Moral Dilemma.

06-14-2018, 08:06 AM

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#31

katya422

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This isn't love.

It is addiction via trauma bonding.

Hit mute because music plays on this site:
https://selfcarehaven.wordpress.com/?s=trauma+bonding

06-14-2018, 08:07 AM

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#32

TheAdlerian
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Originally Posted By Anbessa⏩

inb4 false rape accusations

I literally moved 2.5 hours away because I feared that.

Recently, she was texting me to come have sex with her, which I had to decline due to distance. I also thought the sex would be some kind of setup.

06-14-2018, 08:11 AM

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#33

TheRougarou646
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You have the worst case of limerence known to man.

06-14-2018, 08:12 AM

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#34

TheAdlerian
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Originally Posted By ChristineMN⏩

NC?????? Jesus after you found that out you should've cut all ties with this woman.

I should have.

However, the way she said it and all it was like that was part of a terrible time in her life and please don't reject me. But, it's actually something her and her family think is normal.

She was excellent at making me feel sorry for her, while pumping my ego up, and so forth.

Her 12 year old daughter used to call me "Superman" because I reminded her of the character. Her kids loved me and used to tell her she should be with me. So, it was all very emotional.

06-14-2018, 08:13 AM

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#35

TheAdlerian
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Originally Posted By katya422⏩

This isn't love.

It is addiction via trauma bonding.

Hit mute because music plays on this site:
https://selfcarehaven.wordpress.com/?s=trauma+bonding

Interesting, I will read up on it and watch.

06-14-2018, 08:14 AM

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#36

TheAdlerian
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Originally Posted By TheRougarou646⏩

You have the worst case of limerence known to man.

WHAT IS THAT?!

Lol, don't know the term.

06-14-2018, 08:18 AM

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#37

TheRougarou646
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Originally Posted By TheAdlerian⏩

WHAT IS THAT?!

Lol, don't know the term.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/b...sessed-or-both

06-14-2018, 08:29 AM

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#38

TheAdlerian
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Originally Posted By TheRougarou646⏩

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/b...sessed-or-both

Oh, that's correct and we both have it.

That's why I'm closing ******** and all of that.

I don't want to keep getting sucked in and want to end the cycle.

06-14-2018, 08:30 AM

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#39

HangingChad
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Originally Posted By TheAdlerian⏩

I have a long history of working in psychology.

I typically work with criminals and have had serial killers as clients, and everything between that and little kids. Thus, I've had a weird life of trying to understand people and have what's called "unconditional positive regard" which is just another way to say, love, for all people.

That is very weird compared to most of the population. So, what I can tolerate and understand is way different than most people. It's weird, odd, etc and it's a byproduct of my career.

I don't like it, but it's who I am.

However, I was looking for some reality, people to tell me I'm wrong this time, which is why I started the thread.

People who work successfully with the client populations you describe above are capable of setting STRONG boundaries. You obviously are not.

What you describe in this thread is not "unconditional positive regard" for many reasons. Forget about what you can tolerate, you're treating yourself like ****, and also this

I made the thread because I was MASSIVELY conflicted.

1. Ignore.
2. Be super loving and transcend the past.
3. Be vindictive and attack her relationship on her birthday, as she might do to me.

Does #3 sound at all like someone with "unconditional positive regard"? You are not Batman, not Superman, not any kind of fictional superhero. You are in complete denial and I wish you well on your journey of self discovery. Peace

06-14-2018, 08:41 AM

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#40

sooby
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Originally Posted By TheAdlerian⏩

So, I have an ex that lives in Philly and we had all kinds of issues due to her drug problems and recently she returned via ********.

Past:

We dated and she told me she was in recovery and that I was an angel, etc. In reality, she likes dating criminals, guys in jail, and so on. I found out that she had been a street prostitute in Kensington, a very bad part of town.

I get worried she's relapsing and she hates me for it.

1. She gets me fired from a job by making up bull**** about me.
2. I catch her with an ex, this tiny little creep who runs away from me when I challenge him. She then texts me pics of her giving him a blowjob.
3. Months later, she wants to talk to me again and so we meet up casually. My birthday is in October and she finds out where I work and their makes an anonymous call about what a terrible person I am. That leads to terrible trouble.
4. I actually move out of Philly to get away from her.

