Thread: Cannot gain weight.
12-22-2016, 09:05 AM
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#1
- LinuxJon
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Cannot gain weight.
Have been attempting to bulk for four weeks. Eating 5-6 full meals per day. Lots of burgers, pizza, you name it...
I've lost 1lb and have leaned way out. Strength is way up, but the scale isn't moving. Wat do?
I've lost 1lb and have leaned way out. Strength is way up, but the scale isn't moving. Wat do?
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12-22-2016, 09:06 AM
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#2
12-22-2016, 09:06 AM
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#3
12-22-2016, 09:06 AM
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#4
12-22-2016, 09:08 AM
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#5
12-22-2016, 09:09 AM
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#6
- LaughingStorm
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Originally Posted By LinuxJon⏩
Stats?Have been attempting to bulk for four weeks. Eating 5-6 full meals per day. Lots of burgers, pizza, you name it...
I've lost 1lb and have leaned way out. Strength is way up, but the scale isn't moving. Wat do?
I've lost 1lb and have leaned way out. Strength is way up, but the scale isn't moving. Wat do?
Dave Tate has a great take on this:
There was a time at the Old Westside gym where I couldn't gain weight to save my fukking life.
There was this dude who trained there who could just put on weight like ****ing magic. He'd go from 198 to 308 and then to 275 and back down to 198. And he was never fat. It was amazing.
I finally asked him one day how he did it.
"You mean I never told you the secret to gaining weight? Come outside and I'll fill you in."
Now remember, we're at Westside Barbell. And this guy wants to go outside to talk so no one else can hear. Think about that for a minute. What the hell is he going to tell me? This must be some serious **** if we have to go outside, I thought.
So we get outside and he starts talking.
"For breakfast you need to eat four of those breakfast sandwiches from McDonalds. I don't care which ones you get, but make sure to get four. Order four hash browns, too. Now grab two packs of mayonnaise and put them on the hash browns and then slip them into the sandwiches. Squish that **** down and eat. That's your breakfast."
At this point I'm thinking this guy is nuts. But he's completely serious.
"For lunch you're gonna eat Chinese food. Now I don't want you eating that crappy stuff. You wanna get the stuff with MSG. None of that non-MSG bull****. I don't care what you eat but you have to sit down and eat for at least 45 minutes straight. You can't let go of the fork. Eat until your eyes swell up and become slits and you start to look like the woman behind the counter."
"For dinner you're gonna order an extra-large pizza with everything on it. Literally everything. If you don't like sardines, don't put 'em on, but anything else that you like you have to load it on there. After you pay the delivery guy, I want you to take the pie to your coffee table, open that ****er up, and grab a bottle of oil. It can be olive oil, canola oil, whatever. Anything but motor oil. And I want you to pour that **** over the pie until half of the bottle is gone. Just soak the **** out of it."
"Now before you lay into it, I want you to sit on your couch and just stare at that ****er. I want you to understand that that pizza right there is keeping you from your goals."
This guy is in a zen-like state when he's talking about this.
"Now you're on the clock," he continues. "After 20 minutes your brain is going to tell you you're full. Don't listen to that ****. You have to try and eat as much of the pizza as you can before that 20-minute mark. Double up pieces if you have to. I'm telling you now, you're going to get three or four pieces in and you're gonna want to quit. You ****ing can't quit. You have to sit on that couch until every piece is done.
And if you can't finish it, don't you ever come back to me and tell me you can't gain weight. 'Cause I'm gonna tell you that you don't give a **** about getting bigger and you don't care how much you lift!"
Did I do it? Hell yeah. Started the next day and did it for two months. Went from 260 pounds to 297 pounds. And I didn't get much fatter. One of the hardest things I've ever done in my life, though.
12-22-2016, 09:10 AM
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#7
- keyboardworkout
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If you didn't have so much fur in your stomach, you wouldn't puke everytime you eat. Stop licking yourself.
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12-22-2016, 09:11 AM
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#8
- Nosferatu187
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Originally Posted By Aaronza⏩
they would probably have a buffet with his cats over there.Have you tried moving to China?
12-22-2016, 09:11 AM
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#9
- InstantLoser
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Originally Posted By LinuxJon⏩
Wat do?
"That boulder is too large. I could lift a smaller one."
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Starting Weight (July 2018) - 362
Current Weight (July 2019) - 268
12-22-2016, 09:12 AM
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#10
12-22-2016, 09:13 AM
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#11
12-22-2016, 09:14 AM
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#12
12-22-2016, 09:15 AM
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#13
12-22-2016, 09:15 AM
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#14
- bustermac
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Originally Posted By LaughingStorm⏩
Stats?
