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Forum ยป Vick's Dating Log (v. 2.0) and Miscellaneous Advice
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Thread: Vick's Dating Log (v. 2.0) and Miscellaneous Advice

post 1482553981 02-07-2017, 10:01 AM
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#391
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Originally Posted By jotenko⏩
This is starting to sound like those ****g0ts that are mainstream because now its mainstream to be anti-mainstream, lol.
Do you go by the 3 day rule or nah?
post 1482554381 02-07-2017, 10:04 AM
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Originally Posted By BlackScorpio91⏩
Do you go by the 3 day rule or nah?
I don't follow those rules at all. I just do whatever I feel like doing. I mean, it's not because you send a ****ing sms the next day that you are some clingy ****g0t, for christ sake.
post 1482559571 02-07-2017, 10:40 AM
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Originally Posted By Nedo⏩
It's not that she will get put off, its that your odds are greater if you make her wonder about you/miss you. She is also wondering why you are so different than the other chumps. Don't be fooled, she ain't used to this type of behavior because desperate beta's are on it right away.
Really? Because every Tom, Dick and Harry talks about the 3-day rule. Every woman knows about the 3 day rule. Women have told me that if a guy waits 3 days to message sheknowshe's playing the stupid game and he looks like a clown.

It's to obvious now, everyone knows how the waiting text game goes.
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post 1482563701 02-07-2017, 11:14 AM
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Originally Posted By xvicknumber7x⏩
Dude, I told you earlier in the thread to avoid that sort of situation. You are coming off extremely desperate. You saw her Thursday and felt the need to text her both Saturday and Sunday when you should really have some better things to do. And on top of that, your actual content in the text message is not even tight. I'm sorry if I'm being harsh, but this is the exact thing you need to avoid in the future.

Ignore what your friend says and start paying attention to people'sactions.A girl does not ignore the messages of a guy she is into. Combine that with how often you're contacting her after only one meeting and I can guarantee that her interest is low. She may have very well been into you but you need to give her a bit of a reason to wonder about you, man. She's new in town, just getting her feet under her, and just went on a date with a guy. I'm sure the last thing she wants to do is rush into anything and get into relationship mode, which is the exact precedent you set.Texting is 90% for logistics and 10% for chit chat.

My honest advice is to not contact her at all if she completely ignored your weekend text. If you really must, hit her up next Monday to make some plans for the upcoming week at some point.
Yea I know you're right man. Texting her two days in a row was dumb idk what I was thinking. She did end up responding a day later last night apologizing for not responding because she fell asleep so all hope may not be lost but I should probably cool on the dating for now anyways as I'm somewhat fresh out of a relationship. Maybe I'll hit her up again in the future.

I do want to learn this stuff though for the future and you guys seem to know what you're talking about. I guess it just seems so counter intuitive to me but your sales explanation and the explanations by pondus, buchy, nedo and daisy do make sense and help me wrap my head around it. I appreciate everyone's thoughts on the subject. In my last relationship, from the day I met her on we weren't in constant contact buy we probably texted or snapped at least once a day. I guess that's the exception and not the norm. I always thought of texting as a way to be funny and keep her interest in you but after reading through all of the replys that now makes sense that it's backwards.
Originally Posted By psychosylocibin⏩
I don't follow any rules either, however, it seems as though my intuition is OFF because of apparent lack of experience, or something like that. I don't have time for over analyzing stuff. I like to make quick decisions. Ideally - I want to reach a place where I can be in a normal state as my life and not have to analyze whether I should text a girl/when I should call etc. I am already there mentally with regards to my life in that I have my mission/time and don't fall for girls too easily or pine over one, but my calibration with women seems off, in that when I think I am not being needy, I Am actually being needy.This is exactly what is frustrating, as most men I know who fail with women are actually needy and pine over one girl too soon.
I kind of had this state of mind about it. If a girl is into you I wouldn't think a couple texts here and there would effect that one way or another. Apparently there are better strategies involving being more scarce. Trying to learn and get better at it.
post 1482563811 02-07-2017, 11:33 AM
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Originally Posted By psychosylocibin⏩
I don't follow any rules either, however, it seems as though my intuition is OFF because of apparent lack of experience, or something like that. I don't have time for over analyzing stuff. I like to make quick decisions. Ideally - I want to reach a place where I can be in a normal state as my life and not have to analyze whether I should text a girl/when I should call etc. I am already there mentally with regards to my life in that I have my mission/time and don't fall for girls too easily or pine over one, but my calibration with women seems off, in that when I think I am not being needy, I Am actually being needy.This is exactly what is frustrating, as most men I know who fail with women are actually needy and pine over one girl too soon.
As with anything, taking the time to learn skill up front pays dividends down the road. Yes, I used to give this a lot of thought. It took time and energy to learn how to get it right. Now it's instinctual as is most of my "game".
Originally Posted By daisygirl713⏩
Ok, you have to take into account that some women WILL wait for that first initial 'feedback' text from a guy post-date. I know I will, because I want the man to affirm that he had a good time on the date and is interested in seeing me again. Once we've established mutual interest, then our contact can become more balanced and both parties can initiate at a fairly equal ratio. Point being, women can be very interested post-date, but are simply waiting to hear from the guy first. And it has less to do w/games or 'worshipping', and more to do with fearing rejection and seeking that initial confirmation that he's into her.
This proves that the right thing to do is wait. Either she will text first or she will be sitting next to her phone dying to hear from you. Win/Win. Only women that are NOT interested will go, "Oh, he waited exactly 3 days, what a douche."
Originally Posted By Luc1fer⏩
Really? Because every Tom, Dick and Harry talks about the 3-day rule. Every woman knows about the 3 day rule. Women have told me that if a guy waits 3 days to message sheknowshe's playing the stupid game and he looks like a clown.

