Yeah same here. It's called bitterness. Most ppl don't become bitter until their like mid 40s or so, which is the fukked up thing. Ppl in their 20s and 30s should be enjoying life. Something very very fukked up has to happen to ppl early on to make them so bitter and it's just not fair. If I could just live my 20s and 30s happy id be fine. Life isn't going to get better in your 40s and 50s and it's just really hard to deal with life passing by

That's what turns me off with antidepressants. I watched a family member start taking them after their husband passed. First one didn't work… so the doctor prescribed another one… nope… a different one… and so on. She got progressively worse and tried to take her life.

you obviously

I sort of noticed really adverse effects when I tried effexor XR when I was 19, I actually felt I was becoming crazy, like psychotic, so i stopped. but this sertraline, so far i just had a terrible upset stomach and heart burn (i think) after the second pill. but mentally I think its sort of helping, hard to say, everyone says it takes at least 2-6 weeks to do something.

The first bold i agree with. If you're having issues in your 20's and maybe early 30's (depending on how bad the issues are) … most of that is a reflection of nurturing. I laugh at parents that get so pissed at their twenty something year old children. It's not like they just woke up one morning at 25 and were some kind of screw-up. It's usually a failing at parenting. However, after a certain point we must do something to help ourselves since apparently our families have failed us.

The second bold i don't agree with and am somewhat curious how you derived that belief. You do understand that the root of that belief permeates in the present and projects you down that path? People like Christopher Waltz and Samuel L. Jackson got their big start in their 40-50s. Ray Kroc did McDonalds at 50+. Coca-Cola … age 55. Nelson Mandela… Colonel Sanders… Grandma Moses… J. K. Rowling… Laura Wilder… Sylvester Stallone…

Be mindful of your thoughts. One of my signature quotes:

"The soul becomes dyed with the color of its thoughts." - Marcus Aurelius

Well jusr went for my cbt therapy assessment, was 2 hours long and they askes me a bunch of questions to see if I qualified for the study..

Really hoping I qualify, I could use a silver lining right about now

Just the wear and tear on the body. Aging and losing your glow. Mid life crisis and possible financial problems for some people. Regret of a wasted youth. If I'm 50 and have a decent life id be ok being older, but if I still have these problems idk what I'm going to do

You're hearing what I'm saying, but you're not listening to it. If you don't address the way your mind works … you have no chance.

“Your beliefs become your thoughts,
Your thoughts become your words,
Your words become your actions,
Your actions become your habits,
Your habits become your values,
Your values become your destiny.”

― Mahatma Gandhi

I'm not trying to harp on you. I'm trying to get you to see what it is you're really saying/doing. You took what i said prior, and shoved it aside in your head to protect your corrupt belief structures / thought process. You said life will go down hill when you're 40-50. In your head that is an absolute. You firmly believe that to be true. You believe aging is bad. If that wasn't corrupt enough, you go on to talk about things that may or may not happen (financial problems & regret).

There are people that have been paralyzed and said it was the best thing that ever happened to them. If i remember right, Joe Rogan had Dan Bilzerian on his podcast talking about how he brought a bunch of wounded warriors to his house. One of the dudes was missing half his arm and Bilzerian said something like, "Dude… I don't get it… and don't take this personally. How are you so happy all the time?" The wounded vet said something along the lines of it being the best thing that happened to him… and pointed out how he's hanging with Dan Bilzerian at the moment and just got laid upstairs to a babe the night before. How about that motivational speaker dude that was born without arms and legs (Nick Vujicic)? On the flip-side, there are lottery winners that have said, "Worst thing that ever happened to me!"

So ask yourself, "How can aging be a bad thing if these people that are paralyzed, missing a limb, missing all limbs, etc … believe their situation to be a good thing?" The answer is…

Aging is not a bad thing. It's not a good thing either. It just is . It's your incorrect belief that has made it a bad thing. Your thoughts. Your rational. Your assumptions. Your assumptions of assumptions. Aging… just like everything else… has no meaning except for what you give it. You need to seriously contemplate the things you say … even the most benign things … and really ask yourself whether they are true. If not, when you get to 40 you will have 10x cobweb of lies floating around in your head… and 10x the manifestations. Hence the Gandhi quote.




