I wouldn’t say I was addicted to benzos but I was using klonopin concurrently with large amounts of alcohol for about a year starting about 9 years ago. The combination was brutal. Actually a living hell tbh. Probably put my life in jeopardy many times and ended up getting pretty sick multiple times with pneumonia before I went to rehab. I was blacking out every day and probably aspirating my saliva a lot which caused the pneumonia. Very bizarre mood swings, time loss, and delirium/confusion episodes too.

Detox from the booze and the klonopin was an absolute nightmare, blood pressure shot up to 210/110 my first night at rehab and I had to go to the ER. I don’t think they dosed my Serax correctly and they only did a 9-day detox and the ramp down was brutal. Worst experience of my life by far, those first 2 weeks at rehab. The last 2 weeks were pretty cool.

You think I would have learned my lesson, but I didn’t.


Are you experiencing benzo addiction right now bro?

yea, it's been an on/off addiction/dependence since i had my first panic attack. went to rehab before, withdrawed many times off of it but could only muster up like 10-11 months of sobriety before i cave in. im afraid ill never get off of this sht

Benzos are a nightmare, I’m not even sure how people get high from them. Eventually it barely even works to prevent anxiety it just becomes the thing you have to take so you’re not in a 24/7 panic attack “I’m about to die” mode.

Wish I had advice for you, you’ve already been through rehab and the withdrawal process so if that hasn’t done it for you, I guess eventually you’ll find a reason to stop taking it…or it will become the thing that ends your life. That’s kind of how this stuff seems to go for people in our situation.

There has to be a non benzo option for controlling your anxiety, though.

I have found great success with the combination of Gabapentin and Carvedilol. Gabapentin seems to reduce or eliminate my need for alcohol and helps with anxiety, and Carvedilol as a beta blocker also helps keep my physiological symptoms of anxiety in check.

Are you seeing a psychiatrist?

i dont get high from them. i use them for anxiety relief, although when i first started on them id take a whole bunch and blackout for fun. now i just stay at a low-medium dose to keep anxiety away.

ive tried just about every non benzo anxiety med. already on clonidine and gabapentin.

i have to take this sht just to feel "normal". ive gotten myself down to a lower dosage though and i plan to continue going down gradually. this sht is just so insidious.

and yeah im seeing a pscyh.

That’s tough bro. It’s poison. Not meant for long term use for anyone. Unreal that doctors prescribe this chit to people for long periods of time. It should only be prescribed as PRN for rare occasions and infrequent use. Fukin life-destroying poison from hell, srs.

I understand what you’re going through and what it feels like. Ramping yourself down and weaning off seems like a good idea. Maybe Joey has some insight.

To preface: I am not a doctor and this is not medical advice, follow your physician/medical team's recommendations lol

Firstly, yeah benzos and alcohol both have extremely terrible withdrawals as well as having the possibility of death (usually by seizure). Alcohol and benzos act on the same GABA receptors in the brain which are responsible for an inhibitory/stop signal. So, use over time results in the brain reaching a new normal in function with the prospect that the benzo/alcohol levels stay the same (which is what results in physical dependence). So when you quit alcohol, your brain goes into an electrical frenzy because it's not receiving the same level of inhibitory signals. Sorry for the bit of scientific explanation, but I suppose it's good to highlight the fact that withdrawal from these substances can be fatal. Therefore, great care or even better, medical help, is needed in the process of withdrawal. Which, sounds like you guys are aware of.

I like to champion medical treatment as the first go to, at least with these GABAnergic substances. They can use similar benzos in detox to step you down over 3-7 days to make the withdrawal a bit better (keyword is bit better, still likely to be very miserable like Ausaric described; sweats, anxiety, high HR and BP, nausea, vomiting, and restlessness to name a few). It sounds like the post detox stage is what John (and other people in early recovery) is what is in question. Dealing with the anxiety and finding ways to manage it would probably be top priority. There are other non benzo meds besides the clonidine and gabapentin. There's beta blockers, like Ausaric mentioned, as well as meds like Buspar or even SSRI's. However, non-pharmacological strategies (for example, coping skills and cognitive behavioral therapy) gained during therapy/counseling is highly recommended in conjunction with medications. I believe that the best patient outcomes result in successful use of both pharm and non-pharm treatments.

As far as the recovery aspect goes, my suggestion is to consider going back to inpatient and/or outpatient (IOP/OP) although that might have diminishing results in your circumstance. I have found that focusing and improving on one's social network/support is very beneficial. Having understanding friends and/or family to provide support and accountability helps a lot. Also, finding some meetings can help some, like AA or NA. There are also meetings that don't incorporate 12 steps/higher power like SMART Recovery, which utilizes CBT techniques, or Recovery Dharma, which is based on Buddhist principles. If possible and available, look into your local recovery community scene. I am blessed with a strong and wide recovery community where I live and I've found that meeting people in recovery and participating in recovery events/meetups is a great way to strengthen one's recovery.