It's to obvious now, everyone knows how the waiting text game goes.
See above.

I've mentioned this, but not specifically address this, but I work on a reward system to keep my natural instincts as a man in check. Before I take ANY action, ask myself if she has taken similar action already. If the answer is no, then I wait longer to do what I was thinking about doing, UNLESS I know her well enough to know that regardless of whether she (subconsciously) thinks she has earned it, she will appreciate my efforts. This is extremely important because if you keep doing things for her "out of the blue" for "no good reason" this lowers your value. You are thinking, "But there was a good reason! I wanted to show her that I care and that I am thinking about her!" STOP!! It has to be a good reason to HER, not you! If she doesn't think she earned it, then ELO minus treefitty.

I also want to expand on this ELO thing. No, I don't go tracking my value, it was just a way for me to explain it a different way to an engineer, but it would be wise to internalize this because it will keep you on your game, and keep you from turning into a supplicating, needy chump, if you realize if you are not increasing attraction, then you are lowering it.
Forever alone? Attraction and keeping the girl chasing you - http://forum.obnoxiousbrutes.com/showthread.php?t=131498033

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post 1482573051 02-07-2017, 01:11 PM
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Originally Posted By pondus_levo⏩
This proves that the right thing to do is wait. Either she will text first or she will be sitting next to her phone dying to hear from you. Win/Win. Only women that are NOT interested will go, "Oh, he waited exactly 3 days, what a douche."
This lol. Daisy doesn't even realize that what we are saying will happen, IS happening without her even realizing it as she is questioning herself lol. You notice though how she is off-put by it, but never mentioned she would dismiss the guy. None of them would if they were interested especially after I tell her I've been busy lol. I'll be honest brahs, if I liked my date, I am thinking about her too the next day. I just keep my composure and don't message because I know the value of patience in dating.

Luc1fer just doesn't understand the concept that when a woman thinks about you, she subconsciously likes you more/wants you, especially when you create a scenario where she HAS TO know (ie if you like her). He's too genuine with good morals. Not it in 2017.jpg but luckily for him he's got a bitty.
post 1482578311 02-07-2017, 01:43 PM
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Originally Posted By pondus_levo⏩
As with anything, taking the time to learn skill up front pays dividends down the road. Yes, I used to give this a lot of thought. It took time and energy to learn how to get it right. Now it's instinctual as is most of my "game".

I need to get to this point...haha.

Also, was eating lunch at the cafeteria at work today, someone walks by and says "hi [OP]", turn around slowly and it was her. but she had already passed so I didn't say anything.

