I have some. Becsuse I know I was meant for much more and they let me dow n. As a child I had no control over that. But as an adult I dont contribute their failings to my mistakes In life. Which my mistakes are far out weighed by my good choices but Instead of focusing on their failures as parents I focus on making sure their mistakes are not repeated .

My parents definitely fuked me up but I can’t blame them for where I am in life. They are just people like me and are capable of making mistakes in raising their children. I realize they are getting older now and I want to enjoy and appreciate the time we have together.

Emotional abuse 🙄

Honestly aside from being abusive to you this is probably true. If you didn't genuinely suffer child abuse and just had to witness some fighting the reality is they're just people and probably were trying to raise you as best they could.

Stop being a f*cking ph aggot

Are you a parent yourself?


I believe when you become a parent for yourself you will see and understand no parent is perfect including yours and yourself.

Pretty much this ^, great post.

I kind of resented my parents for a while, my dad died in a car accident when I was 16 and my mom got me through high school but I did not really have a great childhood because parents didnt have alot of money. We never went on a family vacation once and I wasn't really taught anything by them. Luckily for me I was always an extremely curious kid, I always was taking things apart trying to figure out how they work and that has led me into a great career.

One massive thing that I can't fault my parents on is that they did not have the internet. As mentioned being a curious person and the capability to search the internet has basically given me god mode. Granted they could have went to the library and they did read alot but it wasn't anything to help their lives. If I was in their shoes I don't know that I would even be going to the library to learn.

The problem with 99% of traditional therapists is they focus on a person's childhood and thus many people suffer resentment towards their parents.

Dialectical Behavioral Therapy focuses on the present and not the past to solve maladaptive coping mechanisms.

My parents are fine, could be much worse.

My problem is that my dad is one of these guys who tries to control people with money. I didn't realize it when I was younger due to inexperience(which I really wish I would have been able to), but it has been crystal clear to me for a while now.

It's always been disguised as "fiscal conservatism", which is not inherently problematic and is smart in normal economic times(especially right now). But as I became older I started to see some of his other actions and realized that he only cares about money in the sense that it allows him to control people. He has done many things that were directly against my best interests in order to control me and keep me around. In normal families who operate like this, there typically are a lot of "family benefits", but that's not how it works with my family. Just attempted control with promises that "someday I'll inherit all of the things he has built". Which is fine, but honestly I'm in my late 30s and not really all that excited about waiting another 15-20 years or whatever to do unpaid nonsense for him and wait for my 20M inheritance that I will likely be too old to fully enjoy when it comes.

I'd say my parents royally ****ed me. Still love them but accept they just never had their **** together.

Their marriage started going down hill pretty bad when I was a teenager. Ended up moving around. Due to it could not maintain contact with close friends. Any friends I had were short term in passing. Had to quit school at 16. Never really got to experience the 'normal' teenage years of 16-18. No prom. No school activities. They weren't financially able to help me do anything. Eve if I'd have wanted to play sports that'd have never happened. When I started working I had to help my mom out with her bills (lived with her). Etc.

I'd say from the time I was 16 onward there was never really anyone I could ask for advice/opinions. And nobody who could really 'help me' out with anything. Basically right after my 16th birthday it was time to be an adult and do literally everything on my own. Never really got to 'enjoy' the young years of 16-24. It was a grind because I had no support system or anyone to fall back on.



All in all I'd say I was lucky. I was able to observe their weaknesses and make sure I never had the same issues. Also did ton of research on finances/investing at a young age because I wanted a good life and wanted to figure out how to do it. Was hardened at a young age and learned how to win on my own. To make good/shrewd decisions without any outside voices/opinions weighing in. By 28 was more successful/built a higher net worth then both of my parents combined.




I'll be retiring at around 46. It seems young. But that's 30 years of grinding. I'd say I got a solid head start on the majority of guys my age. Because while they were ****ing around with prom, HS sports, college partying, college sports, etc. I was grinding. I'm 36 but financially I'm at least 15-20 years ahead.

Haven't cut them off at all, see them both, one pretty regularly.

