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Forum » Could an MMA fighter actually beat a full grown chimp in a fight?
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Thread: Could an MMA fighter actually beat a full grown chimp in a fight?

post 1669552013 10-16-2022, 03:20 AM
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Could an MMA fighter actually beat a full grown chimp in a fight?

I’ve been reading up about these fukkin chimps and every google answer says that it’s no contest a chimp will beat a human in a fight. They showed all these pictures of people who were victims of chimp attacks with their faces torn up and their fingers/hands missing. Evidently they play real dirty and go for the eyes, genitals, fingers, feet, etc. So just how big and skilled of a fighter would you have to be to defend yourself against one of these things? You’re telling me a prime Mike Tyson or a Jon Jones wouldn’t be able to fend one of these fukkers off? Because it’s starting to bother me that they have our number.
post 1669552053 10-16-2022, 03:24 AM
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Forgive English I am Russia. Female chimp pull 1200 lb. Only human beat chimp is Putin. Serve Putin.
post 1669552183 10-16-2022, 03:34 AM
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one on one its no contest. you better have a gun or a few human with spears.
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post 1669552203 10-16-2022, 03:35 AM
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Originally Posted By 8eggs⏩
one on one its no contest. you better have a gun or a few human with spears.
What if I’m a 6’4 Liam Neeson at the end of The Grey with a knife taped to one hand and broken bottles taped to the other?

post 1669552233 10-16-2022, 03:37 AM
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lol no



yeah i know it's not a chimp but you get my point


oh and gorilla



brb pulling a fully grown man like he's a teacloth
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post 1669552263 10-16-2022, 03:39 AM
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Do you even Rogan?
post 1669552313 10-16-2022, 03:41 AM
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Originally Posted By SPP1⏩
Do you even Rogan?
With some of the crazy kicks that guy can throw, I’d actually give him a better chance than most. I know he’s obsessed with chimps and this topic is right up his alley lol. But it’s not like it’s as one sided as going against a lion or a grizzly bear.

If he lands one of those head kicks with his shin across the dome, the chimp doesn’t know how to defend that. But he’d only get one real chance at that. Idk if him being a black belt in jiu jitsu would help him much.
post 1669552413 10-16-2022, 03:50 AM
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Originally Posted By andrew28⏩
With some of the crazy kicks that guy can throw, I’d actually give him a better chance than most. I know he’s obsessed with chimps and this topic is right up his alley lol. But it’s not like it’s as one sided as going against a lion or a grizzly bear.

If he lands one of those head kicks with his shin across the dome, the chimp doesn’t know how to defend that. But he’d only get one real chance at that. Idk if him being a black belt in jiu jitsu would help him much.
You think a spinning back kick is going to kill a chimp? Lol. Because if it doesn’t, then what? You’re not “fending off” a chimp. It will simply kill you.
post 1669552503 10-16-2022, 03:56 AM
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Maybe a prime Mike Tyson or Andrew Tate. Anyone else, no
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post 1669552523 10-16-2022, 03:58 AM
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Originally Posted By CellyTech⏩
You think a spinning back kick is going to kill a chimp? Lol. Because if it doesn’t, then what? You’re not “fending off” a chimp. It will simply kill you.
Of course it wouldn’t kill him but it’s probably his best chance of defending himself. And idk about a spinning back kick but any kick to the head is way better than any punch he could throw.
post 1669552543 10-16-2022, 04:02 AM
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They could, most normies couldn't

Chimps are about as strong as a guy that lifts, they're 2x as strong lb/lb as a normal guy

Especially if mike tyson is wearing a cup so they cant grab and twist his cock then its lights out for chimp boi

Also, its hard to knockout a chimp because their neck is shorter and their brain is smaller, our big brains are easy to knockout, dumbass chimp brains have space to move around

How it probably goes:
Bell rings
Mike tyson comes in bobbin and weavin
Chimp jumpkicks him back
Chimp jumps on tyson and starts biting his shoulder
Tyson screams and slams chimp on ground
Mike tyson just pounds chimps head into ground
Tyson has Chimp AIDS now
post 1669552763 10-16-2022, 04:14 AM
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Originally Posted By 7empest⏩
lol no



yeah i know it's not a chimp but you get my point
I don't think I could understand your point without seeing the video again, twice, but with full narration of what's going on.
post 1669552793 10-16-2022, 04:15 AM
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chimps don't play by rules
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post 1669552823 10-16-2022, 04:15 AM
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Does the chimp have any martial arts training?
post 1669552853 10-16-2022, 04:18 AM
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Fuk no. They’ll grab your belly button and rip out your innards.
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post 1669552903 10-16-2022, 04:23 AM
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Human, no contest.

Here's how:

1. As soon as you get in the ring grab monkey in a Greco-Roman clinch
2. The monkey has long arms which aren't as useful in close
3. The monkey will be confused and jump into your guard and wrap its back legs around you while standing
3. Walk to the edge of the ring and powerbomb monkey
4. This will disorient monkey enough that you can pass guard
5. Monkey doesn't know how to block punches, so ground and pound till the ref stops the fight
6. You did it!



