(A few days ago, a miscer wrote a thread discussing his feelings of being “lost” now that he was out of school, that making new friends was difficult, and was concerned that his best days were behind him. It struck a chord with me as I had similar experiences when I was his age (am now 36 – inb4 “mouse pointer to Over 35 Misc” gif). I shared my perspective and was asked in pms/reps/posts to put all of this in a separate thread. I just got home from work and it’s raining torrentially outside, so my beach volleyball game is cancelled and I have a few hours before my Friday night tinder date. So I crafted this thread for any other miscers at home surfing the web on their weekend nights. Some of this is a direct copy pasta, so it may reference an OP, or replies/quotes or whatnot.)

Here's the good news OP: What you're going through is very normal and near- universal at your age. From birth to college graduation you had an established path set up for you by society - get up, play with whatever toys the parents put in front of you, get up and go to First Grade, get up another day and go to Third Grade, get up for the expected 9th grade, 10th grade, freshman year, eventually get up and go to senior year of college. So for your whole life you existed in a clearly defined progressive pathway.

And now that you're out of school and not living under your parents' roof? The entire structure just evaporates.

I understand that that can be both terrifying and liberating at the same time. Again, virtually everyone in their mid-20s hits this realization of uncertainty for the future and concern about un-realized potential lost in the past. Hence the "lost" sensation that you're experiencing. So if anything, you should feel comforted knowing that nearly everyone gets this feeling around the same time you do.

Similarly, society is currently experiencing a “loneliness epidemic”. Joe Rogan talked about it on his podcast recently, as have the NYT and Psychology Today. I remember seeing a recent report saying that like 90% of men between 25 and 45 don’t have a “best friend”. When you walk by crowded bars and you see groups of bros hanging out laughing…that’s like 30 people in that bar. Meanwhile there’s 3000 guys that leave work and then spend the rest of their evening in isolation, usually playing video games or watching tv to distract themselves from their lack of connection with the outside world. So you’re not alone – not by a stretch. If anything you should feel comforted knowing there’s a huge percentage of people out there also looking for new friends. Hell, in the past year, the misc has been inundated with threads by guys complaining about being lonely. The epidemic is real, but it’s also treatable.




Okay, now for practical advice from someone who's been where you've been - or even in a worse spot.


Like I mentioned earlier, I’m 36. When I was in my 20s I was King of the FA's. I'd gone bald prematurely (by 21), I spent my 20s at an office filled with people in their 50s so I had no one to relate to, and I had no social life to speak of. I was practically a shut-in when I was outside of work. And I mean that - I would go weeks without talking to anyone if it wasn't through work. It wasn't always like that though - I had plenty of friends in college, but we naturally drifted away post-graduation (another universal experience). Needless to say, I saw the past as this wonderful period where I was full of potential, while the future looked like a desolate nightmare of routine work and loneliness. I recall one night when I was 28 or 29, getting drunk alone and actually screaming in my apartment that I hated my life. I think I screamed "I hate my life!" for I dunno....two hours straight.






That was my “low point”. I was in my late 20s and one hundred percent hated where I was at in life. But in that evening of despair, anger, sadness and rage, I began to feel something else.


Determination.

I was determined to turn my life completely around.

When I reached that low point, I reached a realization that I needed to turn my life around. It wasn't an exceptionally difficult choice, because my initial perspective was "What do I have to lose?" I wake up, go to work, go to the gym, come home and watch tv before going to sleep. I recognized there were some major aspects of my life that I needed to change.

1. For one thing, I improved how I looked at myself. Don't know if this part is overly relevant to OP's topic, but I drastically changed how I dressed, got LASIK, and had hair transplants. When I look in the mirror I became a lot happier with who I saw looking back. Maybe that plays in to what follows

2. I developed an actual plan for building a social life, as well as for dating. I'd had girlfriends in college before my self-imposed isolation. I naturally wanted dating/sex to be a part of this new project of "Getting a Life."

And it was all a success.


When I was your age OP, I barely existed. Now, I'm struggling to fit gym workouts into my insane schedule, as my phone keeps blowing up with invites to events & parties, dates, as well as some other volunteer/community stuff. I actually have had to improve how I track my expenses, as some weeks I'll go out to dinner with different friends every single night (not exactly a problem I thought I'd ever have). Also, with the established "social proof" (as its called), I've practically had to beat back some women. It's amazing how much more attractive you become to women when they see you as the center of your group of friends. I've had five girlfriends in the past 4 years, and more often than not I run into the issue of too many sloot options. Obviously I'd like to settle down at some point, but right now the situation is still something of a novelty.
So that’s the point of this thread. I put together a plan, stuck to it (while making some adaptations) and achieved my goal of “getting a life”. And without even realizing it, I put together the blueprint for others to do the same (if they so choose).

