and she was down on her luck. I helped her with some stuff and we couldn't stop talking to each other. She acted like a bit of a tough guy, I then saw her place, which was a mess, and her bed which had a stuffed animal on the bed, and it just killed me. She seemed like a great girl that probably came from a poor family, had nothing, and she seemed head over heels about me.

People even pointed it out to me.

It was only after she started opening up that I found out she's a criminal, was a prostitute, and has a extremely bad taste in other people.

I didn't hook up with someone I knew was an active addict, criminal, and prostitute.

06-14-2018, 07:53 AM

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#27

Anbessa
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Originally Posted By TheAdlerian⏩

Dude, I didn't know that when I met her.

She has a great personality, or a façade of one, and she was down on her luck. I helped her with some stuff and we couldn't stop talking to each other. She acted like a bit of a tough guy, I then saw her place, which was a mess, and her bed which had a stuffed animal on the bed, and it just killed me. She seemed like a great girl that probably came from a poor family, had nothing, and she seemed head over heels about me.

People even pointed it out to me.

It was only after she started opening up that I found out she's a criminal, was a prostitute, and has a extremely bad taste in other people.

I didn't hook up with someone I knew was an active addict, criminal, and prostitute.

First impressions, ehhhh, that's iffy because while I understand that it's not your fault that you didn't know at first, it is also your responsibility to vet people who enter into your life. Though that's a skill that's developed overtime I suppose.

However, again, you didn't know AT FIRST. You still clearly were actively seeking to involve this person into your life after knowing, and after she had demonstrated herself as a destructive force willing to harm you for no reason other than her whims. That's YOU'RE fault.

Also, points 2-10 still stand

06-14-2018, 07:55 AM

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#28

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Just LOL @ shutting down your ********, you know they have privacy options. You can set it to that only friends can view anything including timeline/current friends/photos.

She'll be able to see your profile picture and banner that's it.

She sounds like a BPD case, stay the fuk away from her before you end up in jail or even worse. They will drag you down with them.

06-14-2018, 07:56 AM

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#29

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Originally Posted By TheAdlerian⏩

So, I have an ex that lives in Philly and we had all kinds of issues due to her drug problems and recently she returned via ********.

Past:

We dated and she told me she was in recovery and that I was an angel, etc. In reality, she likes dating criminals, guys in jail, and so on. I found out that she had been a street prostitute in Kensington, a very bad part of town.

NC?????? Jesus after you found that out you should've cut all ties with this woman.