I was buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for my dog at Walmart and standing in line at the check out. A woman behind me asked if I had a dog.

On impulse, I told her that no, I was starting the Purina Diet again although I probably shouldn’t because I’d ended up in the hospital last time, but that I’d lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms. I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry and that the food is nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again.

Horrified, she asked if I’d ended up in the hospital in that condition because I had been poisoned by the dog food. I told her no. I was sitting in the street licking my balls and got hit by a car.

So how can you tell if someone is ghey? Guy 1 looked like he was going in to say hello to me. I of course, having been conditioned by some giga chads way back in the day, frantically started working out so he had to turn away, but he looked disappointed. Later on a different day I started watching a new Chad, Guy 2. He wasn't as cut as Guy 1, but I liked the look of him. He seemed to radiate niceness. I liked it. Seemed approachable, so I kinda sniggled over to the tricep pull down which was next to where he was. In spite of his seeming soft ways with me, I saw Guy 2 mog Guy 1 shortly after I set up next to Guy 2. I went to my car to get a drink, and Guy 2 was in the parking lot. Neither me nor Guy 2 saw that Guy 1 had also exited the gym.
"I love you!" Guy 1 screamed at Guy2. Guy 2 and I were both startled.
If they were lovers, that would explain the way they had interacted. Or it could be that guy 1 was skillfully cock blocking guy 2.