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Forum ยป Pondus_levo's dating log and general relationship advice/chat
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Thread: Pondus_levo's dating log and general relationship advice/chat

post 1560155081 08-31-2018, 10:36 AM
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Originally Posted By Nedo⏩
This is just most likely Chaderception. However, when you stay interesting and fun, it should seldom happen so trust when I say keep making them laugh, especially through text when you have time to think and make it real good. Given physique, I'm surprised this happens to you.
Kinda feels like work to me sometimes, and other times I enjoy the back and forth. Actually, now that I think about it, it feels like work with most women. I have to take the time out to think of something funny/witty to say, while they can just sit back. Idk how other guys think about this, I know some see it as a competition and put in lots of work to potentially nothing in return. I see it as a loss of dignity to continue chasing a woman that's putting in no effort herself.

When women put in the effort to reciprocate, it's more enjoyable.
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post 1560159271 08-31-2018, 11:33 AM
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Originally Posted By Luc1fer⏩
Kinda feels like work to me sometimes, and other times I enjoy the back and forth. Actually, now that I think about it, it feels like work with most women. I have to take the time out to think of something funny/witty to say, while they can just sit back. Idk how other guys think about this, I know some see it as a competition and put in lots of work to potentially nothing in return. I see it as a loss of dignity to continue chasing a woman that's putting in no effort herself.

When women put in the effort to reciprocate, it's more enjoyable.
Absolutely, it is work. My buddy would always tease me when we together and I'm on the apps by saying "putting in dat work". I've spent 20mins+ pondering up brilliance to text herlol. Sometimes it just instantly comes to me. One thing is certain, it always triggers them when its good, and doesn't come off corny. As you know, some are more enthusiastic than others so her response to the banter does reveal personality traits as well (the ones who don't play along and only offer "lol" are boring anyway). Its all about what you say and keeping it open ended to keep it going and build on it. The banter needs to be engaging and trigger her to respond. On many occasions they've accused me of being a smooth operator, different or even player. To which I respond "why, because I like to have fun, you aren't boring are you, etc" aaaaaand sitch diffused. Many of you don't believe me but all this is a disgustingly effective system IME.
post 1560159721 08-31-2018, 11:41 AM
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Originally Posted By Nedo⏩
Absolutely, it is work. My buddy would always tease me when we together and I'm on the apps by saying "putting in dat work". I've spent 20mins+ pondering up brilliance to text herlol. Sometimes it just instantly comes to me. One thing is certain, it always triggers them when its good, and doesn't come off corny. As you know, some are more enthusiastic than others so her response to the banter does reveal personality traits as well (the ones who don't play along and only offer "lol" are boring anyway). Its all about what you say and keeping it open ended to keep it going and build on it. The banter needs to be engaging and trigger her to respond. On many occasions they've accused me of being a smooth operator, different or even player. To which I respond "why, because I like to have fun, you aren't boring are you, etc" aaaaaand sitch diffused. Many of you don't believe me but all this is a disgustingly effective system IME.
It seems that you enjoy this stuff tbh. I never felt any loss of dignity with any of the girls I've dated so far but, in retrospect I did put in some work like you describe. It's just that the women engaged to some degree.

If the woman doesn't engage or reciprocate, I'm not expending more effort. I think that part is about dignity, and men should just stop feeling attention to women that make zero effort. It's important to make that distinction.

I also can agree that embracing the competition with other men (without pandering etc as above) is a more healthy mindset now than feeling bitter about dating dynamics.
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post 1560174781 08-31-2018, 03:15 PM
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Originally Posted By Nedo⏩
Sounds like you have potential. What is your career that makes you well below average? Any opportunity or initiative to improve in this regard? You have control over this so become somebody, its never too late.
I'm an administrator at a University, i.e. an officecel. The kind of work I do is generally reserved for old lady divorcees approaching retirement.

And yes, I am embarking on plans to improve my working life, but odds are good I'll be 40 or older before I see the fruits of my labour.

