Mirin cigar it looks good!

Holy fuk wut a guy lmao

Yeah, other golf cart story. Miller has a gas cart which really fcking moves but it has a flat bed in the back since it's used for moving sht (not people, key point here).

Well Miller has nothing on the back so he offers to take some people from the front entrance to the yard since he was going that way anyways, so they just hop on the back. Miller, again being Miller, just guns it, as he gets to the spot to drop everyone off he turns to get them right near the doors… he turns at such a high speed everyone on the back goes flying off, 5 people, all of them got wrecked, one got a broken arm…

Again, no policy says you can't use that to transport people so Miller doesn't get in trouble, but now we have another policy that those golf carts CANNOT be used to transport people.

Dude that is fkn hilarious this shiit could be some damn comedy prison show. The way u write it too is really good.

BLACK humor

One last Miller story for now. It gets foggy as sht here sometimes, maybe 10-15 foot visibility, when that happens we do 'fog patrol' which means you get in a truck and drive laps around the prison for security reasons, it fcking sucks as much as it sounds, not hard but really fcking boring.

Miller is doing laps like a shtty Nascar driver and hauling ass because Miller. He doesn't see the turn coming and runs the truck right into a rock (big ass rock) and it gets the truck stuck on the rock, he hit it so hard the rock is under the frame. Well, fck, but hey it's hard to see so they tell him whatever and get him a different truck because apparently the SGT didn't know Miller very well. Not even an hour later Miller does the same fcking thing, different rock but same result, he wrecked 2 trucks in one shift; after that they kind of just never let him drive the trucks anymore.

Another time… I got held for a hospital run and Miller was my partner, now I fcked up and let him drive the van back, I was tired and wanted to take a nap (not that I'd ever sleep on duty). We are just getting back to the prison late as hell and Miller decides to wake the inmate (and me) up by going 50 MPH right into the speed bump, as we hit it he yells "Wake up kiddies!" fcked the suspension on that van up and even blew a tire out. We spent an extra hour writing a memo on how we 'hit a pothole' coming back and that's why the van was fcked up.

Also while doing fog patrol once I was driving a truck and it's the night shift, I just want to do a few laps then eat my lunch. I am going behind the prison which is a long ass straight road; I am going maybe 40 MPH because there's nothing there. Well, fck me, guess they added speed bumps back there and I didn't know, hit one so hard I almost sht out my kidneys, not sure why but that trucks suspension is also all busted up, weird, must have been like that when I got it. Also for some reason the heater stopped working after that, not sure what that was about either.

This is gold lol mirin wut a job

OK last one tonight, gotta take a nap.

I get held for a hospital run and my partner and I get the van; the headlights don't work so we have to hold our flashlights out the windows to even see, luckily it's only 10 miles we need to go or so. I'm driving and I have never taken this road before, I see a sign for an S turn coming, speed limit is 15 MPH. Fck that I want to get this sht done so I keep going 55 MPH. Let me tell you, them S turns will get you, it was so fcking sharp I had to turn the wheel all the way and slam the breaks; inmate in the back goes slamming into the front of the cage, and the van goes on 2 wheels and almost rolls over but luckily I corrected and we go off the road but stay upright. My partner is freaking out, inmate is screaming his head is busted open, I just say "Quit being pussies, we're fine." My partner makes me stop and get out so he can drive; lucked out, didn't have to drive back either! Not sure why the inmate going out with chest pains needed stitches in his forehead, strange…

Lolllllllllllll

i wish was i was an inmate at your prison cause i would sue the fuk out it.

How can one story be so unbelievable but simultaneously too ridiculous to not be true because nobody could make it up

Not as easy as that but good luck.

That is every single story that I have involving Miller.

About to get ready for work but one last one.

I'm working Delta 2, sitting at the podium bored as fck, normal day and nothing going on. I have a few piss containers for random urine tests sitting there because they always send us too many and we just leave them in the drawer there. In walks an inmate, this guy is a known drug user, so much so they 'randomly' test him like once a month, always comes back dirty, not sure why they keep testing but whatever, I just work here.

