Dana & Adrian were the first team eliminated on Season 16 of The Amazing Race.

Why? Because Dana insisted on making her 200+ pound husband walk across a tightrope.



To add more salt to the wounds? It was a roadblock and Dana could've done it. But did she? Nooooooo.

What a stupid sloot seriously.






Ass Of Update #53- Renee Young, Nikki Bella & Rosa Mendes

One word. Meh.









Ass Of Update #54- Candice LaRae, Gail Kim, Scarlett Bordeaux & Emily Blunt

Also meh.

But at least Allie was sorta cute.

...Right?






Ass Of Update #55- Eva Longoria, Avril Lavigne & Danica McKellar

Didn't really do much other than them beating Preston & Jennifer's sorry derriere to the finishing mat back on Season 14.

You know? That whole piggyback ride debacle?



I'm sorry you guys had to witness watching that video again but, I did that to get my point across.



Not very charming or entertaining to look up on YouTube either.





Ass Of Update #56- Torrie Wilson & Stacy Keibler

in4 plethora of azz pics

Normally you shouldn't let personal vendettas get in the way for a rankings project.

But for one write-up? Screw it.

Bianca was the name of the biggest sloot of a babysitter it was I had growing up. I'm never naming my daughter Bianca.

In fact? I'm adding my detest to the name Bianca in my signature. Moving on.







Ass Of Update #57- Tylene Buck (WCW) & Lana (WWE)

This write-up can speak for itself.

Jessica & John were the first team eliminated from TAR while holding possession of the Express Pass. (from Season 22)

The Express Pass is an option teams can use to skip any challenge they want.

Yes. That's a...yeah.

If you must know? Her full name is Jessica Hoel for the 3 of you out there that are actually reading this.







Ass Of Update #58- Ms. Condra, Torrie Wilson, Kaitlyn, Layla & Eden Stiles (Cody Rhodes's Wife)

Let's just all ignore the fact that Max is a grown 34 year old man wearing lime green shoes.



He would wear those stupid shoes every leg of the race on Season 22.

Ewww.






Ass Of Update #59- Hilary Duff & Selena Gomez

Mona Hinman-Egender and Beth Bandimere competed on TAR 22 and were also in a Walmart commercial.



LMAO @ the commercial having only 300 views.

I have been making YouTube videos for 10 years now.

When has anybody ever looked up a Walmart commercial on YouTube? Nobody ever.

I can't believe I just acknowledged their last names.






Ass Of Update #60- Nikki Bella (first three) and Brie Bella (the fourth one)

Danielle's fake boobs are obvious once again.

I honestly don't remember Eric & Danielle doing anything other than Eric yelled at Danielle one time for not being able to pick up a fish with her bare hands.

DANIELLE YOU BETTER PICK THAT DAMN FISH UP.

Whatever works.



I did like the ending car chase sequence between them, Dustin & Kandice and Charla & Mirna on Season 11 though.

Still? This team is like a 4/10 at best.






Ass Of Update #61- Velvet Sky

Vipul looks like Princess Jasmine.

And there was absolutely nothing interesting about this team beyond their aesthetics.

Don't you just love one note write-ups?







Ass Of Update #62- Dawn Marie, Kaitlyn, Kelly Kelly & Katie Holmes

Eliminated

209. John & Scott
208. Jonathan & Victoria
207. Sheri & Cole
206. Preston & Jennifer
205. Freddy & Kendra
204. Brandon & Nicole
203. Brent & Caite
202. Jet & Cord
201. Elliot & Andrew
200. Liz & Marie
199. Jason & Amy
198. Russell & Cindy
197. Tom & Terry
196. Tim & Te Jay
195. Tyler & Korey
194. Cindy & Rick
193. Mel & Mike
192. Marty & Hagan
191. Darius & Cameron
190. Scott & Blair
189. Misa & Maiya
188. Tian & Jaree
187. Jeremy & Sandy
186. Laurence & Zac
185. Meredith & Maria
184. Ryan & Chuck
183. Dave & Lori
182. Nicole & Travis
181. Ray & Yolanda
180. Tim & Marie
179. Alex & Adam
178. Kelly & Shevonne
177. Steve & Linda
176. David & Jeff
175. Amanda & Chris
174. Chuck & Wynona
173. Zach & Rachel
172. Susan & Patrick
171. Matt & Daniel
170. Dennis & Isabelle
169. Chester & Ephraim
168. Kate & Pat
167. Anthony & Stephanie
166. Anita & Arthur
165. Danielle & Dani
164. Avi & Joe
163. Don & Mary Jean
162. Kris & Jon
161. Jody & Shannon
160. Dana & Adrian
159. Brad & Victoria
158. Steve & Allie
157. Christie & Jodi
156. Debbie & Bianca
155. Jessica & John
154. Max & Katie
153. Mona & Beth
152. Eric & Danielle
151. Vipul & Arti

