Sure do. My understanding is that in men, it's often misdiagnosed as PTSD.

It's weird with her because she definitely hits all the marks for BPD but also checks the boxes on histrionic personality disorder. Fak.

- USAF
- ENTJ

So choose a path that is in line with your own personal integrity.

If her mom is as you say then removing her from her mom would probably be beneficial. Find a good treatment center/professional that doesn't have a hopeless hateful attitude toward patients with BPD.

Presuming your wife is willing to work on it and for you to be involved in the process (checking in with her docs, not in sessions together) then give it a year or so and in the meantime try to help her get on her feet somewhat financially.

Then if there is a big positive change and you still want to be in this relationship you will both be in a better spot. And if you just can't stick with her hopefully you can walk knowing that she has a chance and you have left her better than you found her.

This is spot on for her. Missed this post earlier.

Is your BPD girl hot, OP? You must think she's hot. Because you KNOW you wouldn't put up with an ugly chick's shyt. Keep that in perspective.

Unfortunately yes. Also, my brother is 82nd.

Incredibly unhealthy. Every initiation on her part is always as a servant nature, never a mutual let's get off nature. Makes ME feel dirty. Like she's projecting her prior abuse onto me.

IMO you are confusing blame and responsibility here.

I don't believe a person is to blame for trauma and/or abuse that triggered them to make a borderline or narcissistic adaptation. To say they were a victim is correct.

That doesn't mean that they are not responsible for their own actions and the harm they do to other people.

You can have compassion for a person broken by childhood damage and also maintain a healthy boundary by choosing to limit or end your exposure to their toxic behavior.

Dated a girl for 9 months with BPD. She just about put me into a mental institution. Faked a pregnancy 2 times, lied constantly, made me feel like everything i was doing was wrong/my fault. When i finally went to NC on her, she ended up calling me from blocked numbers, emailing my work, calling my work phone. BPD's don't have boundaries and honestly will do anything in their power to ruin your life once you abandon them. She was the closest thing to hell i've ever experienced. She STILL calls me from random blocked numbers trying to holler even after being with her current guy for over a year. RUN AS FAST AS YOU CAN AND NEVER LOOK BACK.

Interesting. Makes sense since Mike Tyson was neglected as a kid and pretty much lived in the streets until taken in by Cus when he was 13. It also explains a lot of his behavior in the 90s. Seems he's doing a lot better today, the weed must help.

Cluster B's tend to cross reference with all the multiple disorders

Bro I'm so tired of the "I'm going to hurt myself" "I need to just go check myself in at the hospital" *run off down the beach at full speed in the dark* *locks herself in the bathroom* etc etc etc ad nauseum cnn msnbc

I tried to play a therapist to my mom by learning all about the disorder and how to handle them. I can see why therapists tend to absolutely loathe helping these people. They will drain the therapist too. There seems to be no chance of complete recovery, just endlessly "managing" the disorder.

They are a victim because of childhood trauma. Correct.

The issue is that they create victims in everyone around them by literally draining the sanity and energy out of all their relationships.

The only way to try and deal with this is to leave or set up boundaries. But trust me, they WILL continually push those boundaries and it will be a constant fight and conflict.

If that is the life you want, then that's your choice. I'm stuck with a mother like this and just dealing with her on a day-to-day basis has aged me mentally and physically about 10 years.

For women, from my experience, they get worse the older they get. And menopause is going to be 10 times worse for those with BPD. If OP decides to stick with her, please never have kids with her and expose them to a warped and abusive childhood.

These threats are to draw you in, it's to create an innate danger where you become more concerned for her well-being. It's a way to cause concern and drama where there is none, and thereby lessening the possibility of abandonment.

Everything about the borderline is centered around the fear of abandonment since they didn't receive the nurturing and attention they needed during their formative years.

When did this begin? What were the warning signs before marriage? What finally convinced her to get a diagnosis?

I thought I could handle it, but I could not. After about a year the red flags started to pop up, huge breakdowns out of nowhere, went to see a therapist, talked about going on medication, etc. I seriously couldn't handle all of it to be honest, and that is what started the downfall in our relationship. She was a great and sweet girl, but I wasn't able to handle those kind of problems at that time when I was going through some chit myself. I still feel bad about the whole thing. I've tried to reach out to get back together with her, but she's completely shut me out.

Realistically you cannot encounter a BPD and not be changed because of it. Their fear of abandonment coupled with their acting out because of it will leave you bewildered on whether you're crazy. It's actually a common thing with dealing with BPD.

Really from my experiences BPD is about control. If you don't play their game they will split and you'll go from the best possible person to someone that needs to be destroyed or at the very least hurt. And they will go to astonishing lengths to do so.

After all my years researching BPD, this video explains best what it feels like for someone with BPD:



Really helped me understand their thinking. Especially the black and white love/hate dynamic, being unable to feel simultaneous contradictive emotions (hence the term borderline), and fear of abandonment. The often crying thing is true in my experience also. My mom cries almost every day and with my ex she would burst into tears over the smallest things.

