Op's girlfriend wanted to marry him, he said no, she left and got fuked by some kunt. OP gets butt hurt.

-OP doesn't want to marry sloot (3+ yrs relationship).
-OP believes sloot loves him
-Sloot goes and studies abroad, meets Chadimir
-OP tells sloot it is ok to date other people
-Sloot says Chadimir is nothing srs, and says she hasn't slept with him
-Sloot is still abroad ~1 year later
-Sloot still friendly with OP for a while
-Sloot moves in with Chadimir and suddenly tells OP they are done, and that she is marrying Chadimir
-OP blames himself, regrets everthing that happened, keeps asking "what if?"
-wincel encourages OP to move on and not blame himself, and reminds OP that sloot gonna sloot
-females enter thread and start blaming OP
-wincel points out that there is a good chance she was banging Chadimir the whole time
-OP continues to wk sloot
-OP reveals he is an academic making chit for money, and doesn't have a serious job
-females continue to blame OP and mock him for his desire to pursue knowledge over wealth
-wincel rants about sloots
-OP cries some more about how it is all his fault
-this goes on for several pages
-Chadimir continues to phuck OP's ex gf

OP, it is not, repeat not your fault!
You were not ready to start a family and it doesn’t make sense to do so when you’re not 100% convinced that it is the right thing to do.
As wincel did point out she kept you as a backup until she was 100% sure that everything would work out with the new guy.
Best of luck to you, OP!
12 years ago a marriage of 5 years blew up on me.
Felt like hell but I got over it, even though it did take some time.

And do not, repeat do not go there to see her.
That would just be a tremendous waste of money, time and emotion.
And she or the new guy might even call the cops and then you will be in a world of hurt.
Arrested in a foreign country-no thanks, Jeff!!

Nothing to talk about really - it's over, it sucks, but give it time and move on. I read the OP, she wanted to marry quickly and he didn't - end of story, you simply weren't on the same page.

Pretty much, bro. I guess I'm pretty dense. Maybe it's called denial?

That's interesting, any story about the meeting the girl studying abroad? Was that a fling, or something serious? My ex had always wanted to study abroad because it was her dream to explore her heritage, but sure, meeting somebody might've been in the back of her mind.

Let me say this, though. We took each other's virginity. She considered that to be a sacred thing. Even last summer, nearly a year after she left, she said that "she felt she would always belong to me." So there it is, straight from the horse's mouth. This was right after she said the relationship with the Vladcuck was "not serious." So you know what, dammit? I believed her when she said those things.

But I guess you nailed it man. What a girl says and what she does are two completely different things. The proof is in the pudding. She felt like that way one day, and then felt a completely different way the next. But of course, she never updated me on her new feelings, she just went and silently cut me out of her life, piece by piece, and then informed me of the removal process a few months later. And she's gone now. The words didn't match the actions. But like you said, no excuses.

You're probably right, bro. A lot of people have said that as soon as she left, it was over. Should I have tried to block her college choice? It would've kept her in the states. She had one other acceptance letter from a school about 500 miles away, and no financial aid. I'm not sure how she would've responded. She might've been impressed I was fighting for her....or she might've been like FU.

Thanks for your input.

Uh, thanks bro. I appreciate the kind words. But I think you missed a detail or two in the OP.

Do not do this. I repeat do not do this. If you are going to improve your career do it because you want to do it not because you think it will guarantee you an easy lay. Most chicks make their own $$$ anyway and will willingly adopt the FA & casual ONS lifestyle if you approached them from this angle. The OP gives the vibe (especially after being in academia for so long) that he has lived a sheltered life & has not figured himself out yet. I personally think the OP needs to expose himself to more people (social clubs, etc: doesn't have to be sexual) & experiences. If the OP does not get anything right away he will learn how to cut his losses & cut them aggressively and fast. There has never been an easier time in history to find the LTR that you want!

Yeah I agree, bro. I think I messed up, big time.

Oh, I was fighting, brah. I fought like hell. I called, I texted. She ignored. I texted some more, asking for one more phone call. She ignored. I finally texted her what she had always wanted to hear in the past - I told her I wanted her to come back, marry me, start a family, and we'd build a life together. She said don't contact me again, or I'll block you. I sent a follow-up, she blocked. Waited a few weeks. Sent her a birthday message on ********, she deleted it. Sent a follow-up e-mail, she ignored. Uploaded some nice memories to ********, and she wasn't pleased. Then she accused me of harassing her. I sent her a follow-up message on Gmail asking why she thought I was harassing her. She blocked. Then her Dad e-mailed me and said I needed to stop contacting his daughter, and if I don't cease, he would take steps to ensure I do. Hmm. Well that got uglier than I ever imagined.

In other words, brah... Dad's gonna be bringing a shotgun to the wedding. Might not be the best idea at this point.

Bro it's over.

It's over. You need to stop dwelling on it. Stop blaming yourself. She's done. Your life goes on. Try to remember times before you met her. You had an entire life before that. Don't forget who you are. It hurts, but she doesn't love you. You need to move on. Don't be that guy that gets hung up on some girl and stalks her/obsesses over her. She is going to marry that Russian *******. It is really happening, and you have to accept it. Get up off the floor and keep going, *******.

