Been trying to have children (not fucking KIDS) for years and it's a mixed feeling

Every time she gets her period she's closer to menopause and death without children which is depressing. I want children. On the other hand, every time that happens I feel like "so you're telling me there's a chance!" to get her out of my life with no consequences and be free of smartphones in my home

Curious if she's pregnant now, monthly ritual asking myself big questions until the disappointment but also relief when she'll tell me she's not pregnant. Curious