So what follows is “the step-by-step plan to creating a social life”.

In that initial thread, I dove right into the actionable steps without addressing common trip-ups & mistakes I’d made early on. I basically busted out Calculus and skipped teaching Intro to Algebra. So here's some prelims regarding making friends and improving your life in general. Basically some stuff I wish I'd figured out at your age.


First things first:You need to envision the future you want. To a very specific detail. During my FA period, I envisioned myself partying and hanging out with people at some local pubs, playing sports/games, taking a girl to a restaurant, etc. This is key: I had very specific visions of how I would look, how I would be dressed (all the way down to the brand and size), what I would be drinking, what I’d be talking about, what my job at that point would be, which restaurants and what the view would be, and so on. I specifically knew that I wanted my Friday nights and Saturdays to be busy as hell with socializing and activities, as well as stuff to do on other evenings. And trips/outings. I specifically wanted to visit the Yucatan with some buddies, go to Vegas with friends, and so on. Listen, upperclass teens are often prodded in their schools to put together “vision boards”- actual freaking dioramas and cardboards of what their business/academic/career goals are. This is insanely smart, because:

1) It eliminates any sense of “aimlessness”. You’re no longer passively wondering (in a meandering abstract way) what you should do with your life. Your goals are now written out.

2) You’ve established victory conditions to the game of life. In one of my previous posts in this thread included a link on “no more zero days”. Basically you always want to do SOMETHING every day to further reach that goal that you’ve set. Some days it’ll be big steps (ie, signing up for indoor kickball) and other days little steps (learning a new phrase in Spanish so you can hit on a cute latin chick you matched with on Tinder). But every single day, you did SOMETHING to progress to your goal.






Next thing:It is close to impossible to achieve any progress in life if you place yourself in a disorganized environment. If you live amongst squalor, that kind of lazy entropy will enter into other parts of your life. OP, to achieve the future that you envisioned in step one, you absolutely must ensure that you’re existing in a well-organized and clean environment.

Have you seen the movie Limitless? When Bradley Cooper’s character goes from dumb slob to super high-IQ genius, along with vastly improved social skills and ambition…..what was the VERY FIRST THING he did? He looked at his apartment and was disgusted by how messy he’d let his apartment become. Que a montage of him cleaning, and cleaning, and cleaning. And organizing.




All self improvement plans require this as an early step. Every square inch of your living space should become spotless, and extremely well organized. And (to an extent) minimalized. Got stuff/clothes you don’t use? Sell or donate them. Nothing should ever be left “lying around” in your home. Books always in the bookcase, no jackets tossed on a chair – they get hung up immediately in the closet when you get home. Your electronics? Same deal. Computer desktop should be well organized with very few things clogging up the inspirational stuff you use as your desktop background. Same with your phone. Delete any apps that you don’t regularly use and get it sleek and organized. Same with your car. Same with your work desk. Again, entropy/laziness breeds additional entropy/laziness, but sleek, clean and very well organized/compartmentalized spaces will lead you to approach most day-to-day activities with a clearer, more outcome-focused mentality. When people start entering your place more often, they notice and comment about how spotless and nice it is.



Okay as a quick aside – similar mentality should go towards your diet and fitness. I don’t want to get too deep into it here, but there’s a lot of truth to the idea that when you eat well, you feel well. When you eat chit, you feel like chit.



Next up– start thinking about how you actually present yourself to the world. Your appearance says a lot. It signals to people not just how you feel about yourself, but how you feel about them. I’ll give you an example of what I mean: I went to a wedding once where the bride’s brother (a guy in his early 20s), showed up to his sister’s wedding wearing a t-shirt and jeans. Torn jeans no less. To the outside world of formally-dressed onlookers, the unspoken message being delivered by the brother was that he did not care about his sister, the institution of marriage, or social conventions. During the reception, no one wanted to be seen standing next to him. He’d isolated himself and was probably oblivious as to why. If he was hoping to socialize or meet people at the wedding then he’d handicapped himself from the onset.

