Log In

Your email is not your username

Register

If you were a member of the old Bodybuilding.com forums and would like to reuse your previous username, you can request it below. We use your email only for registration and do not store it. For more information, please see our Privacy Policy.

Confirm your email

A registration code was sent to your email. Enter it here.

Welcome

You have successfully setup your account.

Sign in

Quick Navigation Bottom Misc
Forum » Domestic violence is one of the biggest problems in society
  1. Results 31 to 60 of 78
  2. Page 2 of 3
  3. First
  5. 1
  6. 2
  7. 3
  9. Last

Thread: Domestic violence is one of the biggest problems in society

post 1641288323 06-20-2021, 04:53 PM
-
#31
  1. wincel
  2. Banned
  1. wincel
  2. Banned
  3. Join Date: Aug 2016
  4. Location: Chad
  5. Posts: 64,937
  6. Rep Power: 0
It's sad but honestly, people who are in an abusive relationship have a hard time escaping. They really love the person and want them to change. Won't happen though without outside incentives. There are stories of people working through their problems, but they are rare. Usually an abuser remains an abuser.
post 1641288553 06-20-2021, 04:56 PM
-
#32
  1. northernlights7
  2. Banned
  1. northernlights7
  2. Banned
  3. Join Date: Jun 2013
  4. Posts: 24,527
  5. Rep Power: 24
My ex-wife drunkenly slapped me across the face a few times, and smacked at me a number of other times throughout our marriage while also throwing it in my face that she'd have the law/society ruin my life if I ever dared to give her even a small taste of her own medicine in retalitation. That's not even to mention the relentless verbal and emotional abuse I put up with for nearly a decade. Where is my participation award?
post 1641288643 06-20-2021, 04:58 PM
-
#33
  1. Silencespeaks
  2. Banned
  1. Silencespeaks
  2. Banned
  3. Join Date: Aug 2015
  4. Posts: 114,138
  5. Rep Power: 0
Post deleted by user
post 1641289063 06-20-2021, 05:06 PM
-
#34
  1. Silencespeaks
  2. Banned
  1. Silencespeaks
  2. Banned
  3. Join Date: Aug 2015
  4. Posts: 114,138
  5. Rep Power: 0
Post deleted by user
post 1641289483 06-20-2021, 05:18 PM
-
#35
  1. snailsrus
  2. 💙💙💙💙💙🪳
  1. snailsrus
  2. 💙💙💙💙💙🪳
  3. Join Date: Apr 2016
  4. Posts: 15,306
  5. Rep Power: 189841
Originally Posted By Silencespeaks⏩
Yes they stay out of a mixture of fear and misplaced loyalty. The loyalty is hard to understand if you have never been in an abusive relationship.

Basically the fear of abuse creates a psychological reaction in the victim of bonding to the abuser. It is a survival strategy. The victim thinks that if he/she is just more compliant, more forgiving, more loyal, more obedient, more understanding, more loving, etc then the abuser will take mercy and love the victim again and the victim will be safe.

This survival reaction of loyalty is called trauma bonding, or Battered women syndrome, or Stockholm syndrome.

Understanding trauma bonding is ESSENTIAL to understanding domestic violence. Without understanding trauma bonding people don’t understand DV dynamic at all.
I grew up in abuse till cps removed me but then dated abusive men as an adult. Yet, until I decided to change and understand that part of it I played a role in by choosing to stay, it continued to happen just with different people. Though without AA and my sponsor, then therapist I would probably still be stuck in all of it.
SuperHercules crew
cancer survivor crew
Dyslexic crew
Friend of Mr.Wilson crew
Ugly and old cell crew
Cat crew
Insomniac crew
post 1641289513 06-20-2021, 05:19 PM
-
#36
  1. Jestbrah
  2. Registered User
  1. Jestbrah
  2. Registered User
  3. Join Date: Feb 2012
  4. Age: 37
  5. Posts: 28,748
  6. Rep Power: 170226
Originally Posted By Silencespeaks⏩
Thankfully I’ve only been in one abusive relationship and it was psychological abuse and financial abuse so thank god nothing physical.

I know the signs now and that will never happen to me again. The main dynamic is control. If your partner is controlling that is likely to become an abusive dynamic with time.

Abuse is not about physically hurting someone but about power and control and dominance. Abusive people want to control you. Whether they use physical means or sexual or emotional or financial etc does not really matter because it all comes from the same center: a power imbalance from one partner trying to control the other.

