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Forum » Vick's Dating Log (v. 2.0) and Miscellaneous Advice
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Thread: Vick's Dating Log (v. 2.0) and Miscellaneous Advice

post 1482235361 02-05-2017, 08:51 AM
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fuk brah feels on this page of the thread. Vick man, **** boi, don't know what to say, but I feel ya

James...ma mannn, ****! get some help or do something to start overcoming your issues man. whatever it takes!

rawdawgg you're the realest bro-mccoy in here! from your posts to your username..your like that bro whos always down to do whacky **** with alcohol involved to make sure all the bros are happy
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post 1482236891 02-05-2017, 09:07 AM
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Update: I am meeting with the girl from Super Bowl Live today for lunch. Her and her friend are coming out to eat lunch with my Chad friend and I
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post 1482237931 02-05-2017, 09:18 AM
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Originally Posted By deadliftbrah19⏩
That's like saying I know my job will end someday, so I might as well call my boss a douchebag. Very few jobs last the rest of your life as do relationships, so why end them prematurely?
it depends, why waste time is my view
post 1482241921 02-05-2017, 09:59 AM
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Originally Posted By FU3L⏩
How are you going to find said person if you won't give any women a chance? Or are you just taking a break from the whole thing due to recent experiences?
I am stuck between taking a break and just not even doing anything about it anymore. I'm not sure. I am leaning about just forgetting about dating completely for quite a while because as my last log shows, it's a complete waste of time. And then again, you raise some good points: who would possibly agree with what I want anyway? I'm not afraid of committing to someone to have as a girlfriend or whatever, but it's everything past that point which I am not willing to do.
Originally Posted By bassinyoface⏩
fuk brah feels on this page of the thread. Vick man, **** boi, don't know what to say, but I feel ya

James...ma mannn, ****! get some help or do something to start overcoming your issues man. whatever it takes!

rawdawgg you're the realest bro-mccoy in here! from your posts to your username..your like that bro whos always down to do whacky **** with alcohol involved to make sure all the bros are happy
We definitely have a solid group in here.
post 1482244231 02-05-2017, 10:21 AM
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Originally Posted By xvicknumber7x⏩
I am stuck between taking a break and just not even doing anything about it anymore. I'm not sure. I am leaning about just forgetting about dating completely for quite a while because as my last log shows, it's a complete waste of time. And then again, you raise some good points: who would possibly agree with what I want anyway? I'm not afraid of committing to someone to have as a girlfriend or whatever, but it's everything past that point which I am not willing to do.
How old are you Vick? 26 or something right?

You're only now hitting real adulthood as a man. My diagnosis is that you're over-thinking this ****. You tried to be Mr. Social Butterfly for too long and now you're regressing into some other non-caring type. Both of those extremes are cringe-worthy in my opinion. I think you figured that out about the social part. Why be overly social if you don't want to? To see that people like you? Who gives a ****. But now, why be anti-social? Because you feel like X, Y and Z are a waste of time? Really? Come on dude.

Just make the whole dating/social thing more organic. You've been forcing it too long and now you're rebounding. Don't actively try to go date women that suck (which is most of them). Just go out and do stuff you enjoy and if something clicks, you'll know. Don't cut off a possible opportunity just because you're in some phase of your life. That makes no sense. You're still trying to find that compromise area of your life where everything balances out so find that instead of talking about giving up a part of your life that no man should give up.

