But you can't.
How many serious girlfriends have you had in your life?
How long did your longest relationship last?
How many actual good friends do you have?
What's the longest you've been friends with anybody?
On top of that, how old are you with all of this going on?

It's okay that you're turbo autistic, but stop pretending that you can fit in normally when it comes to social events and interactions. You're just different and you need to accept that instead of trying to change your entire being, which is impossible.

1. 0
2. I've only dated, but the longest I've dated one person was on/off from December '21 - May '22.
3. Right now? I don't see anyone in person since I've cut that female friend out of my life. I see some folks I sayhito and workout with at the gym.
4. Several years, in middle school, high school, and college with various people.
5. 33

I am working on it...jeez.

What I'm trying to tell you is that it's futile to work on it. The autism just makes you so different socially that you can't adapt and act like regular people. I'm not trying to be harsh on you or put you down, I'm seriously trying to help you. Like I mentioned earlier I have a Dutch buddy who is just like you and I've seen him go through this exact same struggle that you're going through now. It won't get any better.

Autism just means your brain is wired very different. You can't change that, you need to find somebody whose brain is wired similarly to yours. Every single person in this thread can tell you're autistic by seeing just 2 or 3 of your text screenshots, of by reading half a page of your posts in this thread.

You're decent looking and smart. Go find some decent looking autistic chick who you can wish happy Wednesday and ask out every week in a formal way and she'll enjoy it. Stop wasting your time trying to pretend somebody you're not.

I think you're cherry picking the bad and ignoring the good. It isn't over. Your comments aren't going to make me seek out an autistic woman. I'm not pretending to be anyone.

You need to accept reality instead of doubling down on a losing strategy. I could pick 20 random people in my life. There's not 1 who has 0 close friends, there's not 1 who has never had a serious relationship. Let alone one with both of those combined.

Then there's you. Look in the mirror and stop trying to pretend to be somebody you aren't. You're literally unable to pick up on basic social cues because of your condition and you'll never be able to. You CANNOT change that, never.

I appreciate your posts, but as I've said we'll have to agree to disagree on what you've been writing about recently. I am optimistic that I will find a woman I truly desire and want to be with.

[QUOTE=ArCaNe66 post_id=1690321323]Thanks for saying that, Brad. I am a little over 6 weeks into my cut and it's been going well. I'm insanely dedicated. I track everything and do not cheat at all. I agree there are more concerns to address, but the cutting is relatively easy for me and I feel as though it suits me. My jaw and cheekbones will look so much better when I'm lean.[/QUOTE]Of course it's easy. It's routined and highly structured - it appeals to your autism. That's why many incels on here always opt for looksmaxxing because it's 1000x easier than improving socially. At least you're willing to try improve socially.

If you wonder how I can empathize with these things it's because I'm probably above average on the spectrum (like most posters here), although obviously never anywhere near your level. There's some hope for you possibly since mine declined more in my 30's. I'm not sure if it was just my mind's natural evolution, or real relationship experiences that helped. Probably the former (genetics).

[QUOTE=ArCaNe66 post_id=1690325863]Lol'd. I am not ignoring all advice. Also, we have two scenarios: 1. I went NC with the woman who has a boyfriend 2. I messed up with[i]K[/i]and decided to send an apology and an open invitation to reconnect.

We can see which strategy, if any, results in a reply.[/QUOTE]This is dumb, experiment won't prove anything. There's no outcome to learn from in two completely different situations.

[QUOTE=Barteh post_id=1690330033]I have a Dutch buddy who sounds EXACTLY like OP and I've been following his journey for 5+ years now. It's the exact same autistic chit where he goes "day gaming" etc. Of course it hasn't gone anywhere for him in all of those years. You just can't change a person that's that far on the spectrum.