I posted this rant not only to help you, but to also remind myself to keep my own thoughts in check.


EDIT

Two very good videos that expand my point:

I just don't want to grow old with regret. If I stay on this path that is what is going to happen. I already regret missing most of my teen years and some of my early 20s, so I know I will regret my whole life if I don't do something soon. It's already happening.

Maybe the physical age won't matter that much, but the regret will. And every day just passes by in the same result.

I really wish I had to struggle more in a way, because life is too easy for me and I can't get myself to make myself any better. The monotony is overwhelming

Bipolar2 with psychotic features checking in.

Anxiety level so high I avoided my own mother in the grocery store..SRS

Noticed her come around the corner, quickly ducked to the other lane 007 style and exited to the other side of store, being sure to weave through isles to avoid being seen

Have you ever tried to objectively understand what you're writing? As in… read what you wrote, ask questions about it, and try to understand it?

I just don't want to grow old with regret
If you never aged would you have regret? Why? What exactly is regret?

I already regret missing most of my teen years and some of my early 20s
Does it matter what happened in your teens? Why? What if you woke up with amnesia tomorrow? Would your teen years matter then? Why/Why not?

And every day just passes by in the same result
Why? Because you're taking the past and projecting it on the future and afraid (fear) that you will just make the same mistakes again… so you opt not to try… and then regret not trying… and then beat yourself up for it?

I really wish I had to struggle more in a way, because life is too easy for me and I can't get myself to make myself any better. The monotony is overwhelming
Why not sell everything you own, hitch to a different state, and do something you've never done before? That would be a challenge, that wouldn't be easy, and that would break the monotony…


Those are just random questions off the top of my head real quick. I would actually be curious as to what your answer would be to each one. A lot of what you say is stuff I've identified with in the past. It's kind of morphed into something different now (for the better).

EDIT

On the bright side, you are actually in a better position than most people. You recognize a problem. You don't seem to understand that it is your thinking… hence why all your thoughts and fears keep looping back on themselves. But, there are millions of people out there that are so trapped in layers upon layers of fear that they will likely never truly find happiness/peace/joy. Props to you for doing something and being engaged in the journey.

Dear Diary,
Only one word to describe what I feel right now: empty. Feel like life has no purpose. I used to try so hard at life, always positive. My life is not necessarily ****ty, but I feel like not trying anymore. All the superficial things seem so meaningless: money, girls,…I want to be simple and experience happiness through simple, innocent things. I now shy away from all my friends, shy away from trying to get a girl, shy away from making myself happier. I feel like I dont give a **** about anything. I feel like even if I try harder more DENSE **** is just gonna be thrown at me much more frequently. EVERY ****ing time I feel positive, I would get put down by some **** right away. Nothing in life has value to me anymore. ****.

so much truth. i can never look at the world in a positive light ever because of everything i've experienced, seen, and read. even if i won 5 million dollars in the lotto, this world is still complete chit to me.

My depression has been getting bad lately. Been thinking if it's something physically or chemically wrong with depressed people's brain, or if it's entirely based on their environment? Can't imagine still feeling this bad if I suddenly won the lottery for example, but maybe i would. I just can't stop thinking about how pointless everything is. Just want these feelings of emptiness to go away

I forgot who said it but… "You can't fix emotion with logic. It can only be fixed with action."

Poor thought processes are the root. However, most people aren't in control of their thoughts. Most people are completely reactionary. They react entirely to the environment around them. So shoving them into the right environment can work like paddles on a heart.

