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Forum » What an Effing summer, divorced
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Thread: What an Effing summer, divorced

post 1585864891 08-13-2019, 01:04 PM
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#31
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Originally Posted By salamisalem⏩
You did good with the legal stuff but you were a bit of a cuck when it came to her. You make it sound not too bad in your post but I can tell you’re being beta and lusting after her even tho she’d rather phuk the new guy. Sounds like you tried a few times to get with her and she rejected you and saved you as a plan b and it gives you hope deep down. Have some self respect and distance yourself dude
Sometimes one can't help bring up past emotional responses or memories. This is why going to North Carolina is key instead of lingering - you're setting yourself for disappointment otherwise. Of course much more difficult with a kid involved.
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post 1585865011 08-13-2019, 01:06 PM
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I too got divorced at the end of July. Congrats!
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post 1585865091 08-13-2019, 01:08 PM
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Originally Posted By Jameson11⏩
In a world where men are constantly being raped by divorce courts, I'm pleased to read this thread.
Originally Posted By BoomPowSurprise⏩
Rare that the guy comes out on top in these types of situations so props to the more or less positive outcome of a chit situation.
When I shared news with my brother (who was raked through the coals in a previous relationship long ago) or guys I've come across, I get a high-five, look of disbelief, and "congrats".
Originally Posted By markkillerings⏩
OP is a bit of a moody cuck.

Wants to pretend he's headstrong, but kept doing things that were flaky towards standing by his principles even after finding out wife already had a bf.

Good for you the divorce turned out well.

But you still acted like an emo b!tch when you couldn't just distant yourself from your soon-to-be ex wife even after you found out she already had somebody's c@ck in her mouth. Gross.
I admit I was emo throughout June and July. To be expected from a 15-19 years relationship ending. It feels like a death occurred, and I'm still grieving.

However, I kept my wits even through those emotions, and with good strategy. I used her new relationship with the other man in my strategy. I followed some good advice that I researched in various places online especially when it came to midlife crisis. You see, the wife thought her only problem was me, and that since we were divorcing, she was on her way to happiness and fulfillment. Which could still happen, and I'm fine with that.

But while she was galvanizing with her new lover, I quickly spent time reading about her mental state, divorce processes/laws, and even bought a few books on relationships. This allowed me to take control of the situation as best as I could. I knew how to modify my behavior to draw complacency from her which allowed things to go as smooth as possible. My anxiety was actually really high especially the night before the court hearing.

I also spent that time allowing myself to cry, scream, yell whatever I needed to do to get those feelings out of my system. Yesterday I felt like crying, but all I did was a quick wince and then nothing and went about my day.
Originally Posted By ChknFrydMFer⏩
Time to hit up friend's daughters now amirite?
lol repped, you know it.
Originally Posted By colbski⏩
how long were you two married for? has there always been marital discord? did the feelings of love fade after you two had the child?
We were actually a really great team. No real discord except when I went through a mini-crisis around the 7th year. From that experience I have more of an understanding of what has happened with her, and I can empathize. My crisis lasted about a month full blown where I wasn't so aware, and then tapered off up to a year afterward and being fully aware that it was a phase. Who knows how long she will be in hers especially with dumb friends feeding her advice.

A child did put a strain on us since we didn't want children in the first place. We both love him and glad we have him, although I suspect I feel this way more than she does. This summer she expressed how I got her pregnant to trap her in the marriage.

The last 12 months she snapped at my son, me, the dogs, the cat, complained about her job, etc.
Chaos and apocalypse on us all
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post 1585865201 08-13-2019, 01:09 PM
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Man I thought I was going through a tough time...reps for the attitude man.

I'm seriously starting to doubt going through with my engagement. I'm having feelings and not sure if it's normal or time to bail.
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post 1585865341 08-13-2019, 01:11 PM
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How old is your son?
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post 1585865371 08-13-2019, 01:11 PM
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Maybe I’m a cold hearted SOB, but if I found out my wife was doing that I surely wouldn’t invite her over for dinner, listen to her sob story, and then whip out my Wang.
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post 1585865481 08-13-2019, 01:13 PM
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Gjdm

Welcome to the “didnt get totally fukked in my divorce crew”. Its rare but sometimes happens. Rare like i know of 2 guys now and one is me. Lmao!