My guess is you'll find someone who's worth a **** when you start doing your coaching or whatever it is. The activity scene is where the good women hang out. (from my experience)
post 1482244261 02-05-2017, 10:21 AM
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Originally Posted By pondus_levo⏩
My only goal is to find the perfect woman for me.
Obviously the online thing isn't working then brother no offense. Depending on your location in Cali you should be outside finding people as there is tons of venues pretty much everywhere unless you're in some chithole in the Sierra Nevada.
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post 1482246341 02-05-2017, 10:43 AM
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Originally Posted By daisygirl713⏩
But I've always had a strict stance on sexual exclusivity, mainly for health purposes, but also because sex and emotions are connected, and it'd be a cluster fck of confusion trying to juggle more than 1 focus. Once we became exclusive, I felt a lot more relaxed because I knew we were putting our focus and efforts strictly towards each other. I can see why it works when you're dating a likeminded person, but I can also see how it could chase people away who don't share the same approach. Likely comes down to compatibility, like most things in the dating game!
Hey alright women with class still exist. Personally I've found it odd hey let me shove my dink into something that just had some else in it. Not white knighting, sex is okay but theere are far greater things I've done in my life that will always rate higher than sex, anyone who puts sex at the top of their list has issues. Also emotionally connected sex will always be better than non emotionally connected sex, same feeling as fapping.
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post 1482252791 02-05-2017, 11:29 AM
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Originally Posted By xvicknumber7x⏩
I am stuck between taking a break and just not even doing anything about it anymore. I'm not sure. I am leaning about just forgetting about dating completely for quite a while because as my last log shows, it's a complete waste of time. And then again, you raise some good points: who would possibly agree with what I want anyway? I'm not afraid of committing to someone to have as a girlfriend or whatever, but it's everything past that point which I am not willing to do.
I don't know man it just doesn't seem like a healthy mindset to me, but in the end it's your call and you should do what makes you happy. Yes modern dating is indeed a chit show but that doesn't mean you can't find someone, but you also can't find someone if you don't put in at least a little effort toward dating. Only invest your time in women that show promise and interest in you, otherwise write them off. You don't need to waste your time, given you log you don't seem to have problems telling when a chick is stringing you along or her actions don't align with her words - so there's no reason you can't hold out until you find a quality chick.
The trouble with being punctual is that nobody's there to appreciate it.
post 1482255611 02-05-2017, 11:50 AM
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Originally Posted By FU3L⏩
I don't know man it just doesn't seem like a healthy mindset to me, but in the end it's your call and you should do what makes you happy. Yes modern dating is indeed a chit show but that doesn't mean you can't find someone, but you also can't find someone if you don't put in at least a little effort toward dating. Only invest your time in women that show promise and interest in you, otherwise write them off. You don't need to waste your time, given you log you don't seem to have problems telling when a chick is stringing you along or her actions don't align with her words - so there's no reason you can't hold out until you find a quality chick.
did you find your girl online or in real life?
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post 1482259451 02-05-2017, 12:18 PM
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Originally Posted By xvicknumber7x⏩
I am stuck between taking a break and just not even doing anything about it anymore. I'm not sure. I am leaning about just forgetting about dating completely for quite a while because as my last log shows, it's a complete waste of time. And then again, you raise some good points: who would possibly agree with what I want anyway? I'm not afraid of committing to someone to have as a girlfriend or whatever, but it's everything past that point which I am not willing to do.

We definitely have a solid group in here.
sorry man, its frustrating as phuck, I know.

as I mentioned before, there are women out there that are attractive, intelligent, non-flakey (aka direct with their intentions) and can shoot the chit when it comes to deep conversations. however, they are almost always married by the time they are 25-26. I meet them ALL the time. and they are typically all married to pretty average joes - men they met in college/church etc.

There is a girl at work I have amazing chemistry with and vice versa. we both know it. Attractive, duke graduate, stays in shape, very intelligent - a great woman. she has been with the same guy since she was 19 and she is 29 now. basically the first guy that asked her out through church she ended up marrying. He is a smart guy too, good job, but he is pretty overweight and bald and probably 4/10 facial aesthetics. she mentioned he asked her out, was very nervous about it, was his first girlfriend/etc. makes me think - how do some guys nab girls like that? while some of us (like you vick) seeem to be sifting through chit all the time for years and years, while being obviously more motivated/confident/etc than those guys(I could be wrong, I just get the impression you are having trouble finding an attractive, fun, intelligent, non-flakey girl).It really makes you think that dating and relationship are more fate than anything.

It makes you think you should just work on yourself, come up with some great goals that motivate you and are passionate about, and just focus in like a phukking laser and kill at life, disregarding relationships or trying to date. If fate brings you someone, that's great. If not, you were meant for a different life path.
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post 1482261491 02-05-2017, 12:29 PM
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Originally Posted By US_Ranger⏩
How old are you Vick? 26 or something right?

You're only now hitting real adulthood as a man. My diagnosis is that you're over-thinking this ****. You tried to be Mr. Social Butterfly for too long and now you're regressing into some other non-caring type. Both of those extremes are cringe-worthy in my opinion. I think you figured that out about the social part. Why be overly social if you don't want to? To see that people like you? Who gives a ****. But now, why be anti-social? Because you feel like X, Y and Z are a waste of time? Really? Come on dude.