OP can't text 5 times back and forth with a chick without messing it up. There's no advice in the world that is going to help him, and there's a simple reason why.[b]He can try and follow the advice, but he won't truly understand it.[/b]He'll never be able to correctly identify all of the social situations and how to act in each one of them. You can't solve this problem with rational thinking. You'll give him some rules, "do this, don't do that", but he'll never understand why or when to apply them.[/QUOTE]Ye, I think you're right in that OP is trying to build up a rulebook or flow chart around what to do or say in situations, but real life doesn't work that way. It's better than nothing though.

Might not be fair to say OP should just give up though because your Dutch friend failed.

[QUOTE=ArCaNe66 post_id=1690333693]Here's the 23 y/o I met at the mall this past Saturday. I think this one's ogre. I'm not sending her another message unless she sends me something about meeting up.

[img]https://i.imgur.com/7ZP7mdY.png[/im[/QUOTE]Why did you ask for dinner when you were advised to ask for drinks (less pressure)?

This is why people say you don't listen to advice. You fully acked that advice, and said you'd adapt iirc.

Also, she probably isn't going to initiate again, since you responded last with a statement and women don't typically lead. This is a good example of where your rulebook doesn't work. This is an example of where you probably should reach out again in a few days.

Also, I think you should not send any messages before filtering them here. You have resources ITT to review and suggest msgs.

Why do you not desire to be with an autistic woman? And why should non-autistic women desire to be with you then?

Looksmaxxing is a way of distinguishing myself from the men who aren't doing it. I've got to bring the best version of myself I can. It has the synergistic effect of increasing my looks which increases my confidence. Yes, I am trying hard to get more social interactions. I see - I think me getting out there is going to be the best thing for me. As I know from anecdotal experience, my in-person game is better than my text game.

The situations are different, yes. If I had to bet money, I'd say I get no reply from either of them.

I asked for dinner because, while more formal than a coffee or "drinks", I don't drink alcohol unless it's a rare scenario in which a woman is peer pressuring me into it and I really like her. I figure if she really likes me then dinner is no big deal to her. I could ask for drinks next time and just have nonalcoholic beverages if she accepts the invite. By the way, she didn't even read my message from Sunday nor did she read the last one I sent. Today, she was probably on her phone when my text came up and just decided to blurt out some garbage reply that means nothing. She actually said, "I cantryto see if next week I'm available." She's being rude. It's Tuesday and she's already blown me off for the rest of this week. I don't know what I'd say to her at this point. Her looks don't drive me wild and her texts are a turn off. Still, I wouldn't turn down the experience of getting to know her, so I'm open to when and what to send her.

Sometimes the turnaround time is too long so I send a message without any feedback. I will try to show the texts here before replying, but if it takes too long I'll have to use my best judgment.Again with this? I'm not going to limit myself, that's why. I want a normal, attractive woman. Why should a normal woman desire me? Perhaps it's because I can provide financial stability, because I'm caring, because (hopefully) she's attracted to me, because I will love her dearly, can provide her with children, and more.

So you're saying an autistic woman is not a normal woman? By that logic you're not a normal man either and a normal woman will not desire you.

I can also empathize. In my case, I'm also not 100% sure if it was a phase of development or what, but it seems more to me that relationship experience and experiencing some situations where girls actually pursued me instead of the reverse snapped me out of it. I sometimes look back on some brutally autistic messages I sent to girls or things I did that make me cringe hard. I think sometimes intelligence mixed with inexperience can mimic various points on the spectrum. Often, overcoming the autist tendencies probably requires you to observe for yourself what things you have done that actually worked in terms of landing yourself a relationship or at least a hook-up, and it's a lot of trial and error without someone guiding you, especially when you're still at the point where nothing has really worked yet.

I'm not sure OP is a full-on autist. He may have just had a less than ideal upbringing in terms of preparing him for relationship success, presumably without a father in the house (I saw my dad all the time after my parents got divorced when I was around 8, but I think the lack of his male guidance on a daily basis in the home probably set me back somewhat). The lack of a group of IRL male friends to observe or get advice from is also plainly not helping.

