Not gonna lie OP I didn't read all of your posts / the entire thread. But I read enough.

We are similar OP.

My ex and I dated for 3 years. We lived together for over a year. I broke up with her, and she kept living with me for 6 months after that for financial reasonings. We also had an abortion, except it was like within a month of dating eachother that she got preggo, super early on.

I've had highs and lows after we broke up. And also after she moved out. Like your girl, my ex had very few friends, wasn't social. In some ways it's a good thing, but in other ways it sucks, such as the fact that she might be super clingy, or you get zero space/time for yourself. I felt like I was sort of becoming antisocial a bit myself. I've rekindled my sociability and desire to meet people, since she has left. Been going out to bars, hitting up friends, planning events, meeting neighbors. I missed doing those things. My ex was my only friend, it felt like, for 2+ years. This wasn't very healthy.

The main thing about the abortion on my end, was I wasn't sure if she would keep it or not, she had moments of being conflicted about it. The remainder of our relationship I had paranoia about her getting pregnant again. Paranoia that she could have so much control over my life.

My random advice:

- Use your extra free time to focus on yourself, self-improve. Get more serious about fitnessmaxing, careermaxing, dietmaxing, financialmaxing.

- Get more social and try new chit. Example: I am working on getting my first ever passport, and will be trying out a cruise in a month or so. I've lost ~15 pounds since the breakup, and am looking forward to looking lean at such a venue.

- Don't keep having sex with your ex. Caused mixed signals and emotions. It's mature and potentially worth while to keep being friends though, she was a big part of your life for a long while after all. I also simultaneously think No Contact is a valid option too. It's dependent upon you yourself, her, and how y'all treat each other without falling back into things.

- Don't go into another relationship for at least a year IMO. Date around, have sex, but keep things casual. Enjoy the perks of solitude and freedom.

- This is hard. But take some time to self reflect, and try to realistically see the person that you were PRIOR to the relationship, and DURING the relationship. Whatever inferences you come up with, let them be realized, and try to cultivate the optimal version of yourself now AFTER the relationship.

lol no worries, a lot of it is mostly just venting and putting it down so I can refer back to it if things ever get tough.

All very solid advice. Can totally relate to feeling like you were losing touch with yourself and adopting her mentality/personality. Prior to our relationship, I had been hanging with my friends every weekend for 2 years, and doing everything with them. It started to feel weird when I would have to repeatedly make excuses not to do things with them because I didn't want them knowing she was the reason I couldn't, or when I could hang out with them, they would tell stories about things that happened I wasn't there for. Almost felt out of the loop in some ways, by no fault of theirs.

Can also very much relate to the paranoia about the abortion thing after the fact. It killed our sex life for a bit, because for a long time she refused to get on birth control, so we'd only have sex on the days that we knew she couldn't have a chance in hell of getting pregnant. and that was with condoms.

Definitely going to make the most of my newfound freedom to improve on myself as much as possible. Couldn't even work out while we were together without feeling guilty because it took away from "quality time" aka watching netflix/movies after the workday.

TBH IDK if I'll ever get into a real, committed relationship again. I enjoy being alone and not being held responsible to or for anyone else for too long. But that's what we all say after a breakup so who knows lol

You see this alot with women dealing with anxiety or other mental issues. They're waiting for the guy's next slip up (wasn't even a real slip up, only in her mind) to justify their decision. Even though they're dealing with a frustrating mental condition, it's more shiity to try and displace all that blame on you - which is why my sympathy in those cases is really limited.

Your mentality seems very positive for the future so I know you're not going to get too down. Definitely sounds like the best move.

Now...link up with me and the boys in the Fall and we'll plunder Pacific Beach. Or Gaslamp if that's more your speed these days...lol

She was actually more concerned about having kids than getting married...Didn't want to get married for another 4-5 years or so. Since she was so Christian, she valued it highly and only wanted to get married once, and to the right person so that divorce wouldn't be an issue/concern.

And at no point did I ever say I wouldn't marry her, and I did really try to be more open about the idea of kids when we got back together. She wanted them sometime around next year.

Bruh are you living in SD now?

Currently living in PB, personally i hate going downtown lol but we'll definitely have to link up sometime.

Yeah, she was always pushing off her mental issues on me, either to resolve them, or blaming me for them. I'll be the first to admit, that when we first started dating, I wasn't the best boyfriend and certainly could have handled myself better. But I did a complete 180 when we got back together to ease her concerns. It just wasn't enough for her.

Did you see Hard Summer is now 3 days? and that lineup...sheesh

Haven't you been with your "FWB" for five years?

