still have a few hours to decide but I think I am going to pass on Girl A tonight. I am tired af + I know all of my insecurities will come up.


Don't think I am ready because I cannot find a way to overcome the obstacles at hand.

You're never going to overcome anything if you keep hiding from it.

I don't think I hide. I just cannot get over my insecurities and get to know a girl and sleep with her. Even if I forced myself somehow I do not believe I would enjoy anything during the experience.

It irritates the fuk out of me something I want to do so bad yet I cannot bring myself to do it.

That's hiding. Being with a girl makes you uncomfortable, so you hide from it and therefore never progress.

Once you're out of your comfort zone, make mistakes, learn from them etc you will get better with women and your insecurities will lessen. But not until you take the first step by actually doing something instead of whining on the internet. The "I'll prob fuk something up so better not even try" mindset is why you're still a virgin.

Go out with the girl.

Bro, just go out. I mean seriously, whats the worst that will happen? An awkward date? So you go home, having learned from today, and you sleep and you wake up tomorrow and life goes on.

Come on man, if thats you in the pic you're good looking dude. I just cant get my head around people who are afraid of women. Do you know why shes going out with you? She wants the dick. Maybe not first date, but thats her goal, someone to give her the dick. Might as well be you. So go do it, or at least mess up and learn something so you do better next time.

I am next weekend if everything goes to plan. It is not a date with just the two of us though it is a group going out. Also probably going out tomorrow night to try and talk to some see if I can get a few numbers.

I am a puss, don't know how to help it there is no on and off switch. It is a hard thing to overcome especially since I couldn't do sh*t until 22.

lack of experience and in shorter word always being told that women are superior. I am scared of them, always have been.

Women are superior??? You definitely didn't hear that from Donald Trump.

When you have a fear or phobia, a therapist would work with you on exposure to that fear. For you, it is a woman. For others, it is snakes, spiders, heights, etc.

Can you work with someone professionally to help you overcome your fear of women?

no you won't.
You come up with another excuse to stay home next weekend.

Smh...women are not superior, and you're not helping yourself with that chit attitude.

Exactly. Frame your mindset as it's her loss. You give her choices, and based off of the decision that she makes you'll make yours. Be confident in that, and then follow through with the decision that you make. None of that flip flopping bull****. You're the prize, always remember that. As a man, age doesn't effect us nearly as much as women.

You can always find younger, hotter, smarter, etc. Find that mindset and it will help you to resist taking **** from women or being scared of them. My girl now is a smoke show, and I know it rustles her jimmies when I tell her no to certain things or give her a compromise because her entire life she's had people kiss her feet because she's hot. **** that, I have a spine, you want a bitch boy then you can find it elsewhere is my attitude.

LOL he has the wrong attitude, but so do you. If you treat her like crap, she will find younger, hotter, smarter until she hits the age of 60 or more. Age doesn't have the effect you think. I thought 20 year old men would lose interest by the time women hit 40, but now it's got to be age 50 or more because men tend to have higher sex drives and go for long dry spells.

Strong projection



And Legend probably most likely chickened out which is a shame.

Any tips for a complete virgin (never kissed a girl, asked anyone out, etc.)?
I'm 23 and pretty much have no experience.

I can hold a conversation with anyone but I never get signs from girls that they're into me.
And I don't just ask them out of the blue b/c that would lead to awkwardness if she rejects me and we have to see each other again.

I'm not subscribing to any forever alone type bs, I'm legitimately trying to improve this area of my life. I've just never had a girl show interest in me. I workout, am pretty funny, and have minimal anxiety starting conversations ( I work part time in a restaurant).

Its just that attraction and girls showing interest in me has never happened.
Would appreciate any tips.
thanks!!

Allow me to rephrase this as I am doing my DBT Emotion Regulation Homework now.

Putting down one sex over the other isn't the way to cope with this. Attraction levels do not necessarily correlate with age. There are attractive men who are 50, and unattractive men who are 20. Those of us who are into bodybuilding from visiting this site will most likely take care of our health and fitness more than others.