Dressing well opens doors and really can make you feel good about yourself. You’re demonstrating self worth – you hold yourself to such a standard that you make sure your clothes have proper fit and match. It’s basically a visual “tell” to others that you’re someone of value. As does having excellent posture. As you’re reading this, straighten your back, and push your shoulders back a little. The rule of thumb for guys is that when you walk you lead with your chest. There’s actually a way to test if your posture and walking poise is correct. Try walking towards a wall. The very first thing above your waist that should touch the wall should be your nipples (unless you have a very strong nose/chin).

For me, the “preppy” style is my go-to, but that’s just me. Research different styles, see what’s on sale, and dress with a better fit. This doesn’t have to be costly at all. There’s a ton of resources online – every Thursday the website dappered.com posts a roundup of store sales. They also have a series of “style scenarios” for different situations (ie, day at the beach, casual first date, etc). There’s a subreddit called “frugal male fashion”. Sometimes companies screw up their promo codes with sales and you can make out like a bandit. That subreddit will be the first place to announce those kinds of opportunities (for instance, last month JCPenny’s website screwed up a promo code where it was stacking on top of an existing sale, and their merchandise was going for literally 90% off). When I decided to make my big change, it was close to black Friday, so I basically rebuilt my wardrobe from that.

One other quick insight. I used to always be pissed off when buying clothes, about how my shirts would never fit the way they do on the mannequin. They’d always have binder clips or something on the back of the shirt, to make it look more like it fit. In my naive days that would make me angry – like they were trying to trick their customers, who would be buying the same shirt only baggier and more loose. I was unawares that clothes buying is a two-step process, and that clothes off the rack aren’t intended to fit perfectly. Rather, you’re supposed to buy the stuff you like, and then immediately take it to a tailor for alterations. How was I to know – I didn’t have anyone telling me this stuff. These days – my “going out clothes” make me look like a million bucks. Any shirt (button down, polo, tee) should fit like so: the fabric about 2 inches below your armpit should always be in contact with the side of your ribs, regardless of where your arms are (up, stretched out, wherever). If there’s any empty air between your rib sides and the shirt – take it in. Also, the arm sleeves should startbeforeyour shoulder begins to slope down. Regardless of your style preference, if you stick to those two rules, you’ll “dress well.”

If you’re looking for any other inspiration, there's a ton of good stuff on tumblr. Here's one of my favorites:http://tasteofthegood.tumblr.com/
A little research goes a long way.

When I was in Mexico City for a long weekend back in March, I was wearing a pair of my dress shoes. While at one of the national museums, this guy commented on them and we started chatting. Turns out he had just moved to Houston (I'd lived in Houston previously) - we ended up grabbing drinks with his girlfriend, and they invited me to a lucha libre show (that's a big deal down in Mexico). What'd I tell you about dressing well opens doors?

For reference, these are the shoes I was wearing (and the pair I usually wear on first dates):





Ok, next up is a goody– Silencing your inner critic.




Some people don’t have these altogether. Others make up for it in spades, with an endless internal monologue of self put-downs. As I mentioned in an earlier post, you must transform yourself into your own biggest fan. No one should be rooting for OP more than OP. So this is really a two-step concept: silence your negative internal monologue, and create a more inspired and goal-leaning mental process.

The nature of self-criticism is that it serves as a negative feedback loop in your conscious. Didn’t get the raise? Your inner critic will tell you that you failed and you should stop trying/hoping for more money. Which then leads you to stop trying. Psychologists have actually identified two commonly successful ways to rid yourself of the inner critic:

1) Adapt humor into it, to the point where it really loses it’s sway. I’ll toss out an example – I’m a licensed engineer, so I had to take a state licensing test. This is a hard fukin test. So I took several practice tests. When I’d fail a practice test, my initial thoughts would be “Of course I failed, I’m a fukkin loser. Why am I even trying?” But that would be only momentary, as I’d remember the humor technique – so now in my head I’m telling myself, in a cartoonishly thick French accent “Bwa hugh hugh, zu haf failed, mon ami! Ve shall laff at tu on ze streets oof Montreal! Hue hue hue…”

Dead srs – I didn’t feel that bad after that, that is to say I didn’t feel like a loser, when literally just a moment before I had. On a subconscious level you're actually training your brain to not take internal criticism seriously, essentially muting it. This helps open you up to a positive feedback loop instead.