The bright side is you broke up after 3 years and it cost you $1,000.

Could be worse. 15 years and $200,000.

I remind myself of this daily lol. I just made $1000 through work yesterday.

Funny thing is, leading up to getting the cat, the whole time I figured it would be a bad idea. But she claimed she needed one for her mental health, and I wanted to try and help. When she wasn't anxious/depressed, she really was the best man. But like I figured, a bandaid is just that, and you can only slap so many on.

Still got my pup though and now he can sleep on the bed again after 2 years. We been bonding more than ever lately.

Yeah brah I've been here since last August goin to school. Got maybe 20 months more in SD lets do it! But I'm back up north for the summer. I did see that lineup and I really need to go to my first Hard Summer. But I might be doing an EMT program that conflicts. I'll be at NOS for Project Z July 2nd though.

But as for the ex, idk man I'm not a long term guy so maybe its bias... I just feel like so most relationships run their course. You'll know when you hit some type of wall in the relationship that it seems you cannot reconcile - and she'll be very resistant to even listening to your piece about it. Or, she'll make serious accusations that you're not remotely guilty of. Listen to your gut and know when they're jerking your chain even after you've improved as a boyfriend.

Had something similar end a few months ago. Dated her for 8 months. She was sweet, cute, non whore, and we had similar views/mindsets/interests and routines. But she had the depression and anxiety. She would melt down if her routine was changed ever so slightly. She used to bang and go home at midnight because she was afraid of waking up not in her own bed/room/space. We made progress but in the end, she slipped into the same depression/lack of emotion that it sounds like your girl did.

They lose the spark and the depression gets a hold of them. Theres really nothing you can do shy of letting them go. I tried for a little--you can put 90% of the relationship on your back, using your own energy and optimism to keep things lively but that isnt sustainable and its fake. It needs ot be a two way street. Once you dial back down to the 50% you should be responsible for, its over. they fade away and the darkness pulls them back.

Some people just have emotions that prevent them from forming meaningful and desirable connections with others. The way a lot deal with depression is just becoming numb to feeling--and thats what they revert to when times are bad. No motivation to improve or work on problems. they slip away.

Its a blessing in the end. Your saving yourself from more wasted time.

Oh fuk yeah. Shoot me a PM, we'll have to hang sometime.

TBH that wall we hit was back around when we moved into the current spot. I tried to ignore it but it was always there in the back of my head. Shoulda listened lolSounds very familiar. Especially the inability to form meaningful and desirable connections with others. It's almost like she was always looking for a reason NOT to, vs making the effort. It showed up most severely with my best friends gf...she always thought we were too friendly with each other, but we were just trying to be good friends because I'm his best friend, and she's his gf. Like 1) I'm not gonna cheat and 2) I'm certainly not gonna cheat with my best friend's girl. But she never made the effort to be amicable. And it was p clear to everyone, which caused a lot of tension for me.

My only regret really is that now, my ex is 31, and I'm sure she's gonna hold it against me forever that I "wasted" those 3 years, and she's gonna have to scramble to find someone to have a kid with because she really wants to be a mother. I feel for her in that regard, even if I don't think the relationship was a waste. I learned and grew a lot from it.

Fkn frauding *******

Holy **** did we date the same girl at the same time lmaoooo too much real life

Well she did, so let that sink in

Every single female in our generation who is westernized WILL monkey branch, srs

Once every guy realizes this we will gain back some of the power, until then expect this BS to keep happening

Lol. it's possible. I know everyone on the misc says that about their exes and usually they're wrong.

Ultimately doesn't matter to me though. Whether she did or didn't, I'm moving on and hopefully she is too. I hope she finds what she needs srs.

In retrospect, it would actually be hilarious to me if she did monkey branch, because she always prided herself on being honest, genuine and loyal. But the reason I'm inclined to think she didn't is because she didn't even hint at it when she was blowing up on me, which would have been the time for her to really strike since she was trying to be hurtful. I could be wrong though

Yeah if it's rocky to start with, moving it doesn't help. IMO it has to have benefits beyond saving money and time driving to each other. Like...you both take up homemaking, you find new hobbies to do as a couple, cook for each other, entertain friends frequently, etc. Something above what you have when you're separate.

But I definitely will hit you up dawg. This last semester was absolute hell but in Fall I have wayyyyy more free time and I plan on having some fun. Had pretty much no time for parties/raves/nights out/girls/sleep since January.

You do know you're a giant hypocrite right?

