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» How did you decide you wanted kids or were ready?
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post 1597511661 02-10-2020, 05:46 PM
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I am up for a new iud this fall, debating just getting my tubes tied. I am going to be 29 this summer and kids would be at least another couple years, hubby wants to try sooner rather than after I turn 30. He had three boys but by the time we would have a kid they’ll all be teens, like 13, 17, 19. I don’t know I want kids or would be good enough as a parent or ready for it. I am healthy, don’t smoke or drink, don’t party, eat well etc but thinking that maybe that’s a sign to nip the idea/hope of having kids/ a kid and get my tubes tied. Hubby says he’ll support what I decide, I see my gyno soon (this month) It seems selfish to even want a kid I feel in a way
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post 1597512361 02-10-2020, 06:00 PM
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If you have to ask...
post 1597512421 02-10-2020, 06:01 PM
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when she got pregnant and didn’t take plan b
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post 1597512441 02-10-2020, 06:01 PM
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90% of your eggs are gone by age 30. If you want kids you should probably do it now. If you get your tubes tied without ever having kids you will probably live a life of regret.
Disclaimer: All of my posts are for ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY. All opinions expressed by the the poster known as "s0jack3d" are the fictional opinions of a fictional character. All opinions expressed by "s0jack3d" are pure hyperbole & satire. My posts should not be misconstrued to be the personal beleifs of any individual in any way, shape, or form. These posts are not meant to be taken literally. s0jack3d is a fictional character created for the purpose of writing a future novel.
post 1597512601 02-10-2020, 06:05 PM
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My wife was adamant she didnt want kids until she hit 31. She went from not tolerating kids to wanting several overnight. Her desire for kids was literally like flipping a light switch...

Right around 30 seems to be the magic age for women. There is no harm waiting until you are 35 to take permanent measures.

...and your husband will support what you decide? Are your panties as dry as the Sahara desert for him? Do you lay out his clothes for him to wear to work do you cut up his meat for him? I cant even fathom managing my families life altering decisions in such a manner.
post 1597512661 02-10-2020, 06:06 PM
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Originally Posted By DizzySmalls
If you have to ask...
This. If it’s not something you really want you probably want to wait. It’s a minimum 18 year commitment that you don’t want to regret. I wouldn’t get the tubes tied yet. Just give it some time.
post 1597512861 02-10-2020, 06:08 PM
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Luckily you have a husband that's happy either way, so you don't have to decide right now. If in the end you decide you do you won't be questioning it like this. Don't get your tubes tied if you're not sure, and you'd probably struggle to be allowed anyway. Just get another iud and see what happens.
post 1597512901 02-10-2020, 06:08 PM
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Feeling pretty ready at this point in my life but could still wait longer. We’ll see how the trying goes this time around
post 1597513081 02-10-2020, 06:12 PM
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I honestly thought about it a long time, and wasn't sure if I ever wanted kids. Consulted my parents, a priest, had many talks with my wife, etc. Then I read something that really helped me make up my mind.

Spoiler!
post 1597513261 02-10-2020, 06:16 PM
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#40
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Originally Posted By Adam16121
I honestly thought about it a long time, and wasn't sure if I ever wanted kids. Consulted my parents, a priest, had many talks with my wife, etc. Then I read something that really helped me make up my mind.

Spoiler!
lol

Snails, just get your IUD replaced. Don't do anything permanent at 29 when you don't know for sure you won't change your mind. I changed my mind in my mid-late 20's.
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post 1597513291 02-10-2020, 06:16 PM
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#41
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Originally Posted By snailsrus
I am up for a new iud this fall, debating just getting my tubes tied. I am going to be 29 this summer and kids would be at least another couple years, hubby wants to try sooner rather than after I turn 30. He had three boys but by the time we would have a kid they’ll all be teens, like 13, 17, 19.I don’t know I want kidsor would be good enough as a parent or ready for it. I am healthy, don’t smoke or drink, don’t party, eat well etc but thinking that maybe that’s a sign to nip the idea/hope of having kids/ a kid and get my tubes tied. Hubby says he’ll support what I decide, I see my gyno soon (this month) It seems selfish to even want a kid I feel in a way
Waited for my wife to inform me she felt the need to have kids. She felt this inner nurturing side telling her it was time. Believe she was 28 at the time.