Stick someone into a high stress environment alien to them like a skydiving plane… guarantee the last thing on their minds is rotting. That's the power of the right environment… it focuses your thoughts to the task at hand and not the bullchit random thoughts you have 600 times a minute about crap that will never happen. That's an extreme exampled, but funny enough… you'd get the same reaction or likely more intense from making someone do public speaking or approach a hot woman.

haven't seen or talked to any of my friends in like 7 weeks.

don't respond to any texts, don't talk to anyone, nothing

just alone and life still fuking sucks

it's hereditary for sure. I wish I could help. Are you always depressed?

I go one day without talking to people and go insane, I can't imagine. Why do you think they aren't responding? (not trying to say you've done anything, just curious why friends wouldn't respond)

Sorry, my post was a bit confusing.

I am the one not responding. I'm the one not talking to anyone. I'm imposing the loneliness on myself. I always do this. I go for long stretches, maybe months, were I literally stop talking to everyone in my life and I just go through the motions with work, lifting, studying, and then I just game and watch movies alone on the weekends.

It's my coping mechanism. I'm just so unhappy and working every day to make my life better to no avail is exhausting. Being alone is the only time I can feel at peace in a way, because I know no one is judging me or pitying me. But at the same time, it's probably my worst enemy as well because I feel so desolate and hopeless.

When i'd shut myself in like that in the past the quality of my 9-5 work would drop drastically. Do you have people that get angry at you for going hermit? I had a few. They'd get angry instead of asking, "Are things okay?" In the rare instances that they did ask, they'd quickly accept the low energy canned "I'm finnnne" response.

I do this when I have post drinking anxiety so i semi get the feeling. You have any close friends?

At this point, they don't do that anymore. They'll text me a few times over a couple weeks and If I don't respond they will just stop. Everyone knows I do this and they just wait for me to contact them I guess. I prefer it that way, actually. I always feel really bad for ignoring my friends but I just can't hang out with any of them right now. Most of them have girlfriends as well so they are usually busy with their own stuff, and when they do all get together and go out it's with the girls as well and the nights are just so fuking useless. Waste of money and just pointless. Don't want to do any of that. Rather just spend my time alone.

I do have some close friends that are like my brothers but they are the problem. They are all like REALLY successful. And we all went to the same schools/took the same degree and things like that. Known them forever but they are a huge source of my problem. Their presence is just a constant reminder of my failures and my bad luck in life despite working just as hard as them. It's not fair to them really, but I can't be around them sometimes. They know I still love them, and they know I'm going through some **** so when I do this they leave me alone to deal with it

If this is self imposed and making you depressed, why don't you just stop? I'm not judging. Why don't you take action on something, anything?

do you have social media?

It's not the loneliness thats made me depressed. Life circumstances and how long they have persisted has made me depressed and question life. I retreat within myself and choose to be by myself as a coping mechanism to deal with my pain. My self imposed loneliness actually brings me a modicum of peace because when I'm by myself in my own little world, It can make it easier to focus on myself and not compare myself to others.

But at the same time, my prolonged loneliness has made my depression worse and has led to suicidal tendencies. But being alone is the only way I know how to deal with this stuff. Especially when the people in my life who would want to help and talk to me about it are one of the biggest triggers for my depression.

Its a double edged sword. I need it, but it's hurting me.

No. I basically deleted all forms of social media a couple years ago. So when I say alone, I mean ALONE. No social media, no contact with any friends, not close with anyone in my family so I don't speak to them. Basically, I live my life alone right now.

Have you seen a psychologist? dr? on meds?

Comparing yourself to others is pretty normal…at least to me… but to the point of causing depression idk ….

What do you think originally caused your depression? Do you come from a good home? used drugs? You don't have to answer

Thank you. I was never depressed most of my life, was actually pretty happy only sad during normal times. I'm 27 and the past few years is when I started getting depressed, and it gets worse every month. I would say now I am depressed the majority of the time, even went on a trip to FL a few weeks ago with my gf and couldn't even enjoy that. Have been thinking of seeing a therapist. I really don't want to go on meds though. Haven't mentioned this much to anyone else because I know there is a huge stigma associated with it and don't want to be a burden on others.