Weird


Originally Posted By awilll⏩
I kind of had this state of mind about it. If a girl is into you I wouldn't think a couple texts here and there would effect that one way or another. Apparently there are better strategies involving being more scarce. Trying to learn and get better at it.
yeah, exactly my point. if you have your life together and work on yourself, and already have an "abundance" mindset because of that, a few texts here and there shouldnt hurt since you are coming froma mentally sound point.
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post 1482602961 02-07-2017, 05:01 PM
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Originally Posted By pondus_levo⏩
This proves that the right thing to do is wait. Either she will text first or she will be sitting next to her phone dying to hear from you. Win/Win. Only women that are NOT interested will go, "Oh, he waited exactly 3 days, what a douche." .
Lol, if I was interested, I'd definitely be teasing him on our next date about why the hell he waited so long to text me. Then again, I have a curious nature, so I inevitably try and understand reasoning behind behavior. Most people reveal their cards pretty quickly lol and that works out just fine cuz I like candidness in a person!
Originally Posted By Nedo⏩
This lol. Daisy doesn't even realize that what we are saying will happen, IS happening without her even realizing it as she is questioning herself lol. You notice though how she is off-put by it, but never mentioned she would dismiss the guy. None of them would if they were interested especially after I tell her I've been busy lol. I'll be honest brahs, if I liked my date, I am thinking about her too the next day. I just keep my composure and don't message because I know the value of patience in dating.
Lol Nedo, you sh!t stirrerYou are right, though...I wouldn't write someone off that made a great first impression on a date if he waited 3+ days. However, if given a choice, I'd rather he texted me within 24 hours telling me he had a great time and he'd like to see me again. I don't think there's anyclear cut right or wrong[besidesoverdoing contact]. You can adjust your approach based on an individual basis...maybe someone is more aloof/shy, whereas someone else is really open/friendly- what works for one may not be effective with the other!
Originally Posted By Nedo⏩
when a woman thinks about you, she subconsciously likes you more/wants you, especially when you create a scenario where she HAS TO know (ie if you like her).
This is true. Part of what contributes to that positive outcome is limiting text discussions to making plans, and not wasting excess time with throwaway chats, because that can lead to 'verbal diarrhea', especially when you try too hard to keep a convo alive that doesn't need to be happening in the 1st place.
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post 1482607191 02-07-2017, 05:39 PM
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Originally Posted By pondus_levo⏩
All you are describing is the initial attraction where you haven't even gotten her number yet. So you see a target, interact, gauge her interest level, and go for the kill if you get positive feedback. You do the same thing online. Don't need pheromones and mannerisms to find common ground, yo.

Everything that comes after getting her number is EXACTLY the SAME.

So, I can be interesting and take the time to go out and meet women, but I can't be interesting and take the time to browse through a couple of profiles and send a coupe of emails late at night while my kids are sleeping, and vice-versa.

To think I thought I had it all figured out, you woke me up! I totally get it now, thanks!







I just want to make it clear. I DO GO OUT AND TALK TO WOMEN IRL AND GET NUMBERS. THE PROCESS IS IS NO DIFFERENT AFTER YOU GET THEIR NUMBER!
*golf clap* If all you're going for is to instantly get a phone number you're missing out on a lot of stuff. I am a firm believer in yes getting a number is nice but setting meet ups at place you both enjoy to be way more rewarding. I personally hate texts when chit can be handled in a 20 second phone call, but will text if that's what the woman prefers, also non of that 3 day blah blah *******ry either, I call when I feel its appropriate, if the date is in the afternoon id text or call that evening and say hey thanks for the great time I felt some good vibes are you looking long term or limbo if they say limbo I move onto the next no time to play games. Before you say how can you verify they're going to show up, well I plan a meet up at a place we enjoy as that's how we met, and if they don't show up I move on. I am 33 , missing several organs, and live in a warzone to provide for my children so I don't have time to play bullchit games when it comes to a relationship. Guess what I have kids too, instead of sending off emails to randos on online dating sites I spend my time not on missions video chatting with them as much as I can, hell even when my contract is up in 2019 when they're not at my house I'll be video chatting with them as much as I can. I think we have different view points, once I had kids and the wife said hey I have a boyfriend now while I was in the sandbox, I prioritized my life to my children, sure a relationship would be lovely however my kids happiness before mine so that's why I stick to IRL meets and no bullchit games.