Legend's emotion: Fear of women, feel they are superior

What emotion motivated him to do this (what goal did his emotion serve): Prevent him from placing himself in a position where he may be rejected.

What message did his emotion express to others: When he does interact with a woman, he may come across as uninterested, withdrawn, nervous

What is the effect of Legend's emotion on others: The women assumes he is not interested, so she either leaves or finds a way to leave

What did others say: Poor attitude, don't be scared, man up, etc.

What facts could Legend check to be sure the emotion of fear is correct:

- How has this helped him in the past
- If he overcomes this fear and actually goes, he can improve his self esteem for making that step
- Emotions can be regulated and are not obstacles
- What facts does he have that women are superior?

There was clearly some miscommunication either by me or by you. Never did I nor would I say treat her like crap. I said have a spine, don't bend just because she doesn't like something, but of course you treat your SO special. It's about compromising and finding a middle ground so both people can get their wants/needs met.

We'll just have to disagree on the age thing and I already know there's no point in debating it logically with you.

OK that sounds more logical.

Believe me, you are men so you say that to one another. When women get together, they talk about going to their 25th high school reunion and how the men are all with bellies and balding, and the women look better because they color their hair, makeup, chemical peels to reduce wrinkles, etc.

But honestly how does that help anyone, for women to say the men look worse than the women? It distracts from the key points I list above for Legend and just creates hatred between the sexes.

Then the women say let's go find hotter and younger men. Or the men say let's go find younger and hotter women. They do so and end up like that dude I wrote about previously, married to a woman 15 years younger who brought at least 3-4 dudes a day on his boat to sex when he was at work. Or another woman I know who married a man 10 years younger and he also cheated on her.

How does that help anyone in the grand scheme of things? It also distracts from the key issues I list above, copied and pasted below:

What facts could Legend check to be sure the emotion of fear is correct:

- How has this helped him in the past
- If he overcomes this fear and actually goes, he can improve his self esteem for making that step
- Emotions can be regulated and are not obstacles
- What facts does he have that women are superior?

Because the last time I moved out I was in a WORSE situation. It was the first time I had ever lived alone as I went from my parents house to being married.

I was full on bulimic 2-3 times a week. I stupidly went on match.com or only met men in bars after going through all of the tennis men who ended up having secret long-distance girlfriends and one was full-on sociopath who brags that he has cheated on every girlfriend, so I had to block him and still block him to this day. He still creates fake accounts on social media and reaches out.

Online was just men my age who were serial mansloots, or beta computer nerd guys who said they had gone months or years without a woman and acted desperate.. I finally attracted what seemed like a alpha guy 10 years younger on myspace who brought me around his friends and hung out. He stole my computer, and I got it back when he went to jail for being up his sister. I WISH I would have made this up.

Obviously God did not want me to divorce with all of this going on. It's a clear sign.

I need to fix the bulimia/eating disorder and poor impulse control problems before I trust myself to be on my own. Plus I am attracted to the worst men on the planet, with the exception of my husband. He is very stable and a good guy., but I think living with me turned him jaded and bitter.

I don't blame him as he said the bulimia turned him off and he just pushed me away, and focused on sports and his band and ignored me. It's easy to say "my husband refuses to have sex with me", but when I look at it rationally, I can see why as that behavior is disgusting for any man and turns them off when they live with me and see it happen. He's a saint for putting up with my BS.

I know a woman in the area who is also very bulimic, very attractive woman but she has had $15,000 worth of dental work done from the ED and cannot leave the house, and is in horrific chronic pain and unable to sleep. Her husband supports her financially. She recently reached out after seeing the ambulance and police in front of our house, is shocked that I can still hold a job. Yet all of the men say she's hot as she's thin with implants. They have no idea the truth. Social media, everything is a facade.

I'm fortunate all I have suffered is a torn eso****us and I'm on acid reflux meds. I know others from recovery groups who are dead. We have no idea if/when the next binge/purge will result in a heart attack or one photos where a woman ruptured her stomach and died instantly.

