Girl had high interest and you didn't reciprocate.
She could give you a warning 1st tho. Like "hey men i want you to reach to me more" in subtle way instead of cutting things off.

If you really wanted to be self-critical, I think your only mistake (without knowing exact details) was to apologize and explain your actions the way you did. After hanging out that many times and things seem to be going well, I assume they want to hangout and not ask "if" but "when."

"Hey when did you want to hangout next? I'm free xx or yy this week."

Then after her comment about waiting to text and dodging your question about hanging out again:

"Oh sorry I didn't mean to make you doubt the fact I am really enjoying getting to know one another. I guess I am not much of a texter and didn't want to bother you as you were helping friends move but we can discuss further in person if you wish."

Then if she expresses her doubt just keep it simple:

"That's disappointing to hear. If you want to talk over the phone perhaps that would be helpful otherwise let mw know once you've had some time to think it over."

Over-communicating and explaining yourself re-iterated, in her mind, that you did something wrong which in turn justifies her decision to herself to move on from you. Apologizing when you don't feel the need to re-enforces the fact they believe they are in the right and you are in the wrong and their miscalibrated behaviors are in fact justified when they often are the ones who need to change or just communicate without making assumptions.

I can't stress enough that, even though she might've been a catch on paper, she's exhibiting some serious issues here that make it unlikely she'd have made a good LTR.

Oh so my mistake was *not* in texting her a day later, but in apologizing? Never thought of that angle.

In hindsight, your texts do seem to be better. I just in full on trying to save it with apologizing and explaining my behavior.

Yeah, I asked her on Sunday night if she was coming over this week. This is the text exchange:

Appreciate the text posts, now we finally have the context. There was no argument or animosity at all dude, how is this not salvageable? You guys didn't fight or anything, the only thing that happened was, you didn't try hard enough, or at all... for that matter.

Like I mentioned before, after she voiced her concerns, you didn't make any effort to make her feel better that you would make it up to her or try to compromise something. Now that I can see your texts, I can see your responses are all: "yep, not gonna change, deal with it, that's me XD." Bet she got more and more frustrated as she saw those responses.

It also does seem like there's some truth in her lack of investment because when someone starts listing excuses like the vaccine on top of the texting (it would be diff if she didn't list off additional excuses), you can tell she was trying to get rid of you. But at the same time, you had no rebuttal. You didn't say any of these things that would've kept you in the game:
1. why do you think I should get it?
2. maybe I'll get it later
3. I'll think about it
4. I'll ask my friends and parents what they think

Instead, all you said was: yep, I'm not gonna get it, I don't even know why, I'm retarded btw.
<< that was freakin' autistic imo.

same with the texting thing. she complained about 48 hrs, and you just explained why you didn't. You never offered that, "ok I'll text you sooner next time" or "well what were you expecting? maybe we can work it out". Instead, all that happened was:
she: I wanted you to text me sooner.
you: I didn't want to bother you.
she: you wouldn't have bothered me, I would've been happy.
you: yeah I suck, I know
she: it's ok that you suck
you: bye

so who broke up with whom? I think you just assumed the break up, and and then YOU LET her go. You didn't fight it, you didn't promise any compromise or solutions. You didn't really put any effort into this. Maybe you're used to having things come easily, but as you can see it doesn't always... All your actions show that you didn't really want her, but seeing you posting on misc about it, clearly you did want her. You can't be so fake man, you can't live your life with such a huge disparity from what you actually think/want... maturity man...

I did try! I apologized and tried to explain that I wanted to give her space.

She was done. She could have shrugged off and understood. I explained why and apoligized. As you can see, it did not matter.

We talked about the vaccine in person. I told her I'm hesitant to get it. There was nothing else to talk about. She shouldn't have to convince me to get the vaccine. (Although funny enough, now I'm thinking I might get it with this new delta variant going around).

She was done 100%. Everytime I sent her a text it took her at least 30 mins to reply. Once I sent that last text she responded in 4 minutes. No hesitation, she was done. She wanted me to get that text from me and she's ready to move on.

EDIT: Also, we did talk it out. I didn't let her go. I did try to fight it by explaining. It didn't matter to her.

I don't think if I said, "i'll text you sooner next time" or "we can work on this" will magically flip a switch in her brain and make it all change for her.

My impression from the texts:

1. She's moody and fickle
2. The sex wasn't very good, and that "suddenly" enhanced her other hang-ups into dealbreakers

Pro-tip guys. If you have sex with a girl, and things immediately start going south with her for seemingly unrelated reasons afterward... the reasons are not unrelated.