In fact this is a new understanding that is slowly being worked into domestic violence laws. The legal name is coercive control. And the means of abuse are secondary to that because the primary dynamic is about control, coercion, controlling the mind of your partner by fear.
how is there such a thing as financial abuse. Finances are about making money you earned, if you didnt earn the money then you dont get to use it, if you decide to share that money with someone then thats a choice you made. I don't see how someone can be financially abusive. If you couldnt leave because someone else controlled the finances then thats on you for not having your own means of making money. If someone is stealing your money you call the police. If someone is taking money you deserve, you hire a lawyer or leave the person and go make your own money.

Sorry but I dont understand how finance can be a from of abuse. If that is the case then the federal government is the most financially abusive **** ever.
**worthless college major crew**

*Always picks 4 Crew*

**HTC**
post 1641290123 06-20-2021, 05:31 PM
-
#37
  1. alain
  1. alain
  3. Join Date: Oct 2005
  4. Posts: 3,229
  5. Rep Power: 24342
You are right,

The violence woman commit on their unborn children is huge and needs to be tackled right? Right
post 1641290553 06-20-2021, 05:39 PM
-
#38
  1. northernlights7
  2. Banned
  1. northernlights7
  2. Banned
  3. Join Date: Jun 2013
  4. Posts: 24,527
  5. Rep Power: 24
Originally Posted By Jestbrah⏩
how is there such a thing as financial abuse. Finances are about making money you earned, if you didnt earn the money then you dont get to use it, if you decide to share that money with someone then thats a choice you made. I don't see how someone can be financially abusive. If you couldnt leave because someone else controlled the finances then thats on you for not having your own means of making money. If someone is stealing your money you call the police. If someone is taking money you deserve, you hire a lawyer or leave the person and go make your own money.

Sorry but I dont understand how finance can be a from of abuse. If that is the case then the federal government is the most financially abusive **** ever.
Try wifing up a woman with horrendous student loan debt with her promising to be with you forever, only to leave you after you spend nearly a decade working 60 hours a week helping her pay the chit off "as a team". All while she works a clean 40 hr/week job and doesn't watch her own spending very well before she bails. Then you'll have some idea of what financial abuse is like.
post 1641290573 06-20-2021, 05:40 PM
-
#39
  1. bfdehewdbyywhn
  2. Registered User
  1. bfdehewdbyywhn
  2. Registered User
  3. Join Date: Oct 2019
  4. Age: 56
  5. Posts: 47,380
  6. Rep Power: 103861
those women can opt out anytime they want but they don’t

no sympathy
HTC is too skinny for me. Fat Girls only crew. serious
Chubby Chaser and Fat Girls Only crew Founder
post 1641290713 06-20-2021, 05:43 PM
-
#40
  1. Silencespeaks
  2. Banned
  1. Silencespeaks
  2. Banned
  3. Join Date: Aug 2015
  4. Posts: 114,138
  5. Rep Power: 0
Post deleted by user
post 1641290863 06-20-2021, 05:45 PM
-
#41
  1. Silencespeaks
  2. Banned
  1. Silencespeaks
  2. Banned
  3. Join Date: Aug 2015
  4. Posts: 114,138
  5. Rep Power: 0
Post deleted by user
post 1641290903 06-20-2021, 05:46 PM
-
#42
  1. Jestbrah
  2. Registered User
  1. Jestbrah
  2. Registered User
  3. Join Date: Feb 2012
  4. Age: 37
  5. Posts: 28,748
  6. Rep Power: 170226
Originally Posted By northernlights7⏩
Try wifing up a woman with horrendous student loan debt with her promising to be with you forever, only to leave you after you spend nearly a decade working 60 hours a week helping her pay the chit off "as a team". All while she works a clean 40 hr/week job and doesn't watch her own spending very well before she bails. Then you'll have some idea of what financial abuse is like.
sounds more like poor choices made, nothing about abuse.
**worthless college major crew**

*Always picks 4 Crew*

**HTC**
post 1641290943 06-20-2021, 05:47 PM
-
#43
  1. Silencespeaks
  2. Banned
  1. Silencespeaks
  2. Banned
  3. Join Date: Aug 2015
  4. Posts: 114,138
  5. Rep Power: 0
Post deleted by user
post 1641291003 06-20-2021, 05:48 PM
-
#44
  1. Jestbrah
  2. Registered User
  1. Jestbrah
  2. Registered User
  3. Join Date: Feb 2012
  4. Age: 37
  5. Posts: 28,748
  6. Rep Power: 170226
Originally Posted By Silencespeaks⏩
Hiding money

Squandering money on addictions and affairs

Using money for crimes

Running up debt

Lawsuits

Gambling

etc etc
what does that have to do with abuse? Did you let that person have that money? Why did they have your money? If you were married then why didnt you open a separate bank account and put your money there? Being a willing participant to something is not abuse.

