Back in 2017 my friend Dylan and his girlfriend Leah invited me to go camping with them and I invited my girlfriend Tori to come along and she said yes. We had only been dating for a little over 2 months but I didn't think it would be too awkward since we recently started sleeping together and she had hanged out with Dylan and Leah a few times. We all wanted a "real" camping trip and chose Red River Gorge in eastern Kentucky.

We hiked up hill way out in the woods and found a good spot where people had setup camp before. I bought a 2 person tent and blankets to make a sleeping pallet and Dylan brought his 4 person tent along with an inflatable mattress for them and their German Shepard Teddy. I felt like a cheap bastard watching them inflate it while I explained to Tori I spent $140 on all the stuff I bought and I was broke. She told me she didn't care "as long as she was with me".

We got everything set up, started a camp fire and started drinking the Jim Beam and Coke while the girls made "bull frogs" with their kool aid and vodka. Roasted hot dogs and smores and talked about family camping trips, party stories and what not. I was glad to see Tori laughing and really having a great time, I held her and glanced up at the stars through the trees a few times thanking God I had her. Everyone got pretty drunk me and Dylan had finished a fifth of the whiskey and I was sweating like a whore in church because it was so humid. around 1am we were in our tints and me and Tori had a wild sweat drenched sex session and slept in our underwear because it was so muggy inside the tent.

I woke up around 5am with my stomach cramping like hell. I clinched my eyes and bit my tongue trying not to moan out in pain and wake up Tori. I put my clothes on, crawled out of the tent, stood up and dug out a roll of toilet paper from the bags between the tents and ran into the deep brush. I tripped on a tree root and dropped the ****ing toilet paper and it rolled down the hill. I started running back to get another roll and couldn't handle the pain anymore, I tried to let out a little fart and felt warm juice squirt out. "**** me **** please no" I said as I pulled my shorts and boxers down to examine them with the light from my phone. There was brown chili looking **** ALL in my boxers. Like pulling over and opening your smoking car hood and you know your engine is ****ed.

I quickly pulled my boxers off, squatted down to finish my intensely messy **** that sounded like pouring a bucket of wet sand on the leafs and felt SO much better. I tossed my boxers away from the trail and heard someone walking down from the camp site. I freaked out because I had **** all over my legs and on one of my hands and it smelled like a ****ing porta potty in the middle of summer. It ended up being the dog Teddy. I shooed him away and used the bandana wrapped around my forehead to wipe my butt and tossed it.

I sneaked back to the campsite and cleaned up with a bar of soap and a bottle of water with the dog awkwardly watching me the entire time and decided to sacrifice my deodorant stick and rub it all over my skin and down my butt crack to mask the horrid smell. I went back into the tent cuddled up to Tori and went back to sleep. We woke up to Leah screaming, we got out of the tent and seen Teddy running out of their tent with her screaming "WHAT THE **** YOU NASTY GOD DAMN DOG!!!" we walked over and asked what was wrong and Leah told us Dylan's stupid dog dragged underwear into the tent full of **** and she had it on the back of her shirt and all over the mattress.

Tori was disgusted and looked away while Dylan got out and went to find a stick. I was panicking hoping Tori wouldn't see my American Eagle boxers and told her "that's so sick I don't want to see them" and hoped she would follow me back to tent. But she didn't. She ignored me and stood there while Dylan held the baby blue boxers on the end of the stick dripping drops of poop on the ground holding his nose as he put them in a Walmart bag. I stood there and seen Tori looking at my waist out of the corner of my eye with a fake disgusted shocked look on my face and not one on hers.

"Who's ****ing underwear is it?" Leah asked looking at me and Dylan. We both denied it was ours and I suggested it was someone who previously camped here. "Yeah well it seemed pretty ****ing fresh to me, I'm a CNA trust me I know." Tori was completely quiet while the two fought about the dog always being into something and Leah threatening to leave Dylan if he didn't get rid of Teddy. I tried to keep my poker face on while Dylan poured water on Teddy and scrubbed with his tooth brush to get the **** out of the fur because of course the dog rolled in the ****. There was no way in hell I was going to admit that I **** myself, I had a feeling Tori knew it was mine because even though it was dark I'm sure she seen my boxers when my shorts sagged. Leah would ****ing kill me if I said it was mine after having to throw away her shirt and go through all that.

We ate breakfast, packed up, stopped to fill up on gas and started driving back home. Tori was very quiet and funny acting towards me, She randomly says "I would be pretty mad if I woke up to the smell of those underwear. But I would understand that someone got sick." and starred at me. I took a deep breath and admitted I got sick, and did not ever think of the dog getting to them when I threw them in the woods. She asked why I didn't own up to it and I told her I was too embarrassed to.

No way I'm reading all that. SRS

I pooped on your GF.