Long post incoming..


Nope, never seen anyone about it. Never will. No meds either. There isn't anything psychologically wrong with me. I am the way I am because of life circumstances, period. If others had been through what I'd been through, they would understand my feelings. There isn't anything wrong with me mentally.

Good home. Successful parents. Upper middle class. Went to a great uni. Took chemical engineering; I'd argue one of the toughest undergrads you can do. Did pretty well. Got unlucky and didn't get the internships I wanted during school even though I tried really hard. Graduated at a BAD time in the economy. Couldn't find a job. All my friends seemed to get theirs so easily and never had to worry about this stuff. Next 2 years of my life were hell.

Unemployed while grinding my ass off; networking, emails, cold calls, coffees, extra courses and certifications out of pocket, had some interviews where I thought I would get the job and I didn't. So frustrating. Deleted all social media and stopped talking to all my friends because I was ashamed I still didn't have a job. Father got cancer, stopped working, I had to step up and support my mom and sister. Not money wise, he was still getting paid and my mom has a good job, just time and the little things; taking him to the hospital, picking up my sister from school/taking her there and to her activities, grocery shopping. Just other stuff my mom couldn't do all alone because my dad was bedridden from chemo. On top of still trying to find a job, couldn't handle it. Basically all of 2016 is a blur. Suicidal tendencies popped up. Basically shut down. But was still grinding with my extra courses and stuff.


Fastforward like 6 months ago. Finally got a job, unpaid internship in the field I want to get into. Been working there full time, UNPAID just to gain experience. Still networking trying to find my first real job out of uni and It's still such a fuking grind. My buddies all have 2+ years experience and some of them are making 6 figures and I'm working for free. Can't seem to get a job to save my life. And because I have no income, I can't move out and start my own life. So, I'm stuck. I look at my resume and I can't believe that I'm unemployed to be honest. In the midst of some networking now but I fear that It'll end up going nowhere as usual.

-Great school
-Great degree
-Did decently well overall but my trailing GPA over the last 2.5 years is pretty darn good
-Now about 9 months of internship experience and some good project work in school
-2 additional certifications 1 eng, 1 finance related
-taking level 3 of the CFA exam in 2018

Like, I'm basically just ready to give up because I don't know what to do anymore. When you try this hard for so long and nothing good happens for you, you just want it all to stop because it can't be worth this. And for the last 2 years I've basically shut myself off from the world and everyone because I'm so unhappy with everything in my life. I just want to start my own life. Get a job so I can burn money away on rent. Being a corporate slave would be a step up. I don't want anything glamorous, not trying to be a millionaire with as little work as possible. I just want to get a job, work hard, and put my head down. But the world won't even let me do that.

Alot of people think that. I did two years ago as well haha

I know people who go to "life coaches" but really are going to therapists. Super successful people.

Not everyone needs medications. Some people do. Point is you don't know now because you haven't taken any steps to take care of your mental health.

Look up some psychologists in your area that have good reviews. The alternative is to continue doing what you are doing now ya know?

I'm sorry that has happened. I personally don't comprehend that and am not going to try to act like I do. The only thing that doesn't make sense to me is someone as smart as yourself would set in stone that 100 percent you won't go see someone or even think about meds. To me the first step is going to see a therapist or something because I hate the idea of meds as well. I've never been depressed most of my issues have been from anxiety but have you not reached the point where you wake up and look in the mirror and say I'm sick of this? What can I do to get over this? You know some people dont have to take medications their whole life? Go to therapy their whole life?

You could at least try it. What exactly does it hurt?…

Taking medication would be admitting that I think there is something mentally wrong with me that needs fixing. But there isn't, so I don't want to take any meds that could really screw with my mind and body. And I just don't trust therapists. I don't understand the whole process of it. I pay someone to talk to me and they listen to me for an hour and they think they know me well enough to tell me why I'm feeling the way that I'm feeling and what's wrong with me? Just can't buy into it. I'd rather suffer it alone