Just make the whole dating/social thing more organic. You've been forcing it too long and now you're rebounding. Don't actively try to go date women that suck (which is most of them). Just go out and do stuff you enjoy and if something clicks, you'll know. Don't cut off a possible opportunity just because you're in some phase of your life. That makes no sense. You're still trying to find that compromise area of your life where everything balances out so find that instead of talking about giving up a part of your life that no man should give up.

My guess is you'll find someone who's worth a **** when you start doing your coaching or whatever it is. The activity scene is where the good women hang out. (from my experience)
piggy backing but you won't truly be happy in any aspect of life when you're faking. Might seem okay at first but if it's not in you it's not in you, just be yourself brother.
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post 1482328651 02-05-2017, 07:47 PM
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Originally Posted By pondus_levo⏩
My only goal is to find the perfect woman for me.
Originally Posted By psychosylocibin⏩
...
How did your dates go this weekend? I know you guys mentioned you had plans lined up! Updates pls & thx
Originally Posted By jamesbwbevis⏩
I know, its so stupid. Even last night as I was doing and saying stupid things I couldnt help it. I just dont have the self-esteem to feel comfortable in a relationship
I'm sorry to hear you guys broke up. Maybe you can communicate the emotions you posted ITT explaining your mindset to her, so she can better understand why you behaved the way you did. And consider apologizing to her for how you handled things.

I agree with other posters here who've said it's time for self-reflection and self-healing. Try figuring out the esteem issues so you don't repeat these patterns of behavior in the future. It'll be a healthy and worthwhile endeavor to invest in yourself so your life can improve.
Originally Posted By Luc1fer⏩
To your second point, the point of anything in life is what you make it. You can date for fun, you can date with the goal to start a family, for companionship, lots of reasons. I didn't want any of those at your age (bar perhaps sex) but wasn't willing to smash randoms.
Agreed...but sometimes, it's best when you go in without any expectations, and instead, with the interest to get to know this other person, who could turn out to be pretty fcking awesome. I've found that going in with an open mind offers up all possibilities, and allows for developments to naturally unfold [or not]. It basically creates a creative space for anything & everything to happen, instead of a stifling atmosphere that has a ceiling because of all the prerequisites & stipulations someone has going in.
Originally Posted By SenorMisc⏩
Also share this view. I feel like I've been pressured into trying to meet people when I really have no interest in it at the moment. For the vast majority of people, meeting and being with someone long term is the goal. People think it's very weird when you say you're happy just doing your own thing and chasing your own individual goals.
I admire people who have the courage to trust the timing of their life, and not submit to the conventional, societal pressures. Follow your own internal compass and have faith in your own judgment. People often intuitively know what's best for them and when; it's just a matter of quieting the external noise so you're able to actually listen.
7:1
post 1482329901 02-05-2017, 07:54 PM
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Originally Posted By xvicknumber7x⏩
Just a quick update on me: Last night I heard from a girl I've known for years who I always suspected has wanted me. She told me as much last summer when we would hang out here and there however she just... isn't it for me. She's beautiful, tall, fit, educated, looks great. It's just something about her personality I don't like. Anyway, she hit me up last night with an inside joke between us. I didn't really give her too much.
When's the last time you saw her or hung out in person? people can change a lot over the years...could be interesting to catch up with her after all of this time.
It's funny how when you slowly stop caring completely then this sort of thing happens. Also laid my aunt to rest today. She was very old so we knew it was going to happen. The story surrounding her and her death sort of is pulling that part of my family apart from me because they handled it in an extremely sloppy way.
Prayers go out to your family. I'm sorry it wasn't handled the right way, but you can hold your head high knowing you stood up for what was right, and defended your aunt's honor; may she rest in peace. I'm sure she would be proud of you for having the courage to say something, when no one else did. Stay strong
Originally Posted By xvicknumber7x⏩
I guess...the best thing I can say is that I'm looking for someone who makes me want to reconsider. Or at least makes me think.
This is very promising to read. Shows you hold out hope. There are great people out there, just a matter of finding and connecting with them...can't rush it tho and timing is everything, as we've discussed before.
As far as sexual release goes, I just let it occur naturally. I don't fap, I don't bang randoms, I just sorta.... exist and let it happen as it should. It makes me very calm.
organic approach...I like your style!
The longer I go without it, the less I crave it.
True for most things in life
however just have no motivation at this point. All I can think about is "where will this go?" and all I can think about right now is how these two girls will be just as flaky and lame as the last ~10 I have met so it's very hard to care right now.
It's okay to lay low if the wind feels like it was taken out of your sails. It's healthy to take some time to yourself, and allow yourself to recharge/regroup, so when you get that 2nd wind, you can go out there completely refreshed and ready to take on the world again. I've read in multiple articles that people who exercise compassion and kindness towards themselves have better mental well-being than those who are super hard on themselves. Feel free to give yourself the time you need to recapture that positive energy.
7:1
post 1482332471 02-05-2017, 08:05 PM
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Originally Posted By daisygirl713⏩
How did your dates go this weekend? I know you guys mentioned you had plans lined up! Updates pls & thx
Girl on Friday (from bumble) - classy lady, smart, had some good conversation, however she was much heavier than her pictures, so unfortunately I did not feel any physical attraction.