Top 150

Abbie & Ryan
Adam & Bethany
Adam & Rebecca
Aja & Ty
Alison & Donny
Ally & Ashley
Amanda & Kris
Amani & Marcus
Amy & Daniel
Amy & Maya
Andrew & Dan
Andy & Tommy
Ari & Staella
Art & JJ
Azaria & Hendekea
Bates & Anthony
Bilal & Saeed
Bill & Cathi
BJ & Tyler
Bob & Joyce
Bopper & Mark
Brandon & Adam
Brendon & Rachel
Brian & Greg
Brittany & Jessica
Brodie & Kurt
Brooke & Robbie
Burnie & Ashley
Caitlin & Brittany
Carol & Brandy
Caroline & Jennifer
Charla & Mirna
Chip & Kim
Colin & Christie
Dan & Jordan
Dana & Matt
Dave & Cherie
Dave & Connor
David & Mary
Debra & Steve
Denise & James Earl
Dennis & Erika
Duke & Lauren
Dustin & Kandice
Eric & Jeremy
Erin & Joslyn
Ernest & Jim
Ernie & Cindy
Erwin & Godwin
Ethan & Jenna
Flight Time & Big Easy
Fran & Berry
Gary & Mallory
Gary & Will
Gus & Hera
Hayden & Aaron
Hoskote & Naina
Idries & Jamil
Jaime & Cara
James & Abba
Jaymes & James
Jazmine & Danielle
Jim & Marsha
Joe & Bill
Joe & Heidi
Joey & Meghan
Joey Fitness & Danny
John Vito & Jill
Jon & Al
Jordan & Jeff
Joseph & Monica
Josh & Brent
Justin & Diana
Justin & Jennifer
Kami & Karli
Kaylani & Lisa
Keith & Whitney
Kellie & Jamie
Kelly & Christy
Kelly & Jon
Kelsey & Joey
Ken & Tina
Kerri & Stacy
Kevin & Drew
Kisha & Jen
Kym & Alli
Kynt & Vxysin
Lake & Michelle
Lena & Kristy
Leo & Jamal
Linda & Karen
Lisa & Joni
Lisa & Michelle
Logan & Chris
Lorena & Jason
Lori & Bolo
Louie & Michael
Lyn & Karlyn
Lynn & Alex
Margie & Luke
Marianna & Julia
Marisa & Brooke
Mark & Bill
Mark & Michael
Marshall & Lance
Megan & Heidi
Meredith & Gretchen
Michael & Scott
Millie & Chuck
Misti & Jim
Monica & Sheree
Monique & Shawne
Nary & Jamie
Natalie & Nadiya
Nathan & Jennifer
Nick & Starr
Nicky & Kim
Nicolas & Donald
Oswald & Danny
Pam & Winnie
Peter & Sarah
Rachel & Dave
Ray & Deana
Reichen & Chip
Rob & Amber
Rob & Kelley
Rob & Kimberly
Rob & Sheila
Ron & Bill
Ron & Kelly
Ronald & Christina
Rowan & Shane
Shana & Jennifer
Shelley & Nici
Steve & Dave
Steve & Josh
Tammy & Victor
Tanner & Josh
Terence & Sarah
Teri & Ian
Tiffany & Krista
Tim & Danny
TK & Rachel
Toni & Dallas
Trey & Lexi
Tyler & James
Uchenna & Joyce
Vanessa & Ralph
Wanda & Desiree
Zev & Justin

(for the wall of text you are awarded with 8 pictures of an ass.)










