Did you cheat on her?

I’ve seen her pics before and she looks weird. Red hair and a weird big mouth. Maybe that’s a 10 in Mexico lmao idk

How do you "break up" with a FwB? There was nothing of substance, just stringing 1 person along for x time. SS be just trying to hijack another thread.

Ken-O if you're a man of honesty you should establish early with a girl that there will always be a hotter girl, nicer tits better hair whatever. And male gaze will always lock onto it. But it doesn't mean she's an upgrade on your girl, because the object of your gaze could be walking baggage and your GF is the devil you know.

And likewise your GF is welcome to notice hotter guys, because they exist. She can make a comment every time Matthew McConaughey comes on screen, and you avoid bring insecure about it because yeah he's pretty phucking handsome.

My GF was a virgin when I met her and had this Hollywood idea that when you have a partner everyone else is suddenly unattractive, but I quickly nipped that in the bud. It was your fault for ignoring this red flag, especially as you admit it was a day 1 thing.

It takes months just for enough of the mask to come off to see the real person underneath, and a few months in you're still blinded by infatuation. Infatuation is not love, because love takes time. If a relationships ends because a couple lived together for a year, why they hell would it have been any different if they were married for a year instead? And now you have to deal with divorce court, where in the previous scenario you can just go your separate ways.

We know this already blueberry, this thread is about Ken-o. Can’t hog the spotlight all the time.

We know this already blueberry, this thread is about Ken-o. Can’t hog the spotlight all the time.

The gall that this 55 year old, gizzard-necked, eggless wonder has to criticize someone else for their looks

hard disagree here. there are ways of getting to know a person enough without having to date for years. and besides. you may never really see the real person underneath regardless. as a man you need to take account and inventory of your own emotions and take an objective look at things. you don't need to be blinded by such things or at the very least engage in behaviours that increase that lustfulness. if you can't understand and are not self-aware of your own emotions and realize the basics of what a marriage is before going into it, then perhaps one has no business going into it.

It would be different because if it was "dating" for the intent to marry rather than just going through the motions of having it happen "organically" which has a high chance of never happening. The processes and checks you would have would be different. Each other's intentions going into it would be different than say 2 other people who just want to "test the waters for a few years". And all of this would affect how a marriage would go down to the woman you actually choose. I personally think if you're dating for that long just don't get married.

people chit on more traditional ways or how it was done in the past but modern dating culture is screwed. you have people dating for years on end then somebody just noping the hell out. it just leaves a whole bunch of people with baggage. I don't think the former is any more riskier than the latter at all and probably think it's better. Perhaps I should have prefaced this by saying both of you need to come into with similar values/beliefs and a more traditionalist mindset and view of marriage. Which you can easily vet. And you can make it alot safer for both parties by like I said, involving parents or some other family. Even if you are blinded by "infatuation". People nowadays would rather run away at the first sight of a problem and the whole "dating for years" enables and encourages this culture.


My parents never dated for years, most of my cousins never dated for years, some of my uncles and even my nephews. Some of them have been married for a decade plus. I wonder why almost none of us have gotten divorced. Ironically it was one of my cousins who dated for years then got married was the one who got divorced. Ofc this is just anecdotal, but I think there is something to this and somewhat of a sample size here. Point is you don't need to date for years and vet for that long, as long as you follow certain processes, do some strong vetting and involve outside parties (ideally people close to you) who have your best interests in mind.

Doesn't have to be complicated. You're attracted to the person physically? Like her personality? Cool. You align in your beliefs/values? Nice. Similar goals/views on marriage. Great. Discuss dealbreakers and perhaps any past traumas? Agree on each other's roles, basic structure, etc? If you want, you can get pre-marital counselling. There are so many ways to mitigate risks without having to go for modern dating culture.

Fwb, dating, relationships, cohabitation, bf/gf etc it’s all “nothing of substance“ anyway.

The only relationship of substance is marriage.

Human relationships/experiences dont have substance? Wtf else is the point of life then

Strong autism

Human relationships/experiences dont have substance? Wtf else is the point of life then

Strong autism

I agree. You make a great point. Men should have a clear agenda with the woman they are dating or in a relationship.

But I don't know what Ken-O's interests was with this woman so I'd like to hear what he said.

Right short term dating with intent to marry makes sense and avoids all these problems that Kenny and Sword are having. Within a few months you should know and then either marry within a year or so or you just move on. Long term dating and living together etc makes no sense. Either commit or move on.

I’ve seen her pics before and she looks weird. Red hair and a weird big mouth. Maybe that’s a 10 in Mexico lmao idk

Ken-O if you're a man of honesty you should establish early with a girl that there will always be a hotter girl, nicer tits better hair whatever. And male gaze will always lock onto it. But it doesn't mean she's an upgrade on your girl, because the object of your gaze could be walking baggage and your GF is the devil you know.

And likewise your GF is welcome to notice hotter guys, because they exist. She can make a comment every time Matthew McConaughey comes on screen, and you avoid bring insecure about it because yeah he's pretty phucking handsome.

My GF was a virgin when I met her and had this Hollywood idea that when you have a partner everyone else is suddenly unattractive, but I quickly nipped that in the bud. It was your fault for ignoring this red flag, especially as you admit it was a day 1 thing.

OP didn't, but guarenteed 100% she was cheated on and/or abused in her past.