I honestly only post in this section to try and give helpful advice and steer people from the pitfalls of being overly desperate to be in a relationship and to keep them from the blackhole of online dating.
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post 1482607781 02-07-2017, 05:45 PM
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Figured this was the best place to ask for advice in this thread.

Girl at my work, one of the first girls I've felt a strong connection with in years. We got along right off the bat, she's always hanging around me, stands closely to me, laughs at my chitty jokes. People at work have bugged me and said we look at you guys and say "date already to ourselves"

We've hungout once outside of work after a shift and it went great, never silence or moments it felt weird. She however claims to have some sort of bf, she didn't have one when we first met at work. She doesn't talk much about him, which I can respect, personal life is personal.

She'll sometime text me and then takes forever to respond. Last time we worked together I was ice cold, gave her one word answers, she kept plugging away tho trying to start up a convo to no avail. Haven't seen her in a week, just got a text from her asking if I'm working tomorrow and it feels like she hasn't seen me in ages... We've gone back and forth a bit, and now she's stopped replying after I responded to a question she had..

What the **** bros?!?! This girl seems so into me when we are together, catch her looking my way, it just feels right.. What do
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post 1482610681 02-07-2017, 06:06 PM
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Originally Posted By meenman83⏩
*golf clap* If all you're going for is to instantly get a phone number you're missing out on a lot of stuff. I am a firm believer in yes getting a number is nice but setting meet ups at place you both enjoy to be way more rewarding. I personally hate texts when chit can be handled in a 20 second phone call, but will text if that's what the woman prefers, also non of that 3 day blah blah *******ry either, I call when I feel its appropriate, if thedate is in the afternoonidtext or call that eveningand say heythanks for the great timeI felt some good vibes are youlooking long termor limbo if they say limbo I move onto the next no time to play games. Before you say how can you verify they're going to show up, well I plan a meet up at a place we enjoy as that's how we met, and if they don't show up I move on. I am 33 , missing several organs, and live in a warzone to provide for my children so I don't have time to playbullchit games when it comes to a relationship. Guess what I have kids too, instead of sending off emails to randos on online dating sites I spend my time not on missions video chatting with them as much as I can, hell even when my contract is up in 2019 when they're not at my house I'll be video chatting with them as much as I can. I think we have different view points, once I had kids and the wife said hey I have a boyfriend now while I was in the sandbox, I prioritized my life to my children, sure a relationship would be lovely however my kids happiness before mine so that's why I stick to IRL meets and no bullchit games.

I honestly only post in this section to try and give helpful advice and steer people from the pitfalls of being overly desperate to be in a relationship and to keep them from the blackhole of online dating.
Your advice sucks dink too.

Who the fuuck are you trying to get in a relationship with? Hopefully no one you may or may not meet after one date.
post 1482612091 02-07-2017, 06:15 PM
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Originally Posted By zebraman12⏩
Your advice sucks dink too.

Who the fuuck are you trying to get in a relationship with? Hopefully no one you may or may not meet after one date.
Doesn't suck dink, worked every time for me in the past getting relationships. I only go for people with similar interests. I already stated the long term statement a couple of pages ago agreeing with another posters approach that's well regarded here. My belief and experience with the "long term" it means they're less likely to be flakey/ghost and take chit seriously. Does that clarify everything you bolded zebraman12?
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post 1482612451 02-07-2017, 06:18 PM
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Originally Posted By psychosylocibin⏩
I need to get to this point...haha.

Also, was eating lunch at the cafeteria at work today, someone walks by and says "hi [OP]", turn around slowly and it was her. but she had already passed so I didn't say anything.

Weird

yeah, exactly my point. if you have your life together and work on yourself, and already have an "abundance" mindset because of that, a few texts here and there shouldnt hurt since you are coming froma mentally sound point.
Stop focusing on what seems right to you, and start focusing on what triggers her EMOTIONALLY.
Originally Posted By daisygirl713⏩
Lol, if I was interested, I'd definitely be teasing him on our next date about why the hell he waited so long to text me. Then again, I have a curious nature, so I inevitably try and understand reasoning behind behavior. Most people reveal their cards pretty quickly lol and that works out just fine cuz I like candidness in a person!
You mean you'd **** test him? Even if you were joking, if he panics and doesn't give you a favorable response, he just lowered his value and you didn't even mean for him to. Kind of like how Psy's girl sucked him into texting and chatting with her too much. She basically sabotaged herself.