Also refreshing to read a father actually being a father. Dropping truth bombs on your child can sometimes be tough but 100% necessary.

Fwiw it sounds like your ex is a fukkin loon.
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post 1585865501 08-13-2019, 01:13 PM
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Congrats OP, you got away as cleanly as possible and got to keep your son!!!! Thats AWESOME! I know youre hurting emotionally now, but down the road you will realize you won big time in this divorce, and will probably wan to shake the new guys hand srs. Once your emaotions settle you will realize what in the fuk kinda mom doenst want custody of her own child?! Not one you want to be married to!

Im just happy to hear a divorce story where dad doenst get raked over the coals srs. Believe me when I say shes hurting just as much as you emotionally and will be devastated when she comes back down from her emotional roller coaster srs. DONT TAKE HER BACK OP DAMMIT! If she isnt already, when shes done with her new toy she will try every emotional manipulation technique in the book to guilt into taking her back, almost guaranteed.
post 1585865511 08-13-2019, 01:13 PM
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Originally Posted By canonhope⏩
The last 12 months she snapped at my son, me, the dogs, the cat, complained about her job, etc.
Yeah, I remember the twelve months at the end of it with my ex.

The hair trigger about a laundry list of topics. The job anxiety was psychotic. I could still draw you an org chart. The monologues were so fukking detailed.

Nah, fukk that. I’m not doing that.
post 1585865561 08-13-2019, 01:14 PM
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Man that sounds miserable. Further proof that marriage is as outdated as the day is long. Glad you seem to be coming out of it ok though. You got a kid out of it which is awesome. Honestly the only reason id consider marriage is to have a nuclear family which is basically impossible in today's fuked up world.
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post 1585866041 08-13-2019, 01:20 PM
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Sorry op, stop doing sexual stuff with your ex, just make the interactions about your kid.

Also have a heart to heart with your friend and get his permission, and marry her daughter. The best milk trucks misc has ever seen.

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post 1585866061 08-13-2019, 01:20 PM
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Going through a divorce myself. She is asking for stupid amounts of money that she did not earn. Cheers bro, sounds like you didn't get completely fukked.

What did she ding you for? I am assuming she did not just walk away with zero cash?
(っ◕‿◕)っ
post 1585866791 08-13-2019, 01:30 PM
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I got divorced 2 years ago. I was 37 at the time and never imagined I would. Now i cant imagine not being. The best thing to happen to me in a long time. Now i have a girlfriend who is 27 and life is good.
post 1585866801 08-13-2019, 01:30 PM
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Originally Posted By Podunks⏩
Seems like only yesterday I was reading:
This, any updates?
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post 1585866821 08-13-2019, 01:30 PM
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The fact that your ex doesn't even want custody of your son so it won't interfere with her fukn her way across Georgia in 2019 goals makes me very sad for him and angry at her. She sounds like a **** and I'm glad you got outta their without losing too much. You're a better than me for how you've handled the situation
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post 1585867181 08-13-2019, 01:36 PM
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Originally Posted By xeron⏩
Every once in awhile, I wonder what marriage would be like, but then I read a thread like this and I’m reminded... marriage, not even once. Thanks for living it so others learn from your mistakes. You sound like a smart dude though, you’ll be fine

Reps on rc
Thx
Originally Posted By Muzzlrpress⏩
Party at your place?
After my new furniture comes in. She took the living room and dining room furniture when she moved out.
Originally Posted By HMFIC_BROWSIN⏩
Never heard of a mom not interested in custody. Strong kunt.
She is actually worried about her image. But yes, it is pretty chitty. Original plan was to give her custody but when my son cried after we told him, she was cold about it, and that's when I said, nope, he's staying with me.