Look... we can't all be Chad, Casanova, or whatever. At my current age, my thoughts regarding relationships/dating are quite simply "hoping for the best, preparing for the worst". I gotta go about designing my life in such a way that I still find it enjoyable even if I never find a partner.
post 1560174861 08-31-2018, 03:17 PM
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Originally Posted By alltrapbrah⏩
At my current age, my thoughts regarding relationships/dating are quite simply "hoping for the best, preparing for the worst". I gotta go about designing my life in such a way that I still find it enjoyable even if I never find a partner.
You think you're old or something? In your prime as long as you stay fit and get finances in order.
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post 1560177011 08-31-2018, 03:46 PM
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Originally Posted By alltrapbrah⏩
I'm an administrator at a University, i.e. an officecel. The kind of work I do is generally reserved for old lady divorcees approaching retirement.

And yes, I am embarking on plans to improve my working life, but odds are good I'll be 40 or older before I see the fruits of my labour.

Look... we can't all be Chad, Casanova, or whatever. At my current age, my thoughts regarding relationships/dating are quite simply "hoping for the best, preparing for the worst". I gotta go about designing my life in such a way that I still find it enjoyable even if I never find a partner.
Don't worry brah, I'm mid-30s and just finished my doctorate now and about to embark on the next stage of teaching and researching in academia. You're actually pretty young, and regardless, it's not too late to pursue your real passion. I know it sounds cliche, but it's true--plus what you may see as a disadvantage is actually an advantage right now: no co-dependents holding you back.
post 1560184341 08-31-2018, 05:26 PM
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Originally Posted By Nedo⏩
Absolutely, it is work. My buddy would always tease me when we together and I'm on the apps by saying "putting in dat work". I've spent 20mins+ pondering up brilliance to text herlol. Sometimes it just instantly comes to me. One thing is certain, it always triggers them when its good, and doesn't come off corny. As you know, some are more enthusiastic than others so her response to the banter does reveal personality traits as well (the ones who don't play along and only offer "lol" are boring anyway). Its all about what you say and keeping it open ended to keep it going and build on it. The banter needs to be engaging and trigger her to respond. On many occasions they've accused me of being a smooth operator, different or even player. To which I respond "why, because I like to have fun, you aren't boring are you, etc" aaaaaand sitch diffused. Many of you don't believe me but all this is a disgustingly effective system IME.
I refuse to be a dancing monkey. Donโ€™t care if it results in less dates.
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post 1560184731 08-31-2018, 05:32 PM
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Originally Posted By Luc1fer⏩
Kinda feels like work to me sometimes, and other times I enjoy the back and forth. Actually, now that I think about it, it feels like work with most women. I have to take the time out to think of something funny/witty to say.
Keep your dignity. If a women feels like work just abort. Fuk tap dancing around for a sloot that gives nothing back.
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post 1560184921 08-31-2018, 05:36 PM
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Originally Posted By Rebel012⏩
Don't worry brah, I'm mid-30s and just finished my doctorate now and about to embark on the next stage of teaching and researching in academia. You're actually pretty young, and regardless, it's not too late to pursue your real passion. I know it sounds cliche, but it's true--plus what you may see as a disadvantage is actually an advantage right now: no co-dependents holding you back.
That is very true - it's a lot easier to switch career paths, move cities, plan vacations, workout on your own schedule etc. while single. Lot less stress too without listening to all her venting and problems.

There are a lot of pluses to being single, and those outweighed the costs for me all during my 20's. Companionship, loneliness, and lack of intimacy are the main drawbacks - and obviously since I want a family it's also important to find someone decent.
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post 1560186131 08-31-2018, 05:56 PM
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If you guys are looking for a relationship hop on Match.com and give it a shot - I decided to try it out about a month ago and landed a ton of dates. The problem is, I am real picky and almost all of these women are very boring/basic and just don't do it for me, there was no spark.

