I seduce these men???!!

3 young Navy guys approach me in a bar. Ask me why I'm alone. I tell them the story.

They buy me drinks.

They offer to drive me to the airport the next day.

I just showed up.

Thats how I met previous guys there. Go to bar, they buy drinks. I don't see why this is a surprise. Attractive female alone in a bar will get hit on.Like your girlfriend I don't fit the DSM criterial for Borderline Personality Disorder. I have several characteristics. My main issues are: Eating Disorder NOS, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, Major Depression.

I'm back in DBT after a 3 year break.

Yeah I went 5 months without younger men but became insanely depressed and gained about 10-12 kg during that time. So far I've lost 3kg. I did nothing, I just wanted to watch the sunset by the ocean alone and men approached me.

Obviously I enjoyed the attention after a 48 year old guy complained that I don't look like my pics even though he saw me in person a month ago, and on video chat for 4 weeks. He complained I was too muscular and said he wasn't into that look. My upper body has gotten too big and broad-shouldered after a lot of wintertime lifting, so I'm doing more cardio and tennis.

Hmmm let's see: Guys in their 40s reject me, 25 year olds desire me and want sex 8 times in a night and then continue the next day, the next night, the next week, etc.

Who would you pick?

Obviously I am listening to my therapist and giving them up now that I'm back home and no longer off in tiki bars on the beach. It's been almost a week.
LOL. Welcome to being in your sexual prime.

Dude you are an awful troll, EVERYONE knows on here that I was forced to eat 4,000 calories in the day in the hospital for 3 months for anorexia. I DID NOT WANT TO GAIN WEIGHT.

DO YOU THINK I REALLY WANTED PEOPLE TO CALL ME FAT? THAT IS AN ANOREXIC'S WORST FEAR!!

I CHOSE recovery. I have friends who did not choose recover and go in and out of hospitals. Some have racked up more than $100,000 in hospital debts. I did not want to be that person, who is dependent on others to drive, eat, survive.

I CHOSE TO RETURN TO WORK. I COULD NOT THINK/BLANK OUT from malnutrition. I HAVE A JOB MOST WOULD LOVE TO HAVE. I GAVE UP CHADS, MODELING WORK, A RIDICULOUS AMOUNT OF ATTENTION WHEN I WAS THIN. PROFESSIONAL TENNIS PLAYERS ASKING ME OUT. IT'S NOT WORTH IT WHEN YOUR 90 YEAR OLD GRANDMA HAS TO DRIVE YOU TO DR APPOINTMENTS WHEN YOU SHOULD BE CARING FOR HER!

I CAN DRIVE MY CAR WITHOUT FAINTING NOW.

I chose this, so STOP making comments about my body because I CHOSE recovery. If you want to bring someone down who chooses health over a life-threatening illness, then YOU need professional help.

Neither. Either you want companionship from a quality partner, or you want to fcuk around and be in a state of drama.

Now you're being dramatic and you claim you gave up Chads and yet you had sex with a 26-year old "good-looking" guy....does not compute.

Yep. Went to her place, watched some TV, then she was all over me and I gave her a massage. Ended up smashing her for good 20 minutes. She said she could go on longer but i'm just a mortal and her body was just too good. Seeing here again today.

Well there aren't many quality men my age. I tried with that 48 year old, but he was a bipolar disaster.

Gave up CHADs for 5 months but relapsed with sexing 3 CHADs since April.

The last CHAD was 6'2, blonde and tan and we exchanged Bible readings daily. But then his friends started messaging gay jokes so I got in the middle of their drama.

I swear these guys are in their late 20s but act like they are in high school!!! The 48 year old had even more drama with 2 domestic violence charges against him.

He appeared in court for beating his wife 15 years his junior after catching her sexing 3-4 guys a day when he was at work, threw her off the boat, and we she tried to get back on he stuck his foot out and said "swim bitch"

I was on that boat alone for 3 days, lol!!!! He didn't even try to throw me overboard. If he did I lift and he doesn't.

His side of the story was that she gave herself bruises and pushed herself off the boat, Just Lol. The other woman who filed a domestic violence charge against him, he said she purposely fell on glass and blamed him.

I love how everyone on here says "find someone closer to your age" and I get men who want their 18 year old sons leftovers, are bipolar, or are weirdo/dangerous guy that the Navy guys told me is a closet gay.

Love my options in my 40s. At least the younger guys are hot and don't need Viagra to go 8 times in a night.

What, that he was gay for ****ing you?

Age doesn't matter. You will never find a healthy relationship until you are healthy. You don't have to abstain from dating, but stop thinking with your penis.