You go to pro-ana or pro-mia sites and the girls on there promote starving at 800 calories a day or less, and throwing up if you go over your daily caloric intake to stay thin. That's another behavior I had to block: pro-ana sites. Thankfully I haven't been on a dating site/app in over a year. This site will be next on my list of harmful sites, it's just not as bad as those. Literally thousands of girls are on those and the threads are updated pretty much 6-7 pages a day.

It's scary how many people out there have eating disorders or want them. There's an eating disorder thread in the Nutrition section on here as well as male bodybuilders can end up with it.

Is deadliftbrahs mental health rapidly deteriorating or were her posts always like this?

How about simply asking Legend why he is afraid of women?

Legend, why do you fear women?

Are you 100% sure that no woman has ever shown interest in you?

Work on being very observant of your surroundings and if you happen to see a woman holding eye contact with you and smiling at you (and you are attracted to her), hold eye contact for a few seconds, smile and or nod pleasantly, and strike up a convo with her if you feel like it.

IMO I would only approach and talk with women that are receptive to me. A couple of clear signs would be if she is smiling at you and holding eye contact. You can approach women without first getting an indicator of interest, but I believe the chances that she will be receptive to you are lower, it is more of a gamble.

Another thing, if you are having a convo with a woman and she is giving you short, blunt answers and her tone of voice sounds negative/bored, I would quickly find a way to smoothly end the convo. I do not like to have conservations with people who appear to be disinterested (even if they aren't necessarily disinterested, that is why having good body language is so important) and or distracted. If a woman is interested in you, she will add to the conservation (instead of expecting you to carry it 100%) and keep it going.

Final note, do not let other people bring you down for being a virgin. Live your life how you wanna live it and do not let the fact that you do not have much experience with women define you as a person. You got time to improve and lose your virginity.

These are my personal opinions, take them or leave them.

No, I am being honest and stating how I was at fault for being bulimic vs. living in a fantasy world thinking I am single and dating. You should be glad I'm finally waking up and smelling the coffee vs. living in Fantasyland, mate.

Thank you for serving in the USMC.

I don't know how to pick girls up, so I'll just tell you things that worked on me that previous guys did. If you're striking up a conversation with someone, keep it light, try to notice little things about her to actually have a small conversation about (when I first met my bf he noticed my scar from vaccines and asked me if I wasn't born here). Once you get her number though, don't wait longer than a day to contact and basically immediately set up a date. Most women I know would interpret the whole waiting a few days thing as 1) super old fashioned read or 2) not interested in her (usually 2).

Other than that, don't take it too negatively if you don't get any of them to respond, they might have personal stuff going on, already have a bf, etc.

I think she is mentally ill. Would report her to local police dept for regular wellness checks if I knew her IRL srs

you cannot understand me and I will never be able to understand how a normal person is able to go through girls and relationship after relationship it blows my mind.. I wish I could change it, it is something that I have dealt with most of my life and I am tired of it tbh.

eh not really, I don't have an excuse unless something bad happens..I worked today and went out tonight. I just got home 1am which is late for me.. It was just a good night though went to a restaurant then a place on the beach to do this obstacle course a few times.



. I didn't really deal with girls to much though but I should next week at the bar.

Also asked girl B if she was down for teaching me a few things. I got told no, it is all good though not to worried about it.

might as well tell women you are a virgin.
Tell them it was for religious reasons but you have lost your faith.

She doesn't need to teach you anything. Just go with the flow.

If you want a teacher, ask an older woman, they are usually more open to that. But a woman in her 20s may be overwhelmed.

She is the one that brought it up because she knows I have only been with one girl and do not have a lot of experience. She said that can be a good thing a girl can teach and train you. I asked her afterwards lol, she is 38 I am 25. The hooters waitress I was trying to get a number from was 20 Ofc it failed but probably one of the hottest chicks I have tried to make a move on yet.
lol I may just do that.. I struggle with this also since I was raised in church most of my life. I thought being a virgin was a good thing.

Wait, I'm confused. The 38 year old wants to teach you?

Well yes, a 20 year old Hooters waitress is most likely has a ton of dudes. That's like applying for a job as a CEO when you are right out of college.

Try to find someone who is a little more down to earth than a Hooters waitress