Now:

1. For the past two months on ********, she's been trying to explain to me that she's messed up and sorry. I know all about psychology and realize that's the truth she's probably a psychopath, as she doesn't take care of kids, was involved in crime, etc.
2. I have a very nice girl I'm now involved with.
3. It is my ex's birthday on Friday, June 15th.
4. I got her some stuff just to be nice and wanted to give it to her.
5. Suddenly on ********, she announces she's dating a new guy. He just got out of jail, etc.

I believe she did this to try to hurt my feelings once again.

Question:

1. Should I not give her the birthday stuff and just break all contact. I have closed my ******** for this reason.

2. She made porn that's on the net, which is gross. I have her boyfriend's info and his mom's. Should I act like her and send that to the boyfriend and his mom?

3. Should I be kind and give her the birthday stuff, act like a normal human, and then just end it on a good note.

This situation has been really bothering me for well over a year and the latest round of contact with her has been confusing. Should I forgive and be nice or be "savage" as she likes to say?

Thanks.

It's not your job to take on her toxicity and play therapist and try to heal her just because you feel sorry for her for having a chitty childhood. A lot of people have chitty childhoods. At some point she is going to have to grow up and realize that she has the power to not let this dictate her future. Imagine growing up to be 40-50 something years old and still playing victim and blamehood. While it might be true, it doesn't get you anywhere. She can either fight her inner demons and take necessary steps towards a positive future or just LDAR.

You already have another girl, she is your EX so you really don't need her. Go NC. She clearly still has feelings for you beyond just friendship and you might too. Best to move on and just completely forget about her. Not to mention that it still seems like she isn't in a good place so why risk the potential for her to fuk you over again. She might try to get in between you and your current relationship. She's nothing but bad news.

You have a whole future to look forward to with your current GF and new memories to forge.

06-14-2018, 08:44 AM

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#41

tential
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What were her rates?

06-14-2018, 08:53 AM

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#42

ragingcrayon
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I'm glad my life is not your life lol

06-14-2018, 08:54 AM

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#43

TheAdlerian
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Originally Posted By HangingChad⏩

People who work successfully with the client populations you describe above are capable of setting STRONG boundaries. You obviously are not.

What you describe in this thread is not "unconditional positive regard" for many reasons. Forget about what you can tolerate, you're treating yourself like ****, and also this

Does #3 sound at all like someone with "unconditional positive regard"? You are not Batman, not Superman, not any kind of fictional superhero. You are in complete denial and I wish you well on your journey of self discovery. Peace

She wasn't my client, but a person I met who I thought was very nice, smart, and hilarious.

Plus, I have MANY friends in recovery, many coworkers, and so my attitude about people like this is different.

I used to work with mentally retarded people and worked with this guy. He told me that he used to blow old men for money and do drugs. He was one of the best workers, kindest people, and still works in human services today. He's been in recovery for many decades.

So, knowing people like that has loosened up my attitude.

06-14-2018, 08:55 AM

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#44

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Originally Posted By ragingcrayon⏩

I'm glad my life is not your life lol

I was married to a woman related to royalty!

She was rich and boring.

Currently, I'm in a nice relationship with a caring person much like myself.

Life generally sucks and people are like monsters though. It's tough.

06-14-2018, 09:05 AM

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#45

Jayarbie
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Originally Posted By TheAdlerian⏩

I have a long history of working in psychology.

I typically work with criminals and have had serial killers as clients, and everything between that and little kids. Thus, I've had a weird life of trying to understand people and have what's called "unconditional positive regard" which is just another way to say, love, for all people.

That is very weird compared to most of the population. So, what I can tolerate and understand is way different than most people. It's weird, odd, etc and it's a byproduct of my career.

I don't like it, but it's who I am.

However, I was looking for some reality, people to tell me I'm wrong this time, which is why I started the thread.

This is a great quality to have in your professional life, and a terrible one to have in your personal life. As others have said, you need to end all contact with this person forever ASAP. She isn't a client.

06-14-2018, 09:08 AM

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#46

shmobin
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STOP

Originally Posted By TheAdlerian⏩

2. She made porn that's on the net, which is gross.

Wait the **** up. You need to post THAT!