2) Actually confront your inner critic in the first person. Critic: “You suck, you’re a failure.” Louder inner voice: “Hey, I’m the one doing it. You think you can do better? I’m the one actually taking the risks and putting effort in – not you.”



These days, when I’m confronted with failure or rejection, my mind immediately shifts into “situation analysis mode”. What were the potential causes of the failure, what steps should I try next time, so on and so on. Failure is just another step towards eventual success. Look, negative feelings are a normal part of life. You’re supposed to feel lonely, sad, upset, stressed, etc at various points. But you know the one feeling that you should NEVER experience? Discouragement. When you change how you view things, any sense of discouragement should go right out the window. I’ve been stood up a couple of times on Tinder dates. Did that discourage me? Hell no – I learned from the situations and adapted my dating strategy accordingly. When I have a date with a girl that seems flakey, I’ll always set up backup plans, including another Tinder date if I get stood up. I remember a few years back I was texting with this girl I’d matched with, and she was going to this outdoor concert. I ended up buying a ticket as well so that we could essentially turn it into a day date (at her request). But then about two hours before I was supposed to meet her she said she couldn’t go. I’d just pissed away $$ on a concert ticket in order to see her! I should have been angry, right? No time for that – I immediately got on my phone and bought a second ticket, then rang up a second tinder chick, and took her to the show on a first date. We hit it off, made out during the final performances (basically going at it while Dave Matthews is warbling on about who knows what), and then went back to my place for marathon sex. If “discouragement” was still in my vocabulary, I would never have gotten that experience. I would have just sulked in my apartment alone and cried on some mgtow forum about how vile all women are. My concert date is still a good friend, and occasionally a fwb.


So there you go OP. Those are the things you should address BEFORE you put effort into building up a social life, as the above are the most common "trip-ups" that can handicap your progress (not establishing a detailed vision, living slobby, dressing slobby, inner critic sabotaging). By cutting those off at the start, you're lightyears ahead of where I was when I first tried my hand at self improvement.

Another aside - you know what I find to be an amazing lifehack in terms of orienting a "you can do it" mentality? Music by Two Steps from Hell. Listening to some of these gets me pumped more than any preworkout. Give a listen to a few of these before you start some of the above activities.

When the female vocals hit around 3:00. Hnnnng

For making friends, I recognizedone key necessity: in the adult world for guys, making friends requiresa) routine interaction, and b) preferably, a shared goal (like when playing sports).
And now for the really good news: There's a metric ton of other people out there who are also trying to make new friends. So the environment is actually working in your favor without you even knowing it (or previously taking advantage of it).

In my case, I looked at my hobbies and interests, and thought about how I could "inject social opportunities" into them. But as always, you MUST put yourself in situations that involveroutine interaction.




Sign up for social sports leagues in your neighborhood. I’ll admit I’m lucky, I live in a big city so I have a ton of options with this, but every community has at least some opportunities. You go to the gym, right? Chances are your gym has some basketball leagues and whatnot. You have any local community centers? They usually have sports leagues too. Do not get tripped up at not being overly good at any particular sport. Most social leagues are just glorified excuses drinking, and often times have beginner/low-level teams.
Social sports leagues are incredibly ideal for making friends - you're seeing them each week (routine) and you're playing to win a game (shared goal). Some of my happiest memories of bar hopping aren't from my college years, but rather from post-game impromptu pub-crawls with my teammates. Over the course of the year I'll be in softball, beach volleyball, kickball, soccer. It's fun and it's a break from routine - it feels good to leave work a little early on a Wednesday because you gotta get to your game on time. And let me tell you something - I've fukked dozens of the girls that were on my teams (and on opposing teams). In any case, sports are an unbelievable opportunity to build up a social group.

So open another browser tab, and google “your city + social league” or some variation of that. Sign up for kickball – no one is actually any good at that nonsense. Indoor dodgeball, volleyball, ultimate Frisbee, etc. Hell, on my soccer team, I kick about as well as Stephen Hawking. But I’m also playing flip cup/beer pong/quarters with my team after the game.

Try to sign up for two sports teams each season, preferably where you’re playing on a Friday night and Sat/Sun afternoons. There’s a reason why these are the best times: Friday night means you can play your game and then have the option of chilling with the team after, or splitting, getting cleaned up, and going on a date (I’ll add my “practical tinder advice” to another post downthread). Having gametimes on a Sat or Sun afternoon means you can meetup with your team for your game, and afterwards start pub crawling or do some other early evening activity (grabbing wings at Chilis or some chit. You get the idea). As I mentioned way up above, some of my best bar-hopping memories aren’t from my college years, but rather from just last year on Saturday evenings post-games.