Update:

Matched with a woman I already know on tinder, who happens to be the only woman that ever flaked on me. She swiped right first. Which I knew before matching because she came up as an option even though she is way out of my range. Hmmm....

Haha, she's still in my contacts under "Nala" because I asked if she was a type of animal what would she would be and she said a lion.

Yeah I know, my therapist is going to hear about this trip tonight and she won't like it. I didn't tell her he invited me to fly to Atlanta.

The Navy guys called the 48 year old gay for not making a move on me. The gay jokes were just teasing that they did to each other given where you and I live.

Outside of this state, people assume that any single male in SF is gay. Remember we live in a bubble and the rest of the country is not as open to gays as we are.

That's why you guys tell me to divorce but until I'm cured, I attract fruit loops of all ages. I've been in therapy for years and DBT for 1 year. Not sure if I'll be fully cured or just managed at age 45.

You're kinda playing the victim lately tbh, you tell stories about these 26 year old Bible study Chads, and young Navy guys who hit on you and well.. what are you supposed to do except fcuk em and get involved in lots of drama eh? It's not like you could reject them or CHOOSE not to get involved.

You have choices, and you make them. Nobody gets in this continuous series of dating younger guys and drama without making choices that lead to it.

Just admit already that you secretly love it and seek it out. You put yourself into environments and then claim that they hit on you and you were all innocent, just so you can rationalize away responsibility.

Reading this thread is giving me anxiety.

Anyways, another question for another one of my female friends. She was dating this guy who is a couple years younger and still in school pursuing his M.S. for about three months. He goes to school about 2.5 hours away but drives up to see her almost every week. They FaceTime every single day. Then out of nowhere on a date, he said she's his ideal woman but he doesn't think this is going to work, he's not ready to commit this hard and doesn't know what he wants yet.

She's so heartbroken! I have known her for 4 years now and I have never seen her so hung up on a guy. Anyways, they still talk now and then, it's been about two weeks. She thinks if she drives to see him to lessen his stress on not having enough time to do school maybe he will change his mind. What do you guys think?

I personally think he's just young and doesn't want a family and it's pointless to pursue him. But I'm not a man so I don't know if that's how you guys would operate.

She should just ask him if the stress from traveling/distance is the problem. But that isn't what he said, he said he's not ready to commit.

Ok I admit the first two guys were previous FWBs who just got out of relationships and blew up my phone. I told them I was not dating, didn't like how much weight I gained but they still pressured me to meet. So yes if I was committed to a new man I'd have to change my phone number and social media as guys from my past 10 years of 25 year old CHADs always pop up.

But in this case of the Navy guys, I went specifically to be with a 48 year old who presented himself a different way than reality.

I had several drinks by the ocean and my last night I walked down the marina, and faced out to the ocean while drinking alone. When I walked in there they're only gray-haired men at the bar.

Then an hour later there was a young guy giving me lines and then his two friends came over. I had already felt ugly and rejected so of course to have handsome young man complement me and say oh you poor thing all stranded alone, the guy you were with must be gay as you're gorgeous, we will help you out will give you a ride to the airport swayed me not to mention by that time they were buying me drinks and I think I had seven or eight drinks.

This is for someone who has maybe two drinks a month back home, and my medication makes it so that I get drunk easily on alcohol.

So that was a bad choice to put myself in that situation but it was not approaching they approached me. I don't go to bars alone back home but when I'm on this island pretty much anytime I go to a bar alone I get hit on by a guy who is 30 or younger. That place just happens to have a large population of single young men mostly from Michigan and Wisconsin.

Would I rather have a dude my age who tells me I'm not his type, or a dude who goes off about how I look and wants it over and over. Yes that's a high as the dopamine is ridiculous at that point.

Comes down to not liking gaining weight and would rather not get rejected by guys my age I'm not really attracted to anyways.

To them a woman with a high tech job is like a mermaid.

My friend who is a few years younger than me said that she is thinking of going for a younger guys as the guy she was seeing who is 25 didn't need Cialis. I tried to warn her that these guys were mostly want sex but she says oh it's nice that they are upfront and tell me they want to make love to me.

I can see her point of view, they are attractive and more enthusiastic than men our age Who act like whatever and would rather chase younger women.

So maybe both men and women should go for younger

Still making excuses, you can say 'No'. You are just addicted to it.

He's letting her down easy. If she was that perfect, he'd make it work. Women do this to guys all the time. She is now his backup plan. If she has any self respect, she should nc.

Poor DLB, if there was only a way to stop all this...

I haven't done anything in a week.

Yes sex and love addict to Chads. The high is very high and the low is very low when it ends.

I worked with this therapist the last time I went 5 months without sex 4 years ago. Seems I have to white knuckle it to stop it.

