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Forum » WTF is up with couples that live together & only bang once a week/month?
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Thread: WTF is up with couples that live together & only bang once a week/month?

post 1659635693 04-14-2022, 10:23 AM
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Originally Posted By WoofieNugget⏩
This is a huge factor for most men - instead of going after a possibly overweight wife who is going to give you routine sex they would rather spank it and get a nut off.

At 47 I have a pretty high libido still (especially for guys my age) but I'm good with 3 times a week. Made the mistake of marrying a woman with a low sex drive who also had issues with sex and it was a disaster. In the last three years of marriage we had sex less than ten times in our 30's. One of the major factors leading to my divorce.

When my parents split up my mother confessed her and my father hadn't had sex in fifteen years. And dealing with hundreds of relationships over the years through my business, that is not entirely unusual. Sexless marriages are far more common than you think.
So do you think all these sexless marriages are libido mismatches?

Or is it just the fact that humans are not designed to be sexually monogamous and that’s at odds with the social construct of long-term monogamous relationships that are pretty vital for providing stability to raise kids etc.

I don’t think it’s even about looks, you’ll see people in long-term relationships sleeping around with people who aren’t as objectively attractive as their long-standing partner. After a certain point, just the prospect of something new and exciting will override a really attractive face/body that has become the norm because you’ve seen it every day for years on end.

Porn is probably keeping a lot of guys from making bad short-term decisions around this stuff, getting caught in a cycle of hopping around chasing infatuation is not a good long-term strategy IMO
post 1659636103 04-14-2022, 10:30 AM
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Originally Posted By Destor⏩
So do you think all these sexless marriages are libido mismatches?

Or is it just the fact that humans are not designed to be sexually monogamous and that’s at odds with the social construct of long-term monogamous relationships that are pretty vital for providing stability to raise kids etc.

I don’t think it’s even about looks, you’ll see people in long-term relationships sleeping around with people who aren’t as objectively attractive as their long-standing partner. After a certain point, just the prospect of something new and exciting will override a really attractive face/body that has become the norm because you’ve seen it every day for years on end.

Porn is probably keeping a lot of guys from making bad short-term decisions around this stuff, getting caught in a cycle of hopping around chasing infatuation is not a good long-term strategy IMO
Sexless marriages come from taking each other for granted and stopping playing and flirting

Also from a misunderstanding of what gets opposite genders libido going, which are not the same for men and women
post 1659636393 04-14-2022, 10:33 AM
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Originally Posted By Destor⏩
So do you think all these sexless marriages are libido mismatches?

Or is it just the fact that humans are not designed to be sexually monogamous and that’s at odds with the social construct of long-term monogamous relationships that are pretty vital for providing stability to raise kids etc.

I don’t think it’s even about looks, you’ll see people in long-term relationships sleeping around with people who aren’t as objectively attractive as their long-standing partner. After a certain point, just the prospect of something new and exciting will override a really attractive face/body that has become the norm because you’ve seen it every day for years on end.

Porn is probably keeping a lot of guys from making bad short-term decisions around this stuff, getting caught in a cycle of hopping around chasing infatuation is not a good long-term strategy IMO
I think the vast majority are libido mismatches. And i think another huge factor is that we still consider sex to be a taboo topic - many of the sexless marriages involve people who are unable to communicate their sexual preferences to their partners for fear of their spouse thinking they are weird.

If you can communicate well - you will have the best sex of your life and you won't get tired or bored of that and seek variety.
post 1659637123 04-14-2022, 10:44 AM
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Originally Posted By blueberryboy⏩
Whats a tall decent looking guy like you doing not getting laid.

4 years ? U w8 mate?
No idea man I can't meet anyone and my gf doesn't wanna have sex

Every day I wonder but it's not like I have a definite answer
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post 1659637233 04-14-2022, 10:45 AM
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Originally Posted By Rabbitjb⏩
Sexless marriages come from taking each other for granted and stopping playing and flirting

Also from a misunderstanding of what gets opposite genders libido going, which are not the same for men and women
That’s part of the novelty though right? When you’ve been with someone for like 10-20+ years, through tons of ups and downs and stressors like raising kids and deaths in the family, all that stuff piles up with familiarity and kills the playfulness and flirtyness

