My long time buddy of well over 10 years is getting married for the 2nd time. He lives a few states away and wants me to fly in and be a groomsman. I figured why not? I want to be there for my bud. He gave me ~3 months notice.

After I've committed, he informs me:

a.) they are renting cabins where they are getting married, the expected contribution is $500 per couple for the three nights (I was only staying for 2)
b.) the tux cost is going to be about $200
c.) he wants me to take time off work and fly in on a Monday when he's getting married Thursday
d.) Oh by the way, one of the groomsmen should call and reserve the cabins with their credit card. One of them is unemployed, one works at BK, one works at Kohls or something (I make better money)

So in addition to spending $500 on flying me and my wife in and $200 for renting a car, he wants me to spend an additional $600 and spend vacation time to go.

So by the time I pay someone to come and feed/water my pets and watch the house and me and my wife eat something other than $1 Mickey D's and we buy them a wedding gift, I'm looking at like $1500 for my buddy to get married.

Wtf do I do? I can afford it, technically, but doesn't this seem outrageous?! When I told him that I wasn't using vacation and was only coming for x2 days he got offended.

EDIT:

EDIT 1: Brah now wants me to pitch in for a boat for the wedding party the day I'm flying in

EDIT 2: This isn't helped by the fact that my wife's brother is trying to get married the day after and is pissed I won't be there for his wedding. I told him I've been committed and he was having none of it, saying it isn't fair because I was already in 1 wedding for this guy. Then I reminded him that he got married at a court house in secret for his 1st marriage which is why I wasn't in that one, and it ended in divorce and she's currently engaged to a lesbian. He's marrying a chick who already has a 7 year old and they just had a baby together a few months ago. He got pissy about it and his soon to be wife uploaded something to her FB about people being unsupportive of their wedding.

My "old" friend social life is a disaster atm. This is getting old.

cliffs on edit 2

- Brah-in-law getting married day after brah, but 2000 miles apart
- Brah-in-law wants me to be best man in his wedding (told me after he found out I was going to be out of state)
- Brah-in-law complains that brah is getting married 2nd time and I've already been in 1st
- Remind brah-in-law that his first marriage was a secret court house wedding no one told us about and it ended in a lesbian divorce
- Brah-in-law cuck and his fiance now angry

Brah-in-law wedding would be perfect way to get out of first wedding, but now he's being such a cuck I don't even want to attend his shotgun wedding

fml

lol, weddings. It's his big day (well, 2nd big day) so of course he should feel fine with asking his friends and family to drop a grand or two to waste a weekend in order to sit through a shiet, sweaty, boring day.

ban marriages

You lost me at "married for the 2nd time".

Tell him to get fukked. Srs.

I think if you rationally explain to him how you really want to be there for his wedding, but spending all this cash could really put an unexpected dent in your bankroll, im sure he would understand. If not, i'd reconsider this guy as your "friend"

Tell your brah he's not your brah anymore.

Do you really wanna go? I'd say at the very least stick to your guns and don't waste vacation time, just go the two days you were planning originally.

While he should have told you guys all this before you confirmed, he did give 3 months notice, which should be enough for you to save up for it. However, he also should have been a little more considerate of you guys, since according to you, 3 of the groomsmen are poverty minimum wage workers or worse.

It is expensive, but not so expensive that i would write off going if it was my best bud's wedding. ultimately, depends how badly you wanna go.

EDIT: did not see it was second marriage.

tell the dude you're going for the 2 days, and he can reserve the rooms on his own credit card.

Go NC.

This.



I was a groomsman. Buddy covered everything.



I also only go to one wedding per person. You get divorced fine but don't expect me to bat an eye at marriage #2

Just curious is it common in usa for the guests etc to chip in on the wedding? Its oDd if yiu ask me.

wedding invitations go straight in the trash crew

this. he should honestly be happy you are coming at all. don't feel pressured into spending all that money.

that is beyond chitty of him to do.

sucks. how close are you to him? i would bail srs

LOL at people who have weddings that burden their guests prohibitively. Almost everyone who attended my wedding says it was the best they have ever been to and guess how much our groomsmen/bridesmaids had to pay? The cost of a suit/dress, end of story. We didn't have it in a location that required everyone to buy expensive plane tickets and travel/miss work, nor did we ask people spend money.

LMFAO at selfish cucks like that.

your way off not gona be $1500 going to be more likely $4000

Tell him you'll only come if he lets you go smat-a-tat-tat on his angoos.

It's a win-win.

If he says no, you're off the hook.

If he says yes, at least you're getting something out of the deal.

yep. i was a groomsmen and everything was paid for (tux, hotel room for a night etc...)

and i have the same policy at marriage number 2. just lol if you think I'm going to come watch you vow before god or whatever your life long commitment to someone a second time.

Don't go. Tell him you'll definitely go to the next one though.

Just lol if you don't tip the groom 20%

congrats on wasting their money on an outdated social norm. idiot

god damn!


if you dont have disposable income its time to break out the CC

3 months notice is not enough time. people plan weddings a year in advance.... there is no reason he shouldn't have told you the dates.

If he isn't paying at least the cabin rental for everyone tell him to suck you

lmao

I had a tiny wedding because I didn't want to burden anyone with what you just described. Also, it's a waste of money and no one actually gives a fuk.

Even though some morons have a gigantic wasteful wedding their first time, it's a well known fact that if you're getting married for the 2nd time you do it at a court house and maybe go out to dinner. Chitty situation OP. I just spent like a G at my buddies wedding a couple weeks ago and I'm going to another one in August where I'm a groomsman. In September my wife's friend is getting married. God damned weddings are going to cost me like $2500-3k this summer alone.

pics of his wife.

Aware thread right? Please let it be so.

Let me ask you a question: Do you think a good friend should hide the fact that something costs too much, which leads to resentment? Or would you rather have your good friend tell you exactly how he feels and deal with it up front?

This is as much about your moral compass as it is the value of your friendship. Do the right thing and tell him the real deal bro. No need to be rude or aggressive about it; he might get butthurt in the moment but he'll understand.

wow misc is on 2 for 2 on weddings and brah's screwing over their friends.

did he let you know via email, and is he buying you some socks that you can keep?

Make sechs with the dad to assert dominance.

Opie,go through with it and right before the wedding bang his bride.