Good stuff mate and repped. Thanks for the kind words. I do celebrate the times we had, and I don't regret it one bit. I only regret my mistakes and how it all ended. In the very least, I thought we would be amicable. But now that she's thrown me in the trash, a little anger is good for now.

You keep talking about their relationship as if you're a part of it. She's done with you and you need to be done with them.

You were her first, you describe her as traditional, religious and she is over a decade younger than you. You told her no marriage or kids despite being well past the age most people settle down. You made no objection to her leaving the country, you told her to date other people.

I’m sorry but that is the definition of making a woman feel unloved and unwanted. How is that not throwing her away ?

Well, I was part of it for about a year. She was dating this guy and sending me hearts and "miss yous" and telling me she couldn't wait to see me again. But you're right now man. It's over.

I'll take that one farther.

You are a coward. Don't know what else to call it when a man your age is "afraid she will change".

There are no guarantees for any relationship. You risk bleeding for it every time.

If you aren't willing to take that risk then just own it.

Plenty of people have decided to hang it up and more will do the same.

She wanted your relationship to progress to the next level. You didn't, You both agree to casually date. She moved on.

Do the maths for me
Cos at the moment it seems that
You are in your 30s
She has just done a year post grad so she’s what? 22 or 23 max?
You dated 4 years but were best friends for 6 and a 1/2

That’s not right

OP.

Red or not, new or not, real or not, here's my thoughts.

You almost let a girl go against your own convictions. That's something you should never do. If you know deep down that you don't want a kid, you don't want that lifestyle, then god dammit a girl shouldn't ever be a causation for it. I think you know deep down from the get-go that things weren't going to to be permanent when you first started dating. You two had different long-term plans, and now you are both trekking along those paths.

How old are you OP? You said you were with her for 4 years, you're probably still young enough to find a girl with similar long-term kidless plans. Take what you've learned from your relationship with this girl (her pros and cons), and utilize that for seeking out your next girl.

You have to understand that she had no choice but to cut you out of her life. There's no such thing as "friends" after a ltr. This isn't highschool. She's moved onto the next level with another dude. ALL communication had to be stopped at that point. You shouldn't be taking that personal or think it means that she hates you or that you never meant anything to her because that's not why she did it.

Wrong, you let yourself be part of it for a year. Most people would have the sense to go NC after one month.

So I had an amazing relationship with a girl, and for three years it was perfect. The honeymoon phase went on for years. She was completely dedicated to me. The only problem was that she wanted to get married and have kids, and I didn't. I mentioned my feelings a few times, but we usually didn't talk about it and just enjoyed each other's company. We never fought and almost never argued.

Things started to sour in the fourth year, and she became more and more distant. Yet she rarely talked about her feelings. I couldn't seem to fix things. Then, after she graduated from college, she decided to study abroad for a year and get her Masters. I was very surprised by her decision. Due to the circumstances, we decided to go on a break, create a little space, casually date other people, and then get back together when she returned. You can see where this is going. Well, instead she met some Russian cuck that worshiped the ground she walked on. He was ready to marry her on day one. In fact, he was already divorced and had 2 kids back in Russia. She casually dated him for a year, delaying her return to the US because she had a teaching job there and she was busy applying to grad schools for her PhD. She always insisted that her relationship with this guy wasn't serious, and she was still affectionate to me.

To make a long story short, she finally came home for Christmas after 1.5 years of being my lovey-dovey best friend. But then, out of the blue, she refused to talk to me or see me. Finally allowed me one phone call and said it was over, she was marrying the Russian guy, and we were done. She insisted the decision was final, and she couldn't talk to me anymore. Completely blindsided me. Afterwards, I told her I needed to talk about things more, but she ignored all my calls and messages.

So I ended up losing the love of my life. Once the initial shock settled and the crippling realization set in, I freaked out and tried to propose. I told her she meant everything to me, that we could get married and work out all our problems. And I meant it. But that only seemed to make her angrier and she has blocked me on all social media since.

In the end, I am absolutely devastated, and losing her made me realize how much I truly did love her. It is the biggest kick in the balls one can imagine. I am completely filled with regret. I feel like I let "The One" get away. Yet I didn't actually want to marry and have kids. I was willing to make the sacrifice in the end, but I still felt unsure about signing my life away to fatherhood. On the other hand, given the choice of losing her forever or compromising, I was more than willing to compromise. But sadly, it was too little, too late.

