Also this. I've knocked off a few souls orb bosses with no flask left lmao

Bruh, I think I managed to have negative health for a bit, like during the not being able to walk phase lol. I am amazed and so grateful for the health that I have been able to recuperate and hold nowadays. It's incredible how resilient the human body and psyche is! Also, I liked your reply above about not being special! So true!

I will stop drinking. Trying to never pick up a drink again. Drinking for me = a miserable empty life

Same and amen to that! I feel that it helps me to just not drink for today otherwise I sometimes get overwhelmed with the thought of not drinking for life.

Somebody mod rep this man



Yeah I agree 5 million% srs

Yeah that is probably a better way to go about it. I always look back when I was younger and think oh that was the best, I have so many memories from back then. Then I realize the reason I don't have any from my 20's is because I am drinking during every major life event and brown/black out.

Checking in at day 100 boyos! LETS F0CKING GO!!

AA program is it mane.

Depending how deep you are in, you could suffer DTs, seizures...it can be fatal. If you are considering it, it is in your best interests to speak with your doctor who can guide you if you need to medically detox either outpatient or inpatient.

Alcohol slows down your neurotransmitters. Your body gets used to that. So, when you take it away they can go haywire and cause severe symptoms distress. Best wishes and please do talk with a doctor.

Hey, congratulations! Nice work on getting over three months of sobriety, **** isn't easy!This is fantastic advice. Withdrawal from benzos and/or alcohol can indeed be fatal! While some might be able to detox themselves, I believe that medically assisted detox is a good idea for these GABAnergics (and other substances too to make the process easier).

Has anybody tried MJ to curb their booze addiction?

I truly believe the negative effects of MJ are way overblown

Just wanted to post a success as I know I posted in this thread (or a similiar one) a few months back.
After steadily increasing my drinking for about a year and a half have successfully cut back. In the summer/fall had over 6 months straight where I didn't miss a single day of not having a drink. Finally had 2 or 3 days in december where I didn't have a drink. This month I've gone over half the days in Feb without having a drink. No longer feel that same urge to just have a drink when I'm not doing anything and it's allowed me to also not get as hammered when I do go out. Drinking so much was def increasing my anxiety.

I wouldn't recommend replacing one addiction with another. At least until you do some work in active recovery while building helpful coping mechanisms, creating a strong support network, and some serious introspection. I wouldn't say marijuana is very harmful, but I also think it's just as silly to say there is no to little harm.Hell yeah, nice job dave man. It's crazy how when we spend some time in sobriety and realize that many of our problems were being created or at least exacerbated by our substance abuse when we thought it was helping lol.

Went to gastroenterologist and did blood tests and he’s pretty encouraged by my liver function despite it being a scarred and shrunken piece of rock. Inflammation basically gone.

Have to get endoscopy to see if I have eso****eal varices for which I would have to take beta blockers to prevent from rupturing and killing me.

Repeat MRI shows no more pancreatic pseudo cyst. Liver is definitely cirrhotic, like lol.

He also did an ultrasound and it’s very inelastic which he says may slightly improve over years of sobriety.

He says I should live a normal lifespan if I never drink again. Only problem is increased risk of liver cancer which means regular testing. So if I live for another 20-30 years I probably will get it.

Also did lipid screen and that was perfect. Blood sugar and other blood tests also great, kidney function great, etc.

Only thing that’s bad is platelet count.

14 weeks no alcohol, feel great and still getting my physical strength back slowly.


He says I was pretty close to going off the cliff.


Probably will look into some kind of outpatient treatment but not AA.


Feeling physically good and mentally sharp compared to the past couple years of hell, but emotionally a train wreck with zero confidence and highly vulnerable and weak, despise myself to no end and the future feels bleak. No interest in anything, nothing is interesting, I just work and watch YouTube.

But damn it feels amazing to not be sick all the time.

Thanks for the update! That's awesome that your health has been doing well and getting better! I know you mentioned the increased risk of liver cancer, but I am stoked that your labs are pretty much all WNL. And it sounds like it hasn't just been your physical health that has been improving. It's so nice to be doing well in recovery especially compared to being in addictive addiction. So you were thinking of doing intensive outpatient / outpatient (IOP/OP)? I think that's a good idea, I am sure there's some knowledge to further improve your life and well being in those groups. Have you ever been to SMART Recovery? I like it because it isn't a 12 step program and instead it focuses on cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) techniques. I find them to be pretty helpful and it is nice to have the additional support.

Mirin brah!

Tomorrow will be day one. Again.

It's not drink for me, it's food. My binge eating disorder is ****ing me over so badly.

I'm not losing the weight I need to.
I'm less confident because I'm less attractive.
My clothes aren't fitting me properly.
It's costing me £15/$18 a day when I binge.

I probably binge 200 days a year, which at £15 a day is £3000. ****. The things I could do with that.