Someone new comes along, someone you don’t know and who you don’t have all those associations with. I dunno, I very much see why long-term relationships tend to head in this direction, and why people tend to bail and chase new infatuation
post 1659637443 04-14-2022, 10:49 AM
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Originally Posted By Jayarbie⏩
I let routine and monotony affect us to for several years (we've been married 23). It was just easier to fap after watching a game downstairs while my wife watched some retarded show upstairs, and our frequency fell to closer to 1/month. It's not good, though, and I think we lost a lot of intimacy in our relationship and it caused problems with jealousy and stuff whenever I did things with women friends, even though I never either did or had any intention to cheat on her. A couple years ago, I quit the pr0n/fapping and made an effort to reconnect better (both sexually and socially) with the wife and started making the effort to schmooze her instead of taking the easy way out, and our relationship has been 1000% better since then. It's definitely worth the effort, and easy access to the pr0n was a major culprit in the issue.
This actually brings up another point - if you think it is easier to fap than have sex then you are focusing solely on ejaculation and if you flip that mindset to focus on the actual sex (and masturbation) it's a huge improvement on sex (and masturbation) and carries over to a huge improvement in your relationship
post 1659637473 04-14-2022, 10:49 AM
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Originally Posted By Destor⏩
That’s part of the novelty though right? When you’ve been with someone for like 10-20+ years, through tons of ups and downs and stressors like raising kids and deaths in the family, all that stuff piles up with familiarity and kills the playfulness and flirtyness

Someone new comes along, someone you don’t know and who you don’t have all those associations with. I dunno, I very much see why long-term relationships tend to head in this direction, and why people tend to bail and chase new infatuation
No it’s not necessarily a familiarity thing

It’s a lazy thing

Nothing stops you from making the same effort you did when dating apart from thinking you don’t have to
post 1659637623 04-14-2022, 10:51 AM
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post 1659637643 04-14-2022, 10:52 AM
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Originally Posted By Rabbitjb⏩
No it’s not necessarily a familiarity thing

It’s a lazy thing

Nothing stops you from making the same effort you did when dating apart from thinking you don’t have to
Also - try asking them what they want during sex
post 1659637823 04-14-2022, 10:56 AM
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Originally Posted By Cleveland33⏩
I think the vast majority are libido mismatches. And i think another huge factor is that we still consider sex to be a taboo topic - many of the sexless marriages involve people who are unable to communicate their sexual preferences to their partners for fear of their spouse thinking they are weird.

If you can communicate well - you will have the best sex of your life and you won't get tired or bored of that and seek variety.
I would tend to agree with this. But couples also have to realize that libido can change over time. For example, when kids are introduced the female partner may tank for a period of several years and you have to talk about it as a reality. When you get older and maybe have health issues, guys can lose their sex drive as well (something like anti-depressant meds can do it easily). It takes communication and sometimes compromise.

Having been part of the swinger/kink community I think this is also why older couples tend to lean either towards full non-monogamy or partner swapping, getting into kinks, etc. Lots of couples I know that are married long term and have had kids just need to learn how to enjoy sex again, and sometimes that doesn't mean with each other. And once you know that's your partner in more ways than just sexually, the sex part being with other people isn't a deal breaker anymore. Or introducing something into the mix that you both might enjoy that is a bit out there. I know lots of really solid couples who have amazing relationships who sleep with other people and both sides are totally okay with it.
post 1659638373 04-14-2022, 11:05 AM
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#101
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Originally Posted By WoofieNugget⏩
I would tend to agree with this. But couples also have to realize that libido can change over time. For example, when kids are introduced the female partner may tank for a period of several years and you have to talk about it as a reality. When you get older and maybe have health issues, guys can lose their sex drive as well (something like anti-depressant meds can do it easily). It takes communication and sometimes compromise.