The roll of the man, is to not only keep the woman from sabotaging the relationship, but also not sabotaging it himself.

Now you all get why it's so important to know how women are wired.

Daisy, you are soooo freakin good at proving my points. ;P
Forever alone? Attraction and keeping the girl chasing you - http://forum.obnoxiousbrutes.com/showthread.php?t=131498033

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post 1482615291 02-07-2017, 06:39 PM
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Originally Posted By pondus_levo⏩
You mean you'd **** test him? Even if you were joking, if he panics and doesn't give you a favorable response, he just lowered his value and you didn't even mean for him to. Kind of like how Psy's girl sucked him into texting and chatting with her too much. She basically sabotaged herself.
Asking a question isn't 'sh!t testing' in my book. What am I, not supposed to ask because God forbid the guy panics? LMAO how bout no, we're all grown-ups here. How someone responds is on them. If he can't handle a little banter, then he's not gonna be the personality for me anyway; better we learn that early on, don't ya think!
Also, I don't think it's fair to say she sabotaged 'herself'. Dating is a two way street and if someone blindly follows another's lead, then that's as much their fault as it is the instigator's.
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post 1482620511 02-07-2017, 07:18 PM
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Originally Posted By daisygirl713⏩
Asking a question isn't 'sh!t testing' in my book. What am I, not supposed to ask because God forbid the guy panics? LMAO how bout no, we're all grown-ups here. How someone responds is on them. If he can't handle a little banter, then he's not gonna be the personality for me anyway; better we learn that early on, don't ya think!
Also, I don't think it's fair to say she sabotaged 'herself'. Dating is a two way street and if someone blindly follows another's lead, then that's as much their fault as it is the instigator's.
It's 100% a **** test.
Forever alone? Attraction and keeping the girl chasing you - http://forum.obnoxiousbrutes.com/showthread.php?t=131498033

You will never know your limits, unless you push yourself past the imaginary lines you have drawn in the sand.

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post 1482620851 02-07-2017, 07:22 PM
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Originally Posted By daisygirl713⏩
Asking a question isn't 'sh!t testing' in my book. What am I, not supposed to ask because God forbid the guy panics? LMAO how bout no, we're all grown-ups here. How someone responds is on them. If he can't handle a little banter, then he's not gonna be the personality for me anyway; better we learn that early on, don't ya think!
Also, I don't think it's fair to say she sabotaged 'herself'. Dating is a two way street and if someone blindly follows another's lead, then that's as much their fault as it is the instigator's.
Per your words:

If he can't handle it- lower value

If he can handle it- high value

Better that we learn early on. - Resolve is being tested to ensure compatibility.

**** test.

See, you don't even know you are doing it. Guess who on this thread passes this test, regardless of what the truth is?

I can keep doing this all night. :P
Forever alone? Attraction and keeping the girl chasing you - http://forum.obnoxiousbrutes.com/showthread.php?t=131498033

You will never know your limits, unless you push yourself past the imaginary lines you have drawn in the sand.

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post 1482623411 02-07-2017, 07:47 PM
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Originally Posted By pondus_levo⏩
Per your words:

If he can't handle it- lower value

If he can handle it- high value

Better that we learn early on. - Resolve is being tested to ensure compatibility.

**** test.

See, you don't even know you are doing it. Guess who on this thread passes this test, regardless of what the truth is?

I can keep doing this all night. :P
Lmaooo wow. You really analyze this stuff, don't you? I don't think of it as 'lower value/higher value', I just chalk it up to compatibility or incompatibility. If he's gonna fold like a cheap suit when I ask a question, then it ain't gonna work!
**Based on what I've read about 'sh!t testing', it's when you're looking for a certain reaction or answer from someone based on a question or statement. In contrast, I am asking out of genuine curiosity; I want to know why, simple as that! I find dating behavior interesting...hell, clearly we all do based on this thread. I don't consider asking questions to understand behavior a 'sh!t test'- BUT we can agree to disagree cuz you are on a wholeeee other level of mastery when it comes to this gaming stuff & prob know more than me
7:1
post 1482623941 02-07-2017, 07:53 PM
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Originally Posted By daisygirl713⏩
Lmaooo wow. You really analyze this stuff, don't you? I don't think of it as 'lower value/higher value', I just chalk it up to compatibility or incompatibility. If he's gonna fold like a cheap suit when I ask a question, then it ain't gonna work!
**Based on what I've read about 'sh!t testing', it's when you're looking for a certain reaction or answer from someone based on a question or statement. In contrast, I am asking out of genuine curiosity; I want to know why, simple as that! I find dating behavior interesting...hell, clearly we all do based on this thread. I don't consider asking questions to understand behavior a 'sh!t test'- BUT we can agree to disagree cuz you are on a wholeeee other level of mastery when it comes to this gaming stuff &prob know more than me
Not looking for a certain reaction, per say. Any Reaction. Good or bad. But, women probably already know what a good or bad reaction would be based on their own experience.

