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Forum » Can't make a single friend. Should I see a Psychologist or Psychiatrist?
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Thread: Can't make a single friend. Should I see a Psychologist or Psychiatrist?

post 1573059341 02-06-2019, 08:06 PM
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#61
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Bro, a lot of people in this thread (that don't know you) are blaming your inherent qualities (personality, vibe, social skills). But what if it's your approach?

You titled this thread by saying "Can't make a single friend."

Yes you can.You just haven't gone about it the right way.

https://forum.obnoxiousbrutes.com/showt...hp?t=174443971

We're all gonna make it. Including you OP. You wouldn't have made your post if you weren't looking for a way to improve your situation. Read through that link and ponder an actual plan of attack going forward. You're already half way there. You identified the problem and what your desired outcome is. Now formulate your plan reach that goal.
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post 1573059451 02-06-2019, 08:07 PM
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Originally Posted By johnnydeep1⏩
I am known to make disgusting jokes.
Well there you go, you diagnosed your own problem and answered your own question.
post 1573059661 02-06-2019, 08:09 PM
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Originally Posted By thunderykoala⏩
Well there you go, you diagnosed your own problem and answered your own question.
If I DON'T make disgusting jokes its even worse. I am pretty much a robot who never makes any jokes. At least when I try to be funny/myself they come back to talk, otherwise its pointless. They will NEVER want to make contact again without humor. Most already have friends or GFs and won't give a ****.
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post 1573059801 02-06-2019, 08:10 PM
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Originally Posted By LurkoLantern⏩
Bro, a lot of people in this thread (that don't know you) are blaming your inherent qualities (personality, vibe, social skills). But what if it's your approach?

You titled this thread by saying "Can't make a single friend."

Yes you can.You just haven't gone about it the right way.

https://forum.obnoxiousbrutes.com/showt...hp?t=174443971

We're all gonna make it. Including you OP. You wouldn't have made your post if you weren't looking for a way to improve your situation. Read through that link and ponder an actual plan of attack going forward. You're already half way there. You identified the problem and what your desired outcome is. Now formulate your plan reach that goal.
WOW. Thanks. I don't have time to read it now, but i'll grab a coke and read it sometime tomorrow.
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post 1573123221 02-07-2019, 04:16 PM
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Originally Posted By phikappa⏩
Whatever you do, never say "Totes Magoats".
I won't
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post 1573123311 02-07-2019, 04:17 PM
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#66
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Originally Posted By W1LLW⏩
lol'd at being mid 20's and actually asking another mid 20's guy if he wanted to meet for a coffee. I would immediately think you were trying to get a toe in the door to put your dink in my Angus. what kind of "guy" activity is meeting for coffee?

ask him to grab a beer and watch a basketball, hockey, or English premier league soccer game. ask him if he wants to check out a live concert/show. ask him if he wants to meet at a hookah bar that has an instagram you saw "had some hot chicks that visit often".

why are miscers so fuking awkward and then shocked they're FA
I know. I feel like a loser asking other guys to hangout with me and feeling bad about them saying no. Thats what elementary, middle and sometimes H.S do. How else to get friends though? Next time i'll ask them if they want to grab a drink.
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post 1573124001 02-07-2019, 04:30 PM
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Stop asking guys out for dates OP. Probably best to work your way into an existing social circle. You say you have a Job? Don't they have work nights out?

I'd concentrate on getting gf first though, easier to make friends when you have a partner imo.
post 1573136471 02-07-2019, 07:52 PM
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Originally Posted By ZimWell⏩
Stop asking guys out for dates OP. Probably best to work your way into an existing social circle. You say you have a Job? Don't they have work nights out?