Yup. she had justified it as our current living situation being the reason it was rocky. And it was a tough living situation at the time (living at an old friends parents house, with his disabled mom, and several caregivers who were always running through the house). It wasn't until after we moved that I started realizing that it was just her issues causing a lot of the conflict, which she found any way to justify.

Looking forward to it my bro. lets tear this town apart

Every female says they're loyal, honest, genuine, caring, loving, etc etc etc

Clearly she was lying about that given her actions. That's what men need to understand, do not go with what they say but rather with what they do. And she didn't communicate with you or anything before she left you out of the fuking blue

We also know that females can't be alone, therefore with 99% accuracy we can only assume she's with another guy now. I bet if you did a little digging you would find this truth out and then maybe you might start to care about how you wasted three years of your life with this sloot not finding it so hilarious anymore

None of us want to believe our girl is a sloot, but we all know sloots gon sloot

Get your head out of the sand guys. Once you know the truth, females will know that you know and they WILL respect you more than the other simps they backstab.

I don't necessarily think she was lying, I do think her mental health problems overshadowed who she was as a person and took over. Throughout the majority of the relationship, her actions did line up with her words. Up until the last few months.

You could be entirely right. However, I don't regret the relationship regardless of what she's up to now or what she was doing the last few months. I do know she can't be alone, but from my experience with her, she fills that need by leaning on her family and friends. That said, I'm 100% in agreement and confident that she will be slooting around within a few weeks if not already. And who could blame her tbh, I'm already feeling the itch myself.

Either way, IDC. Even if I found out after the fact she actually cheated, of course it would hurt but it would just solidify my resolve in believing this is the right decision, rather than stewing in it. I know I sound like a typical miscer but I also am always considering these things 24/7 thanks to the misc.

been reading some of your posts ITT and she sounds mentally draining AF brah, surprised you made it to 3 years with her srs

you seem to sort of realise it already now, but in a while when looking back I'm sure you'll realise this was 100% the best outcome for the both of you

Lol. when i started venting to my friends a small portion of what I've shared in this thread, they said the same.

They also all agree with me that this is the best thing for both of us. I do hope that cat lives a long life tho, that's prob one of the harder parts. We had just started to bond lol

hey op dont bother responding to that SS dude.


youll recover brah. easiest time to get laid is rn tbh. IG the best dating app rn srs

Well you're handling this very well so good on you for that. Definitely sound like you dodged a bullet anyways lol

kinda mirin you still got a couple good bros around like that, sounds like a good time and for sure that'll help you get back into the game

Congrats.

Now you can do whatever your heart desires without having to report to anyone. Lean into that and have fun.

Sure it sucks but you will soon get over it.

Its for the best. Keep in mind that there is probably a 100% chance her new arrangement might fail and she will want to come crawling back. be sure to do the right thing and tell her no. This is where a lot of guys screw up and they accept them back. Dont be that guy.

yup, i've been very lucky to have my current friend group that is chock full of quality people who I can lean on, 2 of which I live with. They're also always doing stuff so now I can do that stuff with em. And since they're all wifed up now, that means easy pickings for melol idk how I would even use IG as a dating app clue me in brobeanslol thanks brah. I think for a long time I was willingly eating the bullets in hopes of something we both knew wasn't right. just needed that final push to call it quits.as stated before, neither of us were in a position to have kids at the time, and we both agreed on that fact. It's unfortunate that she never moved past it and put the blame on my shoulders, but I can't really blame her all things considered.

I don't really want kids, but I was willing to be open to the idea to be with her, assuming the relationship went well. I'd be lying if I said it wasn't a huge relief that pressure is gone now. And yeah, fully prepared for that, and would only be happy for her if that was the case. She's mexican so it might even be sooner lol. That would be my only regret is that, knowing now that it didn't work out, that it wasn't over sooner. But I never forced her to stay with me, so even though I'm sure she blames me for wasting her time, she also made the conscious decision to stay and try to make it work as well.Yup. more than likely whoever her next guy or next couple guys are won't work out. The breakup feels different this time...like i'm more accepting of the reality than I was the last time around. I feel p confident that I won't let us get sucked back into it again. Partly why I made this thread, so i can refer back to it to remind me why we ended it when I am feeling nostalgic.

Why are you living with 2 other guys if you're making $1k a day?

The relationship was doomed as soon as the abortion happened. It sucks but that's just the way it goes. Also, every time I hear someone speak about "being in an emotional rut" I just roll my eyes. It's just bullchit to try and cause problems where none exist. Good luck brother but get your pit bull out of the bed. Little dogs in the bed is bad enough but a pit bull? High quality women will be weirded out by that. I bet those bed farts are rancid and spewing 70lb dog chit particles everywhere lmfao