IMO, if the woman does not "feel the need" and is absolutely ready, it's not the right time. After all, she's the one literally carrying it for nine months and doing most of what the baby needs for some time after birth. Imagine doing all that while not sure if it's what you wanted... kinda **** that leads to the some crazy psychological issues.
post 1597513301 02-10-2020, 06:16 PM
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You are wondering whether you should have your tubes tied while you are not sure whether you want kids or not? What am I missing here?
post 1597513491 02-10-2020, 06:20 PM
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Originally Posted By Cass40
You are wondering whether you should have your tubes tied while you are not sure whether you want kids or not? What am I missing here?
This is why it's so hard for the people who actually don't want kids to get the surgery lol
post 1597513881 02-10-2020, 06:28 PM
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#44
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Originally Posted By Cass40
You are wondering whether you should have your tubes tied while you are not sure whether you want kids or not? What am I missing here?
well here are pro con
Tubes tied :
Pros;
-don’t have to wonder what if
-husbands health isn’t the best don’t have to worry single mom life god for bid something happens
-his kids will all be 18 in 8 years we could have us time
-his kids will stay the focus, I feel it’s selfish of me to want my own, I don’t want his kids (the youngest would) to feel jealous and maybe spiteful, also three kids is already a lot of finical responsibility, I want to help with there college
-don’t have to buy a bigger house
-his kids won’t have to share his attention

Cons:
-bye bye baby names list
-regret never having my own kids
-parents would be sad
-husband wants a daughter and if I don’t have a kid, he wants to adopt and I think I’d feel weird not baring my own child
-never give myself a chance to be a mother (kinda of a pro, what if I suck at it, I am good with our pets and step kids, I make lunches, caring rules, play soccer with them, drive them around, help them learn to clean and do laundry for themselves, limit sugar for the youngest who’s like addicted to it and relay good moral values and respect is important. But what if I am like my parents? What if I make the mistakes they did? I would feel horrible)

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post 1597514061 02-10-2020, 06:33 PM
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If you don’t have kids you will end up regretting it later in life.
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post 1597514751 02-10-2020, 06:48 PM
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#46
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Originally Posted By snailsrus
well here are pro con
Tubes tied :
Pros;
-don’t have to wonder what if
-husbands health isn’t the best don’t have to worry single mom life god for bid something happens
-his kids will all be 18 in 8 years we could have us time
-his kids will stay the focus, I feel it’s selfish of me to want my own, I don’t want his kids (the youngest would) to feel jealous and maybe spiteful, also three kids is already a lot of finical responsibility, I want to help with there college
-don’t have to buy a bigger house
-his kids won’t have to share his attention

Cons:
-bye bye baby names list
-regret never having my own kids
-parents would be sad
-husband wants a daughter and if I don’t have a kid, he wants to adopt and I think I’d feel weird not baring my own child
-never give myself a chance to be a mother (kinda of a pro, what if I suck at it, I am good with our pets and step kids, I make lunches, caring rules, play soccer with them, drive them around, help them learn to clean and do laundry for themselves, limit sugar for the youngest who’s like addicted to it and relay good moral values and respect is important.But what if I am like my parents? What if I make the mistakes they did? I would feel horrible)

-
No way to know ahead of time how those first two will go. Maybe you and he won't have children together and in 8 years it will just be the two of you and you will enjoy many years without the complications of small children. Or maybe he will die somewhere in that time span and you will wish you still had a part of him (had a child of his). Or maybe 8 years from now the kids are grown, but the two of you divorce and you don't have a husband or a child. You could have a child that is very difficult or has long term special needs that creates a wedge between the two of you. You could have one and then decide you really want another so your first will have a near age sibling.

That's why your own regret is a larger issue as you have to live with whatever you choose. If your spouse feel strongly about having a daughter then the two of you should have a real talk around that if being child free sooner rather than later is important to you. Maybe you should adopt an older girl? Or try to have a girl together now instead of waiting?