I know someone who has been dealing with a BPD man for years now. She figured it out quickly. Once he was blocked everywhere, he created new profiles on social media to stalk her with. Any time she'd post something where she appeared happy, he'd send more threatening emails that yammered on for pages about how she was such a bad person and how he was 100% devoted to her, how could she not be in love with him still? I read a few of them and they were nonsensical rants about how the world needed to see why she was actually a bad person. It really is all about control. If he can't control her, he'll try to control the way others perceive her, with unflattering videos and emails to bosses, family, anyone. Which to the normal person, who cares, right? I honestly thought it was weird, like why can't you just tell him to fuk off when she told me this, then looked at me with the most intense expression and said something like, "You need to understand that the moment he knows I've stopped caring about his threats, he'll kill me and then himself. It will be his final act of control." As far as I know though he's left her alone for a while now maybe he found someone else to fixate on. He's been arrested multiple times for stalking, domestic violence and violating restraining orders yet still has an arsenal of firearms he posts to social media. BPDs are like emotional terrorists, and usually so threatening that you can't just go NC on them unless you have serious resources to handle them. The worst part is he's LEO or was, not sure after his most recent charge so it's been difficult for his past abusees to navigate the legal system. He constantly threatens to kill himself which I'm sure everyone at this point is like oh noooooooooo don't do that. Sounds bad but the world would be a better place if he finally did kill himself. Seriously, if you ever find out someone you're involved with is borderline, run for the fuking hills. They will ruin your life in the most dramatic way possible. Chaos and drama are all they know, and the moment they feel you can't be controlled by them anymore, they become suicidal, homicidal, or both.

Here's another story about my BPD mom: She met this guy at an event who started talking to her. They exchanged numbers and started texting. He showered her with attention and compliments. Went on a date and it went well. Then a 2nd date. The next day he texted her that he didn't feel a connection and wished her well. My mom lost it. In her BPD mind, she felt this was abandonment. For the next month its all she talked and raged about to me on the phone. Then she started saying how she wanted to egg his car and get revenge. One time when I went out to eat with her, she made me take a different route because she wanted to drive by his place. She still says she waits by the phone for him to text her again so she can go on another date with him, not because she wants to be with him anymore, but so she can "get the last laugh and upper hand." My futile attempts to help her with this were all shot down. When she talks about him its only a love/hate dynamic. One minute she will complain he's ugly, bad personality but then switch to he's smart, was a doctor, etc.

It is all so crazy but these are how these people function

The problem is dealing with people who deny it or don't want to face it.

For example my ex-gf exploded me during an afternoon walk we were having over nothing. That evening I asked her why she was so angry and aggressive when all we were doing was taking a relaxing walk. She got super upset that I called her angry and aggressive and even broke up with me that night (we got back together a week later) but the next day she sent me a long text and her first line was "First off, I'm not an angry or aggressive person..."

She actually saw a therapist frequently and I only learned of this 2 months into dating her, but after I did she would sometimes bring up what she talked to her therapist about and would tell me things like "My therapist doesn't like you very much" or "My therapist doesn't approve of what you say to me".

Looking back on it now, I think she selected a therapist that would help her amplify her victimization of herself. The idea of her therapist validating this is absolutely crazy to me.

My ex was so combative against anyone who she thought was doing her wrong. She was also an expert in victimizing herself. I can only imagine what it would have been like if I talked to her about BPD and asked her to look into seeing if she had it. She would have gone nuclear on me.

How many BPD people actually admit to their condition and take steps to controlling it? My ex would just deny, become combative, victimize and find people to validate herself. It's a non-stop cycle of self-destructive behavior.

Dated a BPD woman for 3 years. She kept it decently under wraps the first year or so we were together then I moved in with her and she went full psycho mode. Constant lying, constant manipulation, threats of suicide, conflict oriented interactions, fits of extreme anger and rage for no good reason, alcohol and drug binges ect. ect. It all ended with me leaving her and her trying to kill herself. She ended up in the hospital for days and when she got out she kept calling me and acting like nothing happened. I blocked her everywhere but she kept stalking me, showing up at my work, calling me nonstop, emailing me nonstop from different accounts I hadnt blocked yet. Eventually she did leave me alone but I felt like she never would.

Honestly brah get out as soon as possible.

A great book to read on it is "five types of people who can ruin your life" by Bill Eddy. It breaks it down pretty well on the disorder and how to deal with the people who have it.

Please... Stay safe.

Yeah man I'm a big believer in therapy, but there are certain people who can manipulate therapists or take the therapists words and twist them to suit their wants. I worked with someone a long time ago who went to anger management therapy and took pride in tricking the therapist. It was creepy.

Borderlines are master manipulators and will even manipulate and trick their own therapists. They are master perpetual victims.

She went to the therapist with the goal of portraying herself as an abuse victim (with you being the abuser).

With my mom, I also fear telling her she has BPD and needs to seek help for it. I got close before but she raged at me, burst into tears, and accused me of labeling and bullying her. The crazy part is I got her to realize her mom has BPD and she understands that, but won't admit she has it just as bad herself.

It seems very few people with BPD will actually admit their condition and take steps to control it. It seems to come down to that they don't want to admit that they themselves are actually the abusers and not the victims. They would rather remain the victim, in their mind.

I agree 100%. If it’s a relationship, I recommend just walking away.

Much harder having a mom with this disorder. My only option is to setup boundaries, which she constantly pushes.