Girl on Saturday (bumble as well): Very sweet, however, just did not feel the chemistry I was looking for.


I'm realizing that online is such a crapshoot! you meet people that don't look like their pictures, or you get a long over text, but when you meet in person the chemistry is not there.

I need to find ways to meet MORE single women in person - I already go out occasionally and do Co-ed sports, but most people are taken in co-ed sports and people like to stay within their groups going out.

Frustrating
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post 1482334661 02-05-2017, 08:12 PM
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Originally Posted By psychosylocibin⏩
I'm realizing that online is such a crapshoot! you meet people that don't look like their pictures, or you get a long over text, but when you meet in personthe chemistry is not there.

Frustrating
I hear ya...online dating is super unpredictable. I definitely agree about chemistry...it's a total game-changer! I still remember seeing my guy for the first time 10 years ago, and we both were immediately attracted to each other...the energy was palpable between us. And then fast forward to us running into each other 10 years later, same thing! He approached me and we both couldn't stop smiling. Can't be explained other than pure chemistry.
7:1
post 1482337021 02-05-2017, 08:24 PM
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Originally Posted By daisygirl713⏩
How did your dates go this weekend? I know you guys mentioned you had plans lined up! Updates pls & thx
She ended up cancelling on me because she came down with something and didn't want to get me sick. Well, she said she would come, but I can't really afford to get sick again, since I just got over bronchitis and a sinus infection. She asked if we could get on facetime, though. She's having a friend in town this week and then going to Columbia for vacation on Friday, so I won't see her for another 2 weeks. She promised to make it up to me when she gets back.
Forever alone? Attraction and keeping the girl chasing you - http://forum.obnoxiousbrutes.com/showthread.php?t=131498033

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post 1482390361 02-06-2017, 07:25 AM
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Originally Posted By US_Ranger⏩
How old are you Vick? 26 or something right?

You're only now hitting real adulthood as a man. My diagnosis is that you're over-thinking this ****. You tried to be Mr. Social Butterfly for too long and now you're regressing into some other non-caring type. Both of those extremes are cringe-worthy in my opinion. I think you figured that out about the social part. Why be overly social if you don't want to? To see that people like you? Who gives a ****. But now, why be anti-social? Because you feel like X, Y and Z are a waste of time? Really? Come on dude.

Just make the whole dating/social thing more organic. You've been forcing it too long and now you're rebounding. Don't actively try to go date women that suck (which is most of them). Just go out and do stuff you enjoy and if something clicks, you'll know. Don't cut off a possible opportunity just because you're in some phase of your life. That makes no sense. You're still trying to find that compromise area of your life where everything balances out so find that instead of talking about giving up a part of your life that no man should give up.

My guess is you'll find someone who's worth a **** when you start doing your coaching or whatever it is. The activity scene is where the good women hang out. (from my experience)
That's sort of what I am doing now to be honest, just kind of ignoring other people that I don't know in addition to that though. And maybe I will, maybe I won't. What I do know is that once the good weather hits, dating becomes even more irrelevant to me than it already is because I'm with my kids almost every day and I actually can do a lot of my fun hobbies outside that I love. It's this time of year that makes me stir crazy and drives me to set things up. But I guess being so dismissive does me no good, I know you're right.
Originally Posted By FU3L⏩
I don't know man it just doesn't seem like a healthy mindset to me, but in the end it's your call and you should do what makes you happy. Yes modern dating is indeed a chit show but that doesn't mean you can't find someone, but you also can't find someone if you don't put in at least a little effort toward dating. Only invest your time in women that show promise and interest in you, otherwise write them off. You don't need to waste your time, given you log you don't seem to have problems telling when a chick is stringing you along or her actions don't align with her words - so there's no reason you can't hold out until you find a quality chick.
I think I will now instead wait for them to show direct interest instead of making mine known first. I usually make it pretty easy on them with how open and direct I am when I wanna spend time together. Maybe I'll take that away and just make them make the first move. In either case, either they do or I just move along business as usual.
Originally Posted By psychosylocibin⏩
sorry man, its frustrating as phuck, I know.

as I mentioned before, there are women out there that are attractive, intelligent, non-flakey (aka direct with their intentions) and can shoot the chit when it comes to deep conversations. however, they are almost always married by the time they are 25-26. I meet them ALL the time. and they are typically all married to pretty average joes - men they met in college/church etc.

