This. Banging isn’t going to help but just kill your marriage. Might as well just get divorced if that’s what you’re going to do.

She's hoping that new dick will decrease her depression so she's giving you permission to do the same so she doesn't feel as guilty.

If you love her, dont do it. SRS not worth it.

I'd want to see her therapist with her (or another couples therapist) to get a better understanding of what's going on and if it was worth trying to salvage.

opie,
are you paying for her new place?

no intimacy and giving you the green light to sleep around lol

she has checked out so hard its not even funny I actually feel sad because you are just going to be another divorce statistic.

she may not have slept with another guy yet but i'm 100% sure someone has caught her eye and shes feeling those butterfly's and just finalizing her out plan.

you are only 28 so you have alot of time left to find someone - just use this as a learning experience man.

A woman writes into a famous relationship columnist stating that she is going to leave her husband, tired of being ignored & unloved, him never helping, treating her like she truly mattered as when they were dating, yada, yada..The columnist writes back saying to hold off on leaving him just for a bit. Instead for just a couple weeks, treat him like a king. Have dinner ready for him when he comes home from work, have breakfast, coffe, ready in the morning with his clothes laid out. Shower him With affection & wear some sexy lingerie around the house, & don’t get on him or nag him when he does or does not do things that upset you. Then, after he has been accustomed to this type of lifestyle for a bit, hand him the divorce papers & leave him. After a few weeks the columnist called up the lady & asked if she had left her husband & stuck it to him? She answered back..are you nuts, we are madly in love, & slammed down the phone.

Point is OP, marriage is work, it’s HARD work, & when one person isn’t putting in the effort, the other person needs to double down putting it in for both of them..it’s called sacrifice. You took vows. I’ve been married 18 yrs, we both were extremely young, & it’s been tough, very tough, but we wouldn’t change it for the world.

Best of luck bud

If you do, your marriage is over. She will never think you will love her again And she’ll never think she can trust you

One of my best friends married a girl who progressively became more depressed after they got married (she'd had some problems with it before they got married too) and also basically told him the same thing, first offering an open marriage, and then wanting to do the separation thing for a while. It ended very badly, and imo in general, women don't tell men they're in love with that it's ok for them to fuk around. OP, you need to do what it took my friend way too long to do, and just end it now. It'll save you lots of trouble, I promise you.

Also, my friend later found out she was fuking a couple of different guys the whole time. For those of you who are saying girls like that have no sex drive or are too distracted to think about sex, you're wrong. It depends on the girl, but some of them get a high from the casual sex, and especially having other guys lust after them. It gives them a boost. It's kind of like how girls in general love the chase of a man coming after them, but then get bored once they're in a LTR, but with these girls it's so much worse because they're emotionally unstable due to their depression.

Your marriage is over. SRS.


Take everyones advice and GTFO now while you are still young and able to land a good woman.

Update guys.

Thanks for the opinions and advices, it is always hard to see right when you are in the driver's seat, so a third opinion is always good.

We're getting divorced.

I sincerely doubt she is looking for anyone else at this moment, so I can't even fathom the sacrifice she made. But I also understand that this can never be understood by anyone who has never met depression. I myself have a very hard time understanding all this too, but having first hand experience, I can see what it looks like to anyone outside. But I can assure you, it is not due to her looking for someone else. I have seen the change it has brought up in her and we are still seeing each other a couple of times a week.

I decided not to do anything until we are divorced and was using this time for us to come to a decision. It was my first instinct and probably right, so thanks for the people who confirmed that I should NOT try to make it work by "sleeping around". I wholeheartedly agree that it would have absolutely wrecked her, even though she claimed otherwise.



I am still young and to be honest, when we moved separate, I knew that this was the likely outcome.
It still hurts though.


We are leaving on good terms and will remain friends, who knows for how long though.
I understand that this can be controversial, we will see where it leads in some time, but truly I want to support her to find herself again and become who she was before the depression.
Our feelings for each other remain, but not the intimacy - not as romantic partners.
We also have a dog that is hers, but who we took together and who I also love and keep from time to time.


I guess I will use the time to come to be a bachelor, because to be honest, I didn't really have that phase in my life where I was sl00ting around to "run my horns down" (is this a saying in the US?).

Any idea what the cause of her depression is?
Any deep-rooted issues/trauma you're aware of or why her life is so unfulfilling at the moment?

I guess if it's what you both want then it's for the best.

There are a few I'm aware of, but the list is probably not conclusive.

There is the issue of kids, she wants to have them, I do not at this moment. We had a talk about this before getting married and at that moment, we were on the same page - to have them when we are around 30.
She has had miscarriages (very early stage, where we weren't even aware of it).
She has had previous abusive partners.

But I guess a big factor is that we maybe grew apart a little and what I feel is that we started losing our hobbies etc, basically losing our individuality and personal joys. This could probably have been worked on, but nevertheless, it happened.

Lol hard when girl suggest to f*ck around. She has the whole world of dicks ready and a guy gonna scrap the bottom of the barrel with abysmal chances to actually f*ck

I am relieved (for the children) that you guys didn't procreate. Children don't fix bouts with depression. If anything, they make it harder. Good luck brah.

i had a bro who went through something similar and divorced his wife. her depression and subsequent drug and alcohol use destroyed the marriage. it hit him hard because there was nothing he could do and she didnt want to get help.

try to stay motivated and busy. misc is here for you