Most men have given up on life

This dumb cunt also tried to overthrow Bert. Shave your asshole for less friction when you want someone to access it? Try and fail to kill off Bert?

The dots are connecting...

Yeah, I suppose, Gary. Just seems like it should be a basic hygiene standard. Takes less than a minute to do, once every five days or so. Practically effortless.

Why bother even putting a minute worth of effort if no one gives two shits about you?

I used to, but ever since buying a bidet it hasn’t been necessary.

This dumb cunt also tried to overthrow Bert. Shave your asshole for less friction when you want someone to access it? Try and fail to kill off Bert?

The dots are connecting...

The moral thing to do is to euthanize OP to save him from the suffering of taking L after L.

OP's butthhole is hairless due to all the cocks plucking it clean because he likes them to go in dry.

Interesting.

Don't shave your ass hair.



I have recently made a mistake in my life, and I offer my story to alt.tasteless, that you may learn from my error. It all started, as many things do, with me having trouble sh-itting.

No, I was not constipated; this was not a regularity problem but a matter of technique. It seems my asss-hair had grown to such a length that tiny grogans were constantly getting tied up in the matted jungle between my *********. It led to much frustration, with me KNOWING that I still had something to drop, but unable to shake the tenacious turd loose from its butthair dwelling. Eventually I would have to do two things: either reach down with some paper and try to pinch off the lingering loaf (which required careful precision to avoid smearing the creature all over my rear, especially since I had no way of seeing what I was doing) or just go for broke, start wiping, and hope that I could remove all the leftover fecal matter before the toilet paper reached its Can't-Be-Flushed threshold.


I was contemplating this problem, when I had what seemed at the time to be a bright idea. "Hey! This is my butt and my butt-hair, right? So why don't I just eliminate all the hair, and then my grogans will flow out like beer from a keg!" I said to myself. It is a statement that will go down in history with a lot of other regretted statements. "How many Indians could there be?" said by General Custer. "Looks like a good day for a drive!" by JFK. "There! America On-Line now has complete Usenet access!" by some idiot system tech. Such was my anal shaving idea.

I performed the operation that night, with a cheap disposable razor and a towel to sit on. Starting from the bottom, and shaving from the crack to the cheeks, I began the arduous process of ridding my asss of hair. Occassionally, I would have to clean the razor of accumulated hair and miscellaneous slime, which I did by wiping it on the towel. Slowly, my twin mounds and the between-ravine began to resemble the hairless cheeks of a newborn baby. Finally, I wiped the razor one last time, and surveyed my work. The towel was covered with a pile of hair. My asss was smooth as ivory. I smiled, satisfied, thinking my troubles were over.


Little did I know.


Unfortunately, it did dry, but only after mingling with the microscopic sh-it- molecules lingering around my brown starfish. When I stood up after class, my cheeks were stuck together with a slimy sticky shhit/sweat combination. As I made my way back to my dorm, it started to itch. DAMN, did it itch! Felt like a swarm of ants was making its way up and down my crack. Fighting to keep from jamming my hand down there and scratching away, I rushed back to the dorm.**Unfortunately again, this exertion caused me to sweat, and when I finally reached my room, my cheeks were sliding back and forth against each other like a pair of horny cane-toads. I quickly dropped my pants, and attempted to dry my asss off by sticking it in front of a fan and spreading my cheeks. As I pulled the two mounds of flesh apart, a horrible stench burst free and filled the room. Every dog within a 4 block radius started to howl. I had it worst of all, as the ripe aroma of festering sh-it/sweat went into the fan and blew back into my face. I fought to keep from heaving. And as I sat there, fighting vomit, my asss cheeks spread and dripping, with the concentrated aroma of my body odor mixed with the tangy smell of my own shhit blowing right into my face, I had only one thought: "It will be like this until the hair grows back. Weeks."**Later on, trying to deal as best I could, wiping my asss at every opportunity, I discovered another wonderful use for asss-hair - ventilation. I attempted to launch a fa-rt, only to have it get stuck between my *********. Apparently, with no hair, the two pink twins can get vacuum sealed together, and the result was a frustrating fa-rt that slid up and down between my cheeks like a lost gerbil.


As if that wasn't enough, I am now enduring further torture. As anyone who has ever shaved anything knows, when hair is first growing in, it comes in as stubble. Imagine your asss having the texture of a brillo pad. Well, that is what I am dealing with now. It is a hellish torture, and there are many times when I just look out the window and contemplate why I shouldn't just jump out and get it all over with in one fleshy splat, rather than endure this constant agony.

Friends, don't shave your asss-hair.

Have you tried it, my friend? Shaving your hole? I've been doing it for nearly two decades. Best decision of my life.

I bet your razor smells like shit

I bet your razor smells like shit

You think his mother ever used his razor by mistake?

You think his mother ever used his razor by mistake?

I don't understand how that is even possible, how am I suppose to shave my ass when I can't even see it?

Hairy ass crew

It's not difficult, Big Ern. You'll have to feel your way around at first. Start the razor at the hole and pull outwards.

This sounds very gay.

No gayer than rubbing your own cock. Keep walking around smelling like a sewer in the pants, my guy. Doesn't matter to me.