You're better off without this girl, because her spontaneous mood swings and rigidness against things that could be easily talked out would cause major problems with other issues down the line even if they hadn't come up now. And thats assuming she wasn't just making up excuses to get out of a relationship she didnt feel sexual chemistry in.

Take a few weeks to get over it, go on some more dates, and you'll be fine.

I mean - more than just apologies, but also a solution that you'd compromise more in the future.

regarding the timing of the final texts, you might be right that she was done at that time, but you could've dragged it on just to confirm. Like maybe if you offered solutions rather than just apologies, then you can see how she responds. If she continues to entertain, then you have a chance, and if she comes up with more excuses, then it's definitely over. I think you left a few things on the table. I actually think you can still text her today or tmr and just ask if you guys could talk things over. If it were bothering me that much, I would do whatever I could to fix things. If it's not bothering you, then you just move one easily, but it sounds like you're bothered, so why not try to give yourself an extra chance?

you say you don't think it'll work (magically flip a switch), but you haven't tried have you? people can be sympathetic when other people ask.

Yeah this 100%. OP sounds like he has no confidence or reasoning behind his own life decisions (regarding the vaccine).

Also, it's like you're playing hard to get, but at the same time simping and apologizing hard out. It's inconsistent because your actions are polar opposites. She sees right through it because it's easy to tell it's fake, so the playing hard to get doesn't have the right effect.

If you're going to pretend, you need to maintain frame, otherwise you make it even worse than if you were just honest.

I would have ZERO regrets about this dumbass needy broad judging you for not getting vaccinated holy ****

I’m more upset with you that you didn’t tell her to **** off

So this all boils down to not being vaccinated?!?! Wtf
She seems like someone who is easily influenced, you're probably better off without the drama.

After reading the texts you didn't sound overly defensive and she didn't sound nearly as short as I had envisioned.

Both Chilly and jackflag make good points.
Her interest just was not as high as you originally thought it was and she was basically looking for an excuse to go back to the apps in search of her fantasy man who probably doesn't exist.

Ok, guess I need to move on then. Hurts like hell.

And regarding the vaccine hesitancy, I explained it to her in person. There was no need to go over the long explanation again over text.

And now that I’ve been away from it for a couple days and have thought about it, I think the text timing was an issue for her and she was sick of me taking too long for her to text her. But it wasn’t the main thing. And it wasn’t the vaccine hesitancy. It was a lack of physical connection. She just didn’t say it. And I’ll admit, I was off my game. Looking back I’d obviously do things different in the bedroom, but there’s nothing that I can do now.

I also think she's probably a serial dater. Loves the thrill early on of dating someone, then dumps them before anything gets too serious.

You definitely should’ve texted the same day, but also I feel like that’s just an easy out when really the vaccine thing is the big culprit.

It wouldn’t have worked out if you didn’t get vaccinated so it’s probably now than later.

Exactly.

If this wasn't her mindset and the connection was there you wouldn't have had to be perfect over the span of 6 dates or whatever.
Learn from it but don't beat yourself up over it.
She is/was always looking for the next best thing and not focusing on what's infront of her.

King

Thanks for your thoughts & advice

I'm moving on - got a new date tonight.

^^nailed it

you apologized but didn't go any further. didn't seem all that sincere despite how you meant it.

Like he said, you also let her go. she never said she was done or didn't want to hang anymore, just presented what her issues were. They may have been BS to get rid of you, but it's not like you even bothered to find out by making your previous transgressions right lol.

I'm also inclined to believe you did a terrible job of letting her know that you're into her, based on her text saying how she might be too forward in letting people know when she likes them

Doesn't help either, that at the very beginning of those texts, you showed very simplistic interest in her, wrote more about yourself, and then asked her to come over like she's some backpage hooker, rather than trying to plan a date or making it at least seem like one ("wanna come over for some dinner/a movie/whatever")

I didn't "let her go". She never said she wanted to hang out again. After I sent my last text, she got back to me a couple minutes later with a "best of luck to ya". To me, I take that to mean she's done. If she didn't want it to end, she would have showed some push back (ie "i still like you and think we can make it work") or at least hesitated to send that last text. Don't you think?

Do you think I should reach out again?

I wouldn’t. It seems to me that it’s over, boyo. You both gave up on each other. Doing anything would seem like you’re trying to force things which will only push her further away.

I’d leave it be. Give her some space and don’t contact her. If in a few weeks (or months) you realise that you should’ve put in more effort, hit her up and try again. If she’s not up for it, go permanent NC.

Learn from it and next time make your intentions more clear. Also, learn how to communicate better. Women’s brains work differently than ours and just because you see something a certain way, doesn’t mean she sees it like that as well. Good luck, OP.