There is a girl at work I have amazing chemistry with and vice versa. we both know it. Attractive, duke graduate, stays in shape, very intelligent - a great woman. she has been with the same guy since she was 19 and she is 29 now. basically the first guy that asked her out through church she ended up marrying. He is a smart guy too, good job, but he is pretty overweight and bald and probably 4/10 facial aesthetics. she mentioned he asked her out, was very nervous about it, was his first girlfriend/etc. makes me think - how do some guys nab girls like that? while some of us (like you vick) seeem to be sifting through chit all the time for years and years, while being obviously more motivated/confident/etc than those guys(I could be wrong, I just get the impression you are having trouble finding an attractive, fun, intelligent, non-flakey girl).It really makes you think that dating and relationship are more fate than anything.

It makes you think you should just work on yourself, come up with some great goals that motivate you and are passionate about, and just focus in like a phukking laser and kill at life, disregarding relationships or trying to date. If fate brings you someone, that's great. If not, you were meant for a different life path.
This might be the most self-aware and intelligent post I've ever seen you make.
Originally Posted By daisygirl713⏩
When's the last time you saw her or hung out in person? people can change a lot over the years...could be interesting to catch up with her after all of this time.

Prayers go out to your family. I'm sorry it wasn't handled the right way, but you can hold your head high knowing you stood up for what was right, and defended your aunt's honor; may she rest in peace. I'm sure she would be proud of you for having the courage to say something, when no one else did. Stay strong

This is very promising to read. Shows you hold out hope. There are great people out there, just a matter of finding and connecting with them...can't rush it tho and timing is everything, as we've discussed before.

organic approach...I like your style!

True for most things in life

It's okay to lay low if the wind feels like it was taken out of your sails. It's healthy to take some time to yourself, and allow yourself to recharge/regroup, so when you get that 2nd wind, you can go out there completely refreshed and ready to take on the world again. I've read in multiple articles that people who exercise compassion and kindness towards themselves have better mental well-being than those who are super hard on themselves. Feel free to give yourself the time you need to recapture that positive energy.
Thanks daisy. I last saw the girl I was talking about last summer. She likely hasn't changed and to be honest I don't even wanna find out. Sweet girl and all, just too shy for me. It was exhausting hanging out with her tbh.

I am just gunna keep doing what I've been doing for the next week or so and continue to re-evaluate.
post 1482396401 02-06-2017, 08:20 AM
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Originally Posted By jamesbwbevis⏩
it depends, why waste time is my view
Why make friends if we'll eventually drift?
Why work hard in my job if I may leave?
Why be close with my mom if she'll eventually die?
Why lift if I'll eventually grow old and my body will deteriorate?

Nothing lasts forever. Man lands on moon. But life isn't about the end goal James, it's about the experiences, memories, and continually growing as an individual.

Cut your bullchit view out and seek therapy. Very few things (if any) are important than your health, mental included.
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post 1482396931 02-06-2017, 08:24 AM
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Any advice/insight on retaining a girl's attraction until the next time you meet if it won't be for another 2 weeks? I want to keep her attraction but at the same time not come off as clingy or needy. Only 1 date in, fooling around was involved and she was DTF but we didn't smash.
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post 1482399061 02-06-2017, 08:45 AM
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Originally Posted By Flexium⏩
Any advice/insight on retaining a girl's attraction until the next time you meet if it won't be for another 2 weeks? I want to keep her attraction but at the same time not come off as clingy or needy. Only 1 date in, fooling around was involved and she was DTF but we didn't smash.
I don't think there is much you can do except just wait until you're both available and then ask her out again.