Don't worry too much about being like your parents. You might repeat some of their bad choices. If you don't then be assured you will screw up in your own way. No perfect parents; just aim for "good enough".
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post 1597514771 02-10-2020, 06:48 PM
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post 1597515081 02-10-2020, 06:55 PM
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well, this is from a guy's perspective. i have a 10 year old and an 8 year old.... i still dont think i'm ready. seeing how my dad was at my age, i wonder how the hell he did it? i thought i would have had everything figured out when i had kids but i realize that i'm just winging it most of the time and trying to be the best dad i can be.

for you, you are SOL. sorry but being srs, most of your eggs have probably gone bad. anything after 30 increases chances for autism and other disabilities and complications. of course anything can happen but i couldnt live knowing that i'm going to die and leave my child helpless and alone
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post 1597515191 02-10-2020, 06:58 PM
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#49
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Originally Posted By snailsrus
well here are pro con
Tubes tied :
Pros;
-don’t have to wonder what if
-husbands health isn’t the best don’t have to worry single mom life god for bid something happens
-his kids will all be 18 in 8 years we could have us time
-his kids will stay the focus, I feel it’s selfish of me to want my own, I don’t want his kids (the youngest would) to feel jealous and maybe spiteful, also three kids is already a lot of finical responsibility, I want to help with there college
-don’t have to buy a bigger house
-his kids won’t have to share his attention

Cons:
-bye bye baby names list
-regret never having my own kids
-parents would be sad
-husband wants a daughter and if I don’t have a kid, he wants to adopt and I think I’d feel weird not baring my own child
-never give myself a chance to be a mother (kinda of a pro, what if I suck at it, I am good with our pets and step kids, I make lunches, caring rules, play soccer with them, drive them around, help them learn to clean and do laundry for themselves, limit sugar for the youngest who’s like addicted to it and relay good moral values and respect is important. But what if I am like my parents? What if I make the mistakes they did? I would feel horrible)

-
Baby names and parents sadness is irrelevant. Go with your gut, which right now seems to be not now but maybe one day.

That being said, you've opened up a new can of worms here. It doesn't seem like your husband is open to not having more kids, not at all. Sounds like if you stay with him you'll be having kids one way or another. You need to figure this out sooner rather than later. No point in going your tubes to adopt. If you're not compatible then let him go
post 1597515381 02-10-2020, 07:01 PM
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#50
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Agree with the post above. Replace your IUD. If by the time that one needs to be replaced you might have your mind made up. It’s a lot harder to undo a tubal than removing an IUD. Also, insurance will cover sterilization, but not a reversal.

I’ve always wanted kids. My first was an accident and I was on the pill when I got pregnant with her. I was 23 when she was born. It was really hard, but I stepped up to the challenge. Since she has special needs it was a really hard decision if to have more. Her dad didn’t want any more at all. So he had a vasectomy despite how I felt. But it was his body his choice so I signed off on it. I always wanted another child tho, so when I got remarried, we started trying right away. He hadn’t had any children of his own yet but really wanted kids, so we were on the same page. It took us four months of active trying when we got pregnant with the little one. She turned two in October and we’ve been trying for another since her first birthday. We’ve since started the fertility treatment process and just finished extensive genetic testing because we really really want another. I can’t say when the right time to have kids is. My kids are 13 years apart and I wouldn’t change a thing.
post 1597515431 02-10-2020, 07:02 PM
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iud's are pretty much 100% effective just lmao at this cope

inb4 more cope from female miscers "but muh friend got pregnant!" she didn't have an iud, yes women do that chit
post 1597515501 02-10-2020, 07:04 PM
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#52
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Lol @ having kids in 2020. Literally the GOAT time to be alive and people are still doing the voluntary enslavement of raising kids

