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Thread: How much do you trust your close family?

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03-10-2024, 03:18 PM
#1

How much do you trust your close family?

An older coworker of mine (a woman) invited me for a coffee this week.

She opened up to me. No one at work knows her story:

1. Her husband died 3 years ago;
2. Her husband's brother is the executor;
3. Somehow* but more importantly for some reason, her husband's brother is trying to take the college fund money set aside within the trust for my coworker's kids.

I was shocked. She told me she has been lawyering up for almost two years over this issue now.

It had me thinking: how much should you trust your family when it comes to money? If the woman in this scenario was your widow, and your brother was trying to take the money you set aside for your kids, how would that make you feel?

I have one brother, and trust him very much when it comes to money. But cases like these make me wonder how much you can trust someone when it comes to money - even direct relatives.
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03-10-2024, 03:24 PM
#2
My brother broke into my computer and tried to blame mental illness for doing it and that's just the beginning. He's by far the ****tiest human being I've ever met. Needless to say, assuming he's still alive when I die, he gets nothing.
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03-10-2024, 03:29 PM
#3
You work with Dustinthehuss?
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03-10-2024, 03:31 PM
#4
Originally Posted By AnaboLecter⏩
My brother broke into my computer and tried to blame mental illness for doing it and that's just the beginning. He's by far the ****tiest human being I've ever met. Needless to say, assuming he's still alive when I die, he gets nothing.
Why would he want to access your PC? God damn man.

Originally Posted By BalognaNbeans⏩
You work with Dustinthehuss?
DLB's husband is alive breh, but the very definition of a cuck.
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03-10-2024, 03:31 PM
#5
100%. If I ever get married I’ll only trust her like 90% though.
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03-10-2024, 03:31 PM
#6
I trust my family, but at the same time I think anyone is capable of anything given the right circumstances / conditions.
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03-10-2024, 03:33 PM
#7
Originally Posted By OliverHeldens⏩
100%. If I ever get married I’ll only trust her like 90% though.
What about your siblings? Or your own parents?
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03-10-2024, 03:35 PM
#8
Why is the brother the executor and not the wife?

That's weird in itself.
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03-10-2024, 03:41 PM
#9
Originally Posted By kimm4⏩
Why is the brother the executor and not the wife?

That's weird in itself.
Probably a 2nd wife or trophy wife.
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03-10-2024, 03:43 PM
#10
An untrustworthy person doesn't magically become trustworthy when it relates to family. Look at all the drug addicts that lie to and steal from their families.

It mainly comes down to fear and consequences. If the rest of the family would disown them, the threshold is higher than if they know they would forgive them because they're "family".

Her brother in law may not even see her as family and just tolerated her whilst his brother was alive. You never know what is going on inside people's heads.
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03-10-2024, 03:49 PM
#11
Originally Posted By LogicalLifts⏩
What about your siblings? Or your own parents?
Yes, my siblings and parents I trust 100%. They’re all very principled people. Very predictable and honest.
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03-10-2024, 03:58 PM
#12
My parents are great and quite trust worthy. My sister, I have my doubts. She is a good person in general but she certainly has a mean streak to her. I've noticed she has not had problems with going after other family members over money and other issues so imagine I'd be in the same boat if something came up.
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03-10-2024, 04:02 PM
#13
Originally Posted By alltrapbrah⏩
I trust my family, but at the same time I think anyone is capable of anything given the right circumstances / conditions.
I don't think that "anyone is capable of anything" holds true, because some have unwavering principles. Many don't.

Originally Posted By kimm4⏩
Why is the brother the executor and not the wife?

That's weird in itself.
From what I understand his family comes from reasonably generational money. But the widow in question is fighting the fact that the brother is trying to take the college funds for the two kids.

Given the former, the latter is even more egregious. To do this after his brother died, honestly…
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03-10-2024, 04:17 PM
#14
My family is harmless. Very generous and kind people. I trust them and they wouldn't steal from me.
I'm 33 not 51

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03-10-2024, 04:35 PM
#15
Originally Posted By GuineaDago585⏩
Probably a 2nd wife or trophy wife.
That reads a little bitter and jaded - even for you.

Originally Posted By DuracellBunny⏩
An untrustworthy person doesn't magically become trustworthy when it relates to family. Look at all the drug addicts that lie to and steal from their families.

It mainly comes down to fear and consequences. If the rest of the family would disown them, the threshold is higher than if they know they would forgive them because they're "family".

Her brother in law may not even see her as family and just tolerated her whilst his brother was alive. You never know what is going on inside people's heads.
You would think that the husband who passed would have known his brother wasn't trustworthy then, and not empowered him to be able to violate his own wishes for his childrens' future.
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03-10-2024, 04:45 PM
#16
Originally Posted By LogicalLifts⏩
That reads a little bitter and jaded - even for you.



You would think that the husband who passed would have known his brother wasn't trustworthy then, and not empowered him to be able to violate his own wishes for his childrens' future.
There are 3 stories: the wife's, the brother's and the truth. There is more to this story than she is letting on. He left his brother in charge of the money for a reason , although we do not know what that reason is.

The wife may be really bad with money, so the brother is removing the college funds from her control so that she can't spend them and he can ensure that they are used for the kid's education.

He may have been about to divorce her, changed his will to make his brother the executor and the brother is being an asshat.