The plus to all this is that there are some attractive ones and you can work on your game with women who actually have the intention to go on dates with you, I was able to hook up with any of the ones I wanted on date 2-3 but for the most part they would withhold sex for "an official boyfriend."
post 1560186431 08-31-2018, 06:02 PM
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Originally Posted By pondus_levo⏩
I tried to have female friends, but realized the only reason I wanted to be their friend was to date them and hanging out with them just made me want them more. Forget that noise.

If we have similar interests and get along really well, why wouldn't you want to take it further. Literally EVERY guy in the world is only friends with a woman because he wants to bang her or her hot friend.
+1 to no female friends. I have some female acquaintances I will meet out when with groups of buddies on the rare occasion but I never enjoyed having women as friends, it always was dramatic and if they were attractive there is no doubt I would try to sleep with them.
post 1560186651 08-31-2018, 06:06 PM
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Originally Posted By Nedo⏩
Absolutely, it is work. My buddy would always tease me when we together and I'm on the apps by saying "putting in dat work". I've spent 20mins+ pondering up brilliance to text herlol. Sometimes it just instantly comes to me. One thing is certain, it always triggers them when its good, and doesn't come off corny. As you know, some are more enthusiastic than others so her response to the banter does reveal personality traits as well (the ones who don't play along and only offer "lol" are boring anyway). Its all about what you say and keeping it open ended to keep it going and build on it. The banter needs to be engaging and trigger her to respond. On many occasions they've accused me of being a smooth operator, different or even player. To which I respond "why, because I like to have fun, you aren't boring are you, etc" aaaaaand sitch diffused. Many of you don't believe me but all this is a disgustingly effective system IME.
Witty banter and engaging messages and texts are extremely important for any app game. You want to set yourself apart and make them feel something when you're working to setup the meetup/date.
post 1560186751 08-31-2018, 06:08 PM
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Originally Posted By Luc1fer⏩
It seems that you enjoy this stuff tbh. I never felt any loss of dignity with any of the girls I've dated so far but, in retrospect I did put in some work like you describe. It's just that the women engaged to some degree.

If the woman doesn't engage or reciprocate, I'm not expending more effort. I think that part is about dignity, and men should just stop feeling attention to women that make zero effort. It's important to make that distinction.

I also can agree that embracing the competition with other men (without pandering etc as above) is a more healthy mindset now than feeling bitter about dating dynamics.
If a girl is into you, she makes it very easy for you to setup hangouts, if she isn't you will get resistance and or no offer to reschedule. There is rarely a grey area here in my opinion. As a guy, I try to be as fun and relaxed as possible on the first date, generally if they enjoy their time with me they will reach out and I will setup date 2. If they don't reach out first I will do so and see what kind of response I get. Putting in effort with women who have low/minimal interest is a giant waste of time, I've learned this lesson the hard way.
post 1560192571 08-31-2018, 07:53 PM
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Originally Posted By intense77⏩
If a girl is into you, she makes it very easy for you to setup hangouts, if she isn't you will get resistance and or no offer to reschedule. There is rarely a grey area here in my opinion. As a guy, I try to be as fun and relaxed as possible on the first date, generally if they enjoy their time with me they will reach out and I will setup date 2. If they don't reach out first I will do so and see what kind of response I get. Putting in effort with women who have low/minimal interest is a giant waste of time, I've learned this lesson the hard way.
I agree, she's either into you or she isn't (or Chad came along). No amount of following up or work is gonna change that (even if women claim they want to be chased).
๐•ฎ๐–๐–†๐–˜๐–Š ๐–† ๐–ˆ๐–๐–Š๐–ˆ๐•ถ, ๐–“๐–Š๐–›๐–Š๐–— ๐–ˆ๐–๐–†๐–˜๐–Š ๐–† ๐–‡๐–Ž๐–™๐–ˆ๐–

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post 1560194681 08-31-2018, 08:22 PM
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Originally Posted By Luc1fer⏩
I agree, she's either into you or she isn't (or Chad came along). No amount of following up or work is gonna change that (even if women claim they want to be chased).
Chase a check, never chase a bitch.
post 1560195171 08-31-2018, 08:28 PM
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Originally Posted By BlackScorpio91⏩
Chase a check, never chase a bitch.
Exactly
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post 1560196071 08-31-2018, 08:41 PM
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Originally Posted By Luc1fer⏩
Exactly
It's better for the women to chase you, shows you that she's cooperative and that she's interested. If you constantly chasing the woman, she's not as interested in you as you think.