Age over beauty, my dear.

I've given so much dating advice on this forum over the years, that I've probably passed 99% of **** tests w/out even experiencing them first hand.
Forever alone? Attraction and keeping the girl chasing you - http://forum.obnoxiousbrutes.com/showthread.php?t=131498033

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post 1482633321 02-07-2017, 09:17 PM
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Originally Posted By pondus_levo⏩
Not looking for a certain reaction, per say. Any Reaction. Good or bad. But, women probably already know what a good or bad reaction would be based on their own experience.

Age over beauty, my dear.

I've given so much dating advice on this forum over the years, that I've probably passed 99% of **** tests w/out even experiencing them first hand.
I'd consider a sh*t test a conjuring/invention of a scenario designed to gauge a partners reaction. I guess asking a question with the intent to observe the reaction could be classified as as a more subtle form.
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post 1482638551 02-07-2017, 10:13 PM
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So here's the final low down boys, just got off the phone with vick for his insights.

I went over to her house to talk and break up. It was waaaaay different than I expected. First, her reasoning was totally unrelated to what happened over the weekened, she brought up a bunch of issues for the first time that didnt make sense to me and in some cases I think were false.

But it felt good, we got over with that, talked about some other s*it, and we agreed that although we didnt want to force the friends thing, we do enjoy some of the same s*it and would want to in the future do some of those things. We're still going to the play we have tickets for on Saturday


Overall, I feel SO much better than I did leading up to this. I thought I would feel bad, being officially single again. But I dont. I have the experience, it was fun, and now I can move on in life. It wasnt the be all end all, and in some ways I'm not even sure I would consider it all worth it. What I really will miss is not even the sex, its just having someone to talk to and do stuff with. But wont be that bad, because I will no longer feel like an FA loser but rather someone that isnt interested in dating really, because I've done it and it was good but no reason to go crazy.

Where do I go from here? I'm sure at some point I'll miss the intimacy and crave it again. But realistically I'm going to have a hard time explaining to myself that its a worthwhile pursuit now that I can say i've done it. I just dont see what i have to gain. I got all the physical milestones out of the way, saw what it was like to date etc, and yea cool but its not like I want a family or anything. I don't see myself moving in with anyone, unless it was purely to save money and they understood I am not a marriage or family man


Also, one of the things she said that I thought was funny " its clear that you only really care about yourself". Let me know I did things the right way
post 1482639561 02-07-2017, 10:24 PM
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Originally Posted By Maatkarah⏩
For the sake of argument, personal ads in newspapers/periodicals were common right back to the 1800's for people who weren't meeting a partner in their (limited) environment.

Likewise I know people whose grandmothers went to colonies like Oz on a ship to be matched up with single men there (there were vastly more males than females there obv.).

Point is, it's not entirely accurate to think absolutely all coupling up until recently was 'natural'.

In general; OLD works for some, not for others. I know happily married couples who met online. Everytime I watch house-hunting programmes there are couples (often older) who met online.
It is what you make of it. Whether it's luck or ... who knows.
HA! Yes!! Very true! I do remember the personal ads in the newspaper. Now you are bringing back memories like when rotary phones turned into push-button phones.

No married couple that I personally know has met online, so that part skews it for me. I see the stats that match and OKCupid advertise and wonder. I'm sure some people do find their soulmates online. It seems that the guys who post on this subforum and my single female friends are frustrated with online, though.

I think the biggest problem is people think that someone better is out there, so they never want to take down their profiles to be exclusive. Or they secretly have a profile up. Online can be very addictive as well.

