that are actually correct and it's just misc flagging up non bastardised (< case in point) English.

Wicked and shameful stuff.

you wont believe what happened
she asked me after weve been talking for a lot first about like "my dating history"
and she asked me among other stuff if i ever had sex i had to say no cuz i cant lie
and then she was stunned
and then ye
it was storming so we stopped like under some roof, i saw she was looking at me and the feels and stuff and asked if she wants to make out and she said ye and we made out for idk
i mean the date started something over 1700 i came home at 2100 something
she started squirming and the moaning breaths and stuff and i could pick that up and suggested we go to a flat and have some fun, she said she would but she doesnt have sex on the first date
i arranged another date tho and she said i could at her dorm when her roomate isnt there if i want, baste
so, its a fckin win
oh also, I FORGOT TO BUY CONDOMS anyway so ye
oh also i have a question
I didnt get hard like at all, well maybe a semi chub at some point
does that mean im actually not attracted to her somehow? its prolly just me being nervous right?
well i guess we shall see if im good or bad in bed
oh idk i only made out with like 3 i think woman now?
but the other 2 war like so far ago idr
also, she gave me a tip that i shouldnt use the tongue all the time so ye i need to improve there fo sho
there you go bros, first "date" of a 28 yo virgin that only made out with 2 girls before and never had sex or a bj or anything

You alone have understood me