Woman who are interested like you said will make it easy for you. If a woman is not into you, there is nothing you can do.
post 1560196911 08-31-2018, 08:56 PM
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Sup brahs. Managed to slay the baddest chick in my life. Not even sure how it happened. **** was super random but man. Wildness.

Also Im getting my old job back. Pay bump like a mf.







Maybe Zyzz was right.
post 1560197101 08-31-2018, 08:59 PM
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Originally Posted By otakutrevan⏩
Sup brahs. Managed to slay the baddest chick in my life. Not even sure how it happened. **** was super random but man. Wildness.

Also Im getting my old job back. Pay bump like a mf.







Maybe Zyzz was right.
Oh do tell.

How would you rate this chick?
post 1560197161 08-31-2018, 09:02 PM
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Originally Posted By BlackScorpio91⏩
Oh do tell.

How would you rate this chick?
Foreign, short, pawg type build, flat stomach + thicc. Was at a festival and everything just seemed to go my way. A few people have told me I have a relaxed "**** it" vibe lately (probably from my entire year just going bad with job, family, and girls.).

Real talk I really might as just wife a 1st Gen foreign chick because for reasons I don't understand they think Im the coolest guy ever.
post 1560197491 08-31-2018, 09:08 PM
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Originally Posted By otakutrevan⏩
Foreign, short, pawg type build, flat stomach + thicc. Was at a festival and everything just seemed to go my way. A few people have told me I have a relaxed "**** it" vibe lately (probably from my entire year just going bad with job, family, and girls.).

Real talk I really might as just wife a 1st Gen foreign chick because for reasons I don't understand they think Im the coolest guy ever.
How would you rate her?

You did say yourself foreign woman like American guys. To them, you're Chad probably because their men don't have the sexual appeal of a Black or White American guy.
post 1560197631 08-31-2018, 09:10 PM
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Originally Posted By BlackScorpio91⏩
It's better for the women to chase you, shows you that she's cooperative and that she's interested. If you constantly chasing the woman, she's not as interested in you as you think.

Woman who are interested like you said will make it easy for you. If a woman is not into you, there is nothing you can do.
I agree with the bolded but not with trying to make women chase you. I can't stand guys who think you should have to chase them. I don't play those games. I think it should be mutual.
Originally Posted By otakutrevan⏩
Sup brahs. Managed to slay the baddest chick in my life. Not even sure how it happened. **** was super random but man. Wildness.

Also Im getting my old job back. Pay bump like a mf.




Maybe Zyzz was right.
Das it! Happy for you boyo!
~ In a world where you can be anything, be kind ~
post 1560197741 08-31-2018, 09:13 PM
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Originally Posted By otakutrevan⏩
Foreign, short, pawg type build, flat stomach + thicc. Was at a festival and everything just seemed to go my way. A few people have told me I have a relaxed "**** it" vibe lately (probably from my entire year just going bad with job, family, and girls.).

Real talk I really might as just wife a 1st Gen foreign chick because for reasons I don't understand they think Im the coolest guy ever.
Awesome. Probably is just a location issue for you.
post 1560197801 08-31-2018, 09:16 PM
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Originally Posted By Legz422⏩
I agree with the bolded but not with trying to make women chase you. I can't stand guys who think you should have to chase them. I don't play those games. I think it should be mutual.



Das it! Happy for you boyo!
So you can't stand me?
post 1560198221 08-31-2018, 09:23 PM
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Originally Posted By BlackScorpio91⏩
How would you rate her?