The average user gets on Tinder 11 times a day and spends 90 minutes a day on it. Plus getting nonstop texts also stimulates the brain. Dopamine starts you seeking, then you get rewarded for the seeking which makes you seek more. It becomes harder and harder to stop looking at email, stop texting, or stop checking your cell phone to see if you have a message or a new text.

Interestingly brain scan research shows that the brain has more activity when people are ANTICIPATING a reward than getting one

Dopamine is also stimulated by unpredictability. When something happens that is not exactly predictable, that stimulates the dopamine system. Our emails and twitters and texts show up, but you don't know exactly when they will, or who they will be from.

Thus, I turned off the sound notification from texts to help turn off the dopamine loop. I also turned off ********, IG, Kik, whatsapp notifications: visual and sound. Now I am considering removing the notifications from Messages and Mail because they are very distracting at work.

Source:https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog...ter-and-google

When I first deleted Tinder and all online dating, I became clinically depressed and full of brain fog. Over time my brain adjusted, and now it feels like freedom to no longer check my phone 24/7. I'll even forget my phone in my purse when I get home from work, and then look at it again the next morning. There's nothing except a reminder to meditate
Originally Posted By Flexium⏩
Are you gay or a female?
Female. I should change my name to brahette but can't. I should have answered gay, lol.
post 1482641121 02-07-2017, 10:42 PM
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Originally Posted By deadliftbrah19⏩
Thus, I turned off the sound notification from texts to help turn off the dopamine loop. I also turned off ********, IG, Kik, whatsapp notifications: visual and sound. Now I am considering removing the notifications from Messages and Mail because they are very distracting at work.

Source:https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog...ter-and-google

When I first deleted Tinder and all online dating, I became clinically depressed and full of brain fog. Over time my brain adjusted, and now it feels like freedom to no longer check my phone 24/7. I'll even forget my phone in my purse when I get home from work, and then look at it again the next morning. There's nothing except a reminder to meditate
Now all you need to do isdeactivate******** and all that other garbage. Kick it to the curb for good.

Inb4 "b b but.... I use it to keep in touch with my family/friends!"

Sheeeeeeeeeit....
post 1482641791 02-07-2017, 10:50 PM
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Okay boys, got some new developments cooking up. More info tomorrow.
post 1482642151 02-07-2017, 10:54 PM
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Originally Posted By xvicknumber7x⏩
Okay boys, got some new developments cooking up. More info tomorrow.
brah this still feels almost identical to the last thread, just wondering if there's something I missed. whats supposed to be new
post 1482647121 02-08-2017, 12:00 AM
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Originally Posted By jamesbwbevis⏩
Also, one of the things she said that I thought was funny " its clear that you only really care about yourself". Let me know I did things the right way
But you didn't only care about yourself, right? So why does she think that? You have to take some ownership of the fact that maybe you lacked the communication skills to show her that you really cared about her in a way that she could receive them. Keep this in mind for your next relationship.

Also, if it was so clear, then why did she never speak up about it? She needs to take ownership of that, too.

Poor communication will kill even the best of relationships.
Forever alone? Attraction and keeping the girl chasing you - http://forum.obnoxiousbrutes.com/showthread.php?t=131498033

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post 1482647321 02-08-2017, 12:03 AM
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Originally Posted By jamesbwbevis⏩
Also, one of the things she said that I thought was funny " its clear that you only really care about yourself". Let me know I did things the right way
I'm not sure that's the right way...
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post 1482647431 02-08-2017, 12:05 AM
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Originally Posted By Luc1fer⏩
I'm not sure that's the right way...
I think he's saying he made the right choice by breaking up with her.
Forever alone? Attraction and keeping the girl chasing you - http://forum.obnoxiousbrutes.com/showthread.php?t=131498033

You will never know your limits, unless you push yourself past the imaginary lines you have drawn in the sand.

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post 1482651351 02-08-2017, 01:21 AM
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Originally Posted By rawdawgg⏩
Now all you need to do isdeactivate******** and all that other garbage. Kick it to the curb for good.

Inb4 "b b but.... I use it to keep in touch with my family/friends!"

Sheeeeeeeeeit....
LOL yes true, family, friends, yes and networking for jobs. I'm also considered "over the hill" in the industry I work in as most are in their 20s, so I post my workout routine so it doesn't look like I am half dead and still employable.