06-14-2018, 09:11 AM

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#47

PowersKenny
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Wtf..forget she exists

06-14-2018, 09:20 AM

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#48

TheAdlerian
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Originally Posted By Jayarbie⏩

This is a great quality to have in your professional life, and a terrible one to have in your personal life. As others have said, you need to end all contact with this person forever ASAP. She isn't a client.

Will do.

06-14-2018, 09:22 AM

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#49

TheAdlerian
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Originally Posted By shmobin⏩

STOP

Wait the **** up. You need to post THAT!

Wish I could.

One is her urinating in public in a Philly park and the other is her blowing a black dude in his car for a ride.

Very good stuff to think about and view after you've fallen in love.

06-14-2018, 09:23 AM

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#50

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Originally Posted By TheAdlerian⏩

Wish I could.

One is her urinating in public in a Philly park and the other is her blowing a black dude in his car for a ride.

Very good stuff to think about and view after you've fallen in love.

Well. She sounds like a real keeper bro. Are you contemplating putting a ring on it?

06-14-2018, 09:26 AM

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#51

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Originally Posted By TheAdlerian⏩

I used to work with mentally retarded people

Then you should have more respect for them than to call them this.

06-14-2018, 09:27 AM

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#52

PowersKenny
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Bro I've seen some of your posts, they usually are well thought out and intelligent..we all have lapses in judgement, this is a clear one on you..love can be blinding, but this is toxic and not good for you

06-14-2018, 09:30 AM

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#53

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Originally Posted By Nedo⏩

Then you should have more respect for them than to call them this.

Thought the exact same thing.

Also, being compassionate and desperate for attention are two different things. The fact that you need 50+ posts to understand why a woman who got you fired and sent you a video of her blowing another dude isn't someone you want in your life is very telling.

06-14-2018, 09:33 AM

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#54

AdikinBawls
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I can't believe you even have to ask for advice after she sent a video of her choking on another man's cawk.

06-14-2018, 09:48 AM

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#55

HangingChad
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Originally Posted By Nedo⏩

Then you should have more respect for them than to call them this.

What's the kinder term to use? "Mentally disabled"? Other suggestions?

06-14-2018, 09:49 AM

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#56

TheAdlerian
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Originally Posted By shmobin⏩

Well. She sounds like a real keeper bro. Are you contemplating putting a ring on it?

I put the first down payment in and I'm trying to find a venue for the wedding, like maybe a crackhouse!

She loved that too.

06-14-2018, 09:50 AM

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#57

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Originally Posted By AdikinBawls⏩

I can't believe you even have to ask for advice after she sent a video of her choking on another man's cawk.

I actually found the videos online by myself after she told me about them.

The pics she sent via phone.

We were basically over at that point. However, she kept contacting me, me her, etc.

06-14-2018, 09:51 AM

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#58

TheAdlerian
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Originally Posted By Mortar34⏩

Thought the exact same thing.

Also, being compassionate and desperate for attention are two different things. The fact that you need 50+ posts to understand why a woman who got you fired and sent you a video of her blowing another dude isn't someone you want in your life is very telling.

You didn't read my initial posts I guess.

06-14-2018, 09:54 AM

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#59

TheAdlerian
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Originally Posted By PowersKenny⏩

Bro I've seen some of your posts, they usually are well thought out and intelligent..we all have lapses in judgement, this is a clear one on you..love can be blinding, but this is toxic and not good for you

Thanks.

I have never been in a relationship with a woman who wasn't highly educated and all of that. I have never been with a girl who does drugs, so it was very new for me.

Plus, this girl is very pretty and extremely funny. I thought I hit the jackpot, to be honest. I thought she was like a vet in life and actually wanted to live and have fun because she suffered.

Plus, even her smell was intoxicating to me.

There was a lot going on that messed me up.

06-14-2018, 09:54 AM

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#60

PowersKenny
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Adlerian don't be the literal cuck...I like your past posts, your going through the pain of love lost., Sometimes you need a slap in the face, you can help others but please help yourself..I'm no prince, the struggle of love is real

She was the past, enjoy the new girl and most of all love yourself

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Thread: Moral Dilemma.