this is true

3 of my grandparents went like this, the deterioration process drastically increased as soon as they entered

the 4th one had cancer but never told anyone (ded srs), stayed home until he was hospitalized very briefly and died, wasn't until after doctors said he had cancer and he knew it, just never mentioned it to anyone and didn't take treatment

if not for that, we will be wasting our lives away. Cruel but it is true. Don't waste time. Future grows from "now". Things like that.

Death is a greatest refreshing kick to our collective butt.

Last time I had my dog go on me I was out of the country. I was willing to buy a next day flight costing almost 2K to fly halfway back across the world to see her before she went. She was my childhood dog that I grew up with since I was 11 years old and slept with me every night. She would've made it, I know it. But my family felt it would've been "wrong" to continue to let her suffer and didn't feel confident that she would've lasted the day it would've taken me to get back. So I ended balling my eyes out in front of friends (we were out at the time when I got the news) and calling off of work to emotionally deal with it. This situation is a little different. Yes, she was my Grandma and I love her just as much as my Mother as I know she loved me the same just as being her own son/grandkid. But I only saw her twice a year if that and it wasn't a seeing her everyday or spending oodles amount of time with her like my dog or my Mother situation.

My cousins on the other hand, they all lived locally and so they saw her all the time and spent a lot more time with her growing up and had more of a "connection". From that angle I could see why my other cousin currently living in SD would buy an immediate same day flight to go see her. There's more connection and overall investment there.

The logistical side of it was that I have currently been waiting weeks for documents to come back to me so I can start my job abroad. I have had the job lined up for over a month and a half now and they've been patiently waiting on me. If I had gone there to see her and my documents came then there's the possibility that I wouldn't be able to get back in time to take care of the other parts of the process and since I'm on a deadline with how valid those documents are, if I ended up wasting an extra week or two it would mean the difference between those documents expiring and I would have to start the entire process all over again along with the possibility of losing the job I already have secured. That would mean that instead of being able to move on with my life, I would be stuck again waiting another X number of months for everything to get revalidated again. First time I submitted them it was 8 weeks. That was 6 weeks ago. Now it's 12 weeks if I was to have to do it all over again and even further would be even longer. So unless I am able to get these handled now before they expire in July (still need to wait for approval with the work permit once I get them back which takes some time) then I won't be working until next year. So....like I said earlier. My family understands (least my Mom and Dad do and my Mom said that both my Aunt and Uncle do too) and I know that she would want me to move forward with my life and not "jeopardize" wasting the time I've already spent and needing to do it all over again.

****ty situation all around. If this had happened earlier within the 8 week period or even after I got the documents back it would've been something I could have managed. But being how it is, that's just possible in my mind. Humanly the right thing to do would be to go see her, but it wouldn't of made a difference anyways because shiiiit all went south in like 2 days anyways. I'm sure someone will hate me for it.

Right now the biggest motivation I have is kicking myself in the arse to do things I've been lazy or neglecting by making her proud and that through her passing is the reminder and kick that I need to get sht done. It sucks that some people, like myself, need someone close to them dying to realize it's time to stop spinning the wheels and move forward. Refusing to do that is in its own way an insult to their memory IMO. So even though I couldn't/didn't go see her before she passed (no way to have done that anyways even if I wanted to since she died during the time I would've been traveling) I can at least use that as motivation and a reminder of why I am doing what I am doing. Death is a refreshing kick. But it's such a different kick when it's your own family compared to someone you read about in the paper or hear about from someone else.

The logistics of your situation make it sound pretty understandable.

I get what you mean about the cousins who had more emotional investment. My grandma I mentioned spent the last 25 years of her life following one of her sons and his wife/their kids around after my grandma's husband (my grandpa, RIP) passed away. First she moved to their town a couple hours from where they had orginally lived to live in the same town as the son (an uncle of mine), and followed them when they moved cities a second time too. Never once was it ever considered that she move to my city where my mom (her daughter) and us lived, even though we by all counts would have had a more stable situation for her imo.

But yeah, those cousins on that side of the family got to grow up having a legitimate relationship with our grandma. I mean they were living in a small town at the time that takes maybe 10 minutes to get drive through. Meanwhile, I only saw her 2 or 3 times a year maybe. So the emotional investment would have been understandably much higher for them, and from what I remember, not even all of them made the trip either.

Don't worry so much about people being mad at you or whatever for not making it given your circumstances. Most of the time, they're pretty understanding anyway, and most anger about it would probably be short lived anyway. Any of your relatives who would choose to hold that against you forever aren't the ones who are worth your effort of worrying about anyway, probs the types who never associate with you outside of rare life events/situations like that and will find any reason to be pissy towards you.

yeah its chit pal might aswell rope now and get it over with

everyone looking down from heaven is laughing at you taking so long

Feel for you OP. Loved my grandmom. She lived with us but she did pretty much everything on her own, even at 90. Thought she was indestructible. Used to joke with her that she'd live till 100 ez. She randomly deteriorated in the span of 2 months. Had a stroke while I was at her bedside. Was a terrible sight mayne. Her jaw went slack and she was trying to say something but slurring too much and I could barely make out what it was. She was saying that she was happy, at the end. Held her hand while parents called the docs. She passed away shortly after.

If you were close to her you defo should go OP.

Regardless, hope you're ok.

Even with warning, it is tough to see loved ones suffer and pass on. With both of my grandma, both were ill for a long period of time before their passing. I suppose it helped some but when the day came it wasn't easy to know they have passed away.

For her death was a blessing and a relief. No more pain, ulcers, wound infections, arthritis, lack of appetite. I can't imagine what she had to feel every single day even with numbing ointments and medication to "dull" the pain. I had a muscle ache last in my elbow from my angle of typing on the computer. That was miserable as fuk and I couldn't sleep until it finally died down. X's that by 100 and add it all over your body or to specific areas. No. Thank. You.

Funeral this morning. Visitation was yesterday. Will be a Pallbearer, hope this doesn't happen: Funeral home director allegedly guns down pallbearer during burial of 10-year-old girl

https://nypost.com/2023/06/08/maryla...s-burial-cops/

I hope the funeral will be a blessing for you and yours. At their best funerals are a way to share the burden for a little while and to reconnect with those we may have become distant from.

I would be much more worried about this happening if I were you - starting at :15:

Mine got dementia and it wasn’t long after that. She started making a lot of racial slurs and crapping on herself. It was hard to watch. Still remember me somehow. Had a weird dream about her the other night too

I can empathize with you OP. I know what you are going through, I'm sorry about this.