Ooof, as much as I love sharing victories and good days, today has been a challenge. Probably some PAWS going on, subpar sleep and workout today, and I’ve had to hold off on buying groceries due to a lack of good clearance/deals, cash back offers, and coupons. So, I need to save my EBT funds for hopefully good deals next week! I don’t mean to spam this thread with my videos, but I figure that you guys don’t have to watch it and can just scroll past it.

I have found that making videos has been a great way of journaling and it’s cool that I can have it in a format that also shows my appearance and demeanor for me to look back on. I can look at my first few videos and compare them to now to verify that a life of recovery is visibly noticeable. And I think it’s cool that I can share my wins, losses, and how I deal with them with you guys! I hope everyone else is doing well and kicking ass!

You’re allowed to have those days dude. Maybe it’s not even PAWS, those days happen to everyone.

Not downplaying the PAWS thing, I feel those days where I literally feel flat and hopeless and defeated, and no motivation whatsoever and it certainly seems like there are more of those days compared to say, 10 years ago or whatever.

I do try to remind myself that’s it’s OK to actually have emotion or have a bad day or be flawed or say the wrong thing or struggle, or just be myself and not have to stress about it so much.

You’re young and healthier than you have been in years and you will get past these food stamp days.

But hell yes dude taking videos and chronicling this is like keeping a journal but better.



I did some sprints today, uphill sprints which made my legs turn into noodles. 13x outside where I live up a small hill. Not a great runner but this feels like a good HIIT type exercise and I don’t go to the gym so I have no real way to train legs other than bodyweight stuff and with DB’s and my backpack with weights in it.

1 week sober but it’s the weekends that usually do me in. Determined to stay strong though.

[QUOTE=Ausaric post_id=1685128813]You’re allowed to have those days dude. Maybe it’s not even PAWS, those days happen to everyone.

Not downplaying the PAWS thing, I feel those days where I literally feel flat and hopeless and defeated, and no motivation whatsoever and it certainly seems like there are more of those days compared to say, 10 years ago or whatever.

I do try to remind myself that’s it’s OK to actually have emotion or have a bad day or be flawed or say the wrong thing or struggle, or just be myself and not have to stress about it so much.

You’re young and healthier than you have been in years and you will get past these food stamp days.

But hell yes dude taking videos and chronicling this is like keeping a journal but better.



I did some sprints today, uphill sprints which made my legs turn into noodles. 13x outside where I live up a small hill. Not a great runner but this feels like a good HIIT type exercise and I don’t go to the gym so I have no real way to train legs other than bodyweight stuff and with DB’s and my backpack with weights in it.

[youtube]6j5AMfqbIXk?[youtube][/QUOTE]Yeah, it could or could not be. I guess it helps remind me that stuff like this is only temporary and it will pass. And hell yeah, nice work! I'm sure your legs are quite noodle-y lol

[QUOTE=Mindrevolution post_id=1685130873]1 week sober but it’s the weekends that usually do me in. Determined to stay strong though.[/QUOTE]Congrats on the one week sober!!! Do you have plans in place or ideas on how to maintain sobriety this weekend? Having some sort of plan helps, especially when you schedule sober activities like maybe hiking by yourself or with some friends.

You can do it!

That’s the spirit! What has made you want to stop drinking for good?

Back at it again

5 nights of no drinking down so far

4 days of nofap/nopron/browsing sexors stuff


Feelz like both have messed up my brain and libido and enjoyment of life

Hell yeah! I encourage you to continue posting in here and sharing your wins and losses! What sort of strategies have you thought about to help you in your journey?Welcome back! Congrats on the milestones! My suggestion is to maybe reconsider quitting/stopping too many things at once as it can sometimes become too much and then a lapse or relapse on either (usually both+) happens. That's not to say that it can't be done.

Thanks! Im just sticking to these 2 for now…. Once im used to it I will slowly add other stuff, like healthyeatingmaxxing

Have a fap and eat some ice cream and watch a movie and take a hot bath and light some candles and listen to some music bro, you can treat yourself a little bit you don’t have to become a monk.

Oh man, after leg day and biking, my legs are sore AF. I’m gonna do a nice nutritious and high protein dinner. 5 scrambled eggs with pepper Jack cheese and then two Oikos cherry Greek yogurt for dessert. So should be around 80g of protein to hopefully build me up!

I hope you guys have been having a good weekend so far! I am so thankful for a life of recovery where I can really take care of myself and hit my goals of athleticism.

That’s what I like to see boyo, get that superfood in your engine so you can build that muscle. Must have been grocery day today!! Eggs, cheese, Greek yogurt…MYRON!!

And yes bro you are lucky to be in the mindset you’re in, and where you’re at in life to reach your goals and get more and more athletic.