Dealt with a lady or two in the past that had similar behavior

sorry for the long post

sucks. i feel like something like this could have been worked out but maybe she was just too much and could not be re-assured due to her baggage.

I think living with a person before marrying is interesting. I honestly agree with sword. Moving in with somebody before marriage seems like it shifts the relationship into purgatory where neither party seems really interested in tying the knot and becomes more like a roommate type of situation where both are just living with each other just because and out of convenience, without really investing in each other.

Sure you get to know how a person is by living with them but like Sword said there are other ways IMO to test a relationship. How do they act in public? Ask the person some thought provoking questions on the spot to see how they think, how do they act around their family, parents? Ask her friends and parents about her, although the parents may paint them as some sort of angel.

In my opinion dating for years on end for the sake of dating is a waste of time. You can really get to know a person within the first few to several months, or at least know them ENOUGH where dating them for several years won't really reveal much more. At least know what her values/beliefs are and know if you are compatible. The longer the dating phase goes, the harder it becomes to commit bc you get so used to the routine, the boredom monotony until somebody says "aiight i'm out". For women it sucks because her prime biological age is 18-28. That's a small window for her and it only goes downhill from there. Men don't have that problem but still, courts have stacked the cards against them and the dating market doesn't really favour them and many have chosen to check out.

In the past, women married in their prime reproductive years and seemed to be much happier. Men married earlier as well. And there wasn't this whole extended dating culture. Couples of the past used to get married quicker and because they committed to each other quicker, were less likely to bail out on each other because it would have consequences. Socially and financially. Divorce was looked down upon. Men made more money so this incentivized women to stay. So in that sense, they were forced to figure things out because it would be in the best interest of both parties due to the repercussions.

Some might argue well, you really need to get to know a person for years before committing. I honestly 100% disagree. There's only so much you can get to know after a certain point. If you're dating with the intention to marry, you can expedite this process. And look at the divorce rates, can you even really say that dating for years really helps that argument?

At least from my own experience, i only knew her for several months before marriage. if you want to go that route, make sure you both have the same intentions from the start and make it clear. Ask your questions, vet, etc. One thing I recommend as well to is getting their parents involved somewhat early in the process once you've gotten a general idea. It will let you know whether or not your potential in-laws are batchit crazy and what you would be marrying into as well as how she acts around them and it can help smooth out and facilitate the process. Plus it protects her as well. This is just anecdotal from my end but after learning my lesson, I knew dating for years on end was a terrible decision, but I learned alot from it. I don't regret at all the way I went about it the 2nd time around. Yeah we had some minor issues but since we are committed we learned how to solve these problems and grow into each other. Just my 2 cents.

There is always a risk in marriage, whether you marry after 6 months or 6 years. My argument is that past the 8 month mark, you're not really reducing your risk at all. Or the minute reduction in risk is not worth the relationship blowing up in your face and wasting a whole bunch of time. Time is short fellas. Don't waste your time with women you don't plan on committing to. Either commit or do your own thing. All you're doing if you don't do that is just making everybody jaded, heartbroken and depressed when it all comes crashing down like wth did I do with the past 4 years of my life?

Lol no. Not even a text or anything shady,
Never gave her a reason to doubt. That’s all on her

There is no commitment or accountability without marriage. It just doesn’t mean anything. There is really no difference between casual dating/sex and “relationships” it’s all the same bs

Thanks Ken for the advice you gave me in the past

Just shows you sometimes based on circumstances out of our control it can happen to the best of us

She had extreme insecurity/jealously issues. Would start conflict often over things she’d imagine, like accusing me of eyeing or flirting with other chicks, things that were completely made up.

God forbid we were out eating and a hot girl came inside the place, id get anxious as **** because she would often accuse me of eye fuking them or whatever. Just became too toxic, and she was like this since day 1.

Nah man, im self aware about the relationship and my overall behavior, if I acted shady or wrong I would admit it. No point lying or being a hypocrite, wouldn’t help my mourning process if I wasn’t honest about everything.


She even had my password, gave her since the first month to prove to her that I wasn’t going to hurt her that way. Never checked my phone to my knowledge but also never once got a weird text or anything that could make her doubt. The one time I got a text was from an ex gf and I let her know immediately, left the other ex on read and she still got mad lol.


Then I realized what I state on the paragraph above isn’t healthy and we both were just wasting out time. Plenty of other examples like that, we’d have a conflict weekly about something completely made up in her mind by her insecurities and low self steem.

This is your fault, you aren't setting frame and if you tolerate this kind of little girl nonsense it means you also don't have abundance, she's too comfortable and sounds like you like her more than she likes you.

Women KNOW men look at other women, check that chit IMMEDIATELY, "Who do you think you're talking to? I can look wherever I want anytime I want. What kind of control freak tells someone where they can look? Are you insecure?" Call that nonsense out and flip it. If you're tolerating your girl telling you where you can / can't look and you are anxious about a hot girl walking into a restaurant, bro you failed LONG ago.

They are all chit tests, you can't let a woman dictate ANYTHING in your life, especially naturally male behavior. If you're value isn't high enough to say things like that directly then that's also your problem, get your value up, and have a backbone.

The underlying message here that YOU need to learn from, is this woman tested you multiple times, she realized you're weak, so she acted up more and more (women don't consciously know they are doing this) and you failed more and more tests, now she doesn't even respect you and the relationship is over. 100% your fault, you didn't lead your woman right. Get better and learn from it.