Whatever the truth is, there is more to the story than she is telling you.
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03-10-2024, 04:50 PM
#17
Originally Posted By ParsleyTea⏩
My parents are great and quite trust worthy. My sister, I have my doubts. She is a good person in general but she certainly has a mean streak to her. I've noticed she has not had problems with going after other family members over money and other issues so imagine I'd be in the same boat if something came up.
Good that you're seeing that so clearly now. What do you mean 'going after other family members over money' - does she loan money and expect it paid back? etc.

Originally Posted By OliverHeldens⏩
Yes, my siblings and parents I trust 100%. They’re all very principled people. Very predictable and honest.
That's fantastic - I'm happy for you.
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03-10-2024, 05:04 PM
#18



There is a racial explaination for everything.
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03-10-2024, 05:24 PM
#19
Trust my parents and brother 100%
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03-10-2024, 05:28 PM
#20
Originally Posted By Anachron⏩
Rules for life:

1. Never buy property with more than your name on the title.
2. Never start a business that you don't fully own.
3. Family is never an exception for the first two rules.
4. Smile.

Oh, I keep on smilin'

Originally Posted By bsrkoacar2⏩
My family is harmless. Very generous and kind people. I trust them and they wouldn't steal from me.
Some folks I mentioned this to say things like "money changes people".

Almost as if this is expected. Hence this thread heh.
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03-10-2024, 05:32 PM
#21
Originally Posted By LogicalLifts⏩
Oh, I keep on smilin'



Some folks I mentioned this to say things like "money changes people".

Almost as if this is expected. Hence this thread heh.



There is a racial explaination for everything.
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03-10-2024, 05:39 PM
#22
Originally Posted By ezmac31⏩
Trust my parents and brother 100%
You're very lucky. And in a minority, it seems.
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03-10-2024, 05:49 PM
#23
Once you witness money changing somebody or ruining families if someone dies you quickly understand that nobody can be trusted.

Im an executor for someone and im fairly certian the slime balls of the family will come out of the shadows once this person dies. I told them id only do it if they had their will ironclad, which they do.

If they try and fight me ill drag out their fight as long as possible, withholding everything possible from them alone, if theres no fight then the funds get distributed asap.
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03-10-2024, 06:10 PM
#24
Originally Posted By AlwaysFocus⏩
Once you witness money changing somebody or ruining families if someone dies you quickly understand that nobody can be trusted.

Im an executor for someone and im fairly certian the slime balls of the family will come out of the shadows once this person dies. I told them id only do it if they had their will ironclad, which they do.

If they try and fight me ill drag out their fight as long as possible, withholding everything possible from them alone, if theres no fight then the funds get distributed asap.
I've simplified things by giving people what I want them to have whilst I'm alive, which also helps with inheritance tax. There are bits and pieces in my will, but almost everything goes to my wife and daughter.
Screw nature; my body will do what I DAMN WELL tell it to do!

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03-10-2024, 06:49 PM
#25
Originally Posted By AlwaysFocus⏩
Once you witness money changing somebody or ruining families if someone dies you quickly understand that nobody can be trusted.

Im an executor for someone and im fairly certian the slime balls of the family will come out of the shadows once this person dies. I told them id only do it if they had their will ironclad, which they do.

If they try and fight me ill drag out their fight as long as possible, withholding everything possible from them alone, if theres no fight then the funds get distributed asap.
It's better to have clarity / certainty, I agree. The woman I refer to in the OP talks about her private life with no one. I mean nobody at work knows, I think she wanted to open up with someone.

To be clear: she's wealthy in her own right (which follows from her being a co-worker of mine), but I think suddenly losing her husband to a heart attack, having two teenagers (one is starting college later this year), and having spent the last two years fighting your brother in law with lawyers is a bit much for her. So I highly doubt this is something banal like "she isn't good with money".

It reeks of a sort of money-grubbing character I normally associate with poors, but it seems wealthier folks have this too.

I have only really seen this before when an estate was being divided and there was a disagreement among multiple siblings as to how to treat the property portfolio. Then the lawyers got involved there (some wanted to sell instantly, some continue to hold etc.).

But this case is far more personal.
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03-10-2024, 07:14 PM
#26
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03-11-2024, 02:28 AM
#27
Originally Posted By LogicalLifts⏩
I don't think that "anyone is capable of anything" holds true, because some have unwavering principles. Many don't.
I understand the appeal of the "unwavering principles" person but I think it's more true to fiction than it is real-life. IMO it's indicative of a temptation to see people as "super-human", as opposed to merely human, which is the truth of the matter. As humans we're all fallible and capable of making mistakes, hurting others and so forth; to err is human. But of course we're also capable of wonderful things.

Having said that, there will be some people out there of impeccable integrity who have it in them to uphold their principles in even the most trying / challenging of circumstances. But it's important to remember these people are still human, and even they will have a breaking point.
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03-11-2024, 02:37 AM
#28
Through clients I heard of this happening multiple times, but thought it wouldn't happen in my family. Then my mother and my uncles were all fighting over my grandmother's estate before she even passed away. On the other side, when my wealthy great aunt passed away my uncles and father came up with a fake will that they'd forged her signature on, which barred her money from going to places she wanted it to, like her church that was a massive part of her life. I don't even bother with any of them anymore.

When it comes to money, people change. The only person I do trust is my sister. Otherwise I was taught a long time ago not to trust anyone's intentions.
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03-11-2024, 03:23 AM
#29
I trust them to not steal my belongings or physically harm me, etc. When it comes to any great amount of wealth in general, I trust no one.
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03-11-2024, 03:38 AM
#30
My parents 100%. My sister 80%.
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