So Misc, did I dun goof, or did I dodge a bullet in the end?

CLIFFS

-Dated girlfriend for 4 years
-She wanted to marry and have kids, I didn't
-She went to study abroad for one year
-We went on break but planned to get back together
-She met somebody else, casually dated, said it wouldn't last
-She came home for Xmas, I expected to see her
-Without warning, she tore my heart out and set it on fire

Can't post pics, please don't neg a bro when he's down. Thanks bruhs

I didn't throw her away. We dated 4 years

On the off chance that this is true, you dodged a fking bullet

Good post but we always promised we wouldn't do this to each other. Evidently I meant it and she didn't. In our last conversation, she talked to me in a cold, dead, lifeless tone as if I killed her dog, but later on she said "I am cold to protect myself." Well there it is.

I mean, she was be gone for a year and she had never dated anybody else. I was her first and only boyfriend. I didn't understand relationships after my first girlfriend either.

The promise you made at the end was false anyway. If you married her you would have resented the fact that she gave you an ultimatum and had to marry her. Either way, something told you not to marry or marry her in general. Personally, if a person cannot see the institution of marriage for what it is or even use statistics for a realistic expectation, they are only marrying because it's a pressurized social norm. By 30 years old you should have had a couple serious relationships allowing you to see the patterns and cycles, we are only human at the end of the day. Marriage is the ultimate cope BUT if that is what you want out of life, go for it! It's very rare you see a married couple go big and conquer their dreams without getting sidetracked or getting to comfortable in a routine. Life being single is great once you are over the one year hump. If you do get over the hump you will see so much potential in everything including your self!

So I had an amazing relationship with a girl, and for three years it was perfect. The honeymoon phase went on for years. She was completely dedicated to me. The only problem was that she wanted to get married and have kids, and I didn't. I mentioned my feelings a few times, but we usually didn't talk about it and just enjoyed each other's company. We never fought and almost never argued.

Things started to sour in the fourth year, and she became more and more distant. Yet she rarely talked about her feelings. I couldn't seem to fix things. Then, after she graduated from college, she decided to study abroad for a year and get her Masters. I was very surprised by her decision. Due to the circumstances, we decided to go on a break, create a little space, casually date other people, and then get back together when she returned. You can see where this is going. Well, instead she met some Russian cuck that worshiped the ground she walked on. He was ready to marry her on day one. In fact, he was already divorced and had 2 kids back in Russia. She casually dated him for a year, delaying her return to the US because she had a teaching job there and she was busy applying to grad schools for her PhD. She always insisted that her relationship with this guy wasn't serious, and she was still affectionate to me.

To make a long story short, she finally came home for Christmas after 1.5 years of being my lovey-dovey best friend. But then, out of the blue, she refused to talk to me or see me. Finally allowed me one phone call and said it was over, she was marrying the Russian guy, and we were done. She insisted the decision was final, and she couldn't talk to me anymore. Completely blindsided me. Afterwards, I told her I needed to talk about things more, but she ignored all my calls and messages.

So I ended up losing the love of my life. Once the initial shock settled and the crippling realization set in, I freaked out and tried to propose. I told her she meant everything to me, that we could get married and work out all our problems. And I meant it. But that only seemed to make her angrier and she has blocked me on all social media since.

In the end, I am absolutely devastated, and losing her made me realize how much I truly did love her. It is the biggest kick in the balls one can imagine. I am completely filled with regret. I feel like I let "The One" get away. Yet I didn't actually want to marry and have kids. I was willing to make the sacrifice in the end, but I still felt unsure about signing my life away to fatherhood. On the other hand, given the choice of losing her forever or compromising, I was more than willing to compromise. But sadly, it was too little, too late.

So Misc, did I dun goof, or did I dodge a bullet in the end?