And btw she did use you as a backup, and that means she wasn't as great a person as you thought.

Lol bro. Your rants are epic. I gotta say, one thing that you are doing more than anybody ITT is building me up and lighting a fire under my ass to get better. I appreciate that.

And you're probably right that she kept me as a backup, brah. I don't know if she did it consciously or subconsciously. But it was a ****ty thing to do, regardless. Once she was completely ready to move, she kicked my ass to the curb.

Seriously though bro, you have helped a lot. I need to let her go, and move on with my life. You are right about that. Thanks man.



You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to wincel again

Only read the first page, but you SURE AS HELL done goofed.

Infatuation / lust is common.

*Love* is RARE.

So rare that some people don't even ever find it.

Yeah, I know it's my fault. Both you and wincel are right in your own ways

I can't dwell on the past, but I did make mistakes and now I will have to live with them

It's time to become a better man and let the rest fall into place

Lmao @ all the cliffs that popped up ITT. My original cliffs weren't good enough?

Dad aint gonna do ****.

Did she really love you? like, REALLY in love with you? If yes.... then.......

You have two moves left :

1) do nothing and accept it

or

2) show up in person so she sees how serious you are and that you really mean it

Why were you afraid of marriage? Were you two already living together? If so, what other changes could marriage bring to your life?

Let me explain to you what marriage is.

It's putting your already existing relationship officially on a peace of paper. There is nothing more to it.
For women of course it's a little bit different.

But you did mess up.

Why is it his fault if he doesn't want to have kids at that time?
No one is at fault here. The girl moved on and the guy regretted what happened.

The only person who can claim that it's his fault is the OP alone. You, me or anyone here doesn't have the right to tell him that. Do you know how he feel before it all happened? It's not a mistake to not want kids, its his choice. Now if he regrets his decision, he's the only one who can say its his fault. Not us.

Damn this story sounds a lot like what i went trough a year ago, exactly a year ago lmao. I too was heartbroken and made like 10 threads about the subject, jesus i was lost. I didnt get cucked by a Chadimir though, i got cucked by a mexican Tim which is even worse. Same exact fukin scenario, she broke up with me because i didnt want to marry after 3 years of relationship and one day after breaking up with me, this mexican Tim was already proposing to her. He too had kids already lol.


Im going to tell you what happened in my story and if it helps you in anyway then perfect, if not, then disregard.

When she broke up with me, it was because i didnt want to marry. I just didnt, wasnt ready yet, wasnt there financially and wasnt sure either that she was the one for me. She was my 10/10 physically but her personality clashed with mine in so many ways that sometimes will make the relationship seem like a chore. So i kept pushing off the engagement month after month until eventually she said fuk it, and broke up with me out of the blue and started dating the mexican Tim.

Now i begged for her to come back, i was hearbroken, suddenly i was so sure that she was the one i wanted to marry her... as soon as she left me, i was damn sure she was the one, all my doubts faded away, i wouldnt ever love a woman like i loved her and no woman would ever love me like she did... or so i thought...

Your mind plays you some tricks when you are in that situation. One day im tired about the relationship, and there is no way im marrying anytime soon to this chick, and one day later, i was hearbroken and damn sure that i had lost the love of my life. How can i go from one extreme to the other one so fukin quick? The mind plays tricks on you my friend, your own mind tests your strenght, and i failed last year.


So i begged for a couple of weeks but she in a much more polite way than your ex (because i assume my girl back then still had feelings for me) turned me down time after time. Then i gave her the classic "im ready to marry you now" line, the one you used, and my then ex girlfriend, too, got mad at it and told me it was too late and it wasnt right, i was just saying it to make her come back, just as you are right now. Deep inside that was the truth, i just wanted her back and was willing to do anything for her, my jealously and my nostalgia wouldnt let me be in peace knowing shes sleeping with some other dude, thats my woman gotdamin and she belonged to me for three damn years, what the hell is she doing dressing up, putting on makeup to go out with ANOTHER man?


So she rejected me one final time, and i decided to went NC. I went NC for 2 more months, but i didnt really move on, not even a bit, i still had hopes, but i decided that my best chance was to let her know that this new guy wasnt so perfect, make her remember me while im gone and miss me, make her wonder if i had already moved on too.

And it actually worked. I bump into her one day at the gym, and she was looking sexy as fuk, but i kept my cool. Politely said hi to her and kept doing my ****, deep down i wanted to talk to her so bad, ask her how she sdoing, ask her to come back etc, but no, it wasnt the time, i kept my cool. So she approached me and started asking me about my life. Long sotry short, couple of day pass and we are having sex again, jizzed inside her, made her take a plan B pill, and commanded her to break up with her mexican Tim, i was going to take care of her now, she shouldnt doubt me anymore. Im ready to marry her, to get her back and keep her for the rest of my life.