Having been part of the swinger/kink community I think this is also why older couples tend to lean either towards full non-monogamy or partner swapping, getting into kinks, etc. Lots of couples I know that are married long term and have had kids just need to learn how to enjoy sex again, and sometimes that doesn't mean with each other. And once you know that's your partner in more ways than just sexually, the sex part being with other people isn't a deal breaker anymore. Or introducing something into the mix that you both might enjoy that is a bit out there. I know lots of really solid couples who have amazing relationships who sleep with other people and both sides are totally okay with it.
In that community as well - and it seems that the majority I spoke to had those kinks when they were younger but they were too afraid to communicate that to their partner out of fear they would be looked at as weird. So much time wasted not experiencing one of the best things in life.
post 1659638893 04-14-2022, 11:16 AM
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#102
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Originally Posted By EnforcerOTF⏩
im 34 my brother, and my wife is 33 and even while 8 months pregnant, she looks like a European model srs
teds of peace eh
*Look at reflection in car window and flex every time crew*
*Use half the roll to wipe after a poo crew*
*Fart in the gym and blame rotten smell on faulty ventilation crew*
*Fart at home and blame it on the dog crew*
*Watch neutron-star density poop mock me as water flushes around it and it stays put crew*
*Drive 2 minutes in the summer and back of shirt gets completely wet crew*
*Coffee black as midnight on a moonless night crew*
*Fat shame my cat on a daily basis crew*
post 1659638993 04-14-2022, 11:17 AM
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#103
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Originally Posted By yabrahbob⏩
idk brah once i hit 30 i am not craving it as much srs
Took me until my 40s and it actually feels more like mental burnout than anything.
A million miles away - I don't.. feel.... anything.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PXGZu4yxjW0
post 1659639163 04-14-2022, 11:19 AM
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Originally Posted By lightsarefallin⏩
teds of peace eh
If I remember his wife she has legs to die for
post 1659639173 04-14-2022, 11:19 AM
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Originally Posted By eod8989⏩
No idea man I can't meet anyone and my gf doesn't wanna have sex

Every day I wonder but it's not like I have a definite answer
gj on your cut, you just doing more cardio or eating a lot less? cutting is getting hard as **** for me this last year or so
A million miles away - I don't.. feel.... anything.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PXGZu4yxjW0
post 1659639203 04-14-2022, 11:21 AM
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Originally Posted By Rabbitjb⏩
If I remember his wife she has legs to die for
.......pics?
*Look at reflection in car window and flex every time crew*
*Use half the roll to wipe after a poo crew*
*Fart in the gym and blame rotten smell on faulty ventilation crew*
*Fart at home and blame it on the dog crew*
*Watch neutron-star density poop mock me as water flushes around it and it stays put crew*
*Drive 2 minutes in the summer and back of shirt gets completely wet crew*
*Coffee black as midnight on a moonless night crew*
*Fat shame my cat on a daily basis crew*
post 1659639213 04-14-2022, 11:21 AM
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#107
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Originally Posted By Rabbitjb⏩
No it’s not necessarily a familiarity thing

It’s a lazy thing

Nothing stops you from making the same effort you did when dating apart from thinking you don’t have to
I'm sure it's laziness in some cases, in others I think it's probably just a matter of having a finite amount of energy to expend and needing to divy it up differently. Not sure it's sustainable to put energy into a long-term relationship like that while also focusing on all the other areas of life as you move through adulthood

Being perpetually *on* like it's the early stages of a relationship might divert energy from stuff like building up resources to raise a family and provide stability etc, I'd say being able to focus on these things is one of the big benefits of locking someone down versus constantly swooning someone new. Of course if sex is an issue in the relationship then it's an issue and should be given attention, but in cases where people don't have a lot of sex but are content... Maybe that's where the libido mismatches come into play.

I'd bet it's also not too unusual to see a resurgence of energy directed to the relationship/sex when a lot of the big stuff is out of the way, then you end up with 50-something swinger parties n chit
post 1659639403 04-14-2022, 11:23 AM
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Ideally I like to retain semen so my lifts would be strong. Two to three times a week is good
post 1659640343 04-14-2022, 11:38 AM
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Originally Posted By wolfofmarkcity⏩
How TF do you keep banging the same chick without getting bored? That ****'s impossible to me.

