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Forum » I've Never Used A Bidet But I Can't Iamgine How It's Better Than Baby Wipes
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Thread: I've Never Used A Bidet But I Can't Iamgine How It's Better Than Baby Wipes

post 1691545363 10-12-2023, 08:47 AM
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#31
  1. Ausaric
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Baby wipes are almost as good as a shower

Love the fresh and clean feeling

BRB underwear always smells good

No skid marks crew

Joocy angus crew

Test gains in the toilet due to wiping so much crew

BRB never have itchy angrus crew
post 1691545403 10-12-2023, 08:48 AM
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#32
  1. freeburn
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As an actual homeownercel I'm not going to spend years destroying my plumbing with baby whipes.

A bidet basically is a baby wipe. It cleans your ass with water then you wipe away what's left and maybe another spray and wipe for good luck.


If I was a rent cel maybe I wouldn't care about my plumbing
post 1691545413 10-12-2023, 08:48 AM
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#33
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Just lol at using toilet paper
post 1691545483 10-12-2023, 08:49 AM
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#34
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bidet crew


will never use TP again srs. and now i look down on people who dont have bidets dedfknsrs
-MS Paint/Chop crew
-GIF crew
-Tradie crew
-No mask/vaccine crew


Neg on site for reddit and tiktok threads dedsrs
post 1691545803 10-12-2023, 08:57 AM
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#35
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Originally Posted By nickh04⏩
bidet crew


will never use TP again srs. and now i look down on people who dont have bidets dedfknsrs
BRB not use soap

BRB blast chit water everywhere

BRB stimulating prostate very time use bidet

BRB wife wonders why there’s cut all over the bathroom floor
post 1691546483 10-12-2023, 09:12 AM
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#36
  1. lightsarefallin
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Originally Posted By Ausaric⏩
Baby wipes are almost as good as a shower

Love the fresh and clean feeling

BRB underwear always smells good

No skid marks crew

Joocy angus crew

Test gains in the toilet due to wiping so much crew

BRB never have itchy angrus crew
hnnnngggggggg

brb getting hand cream
Originally Posted By Ausaric⏩
BRB not use soap

BRB blast chit water everywhere

BRB stimulating prostate very time use bidet

BRB wife wonders why there’s cut all over the bathroom floor
When the light is right, my wife will sometimes complain that there's piss splashes all over the wall next to the toilet I use most often. Sometimes I'll see her just washing it away with a sponge. What a saint.
*Look at reflection in car window and flex every time crew*
*Use half the roll to wipe after a poo crew*
*Fart in the gym and blame rotten smell on faulty ventilation crew*
*Fart at home and blame it on the dog crew*
*Watch neutron-star density poop mock me as water flushes around it and it stays put crew*
*Drive 2 minutes in the summer and back of shirt gets completely wet crew*
*Coffee black as midnight on a moonless night crew*
*Fat shame my cat on a daily basis crew*
post 1691546773 10-12-2023, 09:18 AM
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#37
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Originally Posted By Bushmaster⏩
1. Get handheld shower nozzle

2. Turn it to "Jet"

3. Rinse and repeat... literally.

4. Profit?
Started doing this when the china flu hit and never stopped . I even pack a shower wand with me when I have to work out of town and remove the head and install the shower wand when I get to the motel .
Can’t understand how people think it’s a good idea to smear chit in your butt with paper .
I’ve used three rolls of toilet paper pre china flu, just for blowing my nose on occasion.
Back with my Fam
post 1691547193 10-12-2023, 09:25 AM
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#38
  1. lightsarefallin
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Originally Posted By MajorTendonitis⏩
Started doing this when the china flu hit and never stopped . I even pack a shower wand with me when I have to work out of town and remove the head and install the shower wand when I get to the motel .
Can’t understand how people think it’s a good idea to smear chit in your butt with paper .
I’ve used three rolls of toilet paper pre china flu, just for blowing my nose on occasion.
I admire your tenacity at keeping your angus perpetually clean.

"why do you have a shower wand with you? Did you rob a hardware store?"

"Nah, bro. It's to wash my filthy angus and keep it mr. clean"
*Look at reflection in car window and flex every time crew*
*Use half the roll to wipe after a poo crew*
*Fart in the gym and blame rotten smell on faulty ventilation crew*
*Fart at home and blame it on the dog crew*
*Watch neutron-star density poop mock me as water flushes around it and it stays put crew*
*Drive 2 minutes in the summer and back of shirt gets completely wet crew*
*Coffee black as midnight on a moonless night crew*
*Fat shame my cat on a daily basis crew*
post 1691547723 10-12-2023, 09:32 AM
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#39
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Originally Posted By lightsarefallin⏩
I lived in Rome for a bit and the condo I was living in had a bidet and literally no TP. I decided to try it out. You're basically bathing your soiled bunghole with a cool jet of ancient water there. I guess you wipe yourself off with a towel. Honestly, it was odd. I wouldn't get one. It's a bit weird getting wet. It does make you purely clean, though. But baby wipes are just as effective, honestly. Overall, if you get so irreparably filthy when you take a dump that you wipe and wipe and it's like wiping a marker or the fuking frosting off a birthday cake, you should really consider exploring your diet.