CLIFFS

-Dated girlfriend for 4 years
-She wanted to marry and have kids, I didn't
-She went to study abroad for one year
-We went on break but planned to get back together
-She met somebody else, casually dated, said it wouldn't last
-She came home for Xmas, I expected to see her
-Without warning, she tore my heart out and set it on fire

Can't post pics, please don't neg a bro when he's down. Thanks bruhs

So I had an amazing relationship with a girl, and for three years it was perfect. The honeymoon phase went on for years. She was completely dedicated to me. The only problem was that she wanted to get married and have kids, and I didn't. I mentioned my feelings a few times, but we usually didn't talk about it and just enjoyed each other's company. We never fought and almost never argued.

Things started to sour in the fourth year, and she became more and more distant. Yet she rarely talked about her feelings. I couldn't seem to fix things. Then, after she graduated from college, she decided to study abroad for a year and get her Masters. I was very surprised by her decision. Due to the circumstances, we decided to go on a break, create a little space, casually date other people, and then get back together when she returned. You can see where this is going. Well, instead she met some Russian cuck that worshiped the ground she walked on. He was ready to marry her on day one. In fact, he was already divorced and had 2 kids back in Russia. She casually dated him for a year, delaying her return to the US because she had a teaching job there and she was busy applying to grad schools for her PhD. She always insisted that her relationship with this guy wasn't serious, and she was still affectionate to me.

To make a long story short, she finally came home for Christmas after 1.5 years of being my lovey-dovey best friend. But then, out of the blue, she refused to talk to me or see me. Finally allowed me one phone call and said it was over, she was marrying the Russian guy, and we were done. She insisted the decision was final, and she couldn't talk to me anymore. Completely blindsided me. Afterwards, I told her I needed to talk about things more, but she ignored all my calls and messages.

So I ended up losing the love of my life. Once the initial shock settled and the crippling realization set in, I freaked out and tried to propose. I told her she meant everything to me, that we could get married and work out all our problems. And I meant it. But that only seemed to make her angrier and she has blocked me on all social media since.

In the end, I am absolutely devastated, and losing her made me realize how much I truly did love her. It is the biggest kick in the balls one can imagine. I am completely filled with regret. I feel like I let "The One" get away. Yet I didn't actually want to marry and have kids. I was willing to make the sacrifice in the end, but I still felt unsure about signing my life away to fatherhood. On the other hand, given the choice of losing her forever or compromising, I was more than willing to compromise. But sadly, it was too little, too late.

So Misc, did I dun goof, or did I dodge a bullet in the end?

CLIFFS

-Dated girlfriend for 4 years
-She wanted to marry and have kids, I didn't
-She went to study abroad for one year
-We went on break but planned to get back together
-She met somebody else, casually dated, said it wouldn't last
-She came home for Xmas, I expected to see her
-Without warning, she tore my heart out and set it on fire

Can't post pics, please don't neg a bro when he's down. Thanks bruhs

Since this one ended, you obviously still don't.

Damn dude, how many times you gonna try to tear me down ITT? Go grab a drink or something

In on roll bread.

She's just one human being on a plant with 7 billion. You'll find another, unless you continue obsessing over her and crying like a little bish. It's done bro, move on ffs.

People stay "friends" on tv and in highschool. By protect herself she means she can't let your past relationship and her feelings for you (especially so soon after ending it) affect her current relationship. I did this to an ex and I felt pretty shhitty (as your ex probably feels) about it but on the advice of people more experienced I realized that the cord had to be completely severed in order to move on. For both of us. Part of me still feels bad about doing that to her and that was 17 years ago.

I appreciate you’re confused and hurting Opie but I’m really impressed by your ex and her commitment to her own life plans

Clearly a principled, intelligent and capable woman

As soon as she thought she didn’t have your balls completely in her pocket she started the monkeybranch process. The study abroad deal was her way of getting away from you so she could find someone to lock down.

Most women are utterly incapable of being alone, their ego will not allow for it. This is why the monkeybranch exists. She will never let go until she has someone else. She obviously found another dude willing to “worship” her as you say, and it’s not hard for any decently attractive woman to pull this off.

If I had a nickel for every story on here that I read that followed this pattern, well, ya know......and this forum is a very small segment of society. The lesson learned is there are 15 million more just like her. So go find another. There is no such thing as a “soul mate” or “true love.”

Relationships today are just two ships passing in the night. You enjoy it while it lasts and when it’s over you just move on. You say you don’t want to get married so you must understand these things. Just avoid the scarcity mentality.