A woman who is hit in the head with a fist for verbally arguing is not a willing participant in domestic violence.
A woman who is told by her husband that if she leaves him he will spend all of his money hiring lawyers so she never sees the kids again is not a willing participant in psychological abuse.

A woman who shares a bank account with her husband or allows her husband access to her money is a willing participant, and that is not abuse.
A woman who doesnt make her own money to pay for her own things and her husband spends his money how he wants is not the victim of abuse.
**worthless college major crew**

*Always picks 4 Crew*

**HTC**
post 1641291403 06-20-2021, 05:59 PM
-
#45
  1. Silencespeaks
  2. Banned
  1. Silencespeaks
  2. Banned
  3. Join Date: Aug 2015
  4. Posts: 114,138
  5. Rep Power: 0
Post deleted by user
post 1641291683 06-20-2021, 06:05 PM
-
#46
  1. Jestbrah
  2. Registered User
  1. Jestbrah
  2. Registered User
  3. Join Date: Feb 2012
  4. Age: 37
  5. Posts: 28,748
  6. Rep Power: 170226
Originally Posted By Silencespeaks⏩
Yes you can keep separate bank accounts to lower the risk of financial abuse.

However that does not prevent it. If your spouse is spending all their money on addictions and affairs, that will affect you too because there will be less or no money available for joint goals. And both spouses are liable for debts of one partner, or tax liability, or crimes and lawsuits liability etc.

You can consider any spouse staying in an abusive relationship as a willing participant to abuse. But as I explained above it’s not so easy to leave because in an abusive dynamic one spouse has coercive control of the other. Finances or violence etc are just symptoms of that. The real essence of abuse is the coercive mind control of one partner over another. And when someone manipulates and controls your mind it is very hard to stand up to them and say “no”.
the difference between it being abuse and choice is in physical abuse a person doesnt hand the other person a bat and say here you go. With finances you have a choice. When you chose to have joint finances, you made that choice and that is your mistake, thats not abuse, just like handing a bat to someone acting aggressively.

You give an addict power over your money, you made that choice. You were not only enabling them but acting stupid on your part by allowing an addict ANY access to your money. That isnt abuse. Its a ****ty situation, and it sucks, but its not abuse.

Youre trying to pawn off personal responsibility and label it as abuse but its just not correct because its demeaning to women who are victims of actual abuse they had ZERO control over.
**worthless college major crew**

*Always picks 4 Crew*

**HTC**
post 1641291893 06-20-2021, 06:09 PM
-
#47
  1. Dogkrack
  2. Banned
  1. Dogkrack
  2. Banned
  3. Join Date: Jun 2019
  4. Posts: 14,820
  5. Rep Power: 0
Originally Posted By JuceSpringsteen⏩
We don't talk about it enough. So many women, girlfriends, and wives are doing it tough. They're copping abuse - physical, mental, and emotional - from their husbands and spouses.

We need to speak up on issues like this. We need to raise awareness for what's really going on at home.

Who's with me?
tell us more about your buck breaking, *******
post 1641292153 06-20-2021, 06:15 PM
-
#48
  1. katya422
  1. katya422
  3. Join Date: Dec 2011
  4. Location: United States
  5. Posts: 34,673
  6. Rep Power: 372543
Originally Posted By Jestbrah⏩
the difference between it being abuse and choice is in physical abuse a person doesnt hand the other person a bat and say here you go. With finances you have a choice. When you chose to have joint finances, you made that choice and that is your mistake, thats not abuse, just like handing a bat to someone acting aggressively.

You give an addict power over your money, you made that choice. You were not only enabling them but acting stupid on your part by allowing an addict ANY access to your money. That isnt abuse. Its a ****ty situation, and it sucks, but its not abuse.

Youre trying to pawn off personal responsibility and label it as abuse but its just not correct because its demeaning to women who are victims of actual abuse they had ZERO control over.
You could argue that both women had the same amount of control.