That's what I'm telling her!! It was just very strange bc he was the poster child for what a boyfriend should be like. Anyways, thank you!

Therapist was most concerned that I risked my personal safety by flying to Georgia to see a man who had total control over my transportation, essentially a stranger whom I didn't know very long at all. And that I wanted to back out but it would cost $200, and ended up costing me more in the long-run.

So she tried to break down the specific thought process and it more came down to the fact that he gave me a lot of attention with the daily video calls, which countered the negative comments I get from husband at home. She also broke down because I was so scared and distressed to get on the plane that I binged and purged before the trip and violated my ED sobriety, so she did a chain analysis and went through step-by-step of that. I don't seek it out, but in this case someone brought in around 4 dozen donuts, I ate 2 and then threw them up.

She said I was trying to monkey branch and find a new man vs. resolve the differences that I currently have with my husband, learn communication skills that will help with any relationship, and put our marriage to an end before trying to find a new man. Instead I get wrapped up with the new love phase and the constant texting.

So this week's goal includes not only no sex, but no talking because men on social media will flirt and suggest I come out for a weekend, that already happened today as 3 men from Florida reached out and said "I will buy you a drink the next time you are in town". You would think that men in Florida have never seen a woman before!!!

I also have goals to stop letting my husband control everything and call all of the shots, that I should have some say in decisions. For a long time he locked me out of the bank account so I had no idea what was happening there, and he makes plans for our daughter without consulting me. So instead of standing up to him, I make passive aggressive decisions like flirting with men and think well this guy gives me attention that husband never gave.

She also gave me homework to find ways to get a high from sugar and sex as she asked me what else gives me a high, I said nothing healthy with the exception of roller coasters or driving a sports car fast, so she suggested humor, funny YouTubes and watching videos of roller coasters since it's not like I can go ride one daily. Now come to think of it, competing in tennis is up there, too. She didn't want something that could also turn into an addiction, just something to give a more healthy high. Meditation does make me feel good.

At then end she said "thank goodness you made it back here safe"!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That's the biggest blessing is that I didn't end up beaten like these other women involved with the 48 year old.

Then at the end I received this text from husband "$" about the cost of my therapist.

Its obvious as day they he was telling you what you want to hear and you just couldn't say no. Why do you even bother with therapy when you steady relapse?

I feel as if though your life drama has derailed this thread. May I please suggest you keep it to a minimum or create your own thread?

Too many trolls and women enter my own thread and make it so I have to delete it.

I just returned to therapy after a 3 year break, as I felt like I was wasting her time and mine since I would go 5 months without sex and then relapse. So why pay when the pain of giving up men results in severe depression, anxiety, and mistakes at work, which could lead me to be fired.

Obviously dating is an issue and this is a dating log. Long-term goal is that I become divorced and mentally stable to enter into a healthy relationship and only have sex if I'm in a relationship first. Getting there seems like an overwhelming journey and obviously living with my husband makes it worse because it's gotten to the point of he refuses to even speak to me unless it's criticizing me.

She's right I need to end the relationship with him before monkey branching.Come to think of it, pretty much every female I know monkey branches, probably because we fear being alone. I need to put on my big-girl pants and stop waiting for Prince Charming to save me.

I also post on a sex and love addiction site but people rarely respond on that one. It can take days to get a response. It doesn't have the traffic of this forum.

Okay, bros. I feel like I am missing something really huge here. Fabi msg's me out of the blue after months of no contact. T1 msgs me out of the blue after two weeks of no contact. L2 msgs me this morning out of the blue after 3 weeks of no contact. It's giving me anxiety because I had completely written all of them off. Just makes me wonder if I had fought harder to keep them around(assuming I wanted to) they would have. T1 and L2 don't really fall under that category, but Fabi does. And I still get the sense that if I really wanted to do, I could get her back or maybe never lost her in the first place.

Am I giving up too easily? Am I still too closed off? The old me wouldn't have, but I fought so long and hard in my marriage for nothing, that's what I go by now and just say **** it. If a woman show's any hesitation or uncertainty I stop trying.

Last night I met up with a woman I had been chatting with for a few days. She is really amazing. Super intelligent, well educated, good career, carries herself very well. For the first time ever, I felt out of my league. I think she would be a great woman to continue to get to know but if she doesn't continue to show interest, I will probably give up, just like all the others. But part of me feels like I should start doing the exact opposite, and keep pushing until I know with certainty there is zero chance. Maybe I am perpetuating my own lack of success because I am not willing to put myself completely out there.

