My buddy I've known since Kindergarten and hung out with super regularly since 5th grade sent out the groomsmen text last week. He was apparently already talking with one of us, and the two of them decided that the bachelor party would be a weekend in probably Puerto Rico that would cost "One thousand.... five hundred... max" (probably means I'd spend $2k on this trip knowing my buddy). I do not want to spend that much on a single weekend. Some of the stuff seems pretty superfluous, too - private chef (buddy is saying that's somehow our cheapest option...???), renting a boat for the day with some crew on board, house RIGHT on the beach, etc.

Context on my finances: I'm a bit less established than my friends - they've been working a few years while I went to grad school, and I haven't even worked a full year yet. I'm a software engineer making $105k. Put ~$1500 a month away in savings (spending $2400 on rent rn, bit pricey, but options aren't great here). Feels like too much to spend on one weekend, especially considering that I'll still have to drop more money on the wedding (tux, hotel, gift, other random nonsense). No major debt, no major savings.


What are misc's thoughts? I don't want to let my friend down and am grateful to be in his party/this close too him, but damn, that's a lot of money, and I was not considered in the decision-making process (buddy might've asked the least financially-aware dude for help with planning). Can't decide if that's justification to decline the invite and just buy him a nicer gift or if I should yolo it considering I will <presumably> be making better money in coming years.



tl;dr friend wants an expensive bachelor party, and I don't want to spend the money, wat do?

be the good friend like in the hangover and tell him thats a very bad ****ing idea and that hell start dying a little bit everyday after he gets married

Fuk, I'd just go do it. That's one of those things that you won't be able to go back and do later (more a matter of age than the actual wedding).

If you're able to put away $1,500 a month, then you're essentially saying one month savings vs one weekend. Up to you if it's worth it, but i will say some of my best memories are with my close guy friends going on trips even though it cost $2k for just 2-3 days.

If you don't think it's worth it though, i dont think there is any shame in saying it's too much for you to spend. If someone picks a destination wedding or party, it should be expected on their part that there is a chance not everyone will be able to attend because it is asking a lot financially.

this

Im actually throwing a party for my best friend, we have been to so many cool parties so he just wants a chill one thankfully

I have done a vegas one, cost 3k lol, wouldnt trade those memories for anything


Just do it srs

Do it *******, money will come and go but memories last forever

I went to Vegas with my buddies, if anyone didn't want to pay for the plane and hotel, I wouldn't have minded if they didn't go. But we did Vegas because it's a cheap trip if you want it to be. Everyone went, and friends of mine from Cali ended up coming out too even though they weren't in the wedding party.

But if I was in your shoes, I'd go. If this is someone you think is a lifelong friend, you guys will talk about it in 20 years.

but do memories last forever though?

you're not obligated to go op. also, you'll make up that 1500 easily. you got pretty much the rest of your life to work and save.

Srs if you’re saving 1500 a month just do it. The experience will be a blast more than likely and life’s too short. You can start saving again the following month and never really miss it. That’s what I’d do anyway.

If I were in you’re situation, I would personally go.

But if you feel like you can’t afford it right now, there’s no shame in that.

But tell the fukin groom as soon as possible! If you tell him right away that you can’t swing it, he’ll understand. If you string him along and bail last minute, he’ll resent you for the rest of his life. Maybe offer to take him to dinner or something just the two of you instead.

Also don’t try to change the trip or explain how he could do things cheaper (like you said get rid of the private chef etc) that will piss him off too. Just simply say you would love you go, but you can’t swing it financially, but you hope he has a blast.

You only live once OP. Go for it and make some good memories with your buddy.

Go. You’ll regret it if you don’t. Friendships cost money to maintain. Plus it’ll be a blast. Dropped about $3k on a bachelor weekend in Miami last year. Totally worth it.

I wouldnt go unless he paid

That's a slow weekend for NossyJosie

Download that uber app and get drivin' fella

I'd go anyway, if your friend gets married and had kids, you may not have time to do something like this for awhile.