Many of my friends have moved away since the cost of living is so high here, and I doubt I would still be in contact and we fly out to see each other if it wasn't for ********.

Whatsapp is for international communication. Kik is just for my eating disorder support group since most are in their teens. Just the other day a 14 year old girl in that group said she was going to commit suicide and I talked her out of it. So sad that people that young would have such thoughts.

However, I see your point. There would be less clutter and chaos in my life without all of those apps.
post 1482653071 02-08-2017, 01:56 AM
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Originally Posted By daisygirl713⏩
Asking a question isn't 'sh!t testing' in my book. What am I, not supposed to ask because God forbid the guy panics? LMAO how bout no, we're all grown-ups here. How someone responds is on them. If he can't handle a little banter, then he's not gonna be the personality for me anyway; better we learn that early on, don't ya think!
Also, I don't think it's fair to say she sabotaged 'herself'. Dating is a two way street and if someone blindly follows another's lead, then that's as much their fault as it is the instigator's.
It's not a chit test at all it's you teasing him gently which is what guys do as well but according Ponds when a girl teases it's a chit test. I swear I am done with even responding to him he thinks he is this guru with a skewed sense of reality. Obviously you Daisy went on a second date which is good for both parties and you share some similarities, but if a guy can't handle a little teasing or doesn't respond with a witty semi teasy come back to you then yes the chemistry loses quite a few points. Finding equal senses of humor and intelligence isn't a chit test it's called making sure the are on nearly the same wavelength as you.
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post 1482653741 02-08-2017, 02:13 AM
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Originally Posted By awilll⏩
Yea I know you're right man. Texting her two days in a row was dumb idk what I was thinking. She did end up responding a day later last night apologizing for not responding because she fell asleep so all hope may not be lost but I should probably cool on the dating for now anyways as I'm somewhat fresh out of a relationship. Maybe I'll hit her up again in the future.

I do want to learn this stuff though for the future and you guys seem to know what you're talking about. I guess it just seems so counter intuitive to me but your sales explanation and the explanations by pondus, buchy, nedo and daisy do make sense and help me wrap my head around it. I appreciate everyone's thoughts on the subject. In my last relationship, from the day I met her on we weren't in constant contact buy we probably texted or snapped at least once a day. I guess that's the exception and not the norm. I always thought of texting as a way to be funny and keep her interest in you but after reading through all of the replys that now makes sense that it's backwards.



I kind of had this state of mind about it. If a girl is into you I wouldn't think a couple texts here and there would effect that one way or another. Apparently there are better strategies involving being more scarce. Trying to learn and get better at it.
It takes time and you shouldn't be down on yourself. It is counter-intuitive which is why so many men struggle to understand it, but it's counter intuitive because we're brought up on a steady diet of "just be yourself", "be honest", "the right one is out there for you" and "what's for you won't go by you".

Unfortunately that's all horse**** in practice, it took me a lot of experience, experimenting and practice to understand that and why it is like it is.

I won't delve too far into the theory, but you need to ask yourself a simple question - who benefits most from that kind of behaviour or advice?

Hint: The answers are revealed in Daisy's posts (this is not a dig at her); women want to know compatibility and suitability quickly. They don't want to waste time on a guy so therefore it benefits women to have everything out in the open to allow fast decisions on who they do and don't want. The problem is most of their selection criteria are unrealistic when they are not in the heat of the moment.


So, speaking purely on the meeting and attracting girls side, you've got to realize that it is all a game. Those who win are those who play skillfully, which means there are tactics and strategies that are reliable in providing positive results.

Think of it as understanding what makes the game fun for women - it's mystery, it's humour that are the most thrilling things for them. It's a game where the prize is you, women actually want to win you, the thing that turns them on and gets them excited (though I doubt any will admit it) is the thrill of beating other women to unwrap and explore this mystery prize.

You need to realize that women are hit on all the time and that 90% of those approaches are boring, the guy who is different or fun or has a 6-pack is the one that peaks her interest.

If no one else is playing for you and everything about you is on display after the first hand of the card game then the motivation and thrill is gone.

That's the best advice I can give you: don't take it personally, realize there are lots of women out there and understand that almost everything mainstream society tells you about how to attract women is BS.

Maintaining a relationship is a whole different area though....
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