This inmate walks in from the yard and I decide to entertain myself, I call him over and hold up the urine container and tell him "Hey man, I dunno, never seen this before but instead of a urine sample they want a semen sample this time, fcking weird but I need it by the end of the day, just get it done whenever." He takes the container and says ok, looking confused but he goes into his cell and blocks the window with some cardboard, he's taking care of it right now. I wait maybe 4 minutes and walk over to the door and kick it hard and say "You dumbass, I was just fcking with you!"

He yells from in the cell "Aww fck you Bullock you *******!" I walk away laughing, he comes out a bit later and we both laugh about it, he can appreciate a good joke so he took it well. Killed about 20 minutes with all of this, then back to being bored.

With a guy like Miller around, you'd probably be able to turn the truck in without hassle LMAO. And holy fuk at that semen story makes me wanna work at your prison.

So 2 more as I enjoy some Buffalo Trace

Working Delta 2, sitting at the podium with my partner, and only our porters are out to clean since we did recall already; it's close to count time so we tell the porters to take it in. All but one does, inmate Painter. Dumb kid with some anger issues, but he mops well enough. He keeps running around and getting on doors passing sht, for some reason I was just pissed, rarely do I get actually mad but for some reason today was the day. I just yelled "Painter you dumb bitch, take it in!" He looks at me and says "Fck you little bitch, make me!" I snapped, not sure why he just got to me, he starts walking towards me, I walk to him, we are going to meet in the middle and someone is getting an ass beating. My partner and Painters cell mate McDonald see this and both of them realize this is going all bad. My partner grabs my collar and pulls me back saying "You dipsht, do not do this, if he comes to you fine, but do NOT go to him." and McDonald grabs Painter and throws him into the cell and slams the door on him. I realize I fcked up, that was really dumb, my partner goes off on me about how I risked my job, his job, and our control booths job; how fcking stupid I just was. Yep, I fcked up, that was dumb. McDonald comes over, I tell him my bad, I started it and it was going to be a sht situation.

Later that night Painter comes over, he apologizes, says he didn't mean it, and he fcked up. I told him we both fcked up, but we agree to just drop it, we both were in the wrong and agree to leave it at that. Never had any problems with him again, he'd just listen to what I said, I'd not yell at him, all was fine.

Another time… It's 0415 and we have a micro-manager SGT on the yard, who also happens to be dumb as sht and know nothing about policy, but she thinks she does. Lot of problems with her but this time…. we go to Alpha 4 and an American Indian guy comes out, he's wearing a bandana, it's a religious thing. Well this SGT is dumb so she starts screaming at this guy that he can't wear a bandana, it's against policy and he needs to take it off. She's wrong, but she is my partner in the end so I can't just say that, I'm thinking fck me, I don't want to fight this guy since he's a big motherfcker, easily 6'5" and 300+ pounds and I get along with him fine. I'm standing behind my SGT kind of shaking my head, luckily he picks up on that, the "You're good, don't make it worse" gesture; he ignores her and just walks to dining while she yells at him the whole time. Once he gets into dining we are alone and the SGT looks at me and says "I'm right, aren't I?" All I can do is look her dead in the eye and say "No, you're wrong, dead ass wrong, per CDCR Policy, Inmate Property Matrix for Religious Items it states an inmate can wear a bandana for religious purposes as long as it is 24"X24" and is black, grey, or white in color, so the inmate was right, I just didn't want to front you off."

I had to go and show her that policy, say what you want but I know my policies, she just shrugs like she didn't almost start a damn assault because she was an idiot. I go to dining to talk to the inmate, he's more confused than mad, like WTF was her problem. I tell him "Guy I dunno, that's just her, but you're right, so don't trip." Luckily he was cool so no issues, but man, she has almost gotten us in so much sht because she is a dumbass.

My bad. Thought you were a criminal. How come cops have so many tats? Can’t even tell.

What color was his bandana?

