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My parents are together and happy for almost 50 years
05-29-2018, 06:20 PM
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#1
My parents are together and happy for almost 50 years
How does this fit into modern dating theory, that claims it's a pure numbers game and you have to date dozens and dozens of people to hopefully find someone you can ultimately marry?
They were both from the same very small town, and there wasn't this large number of options to chose from.
I have my own opinions but willing to hear others:
- Since they were from the same small community and culture, there weren't big mismatches in world-views (conservatism vs. liberalism etc.).
- Back in their time, traditional gender roles weren't even really questioned - the man was the breadwinner and did typical masculine work and roles, and the woman was the housewife.
- The lack of options didn't make them feel like they were 'settling'.
- There wasn't a presence of modern feminism, or media talking about 'expectations' and how he/she should tick all these boxes.
- They weren't spoiled at all, had always lived on budget, and she isn't materialistic at all.
- Families tended to be more stable (very Christian culture) and therefore likely a lower incidence of psychologically damaged unstable women.
It's kind of weird to think how my mother is so content, stable and happy while she did all the things modern feminists claim is making women unhappy. She now has a bunch of grandchildren too (not from me though
)
They were both from the same very small town, and there wasn't this large number of options to chose from.
I have my own opinions but willing to hear others:
- Since they were from the same small community and culture, there weren't big mismatches in world-views (conservatism vs. liberalism etc.).
- Back in their time, traditional gender roles weren't even really questioned - the man was the breadwinner and did typical masculine work and roles, and the woman was the housewife.
- The lack of options didn't make them feel like they were 'settling'.
- There wasn't a presence of modern feminism, or media talking about 'expectations' and how he/she should tick all these boxes.
- They weren't spoiled at all, had always lived on budget, and she isn't materialistic at all.
- Families tended to be more stable (very Christian culture) and therefore likely a lower incidence of psychologically damaged unstable women.
It's kind of weird to think how my mother is so content, stable and happy while she did all the things modern feminists claim is making women unhappy. She now has a bunch of grandchildren too (not from me though
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05-29-2018, 06:25 PM
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#2
- intense77
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You should read Modern Romance by Aziz Ansari - it's a good read and touches on this very topic.
Back in the day almost everyone married someone who lived within a few blocks of them. As you're well aware life was infinitely less complicated back 50 years ago and people had limited options - although that rough to everyone in our generation it meant that a lot of times people really had no other options than to make things work. Divorce was also frowned upon.
Back in the day almost everyone married someone who lived within a few blocks of them. As you're well aware life was infinitely less complicated back 50 years ago and people had limited options - although that rough to everyone in our generation it meant that a lot of times people really had no other options than to make things work. Divorce was also frowned upon.
05-29-2018, 06:29 PM
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#3
Originally Posted By intense77⏩
Ye, that's one item I missed in the list that I meant to add. The fact that you don't give up at the first sign of trouble. Say what you want about marriage or divorce being frowned upon, but I think it at least encourages couples to not give up easily.You should read Modern Romance by Aziz Ansari - it's a good read and touches on this very topic.
Back in the day almost everyone married someone who lived within a few blocks of them. As you're well aware life was infinitely less complicated back 50 years ago and people had limited options - although that rough to everyone in our generation it meant that a lot of times people really had no other options than to make things work. Divorce was also frowned upon.
Back in the day almost everyone married someone who lived within a few blocks of them. As you're well aware life was infinitely less complicated back 50 years ago and people had limited options - although that rough to everyone in our generation it meant that a lot of times people really had no other options than to make things work. Divorce was also frowned upon.
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05-29-2018, 06:44 PM
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#4
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people have too many options, and we live in a world where everyone feels entitled to reward themselves at the instance minimal effort is exercised. that rolls over into relationships; people hearing stories of others have within their relationships and wanting whats on the other side of the fence. forgetting grass is green where you water it. i think the newer generations are used to having our parents take care of us until an older age which negatively encourages people to continue their childhood lifestyle and not taking accountability and maturing. looking back at older generations, they were able to move out and be married by early 20's. now how many early 20's people can we say that we know that have done this. from what i see is many people closer to if not in their 30's living at home because they haven't been able to set their lives up from a younger age to move out and grow into the next stages of life. all these factors and the confirmation from what we see in movies these days tells us to stretch out childhood, 30's are the new 20's and so on
05-29-2018, 06:48 PM
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#5
Originally Posted By litle_dan⏩
That's a good point, and tbh my ex did this chit sometimes. Looking at IG/social media and comparing her life to the women on there.people hearing stories of others have within their relationships and wanting whats on the other side of the fence. forgetting grass is green where you water it.
