Now I'm mostly high on my sleep meds and am near bawling my eyes out. My grandma, one of the top 5 people in my life died in January. No funeral so I didn't visit home for it.

Last night I dreamt that my parents came to visit and showed up along with my Grandma for a surprise. I was so fukkin happy in the dream, then was so fukkin sad when I woke up. I was able to go through my day pushing it aside, but it came up at the end of the night while I was talking with my wife and the sadness just flowed over me. After she went to bed, I went into the living room and cried while hugging my dog which he doesn't let anyone do for more than a second or two. He let me hug him and cry for a good 5 minutes while he just sat. I made sure he got a slice of American cheese, his favorite treat.

My wife says it was her visiting me. I don't believe that but it would be wonderful if that was the case.

This woman was a violent, mean alcoholic until one day when my mom was pregnant with me. After a sit down dinner, where she got mean again, my parents told her that they would cut her out of their lives if she did not stop, because they wouldn't subject me to that.

She quit the next day and never touched another drink until she died. I'm now 40 years old. She went cold turkey and stopped drinking to be a part of her first grandchild's life. And she became one of the main influences in my life.

She was doing fine until right about a year ago when she started forgetting things. By August she was forgetting almost everything and really went downhill. Last I ever saw her was July 21, before the Alzheimer's. I called her frequently and while the calls made her happy, she'd forget by the next day. She'd get all excited to find out (again and again) that I was coming to visit in July of 23. My mom says I wouldn't have wanted to see how bad she had gotten with the progression, but I wish for one last visit.

If you made it this far, thank you for listening. I'm pretty down right now.

Cliffs:
OP's favorite grandparent and a huge influence on his life died in January.
OP had a dream last night that his grandma visited and that made him very sad when he woke up and he misses her.
OPs wife said she believes it was her checking on me.
OPs good boy pit bull came over and comforted OP
Alzheimer's is a horrible disease

Christ will lift all your burdens

I hope you get more pain retard ****git

Sometimes it’s good to let those emotions out, so I’m sure that cry was long overdue. The key is to get it out and then quickly afterwards direct your energy back to a positive direction. Not to say it won’t overcome you again or that your grieving is over, but if you stay in that mindset you can go deeper and deeper and end up in some really dark places. Over time it’ll get easier and easier.



Also, I think there is some truth to what your wife said.