Finally decided to call it quits! Had to rant get your thoughts yall...

She is/was my best friend but some major red flags kept us from taking the relationship to the next level:

- Major political differences... we could never agree on anything
- Comes from a poor family (I come from a rich family)
- I started to lose attraction towards her... just was not turning me on really and I was having sex with her maybe once every two weeks
- She takes her job very seriously and is always working which in turn made me less attracted to her / less connected to her overtime
- The final string was that she said she ultimately never wants kids and that is something that I want.

TBH I kinda feel I should have ended things way sooner but kept holding on to her because A) didn't have the balls to break it off and B) thought she would change

Going to be very hard to find someone else now at 37!! Fuuuark

The only thing is that no matter what girl you get with you'll always find some things that don't line up. Sexual attraction is going to lessen because it's been 5 years. People don't change, so you dun goofed wasting time with her in the first place.

I definitely know the feeling of going with the flow for way too long because you don't want to break up and think the person will eventually come around. I'll just say don't beat yourself up over it and view it as a learning experience. In my case, I certainly wish I'd learned a lot faster and didn't now have to deal with divorcing someone with a completely unreasonable view of what is fair, but there is light at the end of the tunnel. Don't underestimate your ability to find someone else. 37 isn't that old, and there are a lot of girls out there, including a lot who are a fair bit younger and wouldn't balk at 37.

If you want kids then yeah that's the most legit of dealbreakers.

I would argue the fact that she works hard should overcome the differences of your upbringings (unless she's horrible with her money).

Attraction, idk, does she put effort into keeping herself in shape or does she look significantly worse than she did when you met?

Not trying to change your mind, just curious.
As others said, if you keep yourself in good health you have many more good years ahead of you to find the right woman and have kids.

major political differences ... i see how that could be annoying. I think it's important for somebody who can align with you on most things, or is at least open-minded enough and not an NPC.

not sure why a rich or poor family matters that much.

losing attraction kinda happens over time. but you work on things together that boost attraction for each other. but if she just let her self go physically and started acting badly towards you that is different.

maybe don't go for a workaholic/career women that loves her work

never wanting kids is something you should have asked her within the first year or when you made it long-term



sounds like you wasted a lot of time unless you had a lot of fun times out of it. but dating/gf culture in general IMO is a waste if you're not at least discussing future long-term plans within the first year. If it doesn't align with what you want then just break it off. don't expect women to change or mold to your values.

but anyways, seems like you keep yourself in good shape at 37, although it'll be harder, just keep your head up m8.

What age is she?

It took you five years to figure all this out? Most of the stuff you mentioned you know within a couple months. Sorry.

1) I had a pretty good idea of where she stood politically when we first started dating however as time progressed the US political environment got significantly more divided and so did we. She became more liberal and I actually became more conservative which made us fight all the time.

2) I guess I should have better articulated regarded the poor family versus rich family thing. We come from completely different socioeconomic upbringings. Most of the people in my family have gone to college, and work in some type of business. Her family mostly has not gone to college, and works typical blue-collar jobs. I am the majority bread winner in the relationship and I pay for most things. I also have a higher standard for living than she does which led to some difference in priorities. Additionally - I do not like that my friends basically doubled their income / net worth by marrying people of similar net-worth and income, while I am dating someone that basically makes my net worth go down. There is more to this but it's too much too explain.

3) Its not that she gained any weight or anything, but I am more attracted to a certain type than she is and overtime this attraction has grown. I am also very bored of having sex with her and it's just so routine for me that I rather watch porn.

4) Sooby - That is a really good point. we might have talked about stuff like that only a handful of times and not seriously. If I had advice for my younger self I would say definitely emphasize those values when dating someone. I learned my lesson.


For the person who asked - she is 33 years old.

"sounds like you wasted a lot of time unless you had a lot of fun times out of it. but dating/gf culture in general IMO is a waste if you're not at least discussing future long-term plans within the first year. If it doesn't align with what you want then just break it off. don't expect women to change or mold to your values."

You say she doesn’t want kids but if you don’t pull out how can she help it. Also you said she comes from a poor background and that’s probably why she takes her job seriously. I’m sort of the same way and it was a good thing she did because you are manning on breaking up with her. Be pretty ****tv if you talked her into quitting her job and then broke up with her. My gf wants me to move in but I do t trust women and I’m a very orderly person. Like when I go to the fridge I want the mustard to be where the mustard goes. All dishes must be washed and put away. I wash my clothes, dry them and then put them where they go. I could actually have a nervous breakdown if I can’t find my stuff quickly. Women are very messy and unorganized imo

Political differences can be a major red flag for me. Saying you affiliate one way or the other, but have an honest open mind I could definitely understand. But with the pressures surrounding that in everyday life now, and how those beliefs spill into almost every thought and action people take these days, would be too much for me.

Rich/poor doesn't mean anything to me, unless one party is completely terrible with money. Then that's just not good for the family as a whole.

Slow down in sex happens, but not necessarily the attraction part. That all does take work though... lust is something that fades, but overall attraction to the person really shouldn't. Especially if you put work in.

I'm not super gung-ho one way or another on kids so that's not a deal breaker for me. At the moment at least.