A friend of mine and his wife have a no-social-media rule where neither of them have FB, IG etc (more for her sake). Much more healthy.
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05-29-2018, 06:50 PM
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#6
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what ethnicity are you? i remember vaguely reading something but i just want to confirm
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05-29-2018, 06:56 PM
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#7
People actually socialized in tighter knit communities back then
There was no way to meet people online
Women were not entitled like they are now
Women don't have 9834083942 options on tap
Men were still men and hadn't lost their social skills yet
People just met irl and hooked up. Life was simple
There was no way to meet people online
Women were not entitled like they are now
Women don't have 9834083942 options on tap
Men were still men and hadn't lost their social skills yet
People just met irl and hooked up. Life was simple
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05-29-2018, 07:01 PM
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#8
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Originally Posted By Luc1fer⏩
yup, and men had a bit more standards back then as well. meaning women had to have a decent personality and offer something of substance before they would submit to the woman or to have sex. this is a big factor imho. look at what tinder and similar apps have done. it has elevated the female portion of the species and placed them on a pedestal(whether they be day walking under bridge trolls or solid 10s with the intellect of a light switch or a genuine wifey type)That's a good point, and tbh my ex did this chit sometimes. Looking at IG/social media and comparing her life to the women on there.
A friend of mine and his wife have a no-social-media rule where neither of them have FB, IG etc (more for her sake). Much more healthy.
A friend of mine and his wife have a no-social-media rule where neither of them have FB, IG etc (more for her sake). Much more healthy.
05-29-2018, 07:16 PM
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#9
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05-29-2018, 07:28 PM
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#10
Originally Posted By Silencespeaks⏩
I agree that is a downside of the traditional culture. I'd like women to be empowered to leave a marriage in those abusive cases. But going from that world, to a world with divorce parties is a big difference, lol. I feel like we've gone too far the other way.Very sweet.
Just a reminder though that you never know what goes on behind closed doors in long term marriages. Not saying as to your parents but in general.
Everything can look picture perfect on the outside but that's not always the whole story. Especially in older generations where divorce was socially unacceptable and women weren't able to support themselves. Many stayed in life long marriages where the husband cheated or drank etc because they didn't have a way out.
Just a reminder though that you never know what goes on behind closed doors in long term marriages. Not saying as to your parents but in general.
Everything can look picture perfect on the outside but that's not always the whole story. Especially in older generations where divorce was socially unacceptable and women weren't able to support themselves. Many stayed in life long marriages where the husband cheated or drank etc because they didn't have a way out.
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05-29-2018, 07:37 PM
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#11
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The divorce rates started going up in the 1960's/1970's I think.
05-29-2018, 08:30 PM
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#12
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I know 2 married couples off the top of my head who are getting a divorce after 36 years and 42 years of marriage. I guess even old school marriages don't always last. Crazy to think about.
05-29-2018, 08:32 PM
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#13
Originally Posted By US_Ranger⏩
That kinda blows my mind, but I guess I donโt know the details.I know 2 married couples off the top of my head who are getting a divorce after 36 years and 42 years of marriage. I guess even old school marriages don't always last. Crazy to think about.
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05-29-2018, 08:36 PM
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#14
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King of interesting that you chose to focus on how your mother isnโt like most women born more recently in the US, and not how your father is likely not like most modern men.
They said she's gone too far this time
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05-29-2018, 08:39 PM
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#15
Originally Posted By TrinnieBuu⏩
Probably because Iโm looking for a traditional woman, not a man.King of interesting that you chose to focus on how your mother isnโt like most women born more recently in the US, and not how your father is likely not like most modern men.
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05-29-2018, 09:17 PM
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#16
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My parents married almost 56 years before my dad passed away 4 years ago. My dad had options but fell in love with my mom and married young. My mom had to learn how to cook and clean after getting married. They have good and bad times but still stuck together. My mom had to work when we came to the US but she also did her traditional role too.
I guess iโm trying to say that there are still good traditional marriages out there. Donโt give up yet. Stay positive that you will find your traditional wife.
I guess iโm trying to say that there are still good traditional marriages out there. Donโt give up yet. Stay positive that you will find your traditional wife.