Dave Tate has a great take on this:
There was a time at the Old Westside gym where I couldn't gain weight to save my fukking life.
There was this dude who trained there who could just put on weight like ****ing magic. He'd go from 198 to 308 and then to 275 and back down to 198. And he was never fat. It was amazing.
I finally asked him one day how he did it.
"You mean I never told you the secret to gaining weight? Come outside and I'll fill you in."
Now remember, we're at Westside Barbell. And this guy wants to go outside to talk so no one else can hear. Think about that for a minute. What the hell is he going to tell me? This must be some serious **** if we have to go outside, I thought.
So we get outside and he starts talking.
"For breakfast you need to eat four of those breakfast sandwiches from McDonalds. I don't care which ones you get, but make sure to get four. Order four hash browns, too. Now grab two packs of mayonnaise and put them on the hash browns and then slip them into the sandwiches. Squish that **** down and eat. That's your breakfast."
At this point I'm thinking this guy is nuts. But he's completely serious.
"For lunch you're gonna eat Chinese food. Now I don't want you eating that crappy stuff. You wanna get the stuff with MSG. None of that non-MSG bull****. I don't care what you eat but you have to sit down and eat for at least 45 minutes straight. You can't let go of the fork. Eat until your eyes swell up and become slits and you start to look like the woman behind the counter."
"For dinner you're gonna order an extra-large pizza with everything on it. Literally everything. If you don't like sardines, don't put 'em on, but anything else that you like you have to load it on there. After you pay the delivery guy, I want you to take the pie to your coffee table, open that ****er up, and grab a bottle of oil. It can be olive oil, canola oil, whatever. Anything but motor oil. And I want you to pour that **** over the pie until half of the bottle is gone. Just soak the **** out of it."
"Now before you lay into it, I want you to sit on your couch and just stare at that ****er. I want you to understand that that pizza right there is keeping you from your goals."
This guy is in a zen-like state when he's talking about this.
"Now you're on the clock," he continues. "After 20 minutes your brain is going to tell you you're full. Don't listen to that ****. You have to try and eat as much of the pizza as you can before that 20-minute mark. Double up pieces if you have to. I'm telling you now, you're going to get three or four pieces in and you're gonna want to quit. You ****ing can't quit. You have to sit on that couch until every piece is done.
And if you can't finish it, don't you ever come back to me and tell me you can't gain weight. 'Cause I'm gonna tell you that you don't give a **** about getting bigger and you don't care how much you lift!"
Did I do it? Hell yeah. Started the next day and did it for two months. Went from 260 pounds to 297 pounds. And I didn't get much fatter. One of the hardest things I've ever done in my life, though.
Dave Tate has a great take on this:
There was a time at the Old Westside gym where I couldn't gain weight to save my fukking life.
There was this dude who trained there who could just put on weight like ****ing magic. He'd go from 198 to 308 and then to 275 and back down to 198. And he was never fat. It was amazing.
I finally asked him one day how he did it.
"You mean I never told you the secret to gaining weight? Come outside and I'll fill you in."
Now remember, we're at Westside Barbell. And this guy wants to go outside to talk so no one else can hear. Think about that for a minute. What the hell is he going to tell me? This must be some serious **** if we have to go outside, I thought.
So we get outside and he starts talking.
"For breakfast you need to eat four of those breakfast sandwiches from McDonalds. I don't care which ones you get, but make sure to get four. Order four hash browns, too. Now grab two packs of mayonnaise and put them on the hash browns and then slip them into the sandwiches. Squish that **** down and eat. That's your breakfast."
At this point I'm thinking this guy is nuts. But he's completely serious.
"For lunch you're gonna eat Chinese food. Now I don't want you eating that crappy stuff. You wanna get the stuff with MSG. None of that non-MSG bull****. I don't care what you eat but you have to sit down and eat for at least 45 minutes straight. You can't let go of the fork. Eat until your eyes swell up and become slits and you start to look like the woman behind the counter."
"For dinner you're gonna order an extra-large pizza with everything on it. Literally everything. If you don't like sardines, don't put 'em on, but anything else that you like you have to load it on there. After you pay the delivery guy, I want you to take the pie to your coffee table, open that ****er up, and grab a bottle of oil. It can be olive oil, canola oil, whatever. Anything but motor oil. And I want you to pour that **** over the pie until half of the bottle is gone. Just soak the **** out of it."
"Now before you lay into it, I want you to sit on your couch and just stare at that ****er. I want you to understand that that pizza right there is keeping you from your goals."
This guy is in a zen-like state when he's talking about this.