What pisses me off though is when she backed off when I "threatened" to give her full custody. So, yes very kunty.
Originally Posted By salamisalem⏩
You did good with the legal stuff but you were a bit of a cuck when it came to her. You make it sound not too bad in your post but I can tell you’re being beta and lusting after her even tho she’d rather phuk the new guy. Sounds like you tried a few times to get with her and she rejected you and saved you as a plan b and it gives you hope deep down. Have some self respect and distance yourself dude
You are correct about setting up some distance. However, part of my strategy was to not set a distance prior to finalizing divorce. I had a lot to lose. It has been almost 2 weeks since then, and distance is definitely getting there. The fact I haven't felt like miscing through the whole ordeal is evidence of that.

I look at the lusting thing a little different. If the guy she's seeing now was making her 100% happy and was such a sure thing, she wouldn't be trying to string me along. Trust me, I'm nobody's plan B. The sex thing I can forgive and forget because I've never equated sex to love. But she hurt the family unit, affected all of our futures. That bothers me more than anything.

You sound like my mom though, she was saying the same thing about not being a doormat, but glad I trusted my instincts on this one. I put flowers and cards on her apartment door, or car, etc. Yes, a part of me wanted everything to go back to how it was (such is long-term relationship over a couple decades), but my logical brain was in good working order. She needed to believe I was hanging onto a great hope that we would stay together, that she had me in her hands.

Brah,.........I got divorced without lawyers. You try that, and tell me about self-respect. lol

Originally Posted By BoomPowSurprise⏩
Sometimes one can't help bring up past emotional responses or memories. This is why going to North Carolina is key instead of lingering - you're setting yourself for disappointment otherwise. Of course much more difficult with a kid involved.
She wanted to meet me yesterday evening over dinner to talk about some business matters that we still need to tie up. Mood swings were still there. Severe anger one minute to laughing and normal the next. I regretted the dinner, and had a feeling I would, which indicates improvement to me.

Last week when she brought my son back home, she was yelling about how he clogged her toilet and how I screwed her over and got everything. I told her to leave and she said "this is still my house too". lol nah bish it isn't.

So, North Carolina is in the works now. Told her she isn't allowed in my house anymore when she comes to get our son, and that I will install cameras in the back and front of the house. Serious, it makes me sad to see her like this.
Chaos and apocalypse on us all
Let them burn to dust.

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post 1585867431 08-13-2019, 01:39 PM
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OP is a unicorn..Its nearly impossible for a man to get out of a relationship with his kid(s) and the women paying child support.




Just remember OP she can and will drag you back through court and cause you to spend every single dime you have on lawyers. I know a guy that is BROKE because his wife takes him back to court on a regular basis.
post 1585867631 08-13-2019, 01:43 PM
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Jesus, any woman who picks a new dick over her own kid is a legit sociopath.

Sucks your family has this kunt in their lives but you're better off out of it OP
post 1585867701 08-13-2019, 01:43 PM
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So when did her signs of being crazy/extremely moody first begin?
post 1585867861 08-13-2019, 01:46 PM
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Originally Posted By DSTEE⏩
So when did her signs of being crazy/extremely moody first begin?
when he discovered she had a vagina
post 1585869231 08-13-2019, 02:07 PM
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#51
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Originally Posted By Archaic2021⏩
Man I thought I was going through a tough time...reps for the attitude man.

I'm seriously starting to doubt going through with my engagement. I'm having feelings and not sure if it's normal or time to bail.
Look for red flags.
Originally Posted By Podunks⏩
Seems like only yesterday I was reading:

Glad you made out better than most.
Misc is cheering me up today
Originally Posted By Coldsloth⏩
Maybe I’m a cold hearted SOB, but if I found out my wife was doing that I surely wouldn’t invite her over for dinner, listen to her sob story, and then whip out my Wang.
My libido was pretty nil through all of this and was surprised to get a stiffy from just touching her neck. lol funny to think about it now that Miscers are pointing it out.
Originally Posted By DstryEvrytng⏩
Gjdm

Welcome to the “didnt get totally fukked in my divorce crew”. Its rare but sometimes happens. Rare like i know of 2 guys now and one is me. Lmao!