7. Now slap yourself and come back to reality because the monkey tore your jugular out with its teeth and you died somewhere around step 2.
See BrianDaMans sig.

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post 1669553293 10-16-2022, 04:47 AM
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fkn dying at this thread, lmao

I think the only way to have a chance is if you are a huge man who is incredibly strong AND athletic.

Chimp probably has extreme grip strength which is a huge advantage for doing basically everything to you
post 1669553363 10-16-2022, 04:51 AM
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In regards to MMA fighters I think prime Brock Lesnar would have a chance.
"For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life." (John 3:16)

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post 1669553373 10-16-2022, 04:52 AM
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Originally Posted By 1hardgainer⏩
In regards to MMA fighters I think prime Brock Lesnar would have a chance.
I was thinking the same thing.

Also, what if it’s 2 regular men vs 1 chimp? No weapons still.
post 1669553743 10-16-2022, 05:12 AM
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Not an expert on chimps, but I trained, personally if I was confronted with one I would want to have combat boots on and I would be relying on kicks to hopefully scare it away so that I can escape, I would want the toughest clothing possible with combat gloves and hopefully a fooking helmet lol actually fook that, put me in a bear suit, like full body armor and a cage, animals are Unpredictable, speed, strength, and unusual explosive athleticism, I wouldn’t want to have anything to do with it,

I used to play with our neighbors dog, it was one of those huge dogs that protects livestock, some kind of a shepherd dog, we would wrestle around and chase each other, it’s an absolutely terrifying creature, I always realized that a dog could kill me at any moment if it felt like it. It’s not like rolling with a human, there is a completely different level of athleticism,

A German Shepherd isn’t big enough and people who know what they’re doing can survive or even win a fight versus a German shepherd, that has happened, I know of an actual case, but a bigger dog or especially a chimp who just plays around with the dogs like it’s nothing, forget it! You are fooked.
post 1669554183 10-16-2022, 05:35 AM
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No doubt in my mind I’m fukkin a chimp up. What the **** is he gonna do? He’s max 130 pounds. Legit getting ragdolled

Weight classes exist for a reasons. Chimps should stay in theirs
post 1669554213 10-16-2022, 05:37 AM
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Originally Posted By SmashinYoungVag⏩
No doubt in my mind I’m fukkin a chimp up. What the **** is he gonna do? He’s max 130 pounds. Legit getting ragdolled

Weight classes exist for a reasons. Chimps should stay in theirs
Everybody has a game plan until they get their face ripped off
post 1669554223 10-16-2022, 05:38 AM
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Originally Posted By kusok⏩
Everybody has a game plan until they get their face ripped off
Every chimp has a plan till they get their jaw broken
post 1669554383 10-16-2022, 05:49 AM
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humans are not designed to fight unarmed
post 1669554403 10-16-2022, 05:50 AM
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Nope

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post 1669554613 10-16-2022, 06:01 AM
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Would be like a 10yo girl vs the mountain. Chimps are extremely strong and agile. Plus they will happily chew off your face and testicles.
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post 1669554993 10-16-2022, 06:17 AM
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Can't find the video but there was a guy telling a story about how a friend of his was in the carnival and temporarily stayed at his farm. His friend entered with a whole procession of a caravan of animals. The baby chimp was very playful and the owner of the farm would ball him up and roll him like a bowling ball and send him doing summersaults away from him. The chimp enjoyed this and would continue to run back to do it again, but the man got tired of playing and basically signaled to the chimp he wasn't going to bowl him anymore.

This is when the chimp came at him to attack him and was seriously injuring the man. On one of his approaches, the man was able to grab the chimp by the arms when the chimp jumped toward his chest. The man suplexed the chimp and the chimp landed on his head. By this time the carnival guy ran over to help. The chimp basically waved at the man who just suplexed him. The carnival guy then told him 'you're head chimp' as it was a battle for dominance.

Then the man went in the house to shower and cam out to the living room and the chimp was sitting on the couch eating cereal and watching tv like nothing happened. I'm sure I butchered the story but I found the youtube video when someone posted the link on here a decade ago. Funny stuff.
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post 1669555333 10-16-2022, 06:31 AM
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Originally Posted By 1hardgainer⏩
In regards to MMA fighters I think prime Brock Lesnar would have a chance.
zero chance.

And the biggest reason isn't the size/strength, it's how chimps fight. They are wild and unpredictable, they are fighting to kill you, they love to bite off fingers, noses, and genitals to win a fight.
post 1669555703 10-16-2022, 06:41 AM
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Lol no, their bones are like dense steel. Mike Tyson or whoever would break his hand on the chimps head and it wouldn’t even budge
post 1669555773 10-16-2022, 06:45 AM
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The problem with chimps is their legs are basically as nimble and useful as their arms and hands so you’ve got 4 appendages grabbing and holding that are like iron. Once they lock on it’s ovah. Then they’ll just chew your entire face off. Srs
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