Online, I am just another guy. I look all right. I’m probably too old for the filters of many women, and maybe even too short (at 5'8"ish). I may be too far away since I live in a suburb. I may just not take amazing photos. Who knows?

But either way, even if every single woman from my gym was online and I matched with them, it would still be hard to win them over in that environment (Remember, 80% of us aren’t attractive online).

In person, my chances, and your chances, are always higher. As I mentioned prior, presence, charisma, humor, and even smell can make you attractive. In fact, the act of talking to a woman you don’t know is itself attractive as it a sign of crazy confidence.

If you talk to them in person, you jump the line of 20 dudes on Instagram and her 100 matches on Tinder. You get ahead of her 3 guy friends waiting for the right moment to “make their move” and declare their love. You get real and immediate access to her, and no algorithm or filters will prevent you from doing it.

Of course, I’m not saying that walking up to a random woman and awkwardly saying “hi” with your face flushed and trembling from fear is going to get you a date. I’m also not saying talking to a girl at a supermarket is going to be more effective than talking to one who you casually talk to while sitting next to on the bus, which is a little more natural. (And, I’ll add that online dating can still be a part of your dating approach.)

Obviously, there are effective ways to talk to strangers, and ineffective ones. Unfortunately, many guys in 2019 struggle with things like charisma, charm, masculinity, and confidence, and other social skill issues. Approaching is just the beginning, and has to be followed by rapport building and closing. The latter two are skillsets in-and-of themselves, and are beyond the scope of this article.

Nonetheless, I will still say: a guy who isn’t horribly ugly who can muster a “hi” and smile will always be at an advantage over the same guy trying to meet that same woman online. Plus, practice makes perfect, and after smiling and saying “hi” enough, you’ll eventually start figuring out what to say.

You may say all of this is too much: “it’s just too hard!” This is the most common complaint I get when I suggest this. And, I’m not going to lie and say it’s easy. I’ve done it a lot and I sometimes still struggle to work up the nerve.

However, while online dating and hitting up women online is “easy” in the front end (i.e. it requires very little investment or confidence) it’s also very difficult as well. Think of all the time you have spent swiping and messaging, and most guys will have to admit it’s a pretty big waste of time when the total hours invested are tallied. Some guys may swipe for hours with no match to even show for it.

Talking to women in person is indeed challenging on the front end, as it requires confidence, risk-taking, and the possibility of getting rejected right away. However, it’s actually a better use of time overall, and brings with it the potential for more control and success.

[Just a side note: I always have to contend with a small group of guys who get bothered that I even suggest it’s possible for average guys to meet women this way, implying that the only option a guy has is to fail miserably online. If that’s their mindset, it’s actually just less male “noise” those of us who are willing to talk to women have to deal with, but it’s not a mindset that leads to much personal growth.]

And, if you are going to tell me that in 2019 women should approach you, well, research just released shows women still expect guys to approach and they won’t do it.

Another common objection is that “it’s creepy” to approach women. As I mentioned earlier, how you approach determines whether it’s creepy. In all the approaches my friends and I have done, I don’t ever recall getting an “I’m creeped out” vibe, although I have been with clients who have given off this vibe. Again, practice, take feedback, and it will get better. If you’re often called creepy, I suggest reading this (read all three parts).

So, yes, I’m saying that to gain complete control of your dating life, to stand out from the noise, the thirst, and the algorithms, it’s time to go “old school” and actually talk to women in the real world.

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