"Now you're on the clock," he continues. "After 20 minutes your brain is going to tell you you're full. Don't listen to that ****. You have to try and eat as much of the pizza as you can before that 20-minute mark. Double up pieces if you have to. I'm telling you now, you're going to get three or four pieces in and you're gonna want to quit. You ****ing can't quit. You have to sit on that couch until every piece is done.
And if you can't finish it, don't you ever come back to me and tell me you can't gain weight. 'Cause I'm gonna tell you that you don't give a **** about getting bigger and you don't care how much you lift!"
Did I do it? Hell yeah. Started the next day and did it for two months. Went from 260 pounds to 297 pounds. And I didn't get much fatter. One of the hardest things I've ever done in my life, though.
12-22-2016, 09:18 AM
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#15
12-22-2016, 09:22 AM
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#16
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That's cause cats are eating all of your food
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12-22-2016, 09:23 AM
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#17
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Originally Posted By sv722⏩
if so, how can one acquire tapewormsHow do you get rid of worms? I think i might have them cos i also eat a lot and don't seem to gain any weight.
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12-22-2016, 09:23 AM
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#18
- JUGGERNAUT1333
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How did the 5% meals work out for you Catbrah?
6'1 - 240lbs
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12-22-2016, 09:26 AM
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#19
- RICHSTRONG
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I wish i could walk a mile in your shoes but since you lost yours..meh what's the point really
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12-22-2016, 09:27 AM
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#20
- RmBoyos
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Originally Posted By LinuxJon⏩
water fluctuation because of the fukkkked up levels of sodium AND your body adjusting to the new calories its getting.....Have been attempting to bulk for four weeks. Eating 5-6 full meals per day. Lots of burgers, pizza, you name it...
I've lost 1lb and have leaned way out. Strength is way up, but the scale isn't moving. Wat do?
I've lost 1lb and have leaned way out. Strength is way up, but the scale isn't moving. Wat do?
trust me itll catch up quick
track yo fukkin macros too - you might not even be anywhere your calorie target...?
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12-22-2016, 09:28 AM
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#21
- solidus2k3
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tfw maintenance is low 2000's but appetite at 5k
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12-22-2016, 09:29 AM
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#22
- atjoblin
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Your scale is a Russian conspiracy just like China
"Inside... Something... Doesn't feel right...
Maybe... Because... I'm rotting"
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12-22-2016, 09:30 AM
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#23
- LaughingStorm
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12-22-2016, 09:30 AM
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12-22-2016, 09:31 AM
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#25
- Desultory1
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went from 185 to 215 just recently
sucked
at the end I was housing full little ceasars large pep pizzas and whole boxes of velveeta....etc etc
was taking in over 4500 cals by the end. metabolism had sped up to the point I was chitting 3x a day.
all u can do is just eat more then you are now.......if ur metabolism is way out of wack tho u may take some time eating at maintenance to balance it back out that way when youre eating at a surplus it doesn't have to be a 2k cal one. but if ur insistent on pursuing your bulk immediately all u can do is eat more then you are now.......and eat dirty.
sucked
at the end I was housing full little ceasars large pep pizzas and whole boxes of velveeta....etc etc
was taking in over 4500 cals by the end. metabolism had sped up to the point I was chitting 3x a day.
all u can do is just eat more then you are now.......if ur metabolism is way out of wack tho u may take some time eating at maintenance to balance it back out that way when youre eating at a surplus it doesn't have to be a 2k cal one. but if ur insistent on pursuing your bulk immediately all u can do is eat more then you are now.......and eat dirty.
12-22-2016, 09:31 AM
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#26
12-22-2016, 09:31 AM
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#27
- Jammer02xd
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Originally Posted By RICHSTRONG⏩
On spread. fuccck. Killing it the last few days with catbrah.I wish i could walk a mile in your shoes but since you lost yours..meh what's the point really
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12-22-2016, 09:38 AM
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#28
- ALLUCANEATRIBS
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how bout you forget about bulking and fix your cholesterol before you die
12-22-2016, 09:40 AM
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#29
- Desultory1
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Originally Posted By ALLUCANEATRIBS⏩
strong user name to post contenthow bout you forget about bulking and fix your cholesterol before you die
12-22-2016, 09:41 AM
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#30
- x-trainer ben
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Originally Posted By LinuxJon⏩
Stop the mail order meals and eat sugar rich "holiday foods".Have been attempting to bulk for four weeks. Eating 5-6 full meals per day. Lots of burgers, pizza, you name it...
I've lost 1lb and have leaned way out. Strength is way up, but the scale isn't moving. Wat do?
I've lost 1lb and have leaned way out. Strength is way up, but the scale isn't moving. Wat do?
There is an unspoken thing, we are iron brothers and sisters, we are to support each other and...It is our duty to support our brothers and sisters in the iron game!
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