Okay, so by this point you should have signed up for two days worth of stuff.

What are your interests? Please for the love of God tell me you have some intellectual interests, cultural appetite, etc. Write those down. Or better yet – open another browser tabright nowand as each hobby/interest that pops into your head, type each into google. Don’t hit enter yet though. Then come back here.

Okay, so now we’re going to transform your “one person only” hobbies into opportunities to create a social network of like-minded people.
I’ll give you some examples of what I mean. During my period of self-imposed solitude, I got really into photography. I bought a fancy huge DSLR camera, some lenses, and read up on technique. So I googled “photographer meetup” and similar terms, and was awestruck at all of the opportunities around. I also went to meetup.com (an amazing resource), and found groups that get together once a week and do city landscape wide-angle lens photography (one of my preferences). My local camera shop had a bulletin board for meetups even. So I joined a meetup group for camera hobbyists, and now once a week I meetup with a group, we go to different parts of town and hone our photography skills. I’ve learned so much from them about aperature, shutter, depth of field, high dynamic range, etc. Thanks to that group I’m able to go full beastmode on taking vacation photos (when I go on vacation with my buddies, naturally). Here’s a pic I took when I visited Yellowstone as an example.



Wouldn’t have been able to do that without my camera bros. And now we do occasional weekend roadtrips to other areas for landscape photography. I’m having the time of my life every step of the way.

Likewise I’d been studying Spanish for a few years, and wanted to get more serious with it. Nearly every vacation spot I want to visit is in a Spanish-speaking country. And as I started to perfect my Tinder technique, I found that I was having more successful dates with Latinas, and that only further my resolve to improve my language skills. Boom - signed up for Spanish Meetup, now I got a 10am "conversational spanish" group I meet at a coffeeshop on Saturday mornings – usually when I’m reeling from a hangover. It feels great though just kicking back and engaging in the rhythmic talk/listen (push/pull) dynamic of conversation, especially since you’re helping one another improve your skills (shared goals!).

Now my language club sometimes goes to a Spanish restaurant once in a while where we all order in Spanish and try to converse solelyen espanol.

Ok, I don’t want to beat that horse to death. Now go back to all of those other open tabs, and in the google bar type “your interest/hobby + meetup” (and try some variations on that). Plus look at any class opportunities as well. I’ve taken Spanish lessons at both a private language school and the local college (most schools have a “continuing education” section. Take a look and see if anything catches your eye).

Try to sign up for one or two meetups/classes/groups. These are usually weekday evening things, although sometimes they’ll be on Saturdays. I’ll get further into scheduling later. Also, try to be creative in terms of how to transform your interest into a social activity. Like anime? There’s anime groups out there. Like board games, card games, etc? Hunt those down as well. Fuark – you know who have tons of friends? People that are really into D&D. It’s not my cup of tea but you get the idea.

One creative example: I enjoy running. I put my headphones in, lace up my running shoes, and off I go. No way to incorporate that into making friends/routine encounters, right? Wrong – I joined a local Runners Association. Also, turns out there are TONS and tons of running groups – just look for bulletin boards at running shoe stores. I was shocked when I learned that. So now I’m basically in a social league for jogging - each week on a Tuesday we meet at a bar, do a 5k run, and then drink the rest of the night away at said bar. Plus we occasionally will get together to all compete in some other organization’s charity 5k event (in most cities there’s tons of these every weekend). Every single time, we go out for breakfast/lunch as a team right after.

Ok, so at this point you should have four days worth of stuff going on.

WILDCARD!





This is the flip side of the last step. The goal here is to ease you out of your comfort zone by trying something new. Something you’ve maybe considered before, but haven’t attempted. I’m talking signing up for mud runs/obstacle course stuff, skydiving groups, golf class (fuark, maybe I should have put that in step 1), etc. Fuark, there’s probably even grilling organizations for guys that like to grill food. Even better, try something new that you’ve never considered before. Sign up for a triatholan group or something.