Ghost schits are the best schits.
European bidets aren't very good. Japanese bidets are where it's at, they shoot the water straight at your butthole with enough pressure to clean everything off.
When it comes your time to die, be not like those whose hearts are filled with the fear of death, so that when their time comes they weep and pray for a little more time to live their lives over again in a different way. Sing your death song and die like a hero going home.
post 1691547873 10-12-2023, 09:35 AM
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#40
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I would like to weigh in here but someone called me a turd wizard in a rep comment and it has me contemplating my motivations in life
post 1691548363 10-12-2023, 09:41 AM
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#41
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Bidets are always a weird "hell no" concept until you try them.

My uncle's house had one that I got to use (only time in my life I've had the opportunity), and it is better. Does infinitely better job than TP, not going to clog your system like wipes. But he had a good one where you could direct the water and it was heated. I can imagine a basic one using cold water might not be as enjoyable an experience. There's also something in the psyche that attributes "warm" to clean I think.

I plan to install when I get a house. Anyone who is a skeptic would be converted immediately.
#FreeCryptoBandit
post 1691548863 10-12-2023, 09:47 AM
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#42
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Buying a bidet was the greatest decision I ever made in my entire life (ded fkin srs). I will NEVER go back to the savagery of toilet paper. I remember occasionally spending LITERALLY 20-30 minutes smearing chit in between my ass cheeks, trying hard to get clean. Sometimes I would have to wipe to the point of blood in order to stop.

Now all I have to do is turn the knob, jiggly my ass around a little (no homo) and ALL of the poop is gone. We keep a roll of TP just for drying, but one lasts months now.
post 1691550393 10-12-2023, 10:10 AM
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#43
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good stuff
post 1691552163 10-12-2023, 10:39 AM
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#44
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Wait, so after using a bidet, how are you drying the water off? Or are you walking around with a wet butt after that?
post 1691552503 10-12-2023, 10:44 AM
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#45
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Originally Posted By icebergslim333⏩
Wait, so after using a bidet, how are you drying the water off? Or are you walking around with a wet butt after that?
Same way you do after a shower.. Couple of pieces of Charmin and call it a day.
It's a hot night. The mind races. You think about your knife: the only friend who hasn't betrayed you, the only friend who won't be dead by sunup. Sleep tight mates, in your quilted chambray night shirts.
post 1691553023 10-12-2023, 10:52 AM
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#46
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Originally Posted By wickedman⏩
Bidets are always a weird "hell no" concept until you try them.

My uncle's house had one that I got to use (only time in my life I've had the opportunity), and it is better. Does infinitely better job than TP, not going to clog your system like wipes. But he had a good one where you could direct the water and it was heated. I can imagine a basic one using cold water might not be as enjoyable an experience. There's also something in the psyche that attributes "warm" to clean I think.

I plan to install when I get a house. Anyone who is a skeptic would be converted immediately.
I've tried both and you can't feel the cold water. All my houses have cold water bidets installed in them.
When it comes your time to die, be not like those whose hearts are filled with the fear of death, so that when their time comes they weep and pray for a little more time to live their lives over again in a different way. Sing your death song and die like a hero going home.
post 1691555583 10-12-2023, 11:31 AM
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#47
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Originally Posted By icebergslim333⏩
Wait, so after using a bidet, how are you drying the water off? Or are you walking around with a wet butt after that?
I got one of the bidet add ons from Amazon - I just grap a little TP and dab it dry
post 1691556263 10-12-2023, 11:42 AM
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#48
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I'm in a 3rd world country and using bidets at home since I was a toddler. Get the upgrade brahs it's totally worth it.
▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬ஜ۩۞۩ஜ▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬
......................
post 1691558533 10-12-2023, 12:21 PM
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#49
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Bidet.
You wipe to check/dry after the squirt.
If still dirty, repeat cycle.
post 1691564383 10-12-2023, 02:10 PM
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#50
  1. SUPERH0T
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Originally Posted By icebergslim333⏩
Wait, so after using a bidet, how are you drying the water off? Or are you walking around with a wet butt after that?
My Italian mate who grew up with these says you have a flannel hung up next to the bidet and each family member has their own.

By the way, if you are just shooting water at your ass and not scrubbing with soap, you are barely doing anything.
Chit -> Bidet with soap -> wash your hands

Anything else and you're still an animal. Can't really call yourself a person.
SUPERHOT SUPERHOT SUPERHOT SUPERHOT

If ye love wealth better than liberty, the tranquility of servitude better than the animating contest of freedom, go home from us in peace. We ask not your counsels or arms. Crouch down and lick the hands which feed you. May your chains set lightly upon you, and may posterity forget that ye were our countrymen.

SUPERHOT SUPERHOT SUPERHOT SUPERHOT
post 1691564453 10-12-2023, 02:12 PM
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#51
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Originally Posted By SUPERH0T⏩
My Italian mate who grew up with these says you have a flannel hung up next to the bidet and each family member has their own.