It’s a beautiful thing! Taking care of your body and mind is THE ONLY DRUG. The feeling of being healthy is LIKE NO OTHER FEELING, srs bro

Yes it is! And mmmm they turned out really good! Safeway had a sale, I got two dozen eggs at $0.99ea dozen and two packs of shredded pepper Jack cheese for $1.49ea. I’m very happy, that’s some high protein and nutrition for a good price and easy to make!

Saw this thread and wanted to pop in to wish everyone here well.

Godspeed, boyos. You're all gonna make it.

Thank you very much! Yes we will!


I hope everyone had a good sober weekend. My weekend has been blah lol. Legs were too sore on Saturday to get a good workout, but I did end up doing a good amount of abdominal. I skipped working out on Sunday and today, which sucks. I have been feeling like I might be in the beginning stages of sickness; feeling feverish, achy, and having much more mucus in the lungs. I've been chilling and have kept myself preoccupied by doing studies/surveys/play games for cash offers/etc lol. It's a nice way to make a little bit of money! I hope that I will feel better tomorrow and can maybe give leg day another chance. If not, then I will rest and heal. I really enjoy putting in some earbuds, laying in bed, and having a quiet moment to utilize guided meditations on Youtube, so I might do that.

Have any of you brahs practiced or have practiced meditation and/or guided meditation? I highly recommend it, particularly the guided meditations because I find those to be much easier. Relaxing in bed with headphones on, eyes closed, and no interruptions while listening to an individual guide you through the meditation is pretty ****ing dope. It can be hard to just lay or sit still while doing nothing and thinking nothing, but I encourage you all to keep practicing it because it will become easier to meditate and also more beneficial! Meditation invokes mindfulness to a high degree and I feel it helps me with my thoughts and feelings during times where I am not meditating. I'd like your thoughts on meditation and also would appreciate anyone who shares other mindfulness techniques!

Todays workout:

Push-ups with 50# Backpack on: 3 sets of 25, 1 set of 20 wide grip and 10x short ROM pulse and 1x negative to failure, followed by 15x wide grip with BW and pause at bottom to failure. I like these weighted pushups in the absence of a bench.

Also did Single-Armed DB Shoulder Press: 60# x4, x4, x4, and 50# x10. So weak compared to how my shoulder strength used to be.

Mistake to do shoulders today, shoulders still fried from doing DB upright rows with 100# DB three days ago, dumb because felt tired still. Way burned out. Not sure if you can even call them upright rows my form is so bad but they are brutal.



Also went to liver doctor today, that went well so I guess I just have to not drink and I get to live a normal lifespan it appears.


Joey just saw your post I will respond tomorrow with more than a 1 sentence answer I am dead tired! Have a good one bro

**** yeah!!!!! Nice workout brah! Especially considering your setback. And congrats on the news with the liver! It sounded like your prognosis wasn't so great several months back.

Thanks man!!

Feeling any better bro? You said you were getting sick?


Also I cannot meditate at all, have had pretty major ADHD my whole life and find any kind of concentration to be hard. Not sure how anyone can meditate or lucid dream or really focus on anything. Are you good at meditating?

Yeah, I'm feeling better today. I was able to get a decent chest workout in although I've been having to be mindful of my right arm (I don't know if it's tendinitis or what) and I am writing this while sitting at the local recovery cafe. They are serving fish and chips today in addition to the daily salad bar! I would say that I am decent at meditating, but that's from practicing it. Like I said in my post, guided meditation is usually an easier way to meditate and practice. I believe that it is a powerful tool because after much time and mastery, it can allow you to observe thoughts, but not be engulfed by those thoughts. It's kind of weird or hard to describe lol.

Mmmm fish and chips yummy!!! Makes me wanna get some for dinner tonight

On day 15 and still going strong. Trying to keep it up. This is probably the longest I’ve gone without drinking in over a year.

Dude that’s amazing. How do you feel? You should be proud as hell bro srs. Any difference in sleep quality, appetite, energy levels, concentration, etc?


Tests pull-ups again but too soon after DB row and upright row workout 6 days prior, and a hard overhead press/push-up workout 4 days prior.

Not giving myself enough rest time, too impatient.



Made it to 220 BW, which has been a goal for the past 6 months. Able to do pullup + 70lbs. Also did a Chinup + 70lbs.

Need more strength though. Gaining strength is addicting.

5 nights of no drinking again. Failed last Saturday and Sunday. If I can make it through tonight, I should be good until the weekend hits again, that’s when I usually falter.

Also 5 days nopron, after drinking my libido usually goes up a ton, so watched a lot of stuff on Sunday last weekend after drinking Saturday

Forced my lazy ass to do hill sprints again today, was feeling down and depressed but I did it. Feeling rotten and bad and not sleeping well and worthless. Like a loser and failure.

Ended up having a good workout.

3x bodyweight
4x +25lb backpack
4x +25lb backpack
3x bodyweight





A couple shorts

How you making out, boyo? You don’t have to cut out everything bro it’s ok to fap, just cuz you aren’t drinking doesn’t mean you have to live like a frickin Puritan.