05-29-2018, 09:27 PM
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#17
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Originally Posted By TrinnieBuu⏩
Maybe because op isn't a woman or homosexual looking for feminine men.King of interesting that you chose to focus on how your mother isnโt like most women born more recently in the US, and not how your father is likely not like most modern men.
Who was basic comprehension for 400 please.
05-29-2018, 09:41 PM
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#18
Originally Posted By otakutrevan⏩
Trinnie isnโt stupid, itโs just her indoctrination jumping in to defend the modern feminist imperative.Maybe because op isn't a woman or homosexual looking for feminine men.
Who was basic comprehension for 400 please.
Who was basic comprehension for 400 please.
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05-29-2018, 11:19 PM
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#19
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Originally Posted By intense77⏩
Jobs and dating are something that older people take for granted and something they obviously think still comes easy in this day and age. However it's a whole different ball game now. It's all so convoluted, and to try and convey that to them isn't even worth it.As you're well aware life was infinitely less complicated back 50 years ago and people had limited options...
05-30-2018, 04:17 AM
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#20
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Originally Posted By intense77⏩
Repped, bought it for some holiday readingYou should read Modern Romance by Aziz Ansari - it's a good read and touches on this very topic.
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05-30-2018, 05:05 AM
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#21
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My parents have been married 36 years. While I've never seen my dad so much as call my mom a bad name, and I'd bet every last penny I have that they've never physically abused each other, my dad left for a week when I was young and I know my mom was squirrelling away money about 20 years ago to leave my dad.
Way they worked through it was good old fashioned talking to each other. They changed what was bothering them about each other and worked it out.
Still goes to show that even the seemingly best relationships have some skeletons in the closet
Way they worked through it was good old fashioned talking to each other. They changed what was bothering them about each other and worked it out.
Still goes to show that even the seemingly best relationships have some skeletons in the closet
05-30-2018, 05:35 AM
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#22
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Originally Posted By Luc1fer⏩
I was actually trying to say give your father some credit for a lasting marriage too. Takes two to tango.Trinnie isnโt stupid, itโs just her indoctrination jumping in to defend the modern feminist imperative.
My parents have been married for more than half their life. As much as I love my mom, only my dad can make it last with her and vice versa.
But I get it, this is the misc, itโs easy to assume what people mean based on your own beliefs of who they are.
They said she's gone too far this time
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05-30-2018, 06:07 AM
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#23
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My parents had the worst marriage when I was a kid.
Dad was a serial cheater, and mum cheated once as revenge.
I'd wake up to or fall asleep listen to them arguing and fighting, and things being thrown/broken... Wishing they'd even divorce so I wouldnt have to hear all that. I'm not really sure, but I think my dad may have "hit" my mum on a few occasions ... Not abusing or beating, but more like the Sean Connery style lol.
But 30 years later (I think its 30 now lol), they're still together and very much in love and only get into occasional typical marriage spats lol. I dont know what to feel, but I'm glad I guess, they're both old and still have each other.
If anything, their marriage has taught me to never ever cheat on my wife or a gf lol and I still hold true to it even though I've been in situations where I could have.
Dad was a serial cheater, and mum cheated once as revenge.
I'd wake up to or fall asleep listen to them arguing and fighting, and things being thrown/broken... Wishing they'd even divorce so I wouldnt have to hear all that. I'm not really sure, but I think my dad may have "hit" my mum on a few occasions ... Not abusing or beating, but more like the Sean Connery style lol.
But 30 years later (I think its 30 now lol), they're still together and very much in love and only get into occasional typical marriage spats lol. I dont know what to feel, but I'm glad I guess, they're both old and still have each other.
If anything, their marriage has taught me to never ever cheat on my wife or a gf lol and I still hold true to it even though I've been in situations where I could have.
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05-30-2018, 06:14 AM
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#24
Originally Posted By Luc1fer⏩
The modern feminist imperative?Trinnie isnโt stupid, itโs just her indoctrination jumping in to defend the modern feminist imperative.
What that as a woman we have the right to choose to balance our desires for both family and career ?
Thing is we do get to choose the path our lives will take, as a gender and as individuals. And we can have education and career and family, we just have to be aware enough that generally we canโt have it all at the same time and we canโt do it all on our own
You donโt get to force women back into a one path only life as homemaker is all much as women donโt get to force you to just be providers
Takes a man and a woman to make a traditional family together...both minds, both wills, both bodies need to work together and you need to adapt over family life phases
05-30-2018, 06:25 AM
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#25
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My grandparents were married for 70 years, my parents for 38(till mom died of cancer), my aunt and uncle are over 50 years and so on.