You're 40 and still blaming your parents

Strong emotional development

Not "blaming them." I take responsibility. Reflecting isn't the same as blaming.

Parental Blame/Resentment is the same thing as people always whining about RACISM and historical trauma like slavery......it's VICTIMcel

at some point you have to let it go and move forward....the past is the PAST

Resentment is blaming

My cope is I dont have kids yet, so dont know how hard it is to raise them. And that all you can really ask for from your parents is for them to be better than their parents were, which for most part mine was. Also at a certain age (30+) it becomes VERY VERY GHEY to play the 'wah wah my parents didnt raise me well enough' card. You are an adult now, no more excuses, learn to deal with it. IMO getting older should be recognizing your strengths and your faults, and for tracking that down to how you were raised, and learning to improve from it. Not spinning tires in the mud at 50 talking to a therapist about how your daddy didnt love you enough


will say it is a startling revelation when you hit a certain age and realize you are in many ways who you are because of your parents. My parents divorced when I was young and mom moved across state. I didnt have much a father figure in life (like many online dwellers tbh), so no sports or learning how to handle things like conflict or talk to chicks. She just liked to stay inside and watch TV all the time so growing up I did the same but with video games, computers, etc. which also stunted social growth. Mom had guilt from this so babied me a bunch. Also was an alcholic and dad a gambling addict who spent everything he had. Most times when i see either parents now everything is fine and fun until they breakdown crying at some point. Dead srs my thanksgiving this year was:

- mom getting drunk and literally crying about how depressed she is
- father moping about how broke he is
- me being relieved the holiday was over so I can go back home 500 miles away

I've grown apathetic to both of these plights as its something that has been a constant for over a decade now despite trying to initially help, but eventually you learn just not to give a chit as heartless as that sounds. People have to help themselves before helping others. Growing up as a kid I never realized my situation sucked because we lived in true middle class area and a lot of parents of friends were broke, deadbeat, abusive, going through their own chit, so I always felt lucky. But in many ways who I am today is a direct result of trying to be the OPPOSITE of my parents (very fiscally responsible, very active, hardly touch any vices, want to explore the world with many hobbies and interests, take accountability for everything, etc.).

It was only when I began climbing social ladders through college, my work, etc. and put myself with new peers did I realize and get really frustrated by the gap. In my new peer group of successful people (good incomes, careers, interests, fit lifestyles, educations, etc.) they ALL came from a stable nuclear family, whose parents would do exciting things growing up like ski trips or going abroad, who were pillars in their community, got them into activities young, and as adults in their 50s and 60s still lived meaningful lives instead of drinking alcohol and watching cable news every day. Only then when this parenting gap was exposed did I get frustrated at my own parents, and realized I basically had to self teach myself everything that came so intuitively to everyone else. It can be sad not even respecting or admiring your parents anymore, or seeing other friends parents and wishing you had people like them raise you lol but those are all things that you keep inside obviously.

Still love my parents and appreciate them. All in all cant complain, but can reflect and grow

Exodus 20:12

"Honour thy father and thy mother: that thy days may be long upon the land which the LORD thy God giveth thee."

Psalms 27:10

"When my father and my mother forsake me, then the LORD will take me up."


It is right to honour your father and mother but when the fail, turn to The Lord Jesus Christ.

No.

Bitterness is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.

Resentment is like pissing on yourself, nobody feels it but you.

Quotable.

Who else is suppose to or should feel it but you Mr High. I.Q.

The roids and booze rotting your brain?

Resent is a strong word, but I feel empathy for what they went through and how they tried to shield us growing up even tho they weren't given the best tools

Mom and Dad both grew up extremely rough (poverty, sexual/physical/emotional abuse) and growing up for a lot of my childhood i would say I was extremely happy as a kid. We were poor as hell but I was extremely happy as a kid

Being a parent myself now I can see how tough it is, and how you're constantly growing and it doesn't stop just because you're a parent. I give both my parents alot of grace

There is like a real quote, Aristotle or something, "Resentment is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die."

You just have to move on. You can't change your parents.

this