Ass Of Update #63- Victoria Justice, Sofia Vergara, Michelle McCool, Serena Williams & Maria Menounos

Ari & Staella were the first team eliminated back on Season 12.

I literally have nothing else to judge this team on beyond that.









Ass Of Update #64- Stephanie McMahon, Taryn Terrell, Ashley Tisdale & Britney Spears

Perhaps the most low-key, under the radar winners this show has ever had.

Is there anything else I can say here about this team?

Besides mentioning the name Kelsey that is?








Ass Of Update #65- AJ Lee & Victoria Justice

The only notable aspect about this team was that were eliminated from The Amazing Race on Jenn's Birthday.



Sucks to be you bitch.






Ass Of Update #66- Madison Rayne, Avril Lavigne, Mickie James & Scarlett Johansson

Another team where I have literally nothing of note to say about.

They were the first team eliminated back on Season 23.

What more do you want from me?








Ass Of Update #67- Ashley Greene, JoJo Offerman, K.C. Cassidy, Nikki Bella, Michelle McCool & Dawn Marie

Not that great of a team and not that very entertaining to boot either.








Ass Of Update #68- Christina Aguilera, Hilary Duff & Lindsay Lohan

They didn't know how to play a game of croquet on a wooden horse or something.






I apologize if the screen captures are terrible to display.

But it's not like there's that many TAR fansites out there.





Ass Of Update #69- Lana From WWE

Keith Tollefson was a freakin’ douchebag.

But luckily? All of America was reprieved that he and his wife didn’t last very long on the Race during Season 25.







Ass Of Update #70- Michelle McCool, Krysten Ritter, Nikki Bella & Maryse

There's a horrible joke I can make here about Shelley's fu....

...Funky crazy hair.

You just knew I was going to use another word that started with the letters F and U didn't you?








Ass Of Update #71- Brooke Tessmacher, Eve Torres & Dawn Marie

And the first team I’m critiquing after the July 4th Holiday is yet another first boot.

Ron & Bill were the first team eliminated back on Season 19.

I’m beginning to sound like a broken record over here.









Ass Of Update #72- Taryn Terrell, Stacy Keibler, Britney Spears, Sarita, Cara Delevigne, Alicia Fox & Brooke Tessmacher

Jordan & Jeff were once housemates and fell in love with each other on Big Brother 11.

So what did they contribute on Season 16 of The Amazing Race?

Almost nothing of significance. Moving on.







Ass Of Update #73- Kaitlyn, Katie Holmes, Maria Kanellis & Melina Perez

Sarah Reinertsen had a prosthetic leg.

This made the team have a sympathetic edit. So what was the problem here?

The issue I had here with this team is that we were reminded of thisFOR EVERY CONCEIVABLE SECOND OF SCREEN TIMEPeter & Sarah got.



The look on this kid’s face is priceless.

Someone like Adam & Bethany were 10,000 times better than Peter & Sarah.

Bethany Hamilton got her whole arm chopped off by a shark.

Sarah was just a Debbie Downer the entire time on Season 10.






Ass Of Update #74- Don't know (first picture), Natalie Portman, Ariana Grande & Nikki Bella

Didn't really like this team.

Bickered way too much and got in each other's britches quite often back on Season 27.

And not the good kind either.






Ass Of Update #75- Sable, Hilary Duff, Stephanie McMahon and I have no idea who that girl is in the last picture

A poor man's version of Teri & Ian. (grandparents)




Ass Of Update #76- Layla El & AJ Lee

A poor man's version of Jon & Al. (clowns)







Ass Of Update #77- Jennifer Lopez, Victoria, Torrie Wilson, Lana Del Rey & Trish Stratus

in for later, how are you posting from the mental asylum tho?

Mary Conley's voice is like nails on a chalkboard.



Sigh.








Ass Of Update #78- It's getting late. Look up the names of these asses on the internet if you must.

Rob & Sheila were the first team eliminated back on Season 21.

Is reading through all of this excruciating to do?

I understand that but I have to do what I have to do here.








Ass Of Update #79- Maria Kanellis, Christy Hemme, Adrianne Curry & Torrie Wilson