No. She's done. All the things that have been said you could do or could still do are irrelevant, because we've already discovered the reasons for her behavior. By your own admission, and as I suspected above, the sex wasn't good, which gives her -- as a serial dater with unrealistic standards and/or a very short attention span for men -- a rationale to pick an argument with you that she will eventually lead to a "breakup". Which she did.

As confirmation for your own suspicions, not too long ago I was dealing with a girl who I wanted to not see anymore, but was willing to keep it going just for sex. After an argument I thought we'd got past, I invited her out, and she replied with a long text about her realizing we're not compatible and shouldn't see each other anymore.

I can't describe how relieved I was. I responded instantly that it was no worries, and to take care of herself. Because I was just happy to have it over with so I could move on to other things. Just like you said you thought this girl did. The next day, she started blowing my phone up with calls and texts that she'd made a mistake and wanted to try again, but I'd gotten over her like she never existed the moment I replied.

I want to reiterate that this all stems from the bad sex though. Next time take whatever preparations you need to do better. Its really that simple. And try not to get so vested into girls that you know are dating around so much. They look for the first reason to get out and on to better things, and you don't want to be on eggshells around a chick you're trying to get with.

She was being amicable and bubbly about ending things because she doesn't dislike you, she's just not interested anymore. Nada you're going to do to change that short of getting her in the sack again and blowing her mind, but that's not gonna happen.

Go out with your new dates and forget about it. You'll be fine in a week.

No you definitely shouldn't

As stated, everything we're saying is speculative. in the scope of this girl, it's too late to correct tbh and personally i wouldn't want to considering she's not as straightforward as she thinks, after factoring in her random inclusion of the vaccine as an issue, and her follow up text "best of luck to ya" which was clearly sent because she's salty that the dynamic has come to an end.

You didn't actively let her go, but you also didn't make an effort to keep it going once she put forth her feelings. Not that i'm saying you did wrong, but she's gonna see it that way. THe final text she sent was her way of putting the final nail in the coffin.

Girls are prideful af man, if they sense even a little bit that you're not into it, they'll overcorrect and go even deeper down that path themselves despite whatever they may feel. Only the crazies cling on for dear life when it's coming to an end.

Don't be surprised if she reaches out down the line trying to make amends or pick things up again. Could be tomorrow, could be a week, could be 6 months. But I bet she will. Because at the end of the day, despite whatever you felt, it came off as you seeming less interested and willing to walk away immediately. And it ended amicably enough that there isn't really any ill will, just confusion, and probably on both your ends. But I also wouldn't wait around, bank on it, or (personally) even entertain her past a courteous response

6 dates as in 6 total meet ups?

if so, sounds like she was just playing you for dates. A girl that is high interest is gonna wanna **** everyday without making you pay lol don't think she saw it as a relationship

It's over. The best thing you can do right now is to post her pics for the misc...

Appreciate the thoughtful replies/advice.

What if I just said something like "I like you and I really want to make this work" "I'll be a better communicator" etc? Just say I screwed up ONE TIME, but I want to give it another try?

You both are sounding like she might reach out again. But, I'd like to remind you, she's told me there have been two guys in her past that she dated for 1-2 months, then dumped them. And AFAIK, she never reached out again. And at least one of those guys has been a couple years ago. Point being that there may still be a "window" where it's still salvageable.

Also I don't know what you mean by "even entertain her past a courteous response"We actually split the bill on almost all our dates.

oh lawd. one of the fastest ways to dry a womans vagina. Gender roles aren't just social constructs, they are programmed through evolution, its best to adhere to them if you want a successful relationship

That's a great idea. If you want her to think you're a ******* and lose whatever little respect she still has for you.

Its over. I'm not trying to mean, but the sooner the accept it the better. She's already gone on 5 dates since you posted this thread and hasn't thought about you one second.

And I never implied or even came close to implying she will reach out again. She will not, and the guy who told you she would is wrong.

Lol beta provider

I disagree. Paying for a girl puts her on a pedestal and makes her the prize, rather than you.

I thought your story was related to mine and with your girl she reached out again?



EDIT: I'm confused cause I say that I tried to fight it, and she was done. You guys are telling me the text exchange wasn't that bad. I just screwed up in not offering solutions. But now you're telling me she's done, which would mean that I was right in my initial expectations when I was texting her. I don't think offering solutions would have patched things up.

I see where you're coming from but these new age partnership relationships don't work

That wasn't the point at all. The point was that I replied to her break up text instantly because I was glad to be done with it and move on, just like you thought she was.