By the way, if you are just shooting water at your ass and not scrubbing with soap, you are barely doing anything.
Chit -> Bidet with soap -> wash your hands

Anything else and you're still an animal. Can't really call yourself a person.
So is this the same bar of soap you wash your face with?
It's a hot night. The mind races. You think about your knife: the only friend who hasn't betrayed you, the only friend who won't be dead by sunup. Sleep tight mates, in your quilted chambray night shirts.
post 1691566343 10-12-2023, 02:52 PM
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#52
  1. Godfrd824
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Originally Posted By SUPERH0T⏩
My Italian mate who grew up with these says you have a flannel hung up next to the bidet and each family member has their own.

By the way, if you are just shooting water at your ass and not scrubbing with soap, you are barely doing anything.
Chit -> Bidet with soap -> wash your hands

Anything else and you're still an animal. Can't really call yourself a person.
Italians are poverty, and so are their bidets.
When it comes your time to die, be not like those whose hearts are filled with the fear of death, so that when their time comes they weep and pray for a little more time to live their lives over again in a different way. Sing your death song and die like a hero going home.
post 1691567373 10-12-2023, 03:09 PM
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#53
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Originally Posted By icebergslim333⏩
Wait, so after using a bidet, how are you drying the water off? Or are you walking around with a wet butt after that?
Me:

Poop > initial wipe with tp to assess situation > wipe till mostly visibly clean as normal > bidet / soap > quick wipe dry

I'm not going to wipe my ass with a towel that I hang up even after a bidet. I'm still using toilet paper lol.
post 1691591743 10-13-2023, 03:53 AM
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#54
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Originally Posted By Godfrd824⏩
Italians are poverty, and so are their bidets.
Ok, dingelberry
Originally Posted By Bushmaster⏩
So is this the same bar of soap you wash your face with?
You might be too poor to visit them but in first world countries, most soap is in a bottle.
SUPERHOT SUPERHOT SUPERHOT SUPERHOT

If ye love wealth better than liberty, the tranquility of servitude better than the animating contest of freedom, go home from us in peace. We ask not your counsels or arms. Crouch down and lick the hands which feed you. May your chains set lightly upon you, and may posterity forget that ye were our countrymen.

SUPERHOT SUPERHOT SUPERHOT SUPERHOT
post 1691592173 10-13-2023, 04:15 AM
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#55
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Originally Posted By Bushmaster⏩
1. Get handheld shower nozzle

2. Turn it to "Jet"

3. Rinse and repeat... literally.

4. Profit?
Yeah I've been doing this for a while now. For years I have been taking psyllium and everything would come out clean as a whistle as a result. But I do believe my body finally got used to it and it's been hard to see the benefit from it (i.e. chts not coming out clean). I like the idea of the bidet but the modern, toilet seat style seems like it'd be hard to get used to. Ideally you'd have a traditional standalone unit for cleanliness purposes. But since those are hard to come by, the showerhead option works best.
#
post 1691592223 10-13-2023, 04:18 AM
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#56
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Originally Posted By Bodhy⏩
Bro.


I first tried a bidet when I was in the airport in Tokyo. It beat the chit out of every other ass-cleaning method I've ever used. The bidet even had different force and position settings, it starts at around your buttcrack and the last position ends around the middle of your gooch.

At the maximum force it could even scratch a blazing ass-hole itch I had from a long flight. It was soooo good. I sat on the toilet for 20 minutes plus, in a state of pure ass-hole pleasure.

Except, one button I pushed was a female setting and I didn't clue onto that at first, and it sprayed a jet of water onto my nuts and startled me. It's for chicks to douche out their pussies.



Bidet crew all the way. Japanese are way ahead of us here.
This is one of the gayest things I have ever read.
post 1691592343 10-13-2023, 04:25 AM
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#57
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Originally Posted By ArnoldLibCuck⏩
This is one of the gayest things I have ever read.
I didn't realize jets of water were biologically sexed. Care to explain?
Back off, Warchild.

Seriously.
post 1691592363 10-13-2023, 04:27 AM
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#58
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Originally Posted By Bodhy⏩
I didn't realize jets of water were biologically sexed. Care to explain?
people might actually respect you if you just came out already.

I would, for about ten minutes till you post something else and ruin it
post 1691592393 10-13-2023, 04:28 AM
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#59
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Originally Posted By Bodhy⏩
I didn't realize jets of water were biologically sexed. Care to explain?
Bro, you've admitted to cleaning your assss off by wiping it on your walls. You have no credibility in this disucssion whatsoever.
post 1691592433 10-13-2023, 04:31 AM
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#60
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an important thing to remember is dry wiping causes irritation on and around your anus.its very sensitive.you wipe too hard your damaging your anus.its better to be gentle and rinse that chit off then gently dry it.super saiyan level no homo.its true.if youve been to jail or prison and use those crappy chit tickets chances are your ass will feel sore and maybe even bleed after awhile.im being super serious no homo.i know it sounds gay but its true.that toilet paper is like wiping with sand paper and thats all your gonna get in there.there aint quilted northern or whatever those bears are that are obsessed with wiping their ass on the box
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