You don't give up on this idea of yours, do you? I am going to find a woman I want to be with. I don't look into niche subcultures, so I don't know how to reply to your question. Your last sentence is false.I've had to learn many lessons the hard way. I'm vastly inexperienced when it comes to dating and interacting with females. I believe I sometimes do well in my interactions, but I have issues. I briefly wrote about it ITT: last year I cried in front of a couple women (separate occasions) because I felt feelings for someone else and was sad about it. I believe I would not do this today. To me, it's a process of maturing and it takes experience and time. I'm embarrassed to say I'm having to play catch-up with relationships.

I had a friend in college (haven't spoken to him in several months) who had a much easier time than I did. He has a brother and two parents. He's also pretty good looking, even if his one observable failo is that he's probably 5'7"-5'8". He would tell me of his sexual conquests and the fact that women would occasionally hit on him. He would laugh when he knew how to do something and I wouldn't. He would mock me when I told him, "No one showed me how to do that." I'm making it sound like he was a bad friend - he wasn't. I really enjoyed hanging out with him and he's reached out to me on LinkedIn several times in the past few years. I write this because it illustrates two very different upbringings/lives: mine, which is fatherless and with a mother who's never held a job and his, which seems to have a stronger family and more typical American upbringing.

This thread has me in absolute stitches OP thank you for the lolz.

You're completely ignoring the question. You're making it very obvious that you're not open to date an autistic woman because you're somehow looking down on them and you don't desire them. You're super autistic yourself so what makes you believe any normal chick would desire you? It's a complete lack of logical thinking.

Why do you look down so much on autistic women and why do you refuse to even entertain the idea to try dating them? You need to open up to the idea because you'd be significantly more happy and successful.

You're welcome, Ottobrah. Hopefully you follow this thread long enough to see me succeed.At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if you coded a bot using a GPT model and instructed it, "You're a forum poster who replies to OP's posts and talks incessantly about autism-related topics. You have a deeply rooted belief that OP will not be happy with his life unless he focuses all his energy on finding an autistic woman."

Nice deflection. I bet that deep down you know I'm right. But your own insecurities of think you are inferior in all kinds of way leads you to believe that any potential autistic woman would also be inferior.

Guess you can just keep banging your head against the wall then and fuk it up with with absolute thrash tier women in their 40s who are single mums.

I believe you're wrong. Dating is very difficult for non-Chads. The difficulty is compounded by the fact that I don't have a social circle nor have I owned a car since July '22. I'm making improvements every week, whether it's my commitment to dropping body fat, new wardrobe, appointments (e.g., optometrist), etc. Two months into this thread and you're ready to throw in the towel for me? I've got many more rounds in me.

Dating is not actually that difficult for average men with decent personality and social skills. With recreational interests, and friend circles. A lot of men meet their partner through work or social circles.

Online dating is a different beast, but still certainly not impossible for you. Your looks are not your primary problem, not even close.

Do you not have a job?

Social circle through work?

I regret not asking that Giga Chad for his IG this past Saturday. He and his two friends all have girlfriends. They're all taller than me by several inches. Having them as friends could change my life. The gym has been my only hobby where I meet people (aside from the mall, which has been a recent thing, but I'm not going there this week). There was the exception this past weekend of meeting 3 women at a bar. I think that illustrates the need for me to get a car ASAP so I can go to random places anytime I feel like it. I've got no friends that I hang out with IRL and I work remotely.

In terms of online dating, I have the idea of posting videos to IG when I'm really lean. Whether they're some bodyweight things (e.g., pullups, dips, etc.) or just shirtless stuff (similar to many of the profiles IG boosts). I believe IG is the most important app to focus on for dating.I work remotely. No social circle through work.

Damn OP. Although you are autistic AF, I'm gonna give props to you for trying to change your situation.