In my extended family there are only 2 cousins who have divorced, any other marriages ended with a death.
Living in this type of family, you see what works and what does not. It brings a better perspective on who you date and how they act. Money and good looks are fun, but not what makes a relationship last.
That said, I never settled down with a girl until I found a girl with old school values from Poland, never been happier and shes about to squeeze out my son.
In my extended family there are only 2 cousins who have divorced, any other marriages ended with a death.
Living in this type of family, you see what works and what does not. It brings a better perspective on who you date and how they act. Money and good looks are fun, but not what makes a relationship last.
That said, I never settled down with a girl until I found a girl with old school values from Poland, never been happier and shes about to squeeze out my son.
05-30-2018, 07:13 AM
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#26
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Originally Posted By EnderG60⏩
Congratulations Ender!My grandparents were married for 70 years, my parents for 38(till mom died of cancer), my aunt and uncle are over 50 years and so on.
In my extended family there are only 2 cousins who have divorced, any other marriages ended with a death.
Living in this type of family, you see what works and what does not. It brings a better perspective on who you date and how they act. Money and good looks are fun, but not what makes a relationship last.
That said, I never settled down with a girl until I found a girl with old school values from Poland, never been happier and shes about to squeeze out my son.
In my extended family there are only 2 cousins who have divorced, any other marriages ended with a death.
Living in this type of family, you see what works and what does not. It brings a better perspective on who you date and how they act. Money and good looks are fun, but not what makes a relationship last.
That said, I never settled down with a girl until I found a girl with old school values from Poland, never been happier and shes about to squeeze out my son.

05-30-2018, 07:46 AM
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#27
Originally Posted By intense77⏩
Didn't some girl accuse Aziz of rape?You should read Modern Romance by Aziz Ansari - it's a good read and touches on this very topic.
Back in the day almost everyone married someone who lived within a few blocks of them. As you're well aware life was infinitely less complicated back 50 years ago and people had limited options - although that rough to everyone in our generation it meant that a lot of times people really had no other options than to make things work. Divorce was also frowned upon.
Back in the day almost everyone married someone who lived within a few blocks of them. As you're well aware life was infinitely less complicated back 50 years ago and people had limited options - although that rough to everyone in our generation it meant that a lot of times people really had no other options than to make things work. Divorce was also frowned upon.
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05-30-2018, 07:48 AM
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#28
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My parents are together and happy for almost 50 years
How does this fit into modern dating theory....??
Your mom takes it in the ass and isn't afraid to eat the booty...Really its the only explanation. Sloots these days just don't realize how far a good attitude and eagerness to please will take them.... they got their pancakes asses hoisted up on Instagram pedestals and forgot how to make a man happy...
nah instead they want to bitch about how all men want to do is fk them... well maybe tuck those sloppy ass pussy lips back into your squirrel covers and stop advertising it you dumb kent!!!
How does this fit into modern dating theory....??
Your mom takes it in the ass and isn't afraid to eat the booty...Really its the only explanation. Sloots these days just don't realize how far a good attitude and eagerness to please will take them.... they got their pancakes asses hoisted up on Instagram pedestals and forgot how to make a man happy...
nah instead they want to bitch about how all men want to do is fk them... well maybe tuck those sloppy ass pussy lips back into your squirrel covers and stop advertising it you dumb kent!!!
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05-30-2018, 08:19 AM
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#29
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It's not always rainbows and happiness OP. My parents were married for 35ish years and they weren't happy the last 15 years of it. My dad worked a lot and my mom did as well. They fell out of love and stopped communicating. My dad would do and buy things without my mom's knowledge and it just became a mess. It also didn't help that my dad cheated on my mom. My dad was also super religious and didn't believe in divorce, funny at church he would have this fake loving dad/husband persona. That chit pissed me off. My mom wasn't perfect neither.
Always do your best to communicate with your SO.
Always do your best to communicate with your SO.
05-30-2018, 08:28 AM
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#30
- ragingcrayon
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my parents hit 42 years yesterday. great role models.
but I'm divorced and have 2 subsequent failed "serious" relationships since... so... AWESOME GO ME
but I'm divorced and have 2 subsequent failed "serious" relationships since... so... AWESOME GO ME
you should read this
https://forum.obnoxiousbrutes.com/showthread.php?t=179438063
negs for using "of" where it should be "have"
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