I'd concentrate on getting gf first though, easier to make friends when you have a partner imo.
Should I just ask them out for a drink as well. How do guys usually hangout with each other as 20+ year olds?
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post 1573138101 02-07-2019, 08:11 PM
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If not troll then what you need is a social hobby or activity. Unless you're in a tiny town there will be groups for all kinds of stuff you can join. Running, rock climbing, board games, stargazing, electronics, dancing, crossfit, church, etc. This is how you meet people after college, not by asking men on coffee dates.
Hilbert space is a big place!
post 1573166201 02-08-2019, 08:20 AM
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Originally Posted By st_jimmy⏩
If not troll then what you need is a social hobby or activity. Unless you're in a tiny town there will be groups for all kinds of stuff you can join. Running, rock climbing, board games, stargazing, electronics, dancing, crossfit, church, etc. This is how you meet people after college, not by asking men on coffee dates.
Yeah, I will try a chess club.
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post 1573166731 02-08-2019, 08:29 AM
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Originally Posted By ZimWell⏩
I'd concentrate on getting gf first though, easier to make friends when you have a partner imo.
Talking to males is pretty much pointless. Almost no male will actually want to hangout with me. The percent is like around >5%. I would say that about 1 in 5 females seem interested in me OR would talk/handout with me. Sadly, many of those females are obese or utterly ugly. I've actually run a quick statistical analysis of the pct. of females and males who would want to talk or hangout with me and that seems to be the case. It would be smarter for me to try to talk to females because the chances of them wanting to hangout seems much greater. Trying to get male friends seems next to impossible.

The problem with talking to women is that rejection hurts much more, and its difficult to hangout with an obese or very unattractive female because I would rather not hook up(average ,slightly overweight, slightly below average, sure, just not VERY ugly or obese)
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post 1573166781 02-08-2019, 08:30 AM
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#72
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Bruh chill the fuk out people can smell your desperation. Just dgaf and let it hang low know what I’m sayin.
post 1573169421 02-08-2019, 09:03 AM
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#73
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Originally Posted By SpeedMan1⏩
Bruh chill the fuk out people can smell your desperation. Just dgaf and let it hang low know what I’m sayin.
True. I think they can sense the desperation. People hate desperation unless an attractive member of the opposite sex is desperate for you, which only happens to females and boys under the age of 18.
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post 1573169761 02-08-2019, 09:06 AM
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#74
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Originally Posted By GJLuke⏩
Def see a psychologist / therapist. A normal therapist may be better than psychologist.

One good thing about seeing a therapist is that it's a great way to practice social skills. Get to have a 50 minute conversation with someone. Be completely real. Share your deepest and realest self. They listen non-judgementally, give you some advice and feedback. It's a great experience.

I've gone to therapy myself. Was really beneficial.

They literally have conversations with people all day, every day. They've seen it all. They are professional and I highly recommend it!
Nice. I hope it is cheap.
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post 1573170741 02-08-2019, 09:17 AM
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#75
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You need to go out by yourself, all alone. Go to a bar or a club and approach a group of people in the same "good looking" classification that you're in. You can do it OP, you don't need a psychologist for this, you just need some balls.
post 1573170871 02-08-2019, 09:18 AM
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OP based simply on the way that you type, I think you may be correct about being at least partly on the spectrum. Not throwing shade, it's just the way you type is very objective and factual and something I've noticed before from people I know on the spectrum. I would reach out to a psychotherapist or psychologist if I was in your situation. I'm in computer science and I know quite a few classmates who are in similar predicaments. It's something that I'm convinced can be fixed through CBT and all.

Also, I admire that you're considering to get help instead of just LDARing and blaming the world. If you can find a good, affordable professional I'm convinced you'll see significant improvement in under a year.

Just my 2 cents.
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post 1573170891 02-08-2019, 09:19 AM
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Picking people you want to be friends with and asking them to hang is less appropriate than doing fun things and meeting
People that enjoy the same stuff
Spend time with them and become friends
You should join those adult sports leagues which are basically half hour of dodge ball and three hours of drinking after
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post 1573171191 02-08-2019, 09:23 AM
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Originally Posted By severagee⏩
OP based simply on the way that you type, I think you may be correct about being at least partly on the spectrum. Not throwing shade, it's just the way you type is very objective and factual and something I've noticed before from people I know on the spectrum.I would reach out to a psychotherapist or psychologist if I was in your situation. I'm in computer science and I know quite a few classmates who are in similar predicaments. It's something that I'm convinced can be fixed through CBT and all.

Also, I admire that you're considering to get help instead of just LDARing and blaming the world. If you can find a good, affordable professional I'm convinced you'll see significant improvement in under a year.