- woman a: chooses to date/live with/marry a controlling guywho later starts shoving/hitting her.

- woman b: chooses to trust a controlling guy with access to her job/business/bank accountwho later starts denying her access to money [financial power], either her own or shared

I doubt the woman who gets her financial power taken thought it would turn out like that, anymore than the woman who gets her physical security taken does.
INTP Crew
Inattentive ADD Crew
Mom That Miscs Crew
post 1641292363 06-20-2021, 06:18 PM
-
#49
  1. Silencespeaks
  2. Banned
  1. Silencespeaks
  2. Banned
  3. Join Date: Aug 2015
  4. Posts: 114,138
  5. Rep Power: 0
Post deleted by user
post 1641293673 06-20-2021, 06:40 PM
-
#50
  1. katya422
  1. katya422
  3. Join Date: Dec 2011
  4. Location: United States
  5. Posts: 34,673
  6. Rep Power: 372543
IDK SS. What you describe is really crappy, but I don't know that it all fits the "control" factor.

- closing a joint account and moving the funds to a single owner account leaving a partner without access to funds

- preventing a partner from attending work in some way/reducing their income and potentially costing them their job

- forbidding a partner from working, no access to transportation

- taking a partner's pay

- trashing a partner's credit

- threatening to kick a partner out on to the street if they don't X

- demanding that a partner account for any and every purchase; questioning everything

ETA:I think that Jestbrah sees these as choices because the partner stays/puts up with it, but the person who is being physically abused is also staying/putting up with it.
INTP Crew
Inattentive ADD Crew
Mom That Miscs Crew
post 1641293873 06-20-2021, 06:43 PM
-
#51
  1. Jestbrah
  2. Registered User
  1. Jestbrah
  2. Registered User
  3. Join Date: Feb 2012
  4. Age: 37
  5. Posts: 28,748
  6. Rep Power: 170226
Originally Posted By Silencespeaks⏩
Well yes I agree that physical abuse is different and worse. But there is definitely such a thing as financial abuse.

Let’s say you and your wife both work and you keep separate private accounts and a joint account for expenses. Say over time you are able to save $500k cash and $500k in your retirement account. And you assume that your wife is saving a decent amount as well.

Now let’s say one day you find out she saved nothing and blew it all on partying with Tyrone and paying his bills and paying his child support. And not only that, she got into debt because she co signed a failed business for Tyrone. And not only that but she is liable in a law suit over the business.

So let’s say she racked up $1 million in liabilities. And you are jointly liable or you get sued and have to defend yourself or she takes your money in divorce court because she gets at least half of what you saved. See where I’m going with this.
Yeah that isn’t abuse that’s just marrying someone you shouldn’t have. You’re more of a victim of your choice in spouse not a victim of abuse in my opinion. I agree with psychological manipulation as abuse and physical abuse but not this, this just sounds like bad luck with a ****ty partner.
**worthless college major crew**

*Always picks 4 Crew*

**HTC**
post 1641294023 06-20-2021, 06:45 PM
-
#52
  1. Jestbrah
  2. Registered User
  1. Jestbrah
  2. Registered User
  3. Join Date: Feb 2012
  4. Age: 37
  5. Posts: 28,748
  6. Rep Power: 170226
Originally Posted By katya422⏩
IDK SS. What you describe is really crappy, but I don't know that it all fits the "control" factor.

- closing a joint account and moving the funds to a single owner account leaving a partner without access to funds

- preventing a partner from attending work in some way/reducing their income and potentially costing them their job

- forbidding a partner from working, no access to transportation

- taking a partner's pay

- trashing a partner's credit

- threatening to kick a partner out on to the street if they don't X

- demanding that a partner account for any and every purchase; questioning everything

ETA:I think that Jestbrah sees these as choices because the partner stays/puts up with it, but the person who is being physically abused is also staying/putting up with it.
There’s a difference though. Staying with a physically abusive partner is different than the single act of physical abuse. That fits more into the psychologist abuse but it’s also still then choosing to stay with the abusive person but that doesn’t cancel out them being a victim of abuse. But in SS scenario she’s never really a victim of abuse only a victim of poor choices. But a victim of physical abuse didn’t make a poor choice when they were struck, they were pure and simply a victim of an abuse.
**worthless college major crew**

*Always picks 4 Crew*

**HTC**
post 1641294153 06-20-2021, 06:48 PM
-
#53
  1. AlexxVann
  2. Registered User
  1. AlexxVann
  2. Registered User
  3. Join Date: Jan 2013
  4. Posts: 10,033
  5. Rep Power: 42064
Don't normally agree with SS, but I think she's correct here.