Definitely don't want to text every day and on top of that, it's only been one date. If it was me, I'd be very aloof with her and then once the two weeks had passed, looked for another way to cross paths with her. If she had fun you'll be on her brain and constant contact isn't going to help do anything to build attraction any further.
post 1482399601 02-06-2017, 08:48 AM
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Originally Posted By meenman83⏩
Obviously the online thing isn't working then brother no offense. Depending on your location in Cali you should be outside finding people as there is tons of venues pretty much everywhere unless you're in some chithole in the Sierra Nevada.
I have more success than in person because I can pre-filter for what I want. I don't have the issues everyone else on the misc has with online dating, and neither do tens of millions of other people. Misc always makes things look worse than they are. There is ZERO difference between find women IRL and online. They are ALL still human beings.
Forever alone? Attraction and keeping the girl chasing you - http://forum.obnoxiousbrutes.com/showthread.php?t=131498033

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post 1482401891 02-06-2017, 09:06 AM
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Originally Posted By pondus_levo⏩
She ended up cancelling on me because she came down with something and didn't want to get me sick. Well, she said she would come, but I can't really afford to get sick again, since I just got over bronchitis and a sinus infection. She asked if we could get on facetime, though. She's having a friend in town this week and then going to Columbia for vacation on Friday, so I won't see her for another 2 weeks. She promised to make it up to me when she gets back.
Ohh gotcha. Did you guys end up facetiming then? 2 weeks is quite the gap, especially if you haven't met yet, so you gotta keep the momentum going somehow. Facetime was a nice suggestion on her part!
Originally Posted By xvicknumber7x⏩
I think I will now instead wait for them to show direct interest instead of making mine known first. I usually make it pretty easy on them with how open and direct I am when I wanna spend time together. Maybe I'll take that away and just make them make the first move. In either case, either they do or I just move along business as usual.
What about trying a more balanced, give and take approach? You give a little, then wait and see if they reciprocate, or vice versa? I think that's a golden way to get to know one another and keep the exchange engaging.
Thanks daisy. I last saw the girl I was talking about last summer. She likely hasn't changed and to be honest I don't even wanna find out. Sweet girl and all, just too shy for me. It was exhausting hanging out with her tbh.
Oh gotcha...exhausting is no good. I thought it might've been a longer time period apart. One of my exes was 2 years younger than me, and even though he was a great guy and we had awesome chemistry, we just lacked that intellectual connection and I realized we were never going to have it. It's good to be able to cut the bait when you recognize incompatibility and not waste each other's time trying to force something that's simply not there.
I am just gunna keep doing what I've been doing for the next week or so and continue to re-evaluate.
Reevaluation is good...sounds like a plan!
Originally Posted By xvicknumber7x⏩
I don't think there is much you can do except just wait until you're both available and then ask her out again.

Definitely don't want to text every day and on top of that, it's only been one date. If it was me, I'd be very aloof with her and then once the two weeks had passed, looked for another way to cross paths with her. If she had fun you'll be on her brain and constant contact isn't going to help do anything to build attraction any further.
All good points...I might suggest texting a couple times throughout the 2 weeks apart, one to say you'd like to see her again when you're both available, and another more lighthearted, fun one regarding some inside joke or common interest. For example, after our first date, I went on xmas vacation for a week, and my guy texted me initially to wish me merry xmas and say he'd love to take me out again when I got back, and the 2nd time because the world juniors were on and our respective countries were playing each other. So it was just enough to stay relevant & get the point across that he wanted to go out again, but not intrusive or mindless chatter that could've been a turn-off.
Originally Posted By pondus_levo⏩
There is ZERO difference between find women IRL and online.
I have to disagree, because that's discounting the power of the face to face connection, and all of the advantages that come from meeting in a real place vs. a virtual space. You are able to feel chemistry in person, whereas online you can only hope it'll be there, and online completely lacks the nonverbal communication that is huge in a first meeting. Plus, there's an isolation and disconnect that inevitably comes with sitting behind a screen when 'meeting' or searching for someone, as opposed to meeting IRL.
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post 1482402071 02-06-2017, 09:07 AM
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Originally Posted By Flexium⏩
Why make friends if we'll eventually drift?
Why work hard in my job if I may leave?
Why be close with my mom if she'll eventually die?
Why lift if I'll eventually grow old and my body will deteriorate?

Nothing lasts forever. Man lands on moon. But life isn't about the end goal James, it's about the experiences, memories, and continually growing as an individual.