Just my 2 cents.
Very nice. Are you a medical professional or studying to be one?
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post 1573173451 02-08-2019, 09:51 AM
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#79
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The trick to making friends is simple. Go do things. Find something you like and go do it. Or go experience something you like. There will be people there who like the same thing you do, or want to do the same thing you do. I'm not going to lie, it is way harder to make friends as an adult, than it was when I was younger. But if you want it, you have to just go for it. Also, confidence. After I graduated and my mental illness caught me, I went from 6 foot 180 pounds, to 270 pounds. I'm still a lot closer to that 270 than I am to 180. I know I look disgusting compared to what I used to look like. I know I'm a fat piece of blubber. But they don't know that's how I think. So I can act as confident as I used to. Fake it till you make it.

You're (studying or graduated?) in mechanical engineering and accounting. You're taller than the average male. Since you're here, I'm guessing you lift. You have a lot going for you man. With your degrees, you'll be clearing at least a 100k a year. You just got to find something you love and find people who love it too. You said that you make messed up jokes? There are people who love that. I don't know about you, but my campus had open mic nights. You should go to the ones on your campus. If they don't have it, go to nearby bars or clubs that have it. Step outside your comfort zone. If you're nervous about just walking up to people, take 3 shots of something strong and you won't be. You got this my dude.

And there is nothing wrong with going to a psychiatrist and getting checked out. And even if you don't have a diagnosed issue, there is nothing to stop you from going to therapy. Therapy is good for you. It helps you understand why you feel the way you do, act the way you do and think the way you do. If you can't find the root cause of your issues, you're destined to keep making bad decisions. I hope things turn out good for you man. If you ever want to talk, message me.
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post 1573173881 02-08-2019, 09:56 AM
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Geez I feel bad for you bros that wrack your brain to simply talk to someone.

FWIW people you aren't tight with are unlikely to pencil you in for a coffee when you contact them out of the blue. Best time to do set a date is after chatting with them, or if you bump into them.
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post 1573174721 02-08-2019, 10:07 AM
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Originally Posted By ShahRook⏩
The trick to making friends is simple. Go do things. Find something you like and go do it. Or go experience something you like. There will be people there who like the same thing you do, or want to do the same thing you do. I'm not going to lie, it is way harder to make friends as an adult, than it was when I was younger. But if you want it, you have to just go for it. Also, confidence. After I graduated and my mental illness caught me, I went from 6 foot 180 pounds, to 270 pounds. I'm still a lot closer to that 270 than I am to 180. I know I look disgusting compared to what I used to look like. I know I'm a fat piece of blubber. But they don't know that's how I think. So I can act as confident as I used to. Fake it till you make it.

You're (studying or graduated?) in mechanical engineering and accounting. You're taller than the average male. Since you're here, I'm guessing you lift. You have a lot going for you man. With your degrees, you'll be clearing at least a 100k a year. You just got to find something you love and find people who love it too. You said that you make messed up jokes? There are people who love that. I don't know about you, but my campus had open mic nights. You should go to the ones on your campus. If they don't have it, go to nearby bars or clubs that have it. Step outside your comfort zone. If you're nervous about just walking up to people, take 3 shots of something strong and you won't be. You got this my dude.

And there is nothing wrong with going to a psychiatrist and getting checked out. And even if you don't have a diagnosed issue, there is nothing to stop you from going to therapy. Therapy is good for you. It helps you understand why you feel the way you do, act the way you do and think the way you do. If you can't find the root cause of your issues, you're destined to keep making bad decisions. I hope things turn out good for you man. If you ever want to talk, message me.
Thanks brother.
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post 1573175411 02-08-2019, 10:17 AM
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#82
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Pretend you never studied mechanical engineering and your social skills will tenfold.
post 1573176491 02-08-2019, 10:28 AM
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#83
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Get a gym buddy.
Take note of some of the regulars and ask if they can spot you on occassion.
Chat to them when they pass.
Ask if you can work in with them after a period of time/when you become more familiar.
Go from there.


Join clubs too.
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post 1573178201 02-08-2019, 10:47 AM
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Originally Posted By johnnydeep1⏩
Very nice. Are you a medical professional or studying to be one?
Going to dental school this year, so yes, but not at all in the psychoanalytical way. But I'm also about to graduate with a degree in computer science, and stereotypically a lot of comp sci majors are on the spectrum, which I've found to be true (at least at my university). So after spending a lot of time around people like that I've kind of picked up on the way they talk/act.