My brain is just telling me to eat something - and I cannot do anything productive. I'm crippled.

Welcome to the thread!! What sort of changes in your life do you plan to implement to help you in your goal of recovery from an eating disorder? Hopefully you have some friends and/or family in your life that are supportive! Have you ever been to therapy/treatment for your ED? Keep us updated!!


I hope everyone else is doing well! Any victories or challenges that anyone would like to share? My recovery has been going well and I can't believe that I will have a year of sobriety in just about two weeks! I've really been working on improving my health, especially in terms of fitness. I am supposed to get matched with a sixth recoveree/peer to work with as a recovery coach. I've really been enjoying working as a recovery coach and it is nice that I can support other people in their journey of recovery!!

Really bad relationships with family and I feel uncomfortable talking to them, I really miss my mom and dad and miss talking to them but they always look at me like I’m retarded or dying. There’s nothing else to talk about and I don’t blame them for not wanting to talk to me, and getting frustrated/angry when I tell them I don’t feel good. They just want me to magically feel perfect and amazing and don’t understand why I don’t want to talk about being a loser alcoholic idiot all the time. When I do talk to them and tell them how my emotions are, it just makes me feel worse, our conversations are bad.

Was looking into IOP but I have a $6000 deductible so I’m not gonna do that. Probably just gonna tell my family I’m going to AA to keep them happy. I might even go to a few meetings so I don’t feel like as much of a liar. Never found AA to be helpful.

Have an upper endoscopy tomorrow, really nervous and scared about it. The procedure itself. Also scared and nervous about the results.

Lonely and hopeless and want to be in a hole in the ground, there is no hope and I don’t see any point to this. I guess I have to go to this thing tomorrow and get this frickin endoscopy and just deal with the results of it. God damn it. It’s at 1:30 so if I get the Lyft to drive me starting at 11:30 that should leave time for traffic or whatever, maybe I can try to relax in the waiting area before they take me back.

I’d rather be at work and not doing this stupid endoscopy. If the people were nice I probably wouldn’t mind it, but I know they’re gonna look at me like a freak of nature retard. They won’t even care if I die on the table, in fact they probably hope I do. They won’t be nice or even try to make the experience tolerable. They should just inject me with cyanide or something.

I haven’t taken out trash in my apartment for a few months so I have a definite hoarding situation but I don’t really care. Slipped in the shower and broke the tile wall. Car hasn’t been inspected in 2 years. My joints hurt.

A little over 4 years and 3 months checking in.

Glad to see others post here.

Ausaric, did you previously post under the name Germanic? I don't know what to say to you except I hope you seek and find help. You are loved.

I'm sorry to hear what you are going through and how low you are. That deep pit of depression and hopelessness is absolutely horrible, especially when it feels inescapable. I hope that your upper endo goes well today! I feel like it's better to know then not know. I admire your courageousness for going despite feelings of fear and nervousness. My suggestion is to try to set a few small goals for the next few days, like maybe take out one bag of garbage today. For me, I find that doing even the most minute task can help a little bit with my feelings of depression and being overwhelmed.Congratulations on over four years, that's so awesome! I look forward to having multiple years myself although that is going to take time lol.

Thanks! Everyone is different, but I believe for most people that the more milestones you hit that things get easier. And a year is a huge milestone. Best wishes to you.

Good luck tomorrow. I hope it goes well. Don't worry about whatever they think. They will be kind and doing their job. It's important you find out whatever information is going to come from it.

You're going through a rough patch in your life. But it's not your whole life. Things do get better. They get a lot better. Getting to the point where you can start moving past an addiction is brutal, and you have the most important part done...you want to do it.

Your body and mind will heal, and eventually you will feel great to be alive again. That's going to happen. Your relationships can all heal as well. It will just take some time.

Maybe look into Smart Recovery sometime. It's a different approach than AA, and it could be a better fit. If these things are not working, there is individual therapy to consider. If that is not working, you might consider an inpatient program which is all inclusive as in dual diagnosis. There are places around the country where they can medically treat you rapidly and adjust any medications to help get you on the right path. Intensive therapy. 30-90 days type things. They may cost 10k or something, but insurance will help and you could look at it like you're buying your life back. You might not think it's even possible, but it could be if you have FMLA. And don't forget, money means nothing compared with your life. These places will help with the paperwork and logistics of your situation whatever it is. They'll get you on a plane and have someone pick you up the same day, srs.

There are multiple levels of help out there for you brah, if you want it. You're not alone. Alcohol will try it's best to make you alone, but it doesn't have to win. You can win.

My gastroenterologist told me to do IOP so I’m gonna do it even though I have a $6000 deductible. $200 per visit. Good god.

Have to start taking carvedilol to prevent any more eso****eal varices from forming. They banded 2 large ones last week.

