Hey Guys,

I started dating this girl in about September we both live in Canada. We dated for 3 months where everything was good. In December, she had to travel back to her home country in Europe because a loved one passed away. She had plan to stay there for 3 months and come back in March, which was long, but I understand a new boyfriend is not her priority over the loss of a close family member. Following this the Canada hotel Quarantine rule hit and you have to pay 2000 dollars to stay in a hotel upon re-entry. She has a wedding she is going to attend where she is from in July, and now its kind of unclear if she is going to just stay there until the wedding or if she will be returning (doesn't really make sense to pay for a flight back for 2 months then a flight there again and then a flight back).

She doesn't give me any kind of definite answer and when I press her about it she says there is nothing she can do/know yet. fair.


I was willing to wait it out for her, but she doesn't really recognize this as any sort of undertaking on my part. Once when it was brought it she said, my sister and her bf did long distance for the first year no big deal.

I asked her the other day because I saw it on a YouTube channel between couples, "If you had to say in this relationship, who likes the other person better." Her response with little hesitation was me. I knew the answer to it already, and she could tell it bothered me so she said don't ask questions you don't wanna know the answer to. This confirmation just made me doubt what am I waiting for....I could spend all this time waiting and she gets back and we break up like a couple weeks later...

Anyone had a situation similar? Advice?

INB4 Dear Diary

I don’t have advice for this particular situation but if a woman gave me the response she did I wouldn’t even bother talking to her again. You may not be number 1 in her life yet but there are more delicate ways to answer this.

She's making it pretty clear that you are not a high priority in her life and she knows she has all the leverage because you are insecure and don't have options. I think I'd be asking myself what I'm doing with her if she was actually with me, as opposed to in another country that she might never return from.

I'd start dating and reduce contact/let her initiate. Or more likely because I get salty about being told I'm not a priority, I'd just stop talking to her.

This

agreed with the other two. I especially am not too fond of a girl being upfront about how you are not much of a priority, as if it's some showing of strength which you are supposed to find endearing. Obviously I'm not above the more important people in her life but that talk is rarely called for.

it's like when you meet a girl and she says that bull**** canned line "I don'tNEEDa boyfriend, but IWOULD LIKEone.." Yeah no **** sweetheart nobody expected you to be needy, but being upfront about how you could easily get along without me isn't going to make you more attractive to me.

How old are you guys?

Does she have a job where you guys live?

I would argue it's an easy decision to breakup for now and if/when she comes back you can start back up where you left off if it feels right and part of me says that because IMO it's odd to feel that strongly/attached to someone after only 3 months.
You could also start pulling back with the amount of attention et al you give her and if it doesn't cause her to "chase" you or have a convo about not wanting to lose you then it's obvious she's not that invested into you.

When you say start dating, you mean continue with her and date others or ???? Cause I feel like I would be cheating....

You dated for 3 months. She owes you nothing and you owe her nothing. Stop being a needy little boy and grow a set and move on.

Im 33, she is 28. We are both teachers, non contract so we can work or not work when we want. Is it a red flag, when we first met that she said she wants to have kids within the next year and a half? I don't know if that means me or anyone lol....

She is very attractive, but started to the dating game late (wasn't promiscuous), and sometimes I feel like this lateness to the game she has trouble with girlfriend social cues.

Is she East Indian?

Greek

I gotta admit, I am actually not in too far off of a situation for yourself. It is a relatively new relationship where we saw each other for around a month prior to her leaving to europe for school. She is coming back in July for a visit, but i wont lie theres some days that i am quite paranoid and my thoughts wander everywhere. Im planning to hold out to see what happens until she visits again..

You guys stayed together even though you knew she was going to be gone until July and only coming back for a short time. I wouldn't do that.

Hm I thought you'd be a lot younger.

If kids is a priority for her then you'd think dating would be too in which case you should have a mature conversation about where this is going.

Giving her the benefit of the doubt assuming your above statement is true though. Of course there's always a chance you don't know her as well as you think and/or are getting monkey-branched.

wait, did she go to Europe and you guys converted to LDR or did she leave and you guys took a break? I feel that if you guys just continued as a LDR, then what's the problem? That's the necessary thing to do at this time. It honestly doesn't sound like a LDR to me. It sounds like she just responds back to you because she's friendly. It also sounds like if you didn't talk to her anymore, she wouldn't care. Is she really your gf? Maybe you guys were just casual dating for 3 mo, nothing to it.

Doesn't seem as if you are as much of a priority to her as I would need to be to be in a relationship with her, let alone the long distance thing.

Long distance relationships don't work.

move on

Guess what she is doing OP...

If I were you I'd let her know you and her are going on a break and explore other options. See how things are when she comes back.

Still talk to her but start dating in the mean time.

No way put your life on hold for this chick.