But like I said OP, I used to have crippling social anxiety so even though I'm not on the spectrum, I understand having difficulty in making friends. It took me a LOT of time and getting out of my comfort zone to start really connecting with people at my university. Now I have lots of very close friends and feel comfortable in almost all social situations. It's part confidence and part understanding social norms.
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post 1573178381 02-08-2019, 10:49 AM
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I'm a little less concerned about making friends these days, people tend to have ulterior motives and use people, the nicer you are to people the more they'll take advantage of you.
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post 1573178431 02-08-2019, 10:49 AM
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Originally Posted By severagee⏩
Going to dental school this year, so yes, but not at all in the psychoanalytical way. But I'm also about to graduate with a degree in computer science, and stereotypically a lot of comp sci majors are on the spectrum, which I've found to be true (at least at my university). So after spending a lot of time around people like that I've kind of picked up on the way they talk/act.
WOW. Very impressive. Congraz on your academic success.
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post 1573181021 02-08-2019, 11:19 AM
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#87
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OP literally asked two dudes on a date lmao.
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post 1573181501 02-08-2019, 11:25 AM
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#88
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Adults make friends through mutual interests. What activities do you do outside of work/gym, OP? That's where you'll find friends. Even the most FA nerd can make other nerdy friends.
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post 1573187061 02-08-2019, 12:36 PM
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Originally Posted By TaeBoNinja⏩
Adults make friends through mutual interests. What activities do you do outside of work/gym, OP? That's where you'll find friends. Even the most FA nerd can make other nerdy friends.
The Korean guy (C.S major) and the other guy (tax accounting m.s) ARE both nerds
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post 1573193751 02-08-2019, 02:00 PM
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You think you have Aspergers? I pretty much do. Answers these questions:

Are you’re movements/posture a bit odd compared to most others? When I watch my old basketball/track videos I competed in I look very stiff just weird. Even when I run faster/jump higher than competitors, it just looks odd and unnatural. People tell me I am robotic a lot. I also crash into things more than the average person when I walk.

Do you exhibit repetitive behavior? I have had times where I eat the same food every meal for months. I can listen to the same song all day for several days sometimes. I like wearing the same clothes (different pairs, sometimes slight variations). Sometimes I get fixated on a word and will keep saying it many times throughout the day for days or even weeks. Unless I am at home I do it discreetly to avoid attention.

Are you hypersensitive to touch or sound? I am. If someone touches me and I was not looking at them while they made the attempt, I may gasp or even jump up a bit in surprise. Even if the person had been next to me for a good while. If I hear a loud noise out of nowhere the same thing happens. If someone abruptly enters my room when door is closed I may literally scream out of surprise or shock.

Do you have narrow interests or hobbies? I pretty much just like lifting weights, walking my dog and playing basketball.

Trouble making friends? Yeah it can be hard, but even as an aspie I realize most people are not worth becoming friends with. I just observe and when I see a person with qualities I value I talk to them.

Are your emotional responses not always appropriate to the situation? I smile a lot. Even sometimes when bad things happen to me.

Trouble responding to things like sarcasm/humor? Unless it is with a friend, I often respond to these things with serious answers. I usually realize my mistake shortly after but do not typically care to fix it. I have always observed people. A lot. Therefore I can often note when paralanguage is at play, but rarely can decode it without much effort and time.

Do you watch people? I like watching people. I have to keep myself from making it obvious that I am starring.

Have you been mistaken for a blunt *******? Before I realized how to slow down my thought process while communicating with others I would often offend people or get told I am blunt or have no filter.

Do you not care about social status, social norms or popularity? These things don’t mean anything to me. I don’t dress the way most people dress, talk the way most people talk, style my hair the way most people style their hair, engage in bull**** small talk that usually makes me feel anxious because of the difficulties I experience not being able to conceal my nature when it occurs.

Are you better than most average people at math, writing, vocabulary? Unless I am taking a math course with a bunch of Asians in it I am normally high ranking in all of those things if not the highest at each of them. Teachers and Professors have often told me I have very good mental math.

History of social anxiety or depression?

Look up MOB psycho 100. If on some days you act like that kid, you are probably an aspie. That happens to me when I get overwhelmed in social settings. It feels like all social knowledge I have gained becomes lost. It feels like I have no emotion. My voice becomes very monotone. It makes me very sad afterwards when I stop being in “zombie” mode. When “zombie” mode happens people notice and they look at me different. In the past I had trouble understanding why. But it is because they realize something is wrong with me.
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