So she did, and we were once more, a happy couple and i had what i dreamed about for almost three months, she was mine again, i could do with her what i wanted, her body belonged to me and i had the right to tell her to fuk off if she did something that would make me mad. She was my property once again, everything would be fine...



So fast forward to today, february 07 of 2018, and i am in almost the same exact scenario as last year. I dont want to marry her yet, for the same exact reasons i didnt want ot marry her one year ago. Im not sure shes the one and im not ready yet for that responsibility, especially because her spending habits are worrysome to say the least. And shes pressuring me HARD to marry now, shes even up looking up the papers i need for me, talking to my mom asking her to help her get the papers, going to churches by herself finding out available dates and ****.


And im days away from telling her that i dont want to marry her. Thats one thing you do when you are sure, absolutely sure, you dont marry someone because that person is pressuring you.


So i wasted an entire year of her life, made her come back to me by promises i obviously couldnt keep, and now i feel like a complete douchebag who is about to break a girls heart, and in doing so, its gonna break mine too because i care so much for this girl you have no idea how much is going to hurt me knowing that her entire future or what she thoght was gonna be her life, doesnt exist anymore and she has to start from scracth.





So in short, focus on yourself, improve yourself, and only marry a woman when you are ABSOLUTELY sure thats what you want to do, but also, dont go making false promises, giving girls ilusions just to keep them by your side, that lacks integrity and a man should have integrity above all.

Bullet dodged imo...I feel bad for Mexican Tim in all of this. Sloot gonna sloot, and you're also kind of a chit person for banging her after although it is understandable given your history. She might actually try to kill you if you tell her you aren't marrying her now lmao.

It's not fear of commitment. I'm a romantic guy, I don't sleep around I crave relationships, I crave romance, deep connections... I would marry my current girl if her few very strong and dangerous redflags didn't exist.


Her spending habits are horrible, and she can't be controlled in that aspect, she would rather fight and defend her spending instead of aknowledging her problem. She is even straight forward about it, saying she is of high maintenance, and if I'm marrying her she expects always the best financial scenarios, because that's what daddy got her used to.

All I hear when I hear those words is "you are fuked, gonna be a slave to your job for years to come or she's gonna be unhappy and bitchy (and lord can she be bitchy)


Red flag number two: she is controlled by her mom and her mom is basically the worst influence she can have, telling her things like she is a princess and the guy has to work and bust his ass to keep her happy because she's worth it, her mom telling her how much money should I be giving her, letting her mom decide for her if I'm being bad or good to her etc.


And number three, chemistry is not there anymore. She is so stressed about marrying and a family and yarda yadda that she hasn't gotten wet for a long time serious, I'm in perfect shape, good looking, treat her like a princess, romantic and she still is never horny... she says that's all gonna work out once we marry but yeah...



Not like I want to justify my actions to you rabbitjb, but I hope you start realizing that not everything is the mans fault like you always say it is.


And btw we both are co-dependant to each other that's why we have such a hard time moving on

She's going to want to kill someone that's for sure, let's just hope it's me (srs)


My stress levels are at 100% right now for this very same reason, her whole reaction.

All I know for sure is that 2018 is going to be a **** fukin year

You don't have to be married to love one another. OP just didn't know how to correctly communicate with his ex gf.

That's a likely scenario TBH. I'm not a stable enough guy that's for sure, hence why I need to work on myself and grow up in so many areas before I can look at a woman and promise her anything.

I'm a mess I'll give you that, and 90% of what my girl will go trough it's my fault. One thing I'm sure of, tho, is that I never ever hurt her in purpose or lied to her, it's just that my unstable ass told her things that seemed real at the time but weren't so.

You are 26

Be 26

You don’t have to worry about all this stuff

No amount of correct communication or reasoning will convince some women that they don't need to get married. Marriage is a representation of security and commitment to old age - it is in a girl's dreams from a very young age. This much I can guarantee you.

Many are raised to believe that’s the only way to be complete as an adult

The foolish dream, and care, about weddings not marriage

To be fair to OP’s ex she seemed to care about the commitment and family more than the white dress

Marriage doesn't necessarilyhaveto mean more than a life commitment without marriage. But having a celebratory event with family and close friends, where you're promising a commitment to the other person through hard times and good till death do you part, certainly has some meaning (even if it's just psychological).

Of course that doesn't mean a big fancy expensive wedding, and I agree too many women are focused on that part of it. Once the wedding day is over, it's back to the grind, the focus is off you, and everyone moves on with their respective lives.

No it’s doesn’t but it does to me for me if I’m honest

I’m not big on parties so to me a wedding was something to get through ...but we mainly did it on our terms by going abroad and only had 35 family and friends
...to me it’s the marriage that has more psychological depth than the event

I suppose if being a “princess” and centre of attention for a day is all you have then it takes on a greater significance. I’d surmise that isn’t the type of person you should want to marry in the first place

I want to get married - even though as a man (w/ resources, breadwinner) I open myself up to greater risk because I want traditional roles. That's why I always talk about seeking core virtues in a partner over the ****e Leo and other miscers talk about. I'd happily marry a 6/10 over a 9/10 if she had higher integrity, loyalty and family values.