Imagine clearing six figures and complaining about having to spend 1500 bucks

I've been in that situation and its' going to leave a bitter taste in your mouth for a few months maybe. You'll get over and realize it's really no big deal, especially when it's a good buddy.
Just do it, live it up.

Some of my best memories are bachelor party weekends like this where a group of people(usually people from college you haven't seen in a while) all meet in another country for a 4 day weekend of degeneracy to party it up like the good old days.

Private chef is unnecessary. But I'd say just bite the bullet and do it.

For my brother's bachelor party, we all flew down to Cartagena Colombia and rented a mansion in the walled city that came with a Butler. Stocked the place with unlimited booze and drugs, and we went and picked groups of hookers off of the street to come back and party. Was absolutely hilarious and awesome. Moments they all still talk about regularly.

I would understand if you were a student with no income. But you're earning six figures. Even if finances will be a bit tight after for a month, it's not going to break you.

As was said you can skip a months savings and easily afford the trip.
you aren't going to end up on the street, miss any bills payments or starve.

It really sounds like you just don't want to go because it's getting out of hand.
which is fine also.


so tell them you don't want to go.

makes $105k and worried about spending $1.5k for vacation with the boyos




just fukin lol m8

There are a couple things to unpack here

1. It seems like the person planning the vacation is autistic for not asking everyone involved to ensure they are on the same page.
2. This type of stuff is pretty normal for a bachelor party (what you listed)
3. You are kind of a chit friend for not wanting to spend 1 month of excess savings on a lifetime friend.

When my buddy got married and I was the best man, we did similar (house on the beach, fishing guides deep sea, etc) and I paid for the whole thing no questions., That way everyone could experience a great time with the bros without having to worry about who could afford what. I just wanted him to have a great experience.

Just treat it like a vacation. You would spend that for a vacation, maybe try to stretch it out a couple days (not sure if that's viable for you). Having said that private f cking chef lmao and renting a boat with crew all day are huge expenses you really do not need.

If you are making over 75K you can afford a 2k weekend. Best friends for 20yrs lets say you can splurge on a nice weekend with a great friend, not many people have friendships that have lasted that long. I have been on a couple bachelor parties (Miami, Tampa, Costa Rica, Tulum) and all of them have been 2k+. Enjoy your life, celebrate your friends, have a good time.

if you don't have the money, don't do it.

However you'll like create lifelong fun memories if you do.

Talk to your friend and see what he wants in a Bachelor Party. It's really easy to get out of hand and fast at that as well. Maybe he's not the one driving it all. Have them show you the actual cost of the trip and the breakdown of the cost. Keep in mind the cost will go up if anyone backs out. What are the other details of the trip. Are y'all flying out on a Friday or Saturday? What time are y'all returning on Sunday? Where are y'all flying out of? You can easily afford it as, that has been pointed out. The question is do you want to afford or do you believe that it's not worth the amount of money for what you're getting in return?

Appreciate all the responses guys, will go through and rep on r/c. Think I'll go for it.

Did my first real audit of my expenses the night before last, so the trip basically costing a month's savings hadn't really hit me, and I haven't felt like I'm saving that much lately since some unexpected one-off stuff has prevented me from saving that much. Have also realized recently that I have no idea how much I'm supposed to be saving, and my perception has been warped by the fact that a lot of my friends lived at home for their first few years (so they were putting away pretty crazy amounts of money). Looked up the 50/30/20 rule while this thread was going so will use that as guidance going forward.

GJ deciding to go

But really should have checked your finances before you decided to pay 2.4k on rent
Software engineering salaries should get you a reasonable apartment within an hour of where you work.

Any bachelor party should not be any significant departure from your normal night out, just more inhibited. It's meant to have one last big Go before marriage, not an excuse to throw money around. I mean, if you normally go out and throw money around, then by all means -- but if that isn't what he's doing with you guys regularly anyway, then you don't start now.