Brother it’s SUPER recent since you split. Dating will feel empty for a bit if you are looking at it for any meaningful level. There is a reason folks just focus on finding / working on self improvement, self focus, self respect, and perspective after relationships for a bit before trying to successfully date………….. or just keep it super fun / casual / physical if you can emotionally and mentally handle it.

You made the right call. Those are massive red flags that would have only gotten worse as your relationship progressed. The combativeness, denial of fault, manipulation, and disrespect are all traits that don’t simply go away without the mental and emotional maturity to want to work on them individually and together. From what you wrote, it doesn’t seem like she is capable of that.

Yes, have had numerous toxic relationships with hot girls. The hot / crazy matrix is 100% fact, as well as the sec with crazy ones being the highest level. It was never worth it, and over-romanticizing the good things does not cancel out the grueling, exhausting, depressing toxicity. You will be much happier without that weighing on you, give it some time and you will feel how truly happy you are…… and how much a better partner you can be when with someone more compatible.

Being with my wife the last 5 years has shown me what a happy / healthy / fun / solid relationship is. Don’t get me wrong, she is still crazy (they all are), but the effort comes freely and naturally from both sides to work on things when issues come up, and we are fantastic partners.

Cheers brother, and good luck

Thanks for this my man.. I think what's causing me to feel this way is, getting out and dating too soon.

I need a break from chicks right now.

And yeh walking away from a toxic hottie is not easy at all.. However those red flags and her combative/masculine attitude wasn't anything I could tolerate any longer.

It ended a little messy between us (this was inevitable) as both said some hurtful things to eachother.

All that being said, I gave her 3 chances in the 9 months together and she took those chances for granted. So I did what any self respecting man would do, and told her to leave my house and went NC

In the absolutely will not ignore those red flags.

Man it hurts when I think of her with another dude and her having a child with another man.

She pushed hard for me to have a child with her.

Those red flags are crazy.. I should be glad I didn't get her pregnant lol

i know the feeling

unfortunately, crazy chicks are the best for everything except a serious relationship.

if your friend was in your position, ask yourself what you'd recommend he would do. it would probably be to walk away like you did.

ultimately, if she wasn't willing to accept fault (at least partially) and offer change for you to improve your relationship, then it wouldn't work.

and the sad part is, some women (not all) will realise this later in life, after a few guys have told her the same that you did, or have simply left her. but by that time, you won't want her anymore.

Yeh and this is the mistake I made, by not heading the red flags and recognising crazy early on.

The combativeness is ingrained in her personality, as I have seen this agressive tone aimed towards other people who might have annoyed her like some of her work colleagues.

I don't think any man of self respect with tolerate this long term. Most will dip out like I did.

Even if the combativeness issu could be resolved, we then have the laundry list of red flags that could potentially bite me in the ass later down the road.

It's all very risky

Anyone here experienced circular thinking here? Second guessing on the decision of walking away from her?

I experience this daily.

The logical part of me understands that she was a disaster waiting to happen, then emotions come flooding in and feelings of regret take over.

I guess I need to give it more time for the emotions to fade and the logic to take hold.

When I stayed in a toxic relationship (mainly due to physical attraction and hope that she'd change into a person who'd be a better partner to me), in hindsight it was mainly because I lacked the confidence to attain a woman who checked all those boxes.

It can be difficult taking a break from dating as it's natural to crave validation that you made the right choice by finding someone better immediately but you're far more likely to give off the proper energy and be ready to make a better connection if you take a bit of a break.

This is why I stayed longer in the relationship too, mostly because I was very attracted to her and on some.level.we had a connection.

However the toxicity started very early on in the relationship.

How do you feel now that you are out of that toxic situation?

That was over 6 years ago now.
By the time it ended so much damage was done I never for a second doubted my decision or longed for her back.
I was absolutely stoked to get out of the relationship but I needed ~6 months before I could date again (we had a kid together and were married, plus I needed to regain some confidence and spend some time with friends and family). After a year of casual dating I was good to allow something more serious in.

Years and years later though I am realizing the toll in regards to the insecurities planted by being with someone who intentionally put me down in an effort to manipulate me. I never sulk about that though - just use it as fuel to become the best version of myself I can be.

When I hear stories like yours, it actually makes me feel a little grateful that I only let myself stay in the toxic situation for 9 months.

Some men end up with children/marriage with toxic women and recovery from that type of situation is a much longer road.

She was pushing heavy for us to have children together, I can only imagine how much worse things could have gotten down the road.

Well you're story is giving me hope that things will get better soon.

I think it's mostly scarcity mindset. I feel like I won't find another relationship or an attractive woman.

I need to break this cycle of thinking.

How do you guys cope with having to dump a girl who was toxic, but young and very hot?

Like it's unlikely you would get another hot one like that again.

Being hot can't make up for making your life miserable for any significant percentage of the time, so I'd just try to forget about it. Better to have someone less hot who isn't toxic and is a net positive in your life vs. someone hotter who is a net negative.

This. After a while the toxicity becomes so unattractive, the woman herself will become less and less attractive.

If you think you can't find someone as physically attractive as her again, work on yourself until you believe you can.

If this is true, then why not give her a second chance? As you said, it is likely she will behave worse. So when she does, be done with it. At least that way you know for sure.

Rarely have I read or heard of a situation when a man walked away from a toxic girlfriend, then backtracked his decision down the line, gave her the power boy reaching out, and everything became great between them again lol

I really doubt anything positive will come out of breaking NC

This is actually true. At times I didn't find myself attracted to her due to her bad attitude.

When you're ready to look for a long term life partner, looks shouldn't drive the decision, compatibility should. Of course, no one can be with someone who you are not attracted to at all, but looks should be a pass fail test, not the determining factor between women. If your minimum standard for looks is 6/10 or something, then obviously you can't be with a 3/10 heifer, but a plainer looking 6/10 who you really vibe with should be much more preferable to an 8/10 crazy bish. Remember, it's someone who you have to live with and spend time with every day. You can't live in a world of constant chaos.

I think you make a good point here

My emphasis recently has been on how attractive she was and how I won't find another girl as attractive as her.

The sex was great too.

Another layer of complexity is, that she had some good qualities roo. She would be sweet and loving, but then her mood could very suddenly change and she becomes combative with an agressive tone.

I mean based on the red flags, it's possible that she is BPD

It's been 8 weeks now and I still think about her daily.

They say it is easier for the dumper, and it probably is, but I do have moments of second guessing my decision.

I know I shouldn't be second guessing myself, because clearly for someone I want be with long term, she has to bring a certain level of peace to my life.

You can find good, or at least temporarily good, qualities in everyone. It is human nature when you're feeling good to find person(s) to exchange positive energy with, thus making you feel even better.

What separates the good people from those who suck is to not want to bring others down with you when things aren't going so well and not taking way more from others than they give.