Cut your bullchit view out and seek therapy. Very few things (if any) are important than your health, mental included.
This x1000000000
Originally Posted By daisygirl713⏩
I hear ya...online dating is super unpredictable. I definitely agree about chemistry...it's a total game-changer! I still remember seeing my guy for the first time 10 years ago, and we both were immediately attracted to each other...the energy was palpable between us. And then fast forward to us running into each other 10 years later, same thing! He approached me and we both couldn't stop smiling. Can't be explained other than pure chemistry.
Agree. You can text and message someone, but meet in person and the person is a huge turnoff.

I remember meeting a guy who seemed really cool on match.com years ago when I was living with Grandma, then at dinner he was extremely loud and boisturous. Turns out that he moonlighted as a bartender when he wasn't working as an engineer.

I am quiet with a have a soft voice and get anxious around loud people, so that was a no-go. Plus it's annoying that you have to sift through hundreds of people to meet one whom you click with. I don't miss online one bit.

As my therapist said, you are always checking to see who messaged you and leaving out the important people in your life who really matter, like your family and friends. Even if you are physically present with them, you aren't mentally because you're too busy texting/messaging potential dates.

I think that is why there are so many OCD people online. It's like crack to them. What's more, you see the same guys on there 5 years later.

I really think OKCupid and match skew their numbers for how many marriages originate from their sites.
post 1482402821 02-06-2017, 09:14 AM
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Originally Posted By daisygirl713⏩
I hear ya...online dating is super unpredictable. I definitely agree about chemistry...it's a total game-changer! I still remember seeing my guy for the first time 10 years ago, and we both were immediately attracted to each other...the energy was palpable between us. And then fast forward to us running into each other 10 years later, same thing! He approached me and we both couldn't stop smiling. Can't be explained other than pure chemistry.
Agree. You can text and message someone, but meet in person and the person is a huge turnoff.

I remember meeting a guy who seemed really cool on match.com years ago when I was living with Grandma, then at dinner he was extremely loud and boisturous. Turns out that he moonlighted as a bartender when he wasn't working as an engineer.

I am quiet with a have a soft voice and get anxious around loud people, so that was a no-go.

Plus it's annoying that you have to sift through hundreds of people to meet one whom you click with. I don't miss online one bit. I think it is very addictive.

As my therapist said, you are always checking to see who messaged you and leaving out the important people in your life who really matter, like your family and friends. Even if you are physically present with them, you aren't mentally because you're too busy texting/messaging potential dates.

I think that is why there are so many OCD people online. It's like crack to them. What's more, you see the same guys on there 5 years later. I think OKCupid and match skew their numbers for how many marriages originate from their sites.
post 1482405161 02-06-2017, 09:32 AM
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Originally Posted By deadliftbrah19⏩
I remember meeting a guy who seemed really cool on match.com years ago when I was living with Grandma, then at dinner he was extremely loud and boisturous. Turns out that he moonlighted as a bartender when he wasn't working as an engineer.

I am quiet with a have a soft voice and get anxious around loud people, so that was a no-go.
Ahh I'm the same way! Can't stand being around people who talk at obnoxious volume levels...it literally irritates my ears and I'm thinking, 'Can you hear yourself?! STFU' lol
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post 1482405171 02-06-2017, 09:32 AM
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Originally Posted By deadliftbrah19⏩
Agree. You can text and message someone, but meet in person and the person is a huge turnoff.

I remember meeting a guy who seemed really cool on match.com years ago when I was living with Grandma, then at dinner he was extremely loud and boisturous. Turns out that he moonlighted as a bartender when he wasn't working as an engineer.

I am quiet with a have a soft voice and get anxious around loud people, so that was a no-go.

Plus it's annoying that you have to sift through hundreds of people to meet one whom you click with. I don't miss online one bit. I think it is very addictive.

As my therapist said, you are always checking to see who messaged you and leaving out the important people in your life who really matter, like your family and friends. Even if you are physically present with them, you aren't mentally because you're too busy texting/messaging potential dates.