I’ll throw out my example. A few years ago I took up latin dance (stuff like salsa, bachata, etc). This was like an unspoken lifehack – in the classes, chicks would get accustomed to being pressed up against you, you’d notice your own progressive improvement as you continued to practice, and you’d have a life skill that impresses girls. After several months of classes, I started venturing out to some of the local clubs/bars that had “latin dance night”. And (to no surprise), I’d often run into other people from my classes there. And then we’d start coordinating trips out to these clubs. So now I’m “going clubbing” a few times a month, as well as intimidating (in an attractive way) young women on dates. In fact – every single time I’ve taken a date out dancing as a first date, she ended up sleeping with me that same night. Every.single.time. (It’s not always feasible to take girls on salsa dancing on a first date, or else I’d obviously just stick to that).

Open up another tab, and google some options. Hell, just browse around the meetup website or activities section of craigslist. Maybe your local sports team is looking for fan affiliates or something. You know, when I was living in Dallas, there was a posting at a Starbucks bulletin board for volunteers to help excavate an unearthed Acrocanthosaurus skeleton (a T-Rex wannabe). Fuark I wish I had my current mentality back then. I’d have been digging up dino bones!

Ok, so at this point you should have five(ish) days worth of stuff going on.






Now it’s time for the opportunities to socialize that went unnoticed. Volunteer opportunities – Habitat for Humanity, local lake cleanup groups, etc. (also a great way to meet quality girls) Likewise, if you have any museums/zoos around you that you might want to become a member of, as they’ll assuredly have members-only events. I’ve been a member of the Houston Museum of Art, Lincoln Park Zoo, and Chicago Art Institute. So many opportunities to both meet interesting people, and high-minded chicks that are actually interesting. A lot of these places even put on “young adults only” events, so it’d be additional stuff to add to your calendar.
If you belong to a church, you’ve got a ton of avenues right there as well. Look for any sub-groups that meet at your church for stuff like prayer group, volunteer stuff, church activities, etc. Another way to meet high quality girls too.
Also, if there’s any professional organizations that you can get involved with. I’m an engineer, so I’ve got like three civil/chemical engineering groups (plus the Society of Professional Engineers) that I’m a part of, with various functions popping up throughout the year.
Also if you have a dog – chit you’ve got it made. Dog parks are one of the best spots for meeting people.

Ok, at this point you should have too many days’ worth of stuff going on. That’s a good problem to have.

Time to turn these individual groups into an actual “social network”.

Now this point is central - it's on you to be the "Mayor" of your social group. Set up activities that actually bridge these individual social groups you're building. For instance, I lead a bar trivia team. Tons of fun - lots of laughs every time we go out. But I made sure to cobble this team together from people I knew at softball, spanish class, my runners group, and a few workout partners. Basically when you have enough smaller social circles you can actually merge them into a real social network. One of the dudes on my team that I made is now engaged to one of the girls I invited onto the team. It blows my mind that any children they might have will exist because I wanted to get myself a life. Similarly, now that it's summer, I do beach volleyball on Friday nights, but if I get invited to a party that one of my photography buddies is hosting, I load up my car with my volleyball teammates and off we go.





Ah hell, I’ve been writing this for two hours. I have to go get ready for my date, so I have to wrap this up.


We're on this planet for a very short time. Forgive your past self for not meeting some fanciful "potential" and instead focus your thoughts and energies on improving your future self. The “You” of 2018, 2019, and so on, is counting on you to make his life more awesome. Figure out an actual plan and set to it. Laying back and passively expecting a fulfilling life and social circle to "magically just happen" will not work and even worse, waste the precious resource of time. Put together a plan of attack and get to it. Don't let future You or me down.


We’re all going to make it.

(Quick copy pasta of another response I had in the earlier thread. I really like the video at the bottom)


One of the things to note when you see some of the negative posts in this thread, or any of the depressing stuff you were finding online, is that misery loves company. It's an unfortunate aspect of life that some of the "misery-oriented" folks in the world have an unwaving desire to drag others down to share their unhappiness. But there is a flip-side! Successful and happy people do the same thing. If you've "made it", there's a compelling internal desire to help/motivate others to reach their potential as well.

So when you see some of these bleak responses in any online communities, don't accept them as gospel truth. Rather, recognize that these people are unsatisfied with their lives......and their subconsciously attempting to drag you down to their level of self-loathing. It's a fact of life that some people don't like themselves. OP, you need to adopt the opposite viewpoint. No one should be a bigger fan/supporter of BioPhukup than BioPhukup. Most people have an "inner critic" voice that constantly puts them down. There's actual techniques to removing the inner critic, and instead adopting a "cheerleader" approach. Likewise, occasional failure is a good (if not great) thing - failure is an opportunity to learn and improve. Failure was an outstanding tool for me once I recognized that its usefulness in developing precision and perfecting certain techniques. I'll give you an example - I cannot count the number of initial rejections that I got on Tinder and in real life when I'd approach women. But after each failure I'd review and try to pinpoint where I went wrong and would recalibrate for the next girl. (ie, "this opening line isn't working, lets try this one" or "I was wearing a shirt that matches my eye color when I got that girls number at the bar. Let's double down and see if it's something that can actually help.")

