Hey misc. Been a while.

Just over a year ago one of my best friends passed away tragically and unexpectedly, and I’ve honestly felt like a wreck ever since.

We had been friends/good acquaintances since probably 2007, but I would say over the last few years our friendship really blossomed and we became brothers. Even a year later, it doesn’t seem real that’s he’s gone. He was 30 years young.

I know grief is a difficult topic as it manifests and impacts everyone differently, but It really feels like a “2 steps forward, 3 steps back” kind of ordeal. Tonight I was just eating dinner and watching a movie and out of nowhere something triggered me. Not a day goes by that I don’t think of him in some capacity so there wasn’t anything strange about remembering him. But this time, the memories and thoughts came with a landslide of grief that I haven’t felt in months. I have literally been sitting on my floor just crying for like 15 minutes and my heart feels as heavy as the day I got the news of his passing. I thought I was well passed this stage in the grieving process, but apparently not.

For those of you who have dealt with the unexpected passing of a loved one - does time really heal this pain? Any tips on dealing with grief and moving forward are very welcome as I don’t think I’m doing a great job. I know I should be striving to live my life to the fullest to honour his memory, but I don’t think I’m there yet. Everything in the world just seems a bit darker and bleaker since he’s been gone and it sucks.

All serious advice is definitely appreciated. Thanks all

Have had a lot of loss over the past few years and it's really put me in a depression. There really isn't much you can do really. It's why you need to use that lesson to treat everyone else that matters to you like you would treat them if you knew they would be gone tomorrow.

What you described about the grief coming back randomly still happens to me 5 years after my brother died.

Well, tough to say. Easier? I suppose. Time heals, or at least helps us to better cope with the loss. My best friend died when we were both 14 years old, so it’s a pain I know well. I still think about him today and feel sorrow that he missed out on growing up. There were some dark moments in the following years, but what helped was that our larger friend group grew closer together. Dudes who’d just hang out occasionally became brothers, some of them whose friendships I still cherish to this day. Did you have mutual friends with this guy you can share memories with? Other than that it’s just going to be a matter of allowing yourself time to grieve.

fuark

Sorry about your losses to everyone ITT srs. Can’t even imagine. Stay strong bro’s, I know that’s easier said than done but keep hustling boyos

It never leaves. It just more and more becomes a part of you, a part with you. Responses can vary from person to person, though. You can gain more insight. And it also progresses through stages. If it was someone you were really, really, really close to, then 1 year actually isn't a very long time, though it may feel like it. As you grow as a person over the years, you might have more insights about the memories you have of them as a person. 5...10...20...30 years from now, you won't look at it the same.

Life after loss is not the same as it was before.

I do think it gets better in the sense that you can come to accept that some pain will always revisit you. There are a lot of feelings and, for me, they culminate in an overwhelming sense that life just isn't fair.

It is what it is, though, not to be dismissive. It's okay to be struck by recurring grief. I think progress is when you go from devastation and anger to melancholy. I can live with melancholy.

This is how much you matter to someone still in your life. Take some solace in the fact you still have a tremendous amount of love in your life. Value the friends you still have and give them what you have lost in your best friend and maybe you can have it back, in some way.

That's the best advice I can give because that's what I do with my son after losing his brother.

I don't know.

I think religion gives some handholds to mourn with the idea you're living in a way most fruitful for the future.

Damn. I’m sorry for your loss manThat sucks man, I’m sorry you’ve had to deal with that. Yeah, definitely has changed the way I think about relationships or even just casual interactions with random people on a day to day basis. Not that I’ve ever been a mean person, but now I just feel more strongly about treating everyone I can with love and respect. You never know what people are going through, who they have lost or how much time they have left.Sorry for your loss brother. We did have a larger group of mutual friends, so I am definitely not the only one struggling. I moved provinces a few months after it happened (for many reasons other than his death, but it was a major catalyst) and it has been easy to isolate myself now that I’m around that support system. I tend to isolate during difficult times instead of leaning on others and people that care about me. Really bad habit, I know, but when I feel this bad I just prefer to be alone and not talk to anyone. Not sure how long it will last, but I guess time will heal things as you sayA bit scary to think about but that really resonates with me. It’s a part of you, and will always be. Growing with you. Grief is but a shadow of what was lost in a way, so maybe it’s okay it never truly leaves. The ones we lose will always be a part of us. I will always carry him with me in my heart, and that’s always going to hurt because he’s no longer here. If having him with me means I have to keep grieving then so be it I guess. I would rather grieve and keep him with me than not and forget. Thanks for your perspective manLife definitely isn’t fair, and it never fails to remind us. Appreciate your perspective man. Sorry for your loss as well

Sadly, I'm the Misc expert on the subject now.

Since the start of 2020, I've lost my best friend, then my father, then my brother, then sister, and then recently my mother.

Truthful answer, no rainbow and sunshine BS:

It's going to depend on how much regret you had with the way you said goodbye, and whether or not you have anyone still living who is equally/more important to you.

My best friend was extremely hard, because I had a lot of regret about the last few months he was alive. This one still haunts me nearly 3 years later.

My father was actually a little easier because I had peace about my relationship with him, and because my mother (who I was closer with) was still living.

My mother... I'm not sure will ever get better. I feel like I could have done more to prevent her death AND she was the closest person in my world.

My advice... if you have parents or siblings who truly matter to you, focus your energy on those relationships. Let the existing loss be a reminder of how fragile everything is, and make the most of the time you have now with loved ones. This will move you along the most.

I don’t think you “get over it” exactly but you adapt and become stronger

Just have to accept the situation and move on….. focus on what you have left

Sorry for the loss of your friend. As others have said life will always be different, feelings will come and go and evolve over time but I wouldn't describe it as easier.

What are you actually looking for when you think about wanting it to be easier? What are you really wanting to happen for the grieving to become easier for you? Grief and love are two sides of the same coin. As much as the grief hurts it is important to be honest with yourself. Does wanting things to be easier mean wishing away these strong feelings that keep reoccurring as a reminder of how much of an impact this person's life made on you. Would you actually wish those feelings away, essentially forgetting about your friend if that was an option? I really hope not as that leads down a very dark path of shutting down all human feelings for everyone including yourself.

I am reminded of scenes of Michael Jordan in the locker room after winning the NBA championship on Father's day the first year he returned to basketball after his 3 year retirement due to his father's murder when he basically tried to live an alternate life regressing back to his high school years of playing baseball in front of his father to hide from his new reality. The extreme, raw, emotion of that moment gives me chills today and reminds me it is not easy for anyone, there is no timeline, or right way to do it, but you have to find your way back accepting that person is gone physically and that grief is there to remind you of your love for that person that you don't want to forget.