Also refreshing to read a father actually being a father. Dropping truth bombs on your child can sometimes be tough but 100% necessary.

Fwiw it sounds like your ex is a fukkin loon.
She's really going through a loony stage right now. Not my problem anymore though.

Yes it is tough to truth bomb your child. Don't want to bad mouth his mom, but had to let him think through how he feels about things too. An example, he spent 2 weeks at an overnight camp. As agreed, wife and I both dropped him off and picked him up together. During the drive to pick him up, she's telling me how she can see the changes I've made with myself and how the house looks real nice now, etc. I just go along with it (we aren't officially divorced at this time). The house refinancing was to occur later that same evening.

We pick our son up, she takes us to my house and she goes away, coming back later for the refinancing. When she shows up, she is looking REALLY nice, like she purposefully made herself look homely around me lol. I knew she was going to be on her way to the other guy the rest of the weekend. After the refi is all signed away, my son asks her if she is going to stay a little longer like for dinner. She kisses his forehead and says "no, this is daddy's weekend. Gotta go." She zips out. We both haven't seen him for 2 weeks.

I asked him "how did that make you feel?" He says very sad. I told him to be careful that mom doesn't manipulate his feelings and to do the same with me. Use your eyes, ears, and brain to see what is going on and that ACTIONS speak louder than words.

He's smart, and he's putting it all together in his own head.
Originally Posted By knightofday⏩
Congrats OP, you got away as cleanly as possible and got to keep your son!!!! Thats AWESOME! I know youre hurting emotionally now, but down the road you will realize you won big time in this divorce, and will probably wan to shake the new guys hand srs. Once your emaotions settle you will realize what in the fuk kinda mom doenst want custody of her own child?! Not one you want to be married to!

Im just happy to hear a divorce story where dad doenst get raked over the coals srs. Believe me when I say shes hurting just as much as you emotionally and will be devastated when she comes back down from her emotional roller coaster srs. DONT TAKE HER BACK OP DAMMIT! If she isnt already, when shes done with her new toy she will try every emotional manipulation technique in the book to guilt into taking her back, almost guaranteed.
She has said that it may look like she's having a great time, but that is has also been thinking about things and feels sad.
I'm bracing myself for what you are predicting. My brother irl is saying the same thing because he has been through some chit in his past, and passing on wisdom.

The dude she is seeing is early 50s, never been married and no kids.
Chaos and apocalypse on us all
Let them burn to dust.

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post 1585869321 08-13-2019, 02:09 PM
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Hope you learned your lesson and won't make the same mistake again boyo
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post 1585869331 08-13-2019, 02:09 PM
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She's fukkin crazy, mid life crisis or not.
Boycott foodservice industry crew
post 1585869411 08-13-2019, 02:10 PM
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See no reason to marry in 2019.
post 1585870601 08-13-2019, 02:29 PM
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#55
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Originally Posted By badbl00d⏩
One that wants to "make up for lost time".
Originally Posted By HMFIC_BROWSIN⏩
#independent
#priorities
Very true. Few other things she's stated during the process:

"I want to see if I can stand on my own"
"I think I look younger than my age"
"I learned I'm a strong person from this"
"Can't eat much, have to stay skinny when single"
"I rode a jet ski for the first time"
"I'm not hanging around waiting anymore"
Originally Posted By LikeAMachine⏩
Going through a divorce myself. She is asking for stupid amounts of money that she did not earn. Cheers bro, sounds like you didn't get completely fukked.

What did she ding you for? I am assuming she did not just walk away with zero cash?
My wife was trying to do the same, and I was afraid whenever she mentioned alimony. I am humbled and grateful because I know how often it turns out for men.