The fact that you are a CPA is not a small accomplishment at all. Honestly, I think your issue, like others have said, is you are going for girls who are just not going to be on the same wavelength as you. I think you need to recalibrate your expectations and look for a nice girl, a smart girl, that might be a little less hot than "K".

Thank you for the props. I must improve myself and change my situation in order to increase my quality of life. I appreciate that - I don't practice as a CPA, but I've had the license for 10 years now. It's hard to say ifKand I are truly compatible. What hurts the most is that I'll likely never know. I hardly go crazy for a combination of looks and personality, but when I do that's when I get really excited about the prospect of being in a relationship. For example, the woman I met at the mall this past Saturday (Bin texts) posted pictures from her modeling shoot. I unfollowed her because (1) I'm not attracted to her and (2) she's rude and I'm not chasing someone I'd put in minimal effort to sleep with. My interest is variable and so too is my level of difficulty in getting over rejection.

What do you mean throw in the towel? I've given you by far the most important tip in this entire thread. Go search for women you're compatible with.

I think you guys might be talking over each other. OP is reading your advice as specifically limiting himself to autistic women like only going to a dating agency designed for autistic folks.

I see why OP might be a bit resistant to that, one of his goals is to become more neurotypical and he's thinking that if he can get into a relationship with one, then he might improve. I think you're saying that OP has zero chance with an attractive neurotypical girl.

I honestly have no idea if being in a relationship like that could help or if it's too ingrained, but there's such a massive variety of women out there you could find some that find it more endearing.

My advice isn't as strong, but I would say you should try some more "nerdy" type of meetups or activities. e.g. book clubs, board games, data/tech conferences (?) etc. That may increase of probability of meeting a woman that's receptive. Not bimbos at the mall.

OP, did you ever post pics of the girl who had a bf? Was she attractive and NT? Do you believe she was sexually attracted to you as she claimed, or was she playing games?

Yeah, that's exactly what I'm trying to do. Just because some hottie rejected me before she got to know me doesn't mean I should seek autistic women.I'm more than a bit resistant to that idea. I'm completely against it and tired of talking about it. It's either find an attractive, normal woman or remain single. I went to a data-related conference this past May and met several women, but I don't keep in touch with any of them and most of them rejected my advances. I'm open to attending different events. I've got to get a car first, which should happen soon.

I never posted her pics, but here's one. Her IG is private and we never exchanged IGs. I found it because she gave me her first and last name the day we met. She looks better IRL than in the pic and has a great body. Yeah, she's NT. I believe she was very attracted to me. She always seemed genuine and kindhearted to me. Sometimes she would look at me in a way that I imagine she'd look at a boyfriend.



This evening at the gym, I approached a woman during her resting period. She and I had a nice conversation about training, but when I asked for her number she said, "I'm married." She was friendly. She has a body I wouldn't mind exploring every inch of. That's 3/11 when it comes to getting a woman's number at the gym.

If you happened to meet a woman you were attracted to that was not NT (was similar to yourself), you'd lose interest and reject her?

No, if she's got the looks and personality then we're good. I don't know what this hypothetical woman looks like or acts like, but personality is huge. I really like articulate women. Tough to understand accents, slurring words, etc. are unattractive to me. The woman who has a boyfriend has a slight Mexican accent. However, it didn't bother me at all because she still spoke quite well, albeit not as good as someone likeKwho speaks the way I do (i.e., with an American accent).

Went to the optometrist. I needed a slight correction to my prescription. I gave contacts a try, but they're too difficult for me to put in my eye. I am sticking to glasses. I found frames that are more suitable to my face. The lenses on the new frames are smaller and the frames are less bulky.

I'm getting these round frames because I have a square face.



I referenced this image:



Here's what I ordered:

Okay, contacts are tricky for everyone to put in their eye at first. Not really a great reason, but you’ve been resistant to the idea of contacts since the beginning. Probably still the irrational ideas about your nose.

Do you still live with your Mom btw? Do you reveal that info to your potential dates?