Personally I always liked tattoos, but I waited to afford good work; in general though, just change of times mostly, people like tattoos, cops are people. I knew a guy, amazing dude and one of the most do not fck with people ever, Province, he had CDC tattoos on his knuckles, guy worked for the department from the 70's until about 2017, even at almost 60 he'd be down to run into a riot. He retired to Baja in a custom built house on the beach, he earned it, one of the best guys I ever worked with.

If I ballparked it, maybe 70% of cops have tattoos, just the 'hardass' mentality maybe?

Grey.

Edit: I can add some Province stories if interested, I worked with him for maybe 6 months in CTC. I had maybe a year in at the time, he taught me a lot, such a cool guy and had no problems handling sht when it came up.

Province story, I'm in CTC with him and a transport team is bringing an inmate back, the inmate refuses to get out of the van; he does not want medical to check him at all. We need to do at minimum blood pressure, heart rate, and a physical check for injuries (liability); the inmate says nah. Province comes out and tells the guy "You have 2 choices, walk out, or I will beat the sht out of you and drag you like my bitch!" Inmate chose the first choice and walked, keep in mind, Province is 60 or so at this time, but he is a brick shthouse at 6'8" and 280, former football player, and he has 0 fcking time to wait. You do as said or he makes you do it. After this, he used a little grill to make us some shrimp burritos…

I loved working with this guy.

Getting way too distracted at working reading this. Good entertainment

Amazing stories as always dude good shiit

ive been to prison.i would win very easy.you think you can almost kill an inmate and get away with it?you logged that particular inmate out and now he magically has stitches?lol i hope your not that stupid.you should be fired honestly.when my dad calls me from prison ill tell him you said that.and either this story you just wrote is BS or you could get in some trouble.thats some kind of charge right there.you would get fired if administration found out

Dunno, guy must have headbutted the cage, maybe he tried to assault me. If you really went to prison you'd know that nah, it's not that easy. Also I didn't almost kill him, he just hit his head, sht happens, get over it.

And oh no! You're gonna tell on me to daddy? I'll be your daddy bitch.

gbullock, when they throw people in the hole / adseg whatever it's called are they allowed to bring anything to kill time? Like books, magazines, music, etc? Also do they have a clock or do they have really no idea what time it is? That would absolutely suck.

You seem to work alot of double shifts, overtime, etc…

Do you do swaps for days off, mandatory overtime, or just wanting more hours?

They get their tablets, and a radio for sure, their full property (TV, radio, cd player, whatever) within a day or 2 of rolling up. They do have clocks if they want them.

I swap days, so all my doubles are voluntary, usually. Then I sign up for overtime anyways on my days off.

You must be making tons of money with all the overtime?

Ok got it. How was it working there during covid? The prisons here were a goddamn **** show…

lol your just a POS CO.yeah ive been to prison.you aint tough.just cause you got these guys eating up your stories im not.guy gets stitches and you dont care.lawsuits happen all the time in prison.you wouldnt do chit in real life punk.you got the goon squad to back you up.i went to Statesville prison.what little bich min security prison you work at?and if that was me or my dad we would shank you if we didnt think we could win in court.either that guy was an idiot or he was a lifer or your making chit up.you arent tough.your just a wannabe cop.how is he gonna assault you in the back of a van?your so full of chit.they have to document everything.your making this chit up.you know it and i know it.i hope you piss off a lifer.you WILL GET FUKED UP!thats a promise

hes talking about the hole.you cant bring all that chit.only a bible whatever religous book.your full of chit.TVs in the hole!lol they dont have outlets in the hole

Only reason I do it, at least one OT a week, usually 2.

There were days I was the only officer on the yard, normally there are 5+. Outcalls for 100 jobs available for overtime, getting held on my day off…. it sucked so bad.

There are outlets in ASU they are just outside the cell and you run the plug to it, and it's now called RHU (Restrictive Housing Unit).

lol tough guy here….


***EDIT***


I want to hear some stories about potty watch! I know you got some…. I did so many of those I can't even count. Went to court over one as well.