As long as I can stop worrying about varices exploding and possibly causing me to die painfully at any given moment, I’ll take the damn medicine. And I can function on a daily basis.

So pretty much all I have to do is not drink and he says my liver function might improve slightly over time.

If I can live another 10 years that would be cool. At least I don’t have to save for retirement.

At least I can focus on feeling more or less healthy and asymptomatic right now. Feel pretty good physically and mentally. Emotionally feel like chit.

I’m the most low status and least worthwhile person I’ve ever met, the least desireable male ever. I’ve known 500lb retards with maggots in their fat folds that have friends and even a girlfriend. Hard to shake the feeling of total and utter worthlessness. Like why doesn’t someone just put me down, like a dog?

I don't know your current financial situation, but is there any resources/help available to pay at least part of treatment? I'm glad you are able to feel more healthy and less symptomatic right now! I don't believe you are the least worthwhile person; you are making the incredibly difficult decision to change and to do the work required for recovery and living a healthier, happier life. Also, the friends and girlfriends will come later. Now is your time to walk your journey of recovery and taking those steps to a better life. But I know that whatever I or anyone else says, you are still going to have those feelings of total and utter worthlessness. I can personally share that as I have been continuing to work on my recovery and gain back my life, those feelings have been diminished. Sometimes it is still hard to not feel worthless, but I am able to work as a recovery coach as a result of my recovery and also build healthy relationships with other people.

There are no resources available, I changed my mind again and now I don’t want to do it. It’s too much time as it is, 3 hours a night. And $200 per session.

I can’t just make $6000 appear from nowhere that’s a lot of money.

Maybe I need some time to save up for this, I can’t make a stupid financial decision just so I can go to some stupid-ass therapy sessions.

I mean holy fuk it’s $6000 I’ve never spent that much money on anything at one time before.

I could always cash out what’s left of my 401k but damn I have kinda been working hard since I stopped drinking to save money. Now I’m supposed to throw it all down the toilet?

I can’t fukin afford it. If it’s a medical procedure I need or a doctors appntment or MRI or whatever happens in the future, that’s different.


Thanks for sharing your thoughts bro and letting me know my negativity happens to other people as well. It’s cool that you are a recovery coach

Well I ain’t doing the frickin IOP. They never called me back when I asked them to. I ain’t paying to do that chit. God damn it. My gastro is gonna ask why I’m not doing it.

If HE pays the $6000 for me to do it, then I’ll do it, how about that?

Anyway I started taking Carvedilol which is a beta blocker to reduce portal hypertension to help reduce eso****eal varices, and I am happy to report no side effects.

$6000 is cheap if you knew it would guarantee sobriety.

How confident do you feel that you will be able to remain sober moving forward? What changes are you making in your life besides not drinking? IOP is by no means required for successful sobriety, but it is certainly helpful in giving you more tools to use to build a solid foundation of sobriety and maintain that foundation. No offense, but I want to call it what it is; it sounds like you are making thinly veiled excuses to not do it. Besides the money, the fact that they didn't call you when you asked is going to be what stops you from doing IOP?? I want to point this out because in my earlier attempts of successful recovery, I was making any sort of excuse to not do what I really should have done to succeed and as a result, I relapsed many times. Regarding the money, you're possibly going to lose 6k in two ways: 1) spending it on IOP or 2) not being able to use the 6k because you're dead.

Do what you feel is best for your sobriety and especially for your overall life. I suggest you carefully analyze the decisions you make and ask yourself if that decision was made by your sober brain or your addicted brain. I can't speak for everyone, but my addict brain is pretty ****ing good at convincing me to make choices that just feed the addiction and make my life worse. I'm extremely glad that you have been continuing to post in this thread and be open to everyone's input. I can't say for 100% sure because I am not you or in your shoes, but I believe it is a safe guess to say that you are in an extremely dark and difficult time of your life.

I'm surprised there are not any resources or assistance available to help get you into treatment. Have you asked the facility if they do any sliding scale with payment based on income? Have you looked in your state's potential resources? In the state I live, there are a few avenues to get help with treatment, but I know that not every state has resources like that. If you'd like any help looking for something, please PM me with your state location and we can work together to find someway to ease the financial barrier to treatment.

Yeah well it’s not gonna guarantee anything. I don’t think it’s gonna be a game changer for me. It’s pretty simple because if I start drinking again, I’ll die. Might as well blow my fukin brains out if I ever start drinking again and save everyone the trouble.

They don’t do a sliding scale, the cost is based on my insurance and the deductible.

I don’t have very sound finances right now and I am not in a place to spend $6000 at the drop of a hat.

What if I start going to AA meetings but don’t do the IOP? Is that acceptable?

I totally get what you’re saying about addict brain. I have nothing against doing IOP, I was READY to do it until I found out the cost.