By definition;

Financial abuse involves controlling a victim's ability to acquire, use, and maintain financial resources.
post 1641294173 06-20-2021, 06:48 PM
-
#54
  1. wincel
  2. Banned
  1. wincel
  2. Banned
  3. Join Date: Aug 2016
  4. Location: Chad
  5. Posts: 64,937
  6. Rep Power: 0
Not to play the woke gender card, but it is a LOT easier for a man to say just walk away or stand up to the abuser. Women can't really fight and are inherently more vulnerable in these kinds of situations. Abused men and abused women cope differently with circumstances. An abused man will snap and get angry or even violent, often to others around him. An abused woman will usually direct her frustration inwards.
post 1641294383 06-20-2021, 06:51 PM
-
#55
  1. AlexxVann
  2. Registered User
  1. AlexxVann
  2. Registered User
  3. Join Date: Jan 2013
  4. Posts: 10,033
  5. Rep Power: 42064
Originally Posted By wincel⏩
Not to play the woke gender card, but it is a LOT easier for a man to say just walk away or stand up to the abuser. Women can't really fight and are inherently more vulnerable in these kinds of situations. Abused men and abused women cope differently with circumstances. An abused man will snap and get angry or even violent, often to others around him. An abused woman will usually direct her frustration inwards.
I agree;

I'd be confident that if a women were assaulting me I can defend myself and remove myself from the situation. It would be terrifying being a women knowing you most likely cannot do that.
post 1641294723 06-20-2021, 06:58 PM
-
#56
  1. FrankCostanza
  2. Serenity Now!
  1. FrankCostanza
  2. Serenity Now!
  3. Join Date: Sep 2019
  4. Posts: 17,091
  5. Rep Power: 48469
the unspoken part is when women hit men. i think its ****ed and eventually some men snap. women that do that endanger themselves.
I'm not here for rage. I'm here for revenge!
Anti Covid VAX Superhero
Mein power
Mein pleasure
Mein pain
Trump 2020
Trump 2024
post 1641295513 06-20-2021, 07:13 PM
-
#57
  1. Silencespeaks
  2. Banned
  1. Silencespeaks
  2. Banned
  3. Join Date: Aug 2015
  4. Posts: 114,138
  5. Rep Power: 0
Post deleted by user
post 1641295593 06-20-2021, 07:14 PM
-
#58
  1. alain
  1. alain
  3. Join Date: Oct 2005
  4. Posts: 3,229
  5. Rep Power: 24342
Originally Posted By FrankCostanza⏩
the unspoken part is when women hit men. i think its ****ed and eventually some men snap. women that do that endanger themselves.
No-one should hit anyone regardless of gender but you are right.

My Auntie always used to warn my female cousins to never hit men, it's like poking a domesticated bear or dog. The first few hundred times nothing will happen but that one day it might snap and **** you up.
post 1641295643 06-20-2021, 07:15 PM
-
#59
  1. MajorTendonitis
  1. MajorTendonitis
  3. Join Date: Jan 2016
  4. Location: East Kootenays BC
  5. Age: 65
  6. Height: 5'8"
  7. Weight: 241 lbs
  8. Posts: 42,090
  9. Subscribers: 8
  10. Rep Power: 719875
Originally Posted By Supaduck0⏩
I know, not enough Women are being beaten, or if they are, too many are surviving.
What do you call a sloot with 2 black eyes?

Nothing ,she’s already been told twice
Back with my Fam
post 1641296643 06-20-2021, 07:32 PM
-
#60
  1. Antoine99
  2. Registered User
  1. Antoine99
  2. Registered User
  3. Join Date: Mar 2013
  4. Age: 35
  5. Posts: 14,302
  6. Rep Power: 82218
If someone ever tried to domestically abuse me I'd kick her right in the damn nuts
Would kick em in the nuts
Quick Navigation Top Misc
Bookmarks
Digg.com
Digg
del.icio.us
del.icio.us
Stumbleupon.com
StumbleUpon
Google.com
Google
Facebook.com
Facebook
Posting Permissions
  1. You may not post new threads
  2. You may not post replies
  3. You may not post attachments
  4. You may not edit your posts