Last time I had a live-in gf I was banging her once a month... But banging other girls every week.
I’ve been wanting to fuk other girls for a while, I haven’t had many relationships in my life. I’ve been a sloot for so long sometimes it feels weird for being tied down to one vag. Wouldn’t say I’m bored Perse, but I definitely always find myself wanting to fuk other girls.. it’s so annoying bc I always have to fight the temptation
post 1659640373 04-14-2022, 11:39 AM
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#110
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Originally Posted By Destor⏩
I'm sure it's laziness in some cases, in others I think it's probably just a matter of having a finite amount of energy to expend and needing to divy it up differently. Not sure it's sustainable to put energy into a long-term relationship like that while also focusing on all the other areas of life as you move through adulthood

Being perpetually *on* like it's the early stages of a relationship might divert energy from stuff like building up resources to raise a family and provide stability etc, I'd say being able to focus on these things is one of the big benefits of locking someone down versus constantly swooning someone new. Of course if sex is an issue in the relationship then it's an issue and should be given attention, but in cases where people don't have a lot of sex but are content... Maybe that's where the libido mismatches come into play.

I'd bet it's also not too unusual to see a resurgence of energy directed to the relationship/sex when a lot of the big stuff is out of the way, then you end up with 50-something swinger parties n chit
you don't have to be "on" but you have to put in effort.

Depends on the types - open door swingers maybe, but closed door swing parties I doubt it.
post 1659640623 04-14-2022, 11:42 AM
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Originally Posted By QuickShotSteve⏩
my 7 year married friend keeps telling me he is going to start having affairs, he only gets laid like once every 6 weeks if he is lucky. Hes the type that wants daily.

He hasn't cheated yet to my knowledge, but I know they wont make it much longer.
He needs to leave her
post 1659640883 04-14-2022, 11:47 AM
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post 1659641103 04-14-2022, 11:50 AM
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Originally Posted By blueberryboy⏩
Been pressured to live with a women , could never pull the trigger though
Whats it like?
great so far

- rent is ridiculously cheap (saving money)
- sex everyday
- she does all My chit like cleaning. My clothes, making me food, keeping the place clean, Doin the groceries

Literally can’t think of a single con but it’s only been a couple weeks
post 1659641273 04-14-2022, 11:52 AM
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Originally Posted By 73ers⏩
I’ve been wanting to fuk other girls for a while, I haven’t had many relationships in my life. I’ve been a sloot for so long sometimes it feels weird for being tied down to one vag. Wouldn’t say I’m bored Perse, but I definitely always find myself wanting to fuk other girls.. it’s so annoying bc I always have to fight the temptation
Originally Posted By 73ers⏩
great so far

- rent is ridiculously cheap (saving money)
- sex everyday
- she does all My chit like cleaning. My clothes, making me food, keeping the place clean, Doin the groceries

Literally can’t think of a single con but it’s only been a couple weeks
Dafuk is this about?
post 1659641333 04-14-2022, 11:52 AM
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Originally Posted By Techriding101⏩
still crave it just with new partners. Every now and then we would ramp up our sex to 2-3 times a day multiple days in a row within 24 hours of 3 nuts a day ending I would cheat. every time, srs
I can’t cheat srs

Ive gone 32 years with a clean sheet, would be whack or I started now
post 1659641413 04-14-2022, 11:54 AM
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#116
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Originally Posted By Rabbitjb⏩
Dafuk is this about?
Misc gonna Misc.
Permabulk/bloatlord Crew
Tradie Crew
HTC
post 1659641453 04-14-2022, 11:55 AM
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#117
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I'd be happy with 5x per week. Every day works too, but I'd rather bust really great nuts with a day or two in the tank.
post 1659641533 04-14-2022, 11:56 AM
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Originally Posted By superman704⏩
Because guys prefer to fap, srs
this

you'll get it once you get into a long term relationship

that's why I prefer a few fwbs nowadays for variety, keeps things more interesting
post 1659641543 04-14-2022, 11:57 AM
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Originally Posted By Rabbitjb⏩
Dafuk is this about?
Lmao

Long story

I love her, she has a lot of great qualities

- doesn’t party or anything.
- doesn’t really drink, just a glass or two of wine every now and then
- eats super healthy, no smoking etc, goes to the gym
- reads almost daily, driven,

but I can’t deny I wanna smash other girls. I can’t help it. Doesn’t matter who I’m with, I always have the desire to fuk other girls. I’ve just accepted it’s a part of who I am (or maybe all men)

But I. Won’t give in to temptation. Even tho sloots be flirting hard every now and then
post 1659641683 04-14-2022, 11:59 AM
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#120
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as long as she is sucking me off daily, i can let the fking slide

srs
Cobra Kai Crew

srs
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