We split assets 50/50, I was very fair. I cashed her out of the home after the refi, we split cash savings, 50% of my 401ks except the one at current employer, half the IRAs. She left my HSA alone. I convinced her to let me keep stocks I purchased through a previous ESPP, which I will give to my son to teach him about the market. It sucks to see everything get vacuumed away. She's sitting on a good amount of cash right now, and she tries to give a sob story to a few people that we've told about our divorce.
Originally Posted By Straxus⏩
I got divorced 2 years ago. I was 37 at the time and never imagined I would. Now i cant imagine not being. The best thing to happen to me in a long time. Now i have a girlfriend who is 27 and life is good.
Hope to feel this way.
Originally Posted By TBO1313⏩
The fact that your ex doesn't even want custody of your son so it won't interfere with her fukn her way across Georgia in 2019 goals makes me very sad for him and angry at her. She sounds like a **** and I'm glad you got outta their without losing too much. You're a better than me for how you've handled the situation
It's tough brahs. Especially trying to keep a cool head through it all.
Originally Posted By Scarrdbutsmartr⏩
OP is a unicorn..Its nearly impossible for a man to get out of a relationship with his kid(s) and the women paying child support.

Just remember OP she can and will drag you back through court and cause you to spend every single dime you have on lawyers. I know a guy that is BROKE because his wife takes him back to court on a regular basis.
I am bracing for an eventual court date. She's already spoken about how I felt if she wanted custody maybe a year or so later. Told her it isn't going to happen but good luck with trying. I've agreed to a discounted child support amount for her, and if she wants to play that game, I will push to put it up to where it should be.
Chaos and apocalypse on us all
Let them burn to dust.

*Mirin your daughters and their daughters teddies crew*
*Scummy crew
post 1585871021 08-13-2019, 02:34 PM
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This isn't the end of your life bro, it's just the start of a new chapter.

/homo
Height/Weight: Undisclosed to prevent possible triggering.

*Just finished cutting starting Bulking phase crew*
post 1585871401 08-13-2019, 02:39 PM
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#57
  1. backinthegymbro
  2. Never accept defeat!
  1. backinthegymbro
  2. Never accept defeat!
  3. Join Date: Aug 2018
  4. Posts: 23,402
  5. Rep Power: 275845
Originally Posted By canonhope⏩
If I get back with her, it won't be remarriage\
After all this, there's still an ''if''? Smh.
No relationship is ever the same after a break up. Don't expect to live happily ever after with this woman who lied and simply just wanted another dink.
Sorry you went through all this, but not sorry if you take her back.
She probably thought she'd upgrade and get a rich dude, only to realize she was just a temporary side piece getting used.

Also i could never respect a woman who not only is married, but also has a kid, to be sleeping with another dude.
She puts her sloot tendencies above her kid, who now has to grow up with a split family. Disgusting.
Cobra Kai never dies!
post 1585871421 08-13-2019, 02:39 PM
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#58
  1. jinda628
  2. Lol ty.
  1. jinda628
  2. Lol ty.
  3. Join Date: Mar 2011
  4. Location: New York, United States
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Damn she chose the dik over custody of her son? You are lucky to end up getting the better end of the settlement. I think I haven't seen an actual case of the guy getting the financial support lol. I would be happy just getting custody and not seeing her again if I'm in your situation lol.

Don't ever take her back OP and congrats!
Steam - jinda28
Origin - jinda628
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post 1585871431 08-13-2019, 02:39 PM
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#59
  1. MisterJustice
  2. Praise The Sun
  1. MisterJustice
  2. Praise The Sun
  3. Join Date: Nov 2014
  4. Posts: 6,608
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OP, are you gonna want to be have a single now??

if not, how will you find new gf/wife??
☀ Praise The Sun ☀

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post 1585871781 08-13-2019, 02:43 PM
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#60
  1. KirkMcquest
  2. Registered User
  1. KirkMcquest
  2. Registered User
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This worked out about as well for you as you can hope but as a married man with a son I feel very sad. Sad for your son because he has a mother that would rather spend time with her fukk buddy than raise her own boy. Its a disgrace.
"I yam what I yam" - Popeye the sailor
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