I think there's a balance there with the whole chasing thing. And I think women really, really want the guy to chase because it makes them feel desired and wanted.
The way I see it, you should do what comes naturally. Don't resist contact, and don't push it.

A lot of guys are scared of seeming needy/clingy/beta, but tbh I've learned that it's pretty impossible to be those things unless your personality is that way in the first place. The only rule really is not to pander, and to have your own life/goals/focus.

I definitely don't come off needy or clingy and I do show interest, but I also do know I am hesitant to open up too quickly, but I think that's smart. I suppose if a woman was really interested in me she would understand that and give me the time I needed. It's not like I would stay closed off forever. I just need to trust she's not going to bail the moment I do open up.

I feel like the only people that get into relationships these days are the ones that are willing to throw caution to the wind and dive right in from the start, which is not something I will ever do again.

I am going to be the devil here. Since you desire young bucks so much, what is the harm in just riding it out until your looks fade and you don't attract them anymore? When your looks do fade, you look to settle down or perhaps even secure one of these young bucks. Its not like you are at the child bearing age anymore, so who cares, enjoy yourself. You can also just be FWB with them while you find the man of your dreams (like many women do).

It sounds like your hubby puts ALOT of strain on you, yet you just won't let go. Like wtf? I don't want to hear the excuses again. All I will say is you need to think about yourself, your own well being and what is good for you sometimes too. Your daughter wants to get mad and cut you off, then so be it. Continuing this life of addiction, depression and god knows what else will also be the end of you and will leave your daughter an even bigger mess. She will understand the situation better as she ages. Doesn't she see for herself the toxic environment you are currently in?Fabi is the one that was on the lake drinking wine right? I would pursue that one. Have you seen her since her trip? You are capable of being the best option, so be it.

Truth be told, I got a feeling these women came back to you after their alternate option did not work out. Women do this all the time and we all know the vast options they have. Such women will always be competing for the next best thing though so tread carefully or better yet, not at all with them. Unless you ain't looking for anything serious ATM.

Not sure what your style is in terms of contact but it sounds like you kinda let them be and if they don't reach out, you don't either and let it fade. Yes the fact that she doesn't reach out may suggest low interest, but she could also be thinking the same as you (and I've heard them say exactly this). At the start, I'll give it a couple days and then reach out if she doesn't (I feel there is nothing wrong with this and take it personal because it tells me I have work to do with her, such is my perfectionist nature). She will usually make it known at that point how interested she is based on her enthusiasm and willingness to meet up. If she doesn't seem into it, then cut her off and never look back, very simple.

You come off too reserved regarding intimacy IMO and I think you should start being more aggressive. Maybe this is making them hesitate? Women in the age group you chase are ready to go bruh. I look to smash asap just to see if they sl00ty (admitted double standard but IDGF because I know hot to behave when in a relationship). Also because I got probs/abnormal needs lol. So GTFO the Sahara and start shattering pelvis's

I dunno, she already broke my trust. Not sure it's something I want. If it was, I would.I've dated women like that it's pretty obvious. I didn't get that sense with these three women.This is my approach. I don't only rely on them to reach out. I do initiate, but yeah, if they don't show enthusiasm I let it fade because I feel too many woman will just say yes. not because they are really interested, but because they have nothing better to do.I don't desire physical intimacy without emotional intimacy. I never have. I know I can smash at least 50% of the women I date. I do push for it if we have a really good connection and I see relationship potential, though, but that's after quite a few dates (if she's not already jumping me, which also happens).

fuk that.
I don't chase and I don't ask them out more than once a season.

Once a woman ghosts/ignores/rejects/get's distant I stop making an effort and stop initiating contact.
If a woman doesn't want to lose me, whatever crap she is pulling stops mighty fast.
If a woman pulls some hot & cold crap with me I tell her she is hot & cold and I don't like it. We should just be friends then I get "busy"

And if they do go MIA when i stop initiating then come back first thing I do is ask them what they want with me and if they say to "date" then I tell them to come over for drinks and go for the smash.

A lot of women have come back to me and wanted to reset like it was a first date.
Nah, won't waste my time.
might as well find someone new.

I'm not suggesting to chase a girl that's ignoring you or going distant.

Sure its better and all, but what is the real harm in not waiting really? You may be forgetting that it contributes towards emotional intimacy too. Aside from this, YOLO bruh lol. Sometimes you just don't know what she is thinking though. For all you know, she could be driven AF to throw down yet she see's you ain't so she thinks that you got low drive (maybe even low confidence) which won't cut it for her so she fades away to the guy who does show strong drive. IMO, its always better to be shutdown then not go for it. First couple dates only a sl00t would use against you, but beyond that you do risk drying them up I think. I don't know how you keep such patience, geez.