I think that is why there are so many OCD people online. It's like crack to them. What's more, you see the same guys on there 5 years later. I think OKCupid and match skew their numbers for how many marriages originate from their sites.
This is why I dislike online dating, from an efficiency perpsective:

Spend time messaging > spend time texting > spend time arranging a meeting > take time off your day that you could be doing something else > drive to place to meet > find out you have no in person chemistry > awkwardly sit there trying to hold a conversation wondering if its rude to dip out or you should keep trying to know them

vs

Meet person in real life doing something you are ALREADY doing as part of your day > know within 5 minutes if you have chemistry.


now, if fear was not a factor and you took it at face value, the second option would be way easier. But you would have to severely break outside your comfort zone, and potentially be called a creep/severely rejected/etc. you might gain a reputation. Imagine being at the bar/Library and obviously being that guy that approaches every attractive girl to see if there is chemistry. Its obvious, Ive seen it before, but if you don't give a chit, why not.
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post 1482405421 02-06-2017, 09:33 AM
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Originally Posted By daisygirl713⏩
Ohh gotcha. Did you guys end up facetiming then? 2 weeks is quite the gap, especially if you haven't met yet, so you gotta keep the momentum going somehow. Facetime was a nice suggestion on her part!
We've already met. Not worried about keeping the momentum going.
I have to disagree, because that's discounting the power of the face to face connection, and all of the advantages that come from meeting in a real place vs. a virtual space. You are able to feel chemistry in person, whereas online you can only hope it'll be there, and online completely lacks the nonverbal communication that is huge in a first meeting. Plus, there's an isolation and disconnect that inevitably comes with sitting behind a screen when 'meeting' or searching for someone, as opposed to meeting IRL.
I feel like a broken record and I don't get what the disconnect is. Either way you have to talk/text/meet up/date to see if you are have chemistry and are compatible, why does it matter where you first meet?

If I had a button to filter all the women that don't have kids and don't want kids when I am walking around town, then that's what I would do, but I can't do that. It would take me 100x the effort and waste 100x more time to find someone like that in person. One little extra step actually saves me 100's of hours and a ton of frustration.

If I was single with no kids... different story. My dating pool would open up drastically, but I guess what people don't seem to understand is that it's not just about chemistry. Initial chemistry is what fuels the want to figure out Compatibility. Compatibility is what fuels long lasting chemistry and it takes time to figure out if you are compatible anyway. You still have to go through the same process.

Online you just skip the initial chemistry phase and go straight to compatibility. Either way, BOTH have to be on point for it to work out. So you end up having compatibility, but not chemistry, so what? How is that any different than having initial chemistry, but no compatibility?
Forever alone? Attraction and keeping the girl chasing you - http://forum.obnoxiousbrutes.com/showthread.php?t=131498033

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post 1482406741 02-06-2017, 09:43 AM
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Originally Posted By pondus_levo⏩
We've already met. Not worried about keeping the momentum going.



I feel like a broken record and I don't get what the disconnect is. Either way you have to talk/text/meet up/date to see if you are have chemistry and are compatible, why does it matter where you first meet?

If I had a button to filter all the women that don't have kids and don't want kids when I am walking around town, then that's what I would do, but I can't do that. It would take me 100x the effort and waste 100x more time to find someone like that in person.
It clearly comes down to personal preference. I've had a few online encounters, but they NEVER EVER EVER compared to meeting someone IRL and hitting it off right from the get-go. I can see why it works for you based on your requirements regarding filters, and that is awesome- but also specific to you. You certainly know your way around the online dating scene and that accounts for your success. However, I believe you're the exception rather than the rule. Most people experience a significant difference between meeting online VS. IRL, and most, myself included, find it much easier to connect IRL than to go through the whole online production.

As they say, different strokes for different folks. For the record, I admire how you've managed to create a solid formula for the online dating scene, because the majority haven't been able to crack that nut, so good on you. Keep doing what you're doing!
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post 1482415821 02-06-2017, 10:58 AM
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Day two of break up and I broke NC. I texted and left a message, but I now have gotten rid of all avenues for me to contact her. (I previously deleted her number but remember one way i could get it back, now there is no chance).

I cant concentrate at work, this is hitting me worse than I thought it would
post 1482419091 02-06-2017, 11:21 AM
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Originally Posted By jamesbwbevis⏩
Day two of break up and I broke NC. I texted and left a message, but I now have gotten rid of all avenues for me to contact her. (I previously deleted her number but remember one way i could get it back, now there is no chance).

I cant concentrate at work, this is hitting me worse than I thought it would
Doesn't matter who breaks up with who. When you have feelings for someone it hurts like a bitch, especially your first love. Imagine how she is feeling... I can't imagine she feels much different.

What did you tell her?
Forever alone? Attraction and keeping the girl chasing you - http://forum.obnoxiousbrutes.com/showthread.php?t=131498033

You will never know your limits, unless you push yourself past the imaginary lines you have drawn in the sand.

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