Some other guys would have given up after getting turned down the first few times. I feel grateful for those initial screwups as it helped me determine what worked and what didn't. And now? I have to keep buying more boxes of Trojans to the point where they should make me a board member.

I gotta run to work, but I've got some practical steps/info I can send your way tonight before my soccer game


Edit: Wanted to leave this here. Keep in mind, 99.99999% of PUA is a scam. But I always felt this video was inspiring (in terms of the folks who "go for it", and the folks that don't)

It's in regards to the 3% Rule

I really think people are more lonely than they look. For the most part, most people over 25 probably only have 1 or 2 friends. But that still doesn't give me confidence to approach random people in such casual settings. Unless i know something about them, or work with them i will never talk to them, period. It's kind of hard knowing that some of the people you pass by every day could be really cool, and also somewhat lonely, and looking for a friend. It just isn't that easy when you get older to make friends. I don't know why.

OP, stop talking to yourself. All this passionate advice is going to work for you because you came up with it. Everyone will find their way on their own, some unlucky ones will take longer, but that's what happens when they depend on luck instead of critical thinking.

I only count someone as a friend if I can hangout with them one on one, and the activity doesn't have to be so structured, as in just chillin

Please remove the part about dance class.
I told miscer's before but in hindsight it is a bad idea. It's too foolproof.
Better for us these guys never know about it.


Notsrs GJDM.

A lot of the insight I'm trying to pass on is based on personal experience. I'd love it if some future miscer could bypass a lot of the bullchit that I had to go through previously.

I say the same thing, but i noticed that when im trying to give advice, its the advice that i should be taking.

Lmao @ putting this much effort into the misc. You could have posted this to a site like wikihow and actually made money off of it...

Sick thread OP. How sustainable have you found this lifestyle? Do you find you go through peaks and troughs?

I'm a junior doctor and am currently surrounded by people that don't really have a passion for life (i.e. all their energy goes into medicine). Literally most of what we do involves around bars, alcohol, food, and women. In years past I've not felt the need for as much social interaction outside of my group of medicine friends as I'd have a plethora of average women to bang at any one time and would travel a lot as a distraction. It's been satisfying but I feel like now I want more as I have become quite one dimensional. I'll take your advice on board and see how it goes!

Well done on improving your life, OP. Even if others don't follow it all to the letter, they might come up with their own good ideas. Thanks for bringing something positive to the Misc.

That's fair enough, but you have to be able to meet the person in the first place, which usually takes some sort of structured activity. So you do these things to meet them, and eventually know them well enough to "just chill".

Read it all, good advice.

reps on rc op. gjdm

Readin your first post hit me hard ... In to read later, I dont know if I can apply this to my life because all of it is a lot easier said than done, but at least it can be a good resource.



Read it -


wow, some of those stuff sounds incredibly daunting, esp for some one with anxiety/dep. Sounds like you were always an extrovert, but went into a little rut and then just found your true self again. Some of the stuff you're talking about would require a legit personality/mentality change lol.

Posting to read thread when I get off work

Cliffs?

Gonna start applying what the OP has posted when I get back to uni. Sometimes it's not cool to be a loner. We all still need that social group to make our lives more fulfilling.

9 straight wall of text posts

I don't need friends that bad

cliffs

Good thread!
Most of my friends I have are
- from high school
- people i met from mutual friends
- people i met at the gym
- some people i met at festivals and clubs, barbecues etc

also important, never take good friends for granted

I credit my success with applying project management style techniques to the whole thing. You're essentially managing a project - it's just that the project is you. I have an mba, so a lot of the discipline and compartmentalization that was necessary to succeed there ended up carrying over to other aspects of my life, sure. Kind of like how I was talking about "re-training" your brain to be more positive, I had to re-train it to be more organized.

To ease the daunting/over-complex parts of this, there's some tools and tips available. I have to jet to my spanish coffee group (hung over as fuk from my date last night), but will do a write-up on that when I get back