Boss called me into the conference room at the end of the day with one of those short “come see me ASAP” pings. I thought “aw fuk bye.” 

I walked in fully expecting my tour to be over. Turns out I’ve been promoted instead. 

After a good conversation, I learned my new position is a Systems Analyst and this internal promotion comes with a 12% raise, too. 

Things are finally looking up, especially now that my paychecks will provide some extra cushion in the budget. I’m also moving to a larger apartment in the fall with my girl and it will be about $250 cheaper monthly than my current setup is, still in a great neighborhood. The two of us will now have a combined household income of just over $100k. Mind = blown. 

Feelsgoodman. 

Not bragging because I’m fully aware I remain in poverty by misc standards and at the end of the day this is all low test fake corporate bullshit, but just wanted to share some positive news with my misc friends. We’re all gonna make it.

Reps til I’m out.

It’s just psychological and emotional manipulation, but congratulations anyway.

congrats son this is great news

congrats! i hope you're taking your girl out tonight for a nice celebratory meal!

Congrats dude!

Congrats man!

Das it mane! Congratulations, you deserve it brother!

Congrats OP. But don't settle and feel comfortable at the 60k per year salary you now have. Keep pushing forward. Srs, vry srs.

werent you pretty frustrated with work not too long ago?

glad to see a positive turnaround man. good for you.

Mr Noseburg occasionally gives you a pat on the head. Congrats

Excellent work mane. Props.

GuineaDago585 had spent nearly eight years at the same company perfecting the art of being aggressively average.

He wasn't lazy enough to get fired, but he certainly wasn't ambitious enough to get promoted. He answered emails eventually, closed tickets before anyone complained, contributed just enough in meetings to prove he was awake, and left at exactly five o'clock every day.

His philosophy was simple: if management forgot you existed, you were doing your job correctly.

It was a philosophy he'd refined over countless lunch breaks spent on the Obnoxios Brutes Misc forum, where every Monday featured a thread about hating work, and every Friday featured someone announcing they were mentally checked out by 9:15 a.m.

He had watched what happened to the people who volunteered for everything. They became the office heroes. Then they became the office firefighters. Before long, every broken application, impossible deadline, and weekend outage somehow found its way onto their desk.

GuineaDago585 considered this a cautionary tale, not a career path.

If anyone on OB Misc had suggested volunteering for extra work, they would've been accused of being undercover HR.

So when his manager, Dave, emailed him asking to stop by his office, he immediately assumed the jig was up.

The walk down the hallway was filled with quiet panic.

Did someone notice I copied half my documentation from last year's version?

Did they finally figure out I stretch a fifteen-minute task into forty-five?

Did IT somehow recover my browser history and discover I spend more time on the Obnoxios Brutes Misc forum than the company wiki?

He briefly wondered if one of his coworkers had stumbled across his thread from the week before titled:

"Anyone else mentally retire every day around 2:30?"

Instead, Dave smiled, congratulated him, and announced that he was being promoted to Systems Analyst.

GuineaDago585 honestly wondered if HR had mixed up personnel files.

Are they sure they have the right guy?

He thanked Dave, shook his hand, walked back to his desk, and did what any reasonable member of OB Misc would do after experiencing a life-altering event.

He opened the forum.

His new thread was short:

"Got promoted to Systems Analyst somehow. Pretty sure HR clicked the wrong name."

Within minutes, the replies started rolling in.

Half the forum accused him of lying.

The other half congratulated him while assuring him that the promotion simply meant he'd inherited everyone else's problems.

One guy insisted he should immediately stop working any harder than before because:

"They're already paying you more."

That, GuineaDago585 thought, was probably the wisest career advice he'd ever received.

Still, the question wouldn't leave him alone.

Why me?

He wasn't the smartest person on the team. He knew guys who could troubleshoot circles around him.

He wasn't the hardest worker either. Some people stayed late every night while he treated leaving at 5:01 as a personal failure.

He'd never volunteered for a project in his life unless there was literally no escape route.

His greatest professional skill was looking busy enough that nobody asked if he had bandwidth.

Maybe management valued consistency?

But his consistency mostly involved showing up, doing the bare minimum required to avoid awkward conversations, and quietly disappearing at quitting time.

Maybe they appreciated how calm he was during outages?

That couldn't be it either.

He wasn't calm because he had nerves of steel.

He was calm because he refused to care more about a printer than the printer cared about itself.

Over the next few weeks, the compliments only made things stranger.

People praised his "analytical thinking" because he usually suggested checking the obvious things first.

They admired his "steady judgment" because he didn't panic when something broke.

Dave even thanked him for "keeping solutions practical."

I'm not being practical, GuineaDago585 thought. I'm trying to avoid creating more work for myself.

Every lunch break he'd open OB Misc, expecting someone to post a thread explaining how accidental promotions happened.

Instead, the front page was filled with arguments about lawn care, whether chain restaurants were overrated, and a 14-page thread debating the proper way to load a dishwasher.

Somehow, none of it helped him understand why he was now a Systems Analyst.

Months later, nothing had changed.

He still left at five.

He still avoided unnecessary meetings.

He still quietly browsed OB Misc whenever things were slow, making sure to Alt-Tab whenever footsteps approached.

The only real difference was the title under his name in the company directory.

He still wasn't convinced they hadn't meant to promote someone else.

But every payday, his paycheck insisted they had.

Yeah buddy!

GJDM!

We're all gonna make it

Congrats boyo. happy for you (ded fkn Srs)

this is YUGE.

That’s a Good Friday! Lots of positivity in here!

Nice dude. I’ve heard that being promoted at works add a little bit of length to your dink as well!

Can confirm. It's science.

Fuark yea srs

Congrats boyo! Also awesome on finding a bigger apartment for less money!

Dasit, congrats!

It’s NYS you’ll lose your promotion on taxes. You have to think of all the starving illegals and crack heads

Fuarrrrrk. Thanks brahs. Mirin the positivity ITT. It’s moments like this that restore my faith in the misc srs.

On r/c now but working on getting everyone back.

Appreciate all of you’s

Congrats brah!

Happy for you bro, congrats!

Congrats internet friend

You’re gonna make it srs

Congrats brah we're gonna make it

Congrats. I always believed in you.

Congratulations srs

Woot! Heck yeah