You did say yourself foreign woman like American guys. To them, you're Chad probably because their men don't have the sexual appeal of a Black or White American guy.
Like 8.2+++/10. Accent, vibe, and body were all on point
Originally Posted By Legz422⏩
I agree with the bolded but not with trying to make women chase you. I can't stand guys who think you should have to chase them. I don't play those games. I think it should be mutual.



Das it! Happy for you boyo!
Thanks mayne
Originally Posted By Rebel012⏩
Awesome. Probably is just a location issue for you.
Its a bit more complex than that, but that's kinda spot on at the same time. Long story short I think foreign women (of all races) like me because they don't have societal expectations of what I "should be" (thanks media) . A white chick from Romania, or a black girl from Ghana hasn't been brainwashed to think I'm a black nerdy "white washed" dude. They just see me as a individual that has his **** together and isn't afraid to be a man.
post 1560207731 09-01-2018, 02:58 AM
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#1316
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Originally Posted By Luc1fer⏩
You think you're old or something? In your prime as long as you stay fit and get finances in order.
The reason why a lot of dudes are casanovas and desireable as fuk in their 30s is because theytimedeverything just right (intentionally or not), i.e. career, looks, status maxing in their 30s. If you're doing well in all areas of your life at 30, you'll likely have to fend off women with a stick. It's the OPTIMUM strategy.

Odds are incredibly good that this won't happen to me. My career/status/education is just too dog chit right now and such things take time to fix.
post 1560207841 09-01-2018, 03:03 AM
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Originally Posted By Rebel012⏩
Don't worry brah, I'm mid-30s and just finished my doctorate now and about to embark on the next stage of teaching and researching in academia. You're actually pretty young, and regardless, it's not too late to pursue your real passion. I know it sounds cliche, but it's true--plus what you may see as a disadvantage is actually an advantage right now: no co-dependents holding you back.
Thanks brah, this was basically my thinking.

Your last sentence is a very good way of looking at, because truth be told, a man really needs to sort out his life first and worry about women second.
post 1560214771 09-01-2018, 07:29 AM
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#1318
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Originally Posted By Legz422⏩
I agree with the bolded but not with trying to make women chase you. I can't stand guys who think you should have to chase them. I don't play those games. I think it should be mutual.



Das it! Happy for you boyo!
Women should tell their friends to go up to a guy if they like them but they can't even do that 90% of the time. Men are just supposed to know when a girl likes him though....lol. There are a lot of things girls could do to subtly initiate but they don't seem to do that. Especially now days with social media and smart phones. Last time this happened to me was 2.5 years ago.
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post 1560223171 09-01-2018, 10:17 AM
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Originally Posted By otakutrevan⏩
Sup brahs. Managed to slay the baddest chick in my life. Not even sure how it happened. **** was super random but man. Wildness.

Also Im getting my old job back. Pay bump like a mf.







Maybe Zyzz was right.
Das it mayne!!!
post 1560239911 09-01-2018, 02:28 PM
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Originally Posted By BlackScorpio91⏩
So you can't stand me?
So you just play games and try to make women chase you? Yeah, would not be interested in that. Those kind of games are stupid, IMO. Just like girls who try to make guys chase them. Like I said, it should be mutual.
Originally Posted By eod8989⏩
Women should tell their friends to go up to a guy if they like them but they can't even do that 90% of the time. Men are just supposed to know when a girl likes him though....lol. There are a lot of things girls could do to subtly initiate but they don't seem to do that. Especially now days with social media and smart phones. Last time this happened to me was 2.5 years ago.
Wut?! lol I'm not talking about initiating. I'm talking about after you've gone on a date. Playing the game of acting disinterested so that they'll chase you is stupid. All these games and rules are so counter productive. If someone likes you, they like you whether you text them immediately after the date or 3 days later. If I like a guy and he texts me after a date or the very next day, I'm not thinking "hmmmm..... I better drop him like a hot potato cause he contacted me too soon." Just LMAO at that!
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