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post 1597516041 02-10-2020, 07:16 PM
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Didnt think I wanted kids until I was 30, then just felt I was mature enough and could handle it. Have 3 now....when I was aged 30, 35 and 38.
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post 1597516271 02-10-2020, 07:19 PM
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#54
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Originally Posted By snailsrus
I am up for a new iud this fall, debating just getting my tubes tied. I am going to be 29 this summer and kids would be at least another couple years, hubby wants to try sooner rather than after I turn 30. He had three boys but by the time we would have a kid they’ll all be teens, like 13, 17, 19. I don’t know I want kids or would be good enough as a parent or ready for it. I am healthy, don’t smoke or drink, don’t party, eat well etc but thinking that maybe that’s a sign to nip the idea/hope of having kids/ a kid and get my tubes tied. Hubby says he’ll support what I decide, I see my gyno soon (this month) It seems selfish to even want a kid I feel in a way
well you wont need a IUD if you keep phisting yourself........ so you should be good.
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post 1597516741 02-10-2020, 07:23 PM
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#55
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When half my middle school friends suddenly had ******* step dads in their houses banging their mom and making bacon in their undies every morning, I knew the no kids crew was for me.
post 1597517211 02-10-2020, 07:33 PM
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#56
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I’ve always wanted kids since I was a kid myself. One of the reasons why I always offered to watch my aunts kids as a preteen/teen. Some people know right away and others take the “mistake”. Everyone thinks they’ll be a bad parent srs. Even this year I had to message legz and have her reassure me about my future choice. (Thanks again mama legz)

But I do believe you are well off, right? Maybe look into freezing your eggs and partners sperm. However, you do need to decide if you want kids soon if he’s having chemo. That can mess with his fertility. So sit down with him and talk about freezing. While also make a pros /cons list about having one now. Don’t just jump to getting your tubs tied yet imo

Edit: just saw the list. It seems like you are terrified to be like your parents. Are you like them with your step children?
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post 1597517701 02-10-2020, 07:40 PM
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#57
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I was 29 and she was 30 when we married and always wanted to have our children. Tried but no success during the first year. My wife was worried about getting too old for having a baby if she couldn't have in next few years. And voila! She got pregnant!

I thought we are ready, but when it actually happened I kinda panicked. Suddenly realized.....I wasn't ready yet. The next 10 months was the most emotionally conflicted period in my life. I didn't think I could become a good father because I was.........just simply not father material.

Then finally the day arrived and saw our little angel in her mother's arms.......my heart melted instantly.

It's a baby girl. In those days, we didn't have a way to know whether it was a boy or girl. Somehow I strongly believed it would be a boy so I only prepared a name for a boy. My wife asked, "well, so what is her name DADDY?"

A name came up with, "Akari". It means "Light" in Japanese. Since then I've been a father of the most beautiful girl in the world.

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The photos below were of Shichi-Go-San (lit. "Seven-Five-Three"), that is a traditional rite of passage and festival day here in Japan for three- and seven-year-old girls and five-year-old boys.



Me (31), my wife(32) and our daughterAkari(3)*

*meaning "brilliance" in Japanese. I named her after Aglaea, the youngest of the Charites, one of the three daughters of Zeus in the Greek Myth.



Our daughter when she was 7.

*Sorry about the quality of these photos. Those days, we don't have digital cameras, so there's no digital data. I took pictures of old non-digital photos.
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post 1597517851 02-10-2020, 07:42 PM
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Originally Posted By SkinnyKappa
iud's are pretty much 100% effective just lmao at this cope

inb4 more cope from female miscers "but muh friend got pregnant!" she didn't have an iud, yes women do that chit
What are you even talking about? First, that's not what anyone is talking about, second, why do doctors have to remove IUDs from pregnant people then? Even tubes tied is not 100%
post 1597517941 02-10-2020, 07:45 PM
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Originally Posted By jreacher
Why would you tie your tubes instead of have him get a vasectomy?

I have a lot of kids with my wife. Was never 100% ready but it's my favorite part of living, being a dad. But I knew I always wanted kids.

You sound like you have a take it or leave it attitude. If you aren't sure you even want them, probably best to get the IUD again.
He wants kids, him getting a vasectomy would be a bit dumb
post 1597517951 02-10-2020, 07:45 PM
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#60
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Originally Posted By katya422
No way to know ahead of time how those first two will go. Maybe you and he won't have children together and in 8 years it will just be the two of you and you will enjoy many years without the complications of small children. Or maybe he will die somewhere in that time span and you will wish you still had a part of him (had a child of his). Or maybe 8 years from now the kids are grown, but the two of you divorce and you don't have a husband or a child. You could have a child that is very difficult or has long term special needs that creates a wedge between the two of you. You could have one and then decide you really want another so your first will have a near age sibling.

That's why your own regret is a larger issue as you have to live with whatever you choose. If your spouse feel strongly about having a daughter then the two of you should have a real talk around that if being child free sooner rather than later is important to you. Maybe you should adopt an older girl? Or try to have a girl together now instead of waiting?

Don't worry too much about being like your parents. You might repeat some of their bad choices. If you don't then be assured you will screw up in your own way. No perfect parents; just aim for "good enough".
awe I would regret not having a piece of him, I would never remarry. He’s like my other half. He’s a unicorn in my book, such a kind strong soul
Originally Posted By TonyTriangles
well, this is from a guy's perspective. i have a 10 year old and an 8 year old.... i still dont think i'm ready. seeing how my dad was at my age, i wonder how the hell he did it? i thought i would have had everything figured out when i had kids but i realize that i'm just winging it most of the time and trying to be the best dad i can be.

for you, you are SOL. sorry but being srs, most of your eggs have probably gone bad. anything after 30 increases chances for autism and other disabilities and complications. of course anything can happen but i couldnt live knowing that i'm going to die and leave my child helpless and alone
idk about that my mom was 31 when she had me :/ I started puberty really really late idk if that matters
Originally Posted By cookiefiend
Baby names and parents sadness is irrelevant. Go with your gut, which right now seems to be not now but maybe one day.

That being said, you've opened up a new can of worms here. It doesn't seem like your husband is open to not having more kids, not at all. Sounds like if you stay with him you'll be having kids one way or another. You need to figure this out sooner rather than later. No point in going your tubes to adopt. If you're not compatible then let him go
i don’t know if I could bare losing him, we’ve known each other since we were little kids :/ we’ve been through a lot together, he’d want to stay friends but I can’t even start to think about it I panic
Originally Posted By MadNinjaSkills
Agree with the post above. Replace your IUD. If by the time that one needs to be replaced you might have your mind made up. It’s a lot harder to undo a tubal than removing an IUD. Also, insurance will cover sterilization, but not a reversal.

I’ve always wanted kids. My first was an accident and I was on the pill when I got pregnant with her. I was 23 when she was born. It was really hard, but I stepped up to the challenge. Since she has special needs it was a really hard decision if to have more. Her dad didn’t want any more at all. So he had a vasectomy despite how I felt. But it was his body his choice so I signed off on it. I always wanted another child tho, so when I got remarried, we started trying right away. He hadn’t had any children of his own yet but really wanted kids, so we were on the same page. It took us four months of active trying when we got pregnant with the little one. She turned two in October and we’ve been trying for another since her first birthday. We’ve since started the fertility treatment process and just finished extensive genetic testing because we really really want another. I can’t say when the right time to have kids is. My kids are 13 years apart and I wouldn’t change a thing.
that must of been tough, his first was at 17, I don’t know how he did it and he wasn’t able to be around much when they were young, nasty divorce and horrible ex wife, I got him 50/50 custody now but he feels he missed out on a lot he had to stop coaching their soccer cause the divorce and baby’s first moments he missed a lot of, he’s always known he wanted to be a dad even his mom says that
Originally Posted By jreacher
Why would you tie your tubes instead of have him get a vasectomy?

I have a lot of kids with my wife. Was never 100% ready but it's my favorite part of living, being a dad. But I knew I always wanted kids.

You sound like you have a take it or leave it attitude. If you aren't sure you even want them, probably best to get the IUD again.
a knife or surgery will never touch his dink, it’s his pride and joy srs, ya I might go the iud route then again am I giving myself false hope? I am a family law lawyer and I see so many messed up things and did a lot of childhood develop classes during my undergrad, the mind of a child is so fragile
Originally Posted By ErnieMccracken
When half my middle school friends suddenly had ******* step dads in their houses banging their mom and making bacon in their undies every morning, I knew the no kids crew was for me.
haha I know that crew
SuperHercules crew
cancer survivor crew
Dyslexic crew
Friend of Mr.